Category: Geography

You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

Lightning Fast Sarcasm

| Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

Guest: “And when will that be?”

Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

No Vocation For Location, Part 6

| Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I am a South African, working at a hotel restaurant in Israel. The establishment has both servers and guests from all over the world. Generally people are interested in finding out where people are from and why they’re here. One day I am clearing a table for an American couple.)

Me: “Shalom! I hope you enjoyed your meal. May I take your plates?”

Husband: “Yes, please. It was great.”

Wife: “Hey, you sound weird. Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from South Africa.”

Wife: “Really?! South Africa… where is that?”

Me: “Err…”

Husband: *embarrassed* “Honey, it’s in Africa. If you look at a map, it’s right down at the bottom.”

Wife: “Oh…” *blank look* “Oh! Kangaroos, right?”

Husband: “Err…” *looks at me apologetically*

Me: *just smiles* “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

A Welsh of Knowledge, Part 2

| Wales, UK | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

Tourist: “Oh, nice! This is a bona fide English castle!”

Me: “Actually, sir, it’s not. Wales is not part of England.”

Tourist: “What? Oh, come on! You both drive on the wrong side of the road; it’s the same! Your capital is London.”

Me: “Er, no, sir. It’s Cardiff.”

Tourist: “Well, but Wales is just a state of England, like Philadelphia in the States.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but England doesn’t have states; it has counties, and Wales is not one of them. We have our own counties. Moreover sir, Philadelphia is a city, not a state.”

Tourist: “Don’t embarrass yourself, kid. You don’t even know about England even though you’re English, so please don’t bring up America; leave it to us.”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not English. I’m Welsh; not quite the same. And Philadelphia is still not a state anyway.”

Tourist: “I’m American! I know what I’m talking about!”

(One of the tourists friends comes over.)

Tourist’s Friend: “I’m sorry for his behavior; you must think all ‘Yanks’ are ignorant.”

Me: “No, not at all. Most ‘Yanks’ that come here are actually very polite and knowledgeable, and they really like Wales.”

Tourist: “You mean England!”

A Welsh Of Knowledge

Must Have Coasted Through Her Geography Lessons

| MA, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(It’s important to note this takes place in Massachusetts, on the east coast of the USA.)

Tourist: “I’d like to get [coffee], and my daughter will have [more complicated coffee].”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

Tourist: “Oh, I left my money in my car. I’ll be back.”

(She leaves, and I am forced to move on to the next customer. Her daughter waits patiently for a good 15-20 minutes. Then her mother returns. She rudely interrupts another customer.)

Tourist: “Um, excuse me, WHY haven’t you made our drinks yet?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there was a line—”

Tourist: “I was here first! Now make our drinks, and I have to use your bathroom.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have a bathroom for customers.”

Tourist: “WHEN YOU PAY FOR STUFF IN RESTAURANTS IN NEW JERSEY, WHERE I’M FROM, YOU CAN USE THE F***ING BATHROOM! GOD! This is why I NEVER come to the east coast!”

(The tourist and her daughter depart, much to the dumbfounded disbelief of the customers remaining. I exchange glances with a customer.)

Me: “…doesn’t she know New Jersey is on the east coast?”

Some Stupidity Needs To Be Caught On Montevideo

| Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(At the theme park I work at, our name tags have our hometown on them. Despite the fact that I have lived in Orlando since I was an infant, my name tag says I am from Uruguay, since that is where I was born.)

Guest: “It’s so terrible they make you work here.”

Me: “I actually quite enjoy my job. I like seeing people enjoy their vacations.”

Guest: “Yeah, but what about your vacation?”

Me: “My vacation?”

Guest: “They shouldn’t ruin your vacation by making you work.”

Me: “No, I think you misunderstand. I work here. I live in the area, and I go to school down the road. The park isn’t my vacation; it’s my job, and I enjoy it.”

Guest: “Oh, honey., do they tell you to lie? You’re from Uruguay; it would be stupid to commute all this way for a job.”

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