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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    A Total Brazil Nut

    | France | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

    (Every year I work at a local fair as a waitress, at a travelling Brazilian restaurant. I am not a native, but my Portuguese is perfect. A Brazilian woman, accompanied by a French friend, sits at one of my tables and interrupts other customers while I finish taking their orders.)

    Customer: *in Portuguese* “YOU! Come serve me right now! I’m starving. I am Brazilian, you know! Brazilians eat a lot. We are not like these skinny French people who don’t eat a thing. These French people can wait. I can’t!”

    (After explaining her the different formulas she can choose from, she goes for all you can eat beef.)

    Me: “I will only serve the side dishes, and the meat slicers will cut prime beef into a plate whenever you want it.”

    Customer: “My friend doesn’t want to eat; just a cocktail, because she is French, and these people don’t eat like Brazilians.”

    (Her friend confirms it to me in French. When her plate and the friend’s cocktail are ready I start serving her the side dishes.)

    Customer: *yelling* “What is this? Are you putting me on a diet? This is NOT what I had ordered! I wanted all you can eat beef and you are not serving me meat! This is outrageous! If this were Brazil, you’d be fired straight away!”

    Me: “I am sorry; maybe I haven’t explained myself very clearly. I am just serving the side dishes, and the gentlemen other there will come straight to your table and cut beef right into your plate.”

    Customer: “I have another HUGE problem. Look at my friend; she’s got nothing to eat. This is so rude of you; you have only served her a drink. She may be one of those skinny French, but she has the right to eat you know! This is clearly not Brazil! What part of Brazil are you from to be such a bad waitress?”

    Me: “I am sorry; I’ll bring food to your friend right away. And I am not actually Brazilian. I am a local.”

    Customer: “Why would they dare employ a non-Brazilian? This is outrageous! French people are just NOT qualified to work here.”

    Me: “Well, you hadn’t noticed my accent until now, so it means my Portuguese is good enough to work here. Besides, I’ve lived in Brazil, I am married to a Brazilian, and I am also a certified samba instructor, so it is not as if I didn’t know anything about your culture.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! This is a scandal! You are not Brazilian! You are such a bad waitress! Call the boss; I’ll make sure you’ll get fired because you are not Brazilian! You can’t possibly know how to serve us. You are a disgrace to my country!”

    (I refused to continue serving her. When she finished eating, she made a scandal at the checkout. While leaving, she met the restaurant’s boss, and told him that the service had been horrible, that I had been rude to her, and that French people shouldn’t work at such a place. She also complained about the ‘fat b****’ she had to deal with at the checkout. The boss replied that no one had ever complained about the quality of my service, and that the ‘fat’ woman at the checkout was his pregnant wife. He told her to never dare come back again, and insulted her in front of a bunch of laughing Brazilians.)

    Has A Limited Streetview

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

    (I work as a salesman selling billboards all over the state, and have both national and local clients. I get a phone call on my cell phone.)

    Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [My Name]!    ”

    Client: “Hello, [My Name]; it’s [Client] from [His Business]. I bought a board from you?”

    Me: “Oh, yes! I believe it was installed last Monday and looks just great. I passed by it the other day. What’s going on?”

    Client: “Well, I’m looking at the board right now and it doesn’t have my design on it!”

    Me: *surprised, because I had just passed it the day before and it was there* “What do you mean? Is there another advertisement on there?”

    Client: *getting more mad* “Yes! I thought I was paying to be up there for three months!”

    Me: “Hold on, [Client]. I’ll go out there right now and take a look!”

    (I proceed to drive an hour from the office to go to the billboard. It’s located on a strip of highway between two cities, so there is nothing but desert around it. When I get there, I see that the client’s ad is up. I give him a call.)

    Me: “Hi, [Client], I’m standing here in front of the board and your advertisement is up!”

    Client: “That’s b******t! I’m looking at it right now too, and it’s for [Other Advertiser]!”

    Me: “…Where are you? Are you at the right board? I don’t see you here.”

    Client: “Well, of course I’m not there! I’m at my store, looking at it on [Website commonly used to view streets]!”

    Me: *trying hard not to be rude* “[Client], [Website] runs that service, not [My Company], and they don’t always update the images. What you’re seeing is an old advertiser. I promise you, I’m standing right here. I’ll take a picture with my phone and email it to you.”

    Client: “You better not be lying, because I’ll sue you for wrongful advertisement!”

    (I sent him a photo with his advertisement up, as well as a photo of me with the board in the background. He then renewed his contract with us for another year!)

    Parked Her American Dream

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work at a large department store that gets quite busy in the afternoon, and parking can be competitive. A woman is angry that another customer beat her to the spot she wanted, and becomes so upset that security goes out to see what is the matter.)

    Customer: “This is horrible! I would expect this to happen in some uncivilized country, like Mexico, or Florida, but not here in AMERICA!”

    A Cab Will Just Go And Go And Chicago

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Transportation

    Guest: “Can you call me a cab to take me to O’Hare?”

    Front Desk: “Sure, but you might want to consider flying there since you’re in Dallas.”

    Guest: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

    Utah Got The Wrong Place

    | Canada | Bizarre, Geography, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working at the box office when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for the Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “The Utah Symphony.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong number. I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m sure I’m in Canada.”

    Caller: “Is this [Address] in [City], Utah?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m on [Street] in [City], Canada.”

    Caller: “But where can I find the Utah Symphony?”

    Me: “…try Utah?”

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