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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    Ask Again And You’ll Get Slytherin

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (This takes place when I am hosting a release party for one of the Harry Potter books. As kids come in, we “sort” them into a Hogwarts house by having them choose a sticker from a sorting hat.)

    Me: “Welcome! Would you like to get sorted into a Hogwarts House?”

    (The daughter of a customer reaches into the hat and pulls her hand out to reveal a Ravenclaw sticker.)

    Customer: “Ravenclaw?! Hey, buddy, she really wanted Gryffindor. Let her pick again.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. All the Sorting Hat’s decisions are final.”

    Customer: “Just give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “I don’t think that would be fair. All the other kids picked and stuck with their choice. And we’re actually getting ready to start an activity for the Ravenclaw kids, so–”

    Customer: “No daughter of mine is getting stuck with those weird Ravenclaw kids! She’s clearly a Gryffindor!”

    Daughter: “Actually, Daddy, I like Ravenclaw. That’s where all the smart kids go!”

    Customer: “Screw that! Who wants to hang out with the nerds? Give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “Okay, here you go!”

    Customer: “Finally! I’m going to talk to the manager about you.”

    (As they walk away the customer loudly teases his daughter for wanting to live with the smart kids. He did complain to my manager, but we just had a good laugh about it afterwards.)

    Lay Off On The Confundus Charm

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USAPittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

    Me: “Good morning.”

    Customer: “What did you say?”

    Me: “Um, good morning?”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know that my morning was not at all good! I woke up to find out that Harry Potter isn’t real and I don’t think I can accept it yet.”

    (The customer starts to tear up so I offer her a napkin.)

    Customer: *gasps* “Is this my letter from Hogwarts?”

    Me: “No, it’s a napkin.”

    (She runs out of the store sobbing, leaving her “letter from Hogwarts” behind.)

    And Tell Voldemort He’s Next

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule

    (I work in a toy store in a local mall. One day a man comes in and stands awkwardly to one side for a long while. I realize that something is…off about him, mentally. Finally, he approaches me.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Have you seen Bellatrix Lestrange?”

    Me: “We don’t carry any Harry Potter toys, but you might be able to find some Harry Potter stuff at Hot Topic.”

    Customer: *looking completely serious* “No, I’m looking for Bellatrix. I’ve already killed Malfoy and now I’m looking for that b****.”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3

    | Bridgeport, OR, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Top

    Customer: “Hello, do you have any of the new Twilight books?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re over here.”

    (I lead her to where they would be, but we appear to be sold out. This is strange as all copies were put up this morning.)

    Me: “That’s strange. We seem to be out of stock. Can I interest you in anything else?”

    Customer: “Ugh, fine. What about this one?”

    (They point towards ‘Harry Potter’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great book! It’s about a boy who becomes a wizard and-”

    Customer: “Are there any werewolves?”

    Me: “I think so. I haven’t read them in a while.”

    (The customer grabs the entire series of ‘Harry Potter’ and leaves. As I’m about to return to my workstation, two teens run up to me, high-five each other, and tell me they hid all 70 copies of ‘Twilight’ in the ceiling when no one was looking. Although impressed, I have to report them to my manager. After doing so, my manager gives them each a $10 gift card.)

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Star Trek Names: The Next Generation

    | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (A female customer comes up to my register with a heap of baby books. She notices my name tag.)

    Customer: “That’s an unusual name. Where did your parents come up with it?”

    Me: “Oh, my parents are Star Trek fans. The character I’m named after happened to be a name they liked. It’s also Native American and means ‘light’.”

    Customer: “It’s beautiful! Do you mind if I write it down?”

    (Flattered, I write down my name, the pronunciation, and the definition on a slip of paper. The customer buys the baby books and leaves. Six months later another customer comes in, and sees my unusual name.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, so that’s where she got it.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer #2: “My sister-in-law just had a baby girl. She said she got the name from an employee in this store.”

    Me: “Oh, my. Well please thank her for me. It’s an honor.”

    (I never got to meet the next generation of my name. I will not forget the lady who bought the books and chose my name over all the others.)


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