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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    He Can Light Up The Sky(rim)

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule

    (I work in a small comic shop. Our bathroom lights don’t work quite right. Once you flip on the switch, they do light up, about five seconds later.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, the lights in your bathroom don’t work. I think it’s a dead bulb.”

    Me: “Oh, no, they work. You just need to—”

    Customer: “No, they don’t! Come with me, let me show you!”

    (The customer leads me to the bathrooms, I follow. He flips the switch on and off a few times, leaving it in the off position.)

    Customer: “See? Can you give maintenance a call or something?”

    Me: “Hold on, I can fix this…”

    (As I take a step into the bathroom, I flick the switch on behind me, then count out the time it takes for the lights to power up. Just as the lights power on, I shout…)

    Me: “STRUN BAH QO!”

    (For those that don’t know, that’s ‘Storm Call’ in Skyrim.)

    Customer: “T-The Dragonborn…”

    Half-Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    | OR, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (The fun center where I work is having a big countdown celebration on New Year’s Eve, and I’m working the arcade. We serve alcohol to adult patrons. As we get closer to midnight, a man and a woman approach the counter. I game in my spare time, and the man in the pair looks exactly like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life.)

    Me: “How are you folks today?”

    Man: *inebriated* “Oh, look, a Speederman tattoo. Can I get that?” *he should have said Spiderman*

    Woman: “Sure.”

    (She gives me her tickets, and I give him the tattoo. He is ecstatic about it.)

    Man: “Speederman! This is so awesome! I’m gonna put it on!” *starts stripping*

    Me: “Sir!”

    Woman: “What are you doing?”

    Man: “Speederman!”

    (She manages to convince him to put his shirt back on, and I had to turn away so they wouldn’t see me laughing. To this day, I refer to that as the New Year’s Eve when I saw Gordon Freeman stripping for Spiderman.)

    The True Justice League

    | Queens, NY, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (A cop comes in, in uniform and out of breath.)

    Cop: “Batman.”

    Employee: “Sorry?”

    Cop: “Batman. Mask. Where can I find one?”

    Employee: “Uh, we’ve got a selection of—”

    (The cop grabs a mask, shoves a stack of money into the employee’s hand, and runs out.)

    Employee: “What the f*** just happened?”

    (I’m wondering the same thing, so I take off after the cop, only to find a second cop waiting for him.)

    Second Cop: “You find one?”

    Bat Cop: *puts on the mask* “Yeah. Think it’ll work?”

    Second Cop: “It’s worth a shot…”

    (They walk around the corner, so I follow to find a drunk man clinging to a second-story window dressed as Spider Man.)

    Drunk Spidey: “Y’all just fake cops. Gonna be the Joker or some s*** behind that badge!”

    Bat Cop: *in a deep voice* “Spiderman. Come on down. We have work to do.”

    Drunk Spidey: *after a long pause* “We do?”

    Bat Cop: “The city is in danger. I need your help.”

    (Slowly, the drunk man climbs down until he’s hanging from the bars of the window. One of the cops has found a stepladder and they manage to cajole him into climbing down. It looks like they’re going to let him go until…)

    Drunk Spidey: “Yo, Batman! Is there such thing as, like, bat-heroin? Cause I used all my spider heroin!”

    Gamers Have To Band Together

    | NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (A demo for Rock Band has been set up at the electronics store I work at. I hang around the game section to answer questions and help out. I see two kids, about 8 or 9, who are playing the guitars on easy, while a very pregnant lady is playing drums. I assume they’re all together until another woman storms up.)

    Woman: *to the boys* “I told you not to play these games! They’re bad for you!” *turns to the pregnant lady* “You’re setting a bad example! Don’t you know how horrible video games are for kids?! Your poor child!”

    Pregnant Lady: *smiling, but not stopping* “Actually, music proficiency is linked to having advantages in math and study skills and video games, and when used correctly can instill time management and problem solving skills.” *does a difficult drum riff* “If my ‘poor child’ does half as well as his gamer parents, he’ll have at least two degrees, and a successful medical career.”

    (The pregnant lady finishes the song, scores 90% on expert, and gets up. She smiles and leaves the demo. I held up my fist on the way out and she fist-bumped me. The other woman couldn’t pull her two kids away fast enough.)

    Don’t Mess With A Browncoat

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I work in a movie/TV memorabilia store. Most of the stock is sci-fi related. A boy approaches my station.)

    Boy: “Excuse me, you sell stuff like Klingon to English dictionaries, right?”

    Me: “We surely do. There’s two in stock at the moment.”

    Boy: “Okay, so then do you have a dictionary for Firefly to English? I’m like, obsessed with it… I’d like to know what the people are saying when they speak the space language, so I can say I know everything!”

    Me: “Oh, it’s not actually a made-up language. They’re speaking Chinese.”

    Customer: “Eh? They are not. It’s a space language. It’s set way in the future and everyone lives in space. Have you never seen it?”

    Me: “I have indeed. I’m a big fan. I assure you they speak Chinese.”

    (The boy looks surprised and then laughs loudly at me.)

    Boy: “You’re a lassie. Isn’t Firefly more for guys? There’s loads of fighting and stuff. You can’t know that much about it. Why the h*** would space-folk speak Chinese, then?”

    (I pull my keys from my pocket, from which dangles my Serenity spaceship key-ring.)

    Me: “I also own the DVD box-set, the graphic novels, cast posters, 2 t-shirts and several other bits and pieces. I’ve even met Jewel Staite. The characters speak Chinese sometimes because after the war, America and China were the only remaining large power countries, who came together to form The Alliance. The culture-fusion resulted in a mixture of both English and Chinese being the commonly spoken tongues.”

    Boy: “You just made that up. You don’t even know. I know far more than you. Who’s Jewel Staite supposed to be, then?”

    Me: “She’s the actress who plays Kaylee!”

    (A second customer in line who has been listening with interest suddenly pipes up.)

    Customer #2: “I thought you knew everything about the show? Quit being such a tool and let me pay for my stuff already.”

    Boy: “But I just want a Firefly dictionary! This stupid cow won’t help me!”

    Customer #2: “You’ll find a Chinese to English dictionary in any big bookshop. Now if you’ll leave the poor lassie alone, you gorram a**, that’d be shiny!”

    (I can’t help but laugh and the boy flips us both off, then storms out, kicking a display as he goes. I smile at the second customer.)

    Me: “Thanks for that, mate. Always nice to get back-up from a fellow fan.”

    Customer #2: “No problem. That boy was a total sha gua.”

    (I gave the customer a free Firefly keyring like mine for that. Note: ‘sha gua’ is Chinese for ‘fool’.)

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