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    Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    Utah Got The Wrong Place

    | Canada | Bizarre, Geography, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working at the box office when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for the Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “The Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong number. I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m sure I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Is this [Address] in [City], Utah?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m on [Street] in [City], Canada.”

    Caller: “But where can I find the Utah Symphony?”

    Me: “…try Utah?”

    Say Sayonara To Intelligence

    | Miami, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

    (I work at a Japanese restaurant and yes, I am Asian. There is a family of four sitting at a table.)

    Me: “Good evening, everyone. Can I start you guys off with anything?”

    Customer: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “I am from Taiwan.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow! My son is taking Japanese in school. Do you speak Japanese?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “That’s a shame. Can I have a California Roll?”

    Suffering From A Vowel Movement

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (The grocery store I work in has a week every summer in which we put Hawaiian-esque foods on sale, such as tuna, pineapples, spam, pork, coconuts, etc. Neighborhood luaus are very popular in our area during the summer. We have signs proclaiming this all over the store.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to your manager right away!”

    Me: “I’m the manager. What can I help you with, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I’m an English teacher, and I’m appalled by your signs!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Whoever made then doesn’t know how to spell! Don’t you people know that you can’t put four consonants in a row?”

    Me: “You mean vowels? And that is how you spell ‘Hawaiian,’ ma’am.”

    Customer: *exasperated* “God, all of you are such f****** idiots! I’m looking it up on my phone right now!”

    (She did just that, and my coworkers and I watched as she suddenly paled, ditched her cart, and left the store. We haven’t seen her back since, even though she was a regular.)

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

    | Southampton, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

    Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

    (He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

    Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

    Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

    Me: “I think it probably was…”

    Related:
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

    Time Zone Phone Home

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (The customer places an online order and wants to change some items, but it isn’t showing up yet. I tell the customer to call back in an hour to be able to check it.)

    Customer: “So on what time are you located?”

    Me: “Eastern time.”

    Customer: “So, at what time I have to call back?”

    Me: “In an hour.”

    Customer: “So what time over here would that be?”

    Me: “…”

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