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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    He’s Driving an ’05 Pontiac Paradox

    | Salisbury, MD, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I receive a call from a customer who speaks in a completely serious, business-like tone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [National Auto Parts Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. What are you working on today?”

    Customer: “I have a 2005 Pontiac Grand Prix, and I need a Flux Capacitor.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say you need a Flux Capacitor?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you have one?”

    Me: “No, the only one who has one of those would be ‘Doc Brown.’”

    Customer: “Where are they located?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure where he is at this point in time…”

    Cancelling The Doorway To Time Travel

    | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s about eight in the morning and we’ve been open for two hours. I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Store Name and location], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I ordered a door yesterday.”

    Me: “Okay, did—“

    Caller: “I canceled it today.”

    Me: “Okay. D—“

    Caller: “But I have a receipt that says I paid for it.”

    Me: “Hold on, please.” *I mute the phone and turn to my associate at the other desk* “Hey, did a guy come in this morning and cancel his door?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, the charge hadn’t even gone through with his bank yet, so he’s good. It’s already canceled out.”

    Me: “Okay.” *picks up phone* “Sir, when was your receipt dated? The one that says you paid for it?”

    Caller: “Yesterday.”

    Me: “And you canceled it this morning?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “So.. you… canceled it.”

    Caller: “Yeah, but this receipt says I paid for it!”

    Me: “The receipt is from the day before you paid for it.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “So it isn’t valid anymore.”

    Caller: “But—“

    Me: “The receipt from the day you placed the order has been overridden by the cancellation of the order, which was done today. Your receipt is now invalid.”

    Caller: “So… I won’t be charged?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    (After the call ends, I turn to the other associate.)

    Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got a time-traveling ‘Receipt-Lord’ on our hands, guys.”

    About To Get Himself Booked

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Criminal/Illegal, Geeks Rule

    (We WERE a specialty bookstore but have gone the way of many others and are liquidating stock, with the only thing not discounted being rare or signed editions in a locked glass cabinet. Whilst most books are massively discounted, we also have a basket of books with minor shelf damage with a sign that states they are damaged and therefore customers are welcome to take a free one with any purchase. A customer approaches with a handful of them.)

    Customer: “I’d like a discount on these. They’re damaged.”

    Me: “Well, everything’s pretty much discounted. It doesn’t get much cheaper than $1 a book. Even so, they’re free if you purchase another item.”

    Customer: “So, all the damaged books are free?”

    Me: “Yes, if you purchase another book with them.”

    Customer: “I’ll be right back.”

    (He leaves his stack on the counter and I help other customers when I notice a cracking sound. He triumphantly returns to the counter, shoving other customers out of the way saying he was there first. I look over his shoulder to see he’s broken the latch on the rare book display to force it open as he slams a leather bound book signed by Neil Gaiman AND Terry Pratchett on the counter, cracking the hardcover.)

    Customer: “All the damaged books are free, right?”

    (You really don’t want to know what some of the other customers did…)

    No Plaice For A Jedi

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I have just placed an order at a fish ‘n’ chips restaurant.)

    Cashier: “Okay, here’s your receipt, sir. Your order number is 66.”

    Me: “Huh. How many Order 66′s do you get through every day?”

    Cashier: “Two, sometimes three.”

    Me: “Wow, all those poor Jedi…”

    Butter(beer) Them Up

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I run the anime club at my school, and we have had to relocate to the coffee shop a couple blocks away.)

    Barista: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Friend: “Hi! I would like to order one large mocha!”

    Barista: “Under what name?”

    Friend: “Hmmm… how about Hermione?”

    Barista: “Okay!”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Barista: “Hermione Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!”

    Friend: *speechless, then breaks out laughing* “That was the best thing ever!”

    Barista: “I drew a little surprise on the back of the cup!”

    (It was a drawing of Hermione’s cat!)


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