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    Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions

    | Berlin, Germany | Geography

    (My department store doesn’t sell all the ranges of clothes that the chain produces. However, there is another store just 200 meters to the left that I always tell people to go to when they are looking for an item we don’t have.)

    Customer: “Do you have these shoes in [size]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any in stock, but if you can’t find your size here you could try the other store, which is two hundred meters to the left.”

    Customer: “So, I go out and then to the right?”

    Me: “No, the store is just to the left.”

    Customer: “How far is it?”

    Me: “As I said, just two hundred meters from here.”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know? I’m from [another big city nearby].”

    Me: “Yeah, but two hundred meters is the same distance in that place as it is here.”

    Customer: *sighing* “This city is just too big for me!”

    Lone Star State, One Country State Of Mind

    | OH, USA | Geography

    (The caller is already upset when she calls in. I am trying to obtain her information to set up service. I ask her for her phone number and she rattles off 7 digits.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I need your area code as well.”

    Customer: “I’m in Austin, Texas! What do you think it is?”

    Me: “Well, because of multiple cellphone companies with their own area codes, I don’t automatically know your area code. I’ll need you to provide it.”

    Customer: “Where are you?”

    Me: “I’m in Ohio.”

    Customer: *becomes hysterical* “Oh my God! Oh my God! We need jobs here and they keep outsourcing and sending all of our jobs overseas!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I promise you, Ohio is a state.”

    Customer: “No, it isn’t! It’s not in Austin!”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    (A nice German family is checking into the hotel around 10:30 at night.)

    Father: “We have to be up early tomorrow. We’re driving to Disneyland tomorrow.”

    Me: “Wow, that’s a heck of a drive. When do you think you’ll get there?”

    Father: “I don’t know. I was hoping mid-afternoon.”

    Me: “I think you might want to check your directions. California is 2,000 miles away.”

    Father: “But it’s just the other side of the country.”

    Me: “The US is a big country, sir.”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 3
    No Vocation For Location, Part 2
    No Vocation For Location

    Have Ambiguity, Will Travel

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Geography

    Customer: “I need some maps.”

    Me: “Maps of what?”

    Customer: “Places.”

    Me: “What kind of places?”

    Customer: “Other places!”

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Geography

    (We provide a legal advice service, but we do not take calls about criminal matters.)

    Client: “Yes, hello. I live in Mississippi, and I’m calling because my husband got arrested and I—”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry to cut you off, but I do need to let you know we do not provide advice for criminal matters.”

    Client: “Oh. Um, can you tell me someone who might?”

    Me: “I do not have any numbers to give you, but you’ll want to contact a criminal attorney in your state.”

    Client: “Can you give me a number for that?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, our office is in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for your area.”

    Client: “Well, I’m in Mississippi, but he was in Georgia. Can you give me a number for a lawyer?”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but we’re in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for down that way.”

    Client: “Can’t you just look in the phone book and give me the number for the police department?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We’re in Maryland. I do not have a Georgia phone book.”

    Client: “What about the number for information?”

    Me: “I do not have that.”

    Client: “You don’t have the information number for your state?”

    Me: *speaking a little more obviously* “No. That is not our state, ma’am.”

    Client: “Well what state are you in?”

    Me: *sigh*

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

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