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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    Stark Raving Mad

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

    Me: “Good morning!”

    Customer:What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

    (The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red-wine window.)

    Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here, winter is near.’”

    Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”

    Customer: “WELL DO YOU ONLY SELL WINE TO TRENDY PEOPLE?! I OWN AN ADVERTISING AGENCY! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” *storms out*

    The Ten Doctors Versus The Ten Commandments

    , | USA | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Religion

    (I order my food, and I sit down and start watching an episode of ‘Doctor Who’ on my smartphone with my headphones. Another customer taps me on the shoulder. I turn around to see a girl in her late teens.)

    Customer: “Is that Doctor Who?”

    Me: “Yeah, are you a fan?!”

    Customer: “No! I am asking you to shut it off!”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “Because my church says that Doctor Who is evil, and I am asking you to shut it off.”

    Me: “Umm, no, I am not turning it off. Besides, I have my headphones in, so you don’t have to watch it.”

    Customer: “No, you have to respect my views and turn it off! It’s against my religion; it’s evil! Now turn it off!”

    (The customer grabs for my phone. I pull my phone away before she can grab it.)

    Me: “Don’t touch my phone!”

    Customer:Doctor Who is evil! They are trying to brain-wash our young minds! They want us to support gay marriage and be atheist!”

    Me: “Well, if you really did understand Doctor Who, you would have seen that the Tenth Doctor was talking about Christmas, and he said that he was there when Jesus was born. Also the Doctor is very open-minded; he would save you even if you did call him evil.”

    Customer:DOCTOR WHO IS EVIL!”

    (The customer continues screaming and cussing and eventually gets herself kicked out. Afterwards, one of the restaurant’s workers comes up to me.)

    Worker: “Sorry about that.”

    Me: “It’s okay!”

    Worker: “Best Doctor?”

    Me: “Four, duh!”

    (We then high five, and I go my way.)

    Doesn’t Make A Lycan Sense

    | USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Pets & Animals

    (We get a lot of kids at the library where I work. One of our regular customers, who’s about eight years old, walks up to me.)

    Customer: “[My name], I have an important question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Are werewolves real?”

    Me: “Nope, werewolves are made up.”

    (He looks taken aback, like that wasn’t the response he was expecting.)

    Customer: “What?! But, but wolves are real!”

    Me: “Right. But wolves are wolves, and people are people.

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “If you’re born a wolf, you’re a wolf for the rest of your life. If you’re born a person, you’ll stay a person. So since you were born a person, you’ll never turn into a wolf.”

    (The customer thinks about this for a minute.)

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

    (The customer walks away, slowly shaking his head.)

    Karkat, Thor, And Loki Walk Into A Bar…

    , | Manchester, England, UK | Bigotry, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A con is going on nearby, and the fast food joint is full of people in cosplay. A rather attractive woman—dressed as a cheerleader with a pink chainsaw—leaves the building with her friends. They are whistled at by two rowdy customers entering.)

    Customer #1: “Hey dude, check out all these freaks in here!”

    Customer #2: “Oh, God! They’re everywhere! F****** freaks.”

    Customer #1: *to a male cosplayer in front of him* “Oi mate, what the f*** are you supposed to be?”

    Male Cosplayer #1: “M-me? I’m ‘Karkat’ from Homestuck.”

    Customer #1: “Well, you look like a joke. What the f*** are those on your head?”

    (The customer flicks the orange horns clipped to the cosplayer’s hair.)

    Male Cosplayer #1: “Please don’t do that; I made these myself and I don’t want them to break.”

    Customer #2: “You hear that? The little freak made his own horns! Ah, I guess it’s not all bad though; did you see that chick before with the massive rack?”

    Customer #1: “I know, you don’t see hot cheerleaders everyday. She’s totally going to get it off me later.”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, we’ll find her and give it to her good. I’m going to squeeze those t*** of her so hard.”

    Male Cosplayer #1: “Can you please stop?! It’s really degrading to talk about women like that.”

    (The whole restaurant goes quiet, and they turn to the rowdy customers.)

    Customer #1: “If the slag didn’t want it, should wouldn’t have them hanging out.”

    Male Cosplayer #1: “She was in costume! Besides, what does it matter how she was dressed? Clothing isn’t an invitation.”

    Customer #2: “Do you want to take this outside?”

    (Just then, another male customer in the corner, who also happens to be a cosplayer, speaks up.)

    Male Cosplayer #2: “If you fight him, you have to fight me first!”

    Customer #2: “Who said that?”

    (Male Cosplayer #2 stands up to reveal he is well over 6 ft tall, and very muscular, but in costume too.)

    Male Cosplayer #2: “I am Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, who commands the Lightning and the Storm!”

    (At that moment, a third cosplayer stands up, revealing he too is very tall and muscular.)

    Male Cosplayer #3: “And I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose… to defend women from sexist pigs like you, and defend people’s right to cosplay!”

    (The two rowdy customers quickly remove themselves from the restaurant, while Karkat, Thor and Loki receive a round of applause.)

    Related:
    Link, Nyu And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

    Geeks Rule Themed Giveaway Roundup

    | Not Always Right | Geeks Rule, Roundups, Themed Giveaway

    Geeks Rule Themed Giveaway Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

    1. Link, Nyu, And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar… (2,603 thumbs up)
    2. Time And Relative Dimensions In Cyberspace (1,568 thumbs up)
    3. Saving Souls And Money (2,718 thumbs up)
    4. Yaoi Got To Be Kidding (1,286 thumbs up)
    5. Space-Time Is Money (2,133 thumbs up)
    6. The Text Signaler Concurrence (1,557 thumbs up)
    7. The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot (2,067 thumbs up)
    8. Look Into Your Heart You Know It To Be True (1,884 thumbs up)
    9. Declawing The Villains (1,791 thumbs up)
    10. The Fully-Insured Walking Dead (1,512 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!


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