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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    Episode 94: The Poser Menace

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Geeks Rule

    (I work at a video rental store and near our check out we have the boxed set of Star Wars on Blu-ray.)

    Customer: “Oh my God, Star Wars on Blu-ray! I love this movie so much!  I like how in the new ones, they put in the new Anakin Skywalker in the scene with the Jabberwockys on Earth!”

    Me: “…you mean Ewoks on Endor?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, that’s what they’re called…”

    You Have Unlocked The Lazy Moralist Achievement

    | Finland | Geeks Rule

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this game.”

    Me: “Of course. Do you have your receipt with you?”

    Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

    (We sell game protection for all video games in case the customer breaks or scratches their game. It can be purchased for both new and pre-owned games.)

    Me: “I see this game was purchased new and you haven’t purchased our game protection, so unfortunately, I cannot give you a refund. What exactly is wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s too hard.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s too difficult!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I really cannot give you a refund just because it’s too difficult to play. Have you tried searching for a walkthrough guide on the internet?”

    Customer: “Isn’t that cheating?”

    Me: “Well, yes but—”

    Customer: “Never mind.” *leaves*

    Please Consult The Chameleon Circuit

    | Melbourne, Australia | Geeks Rule, Top

    (We’re a science fiction specialty bookstore. We also have a few other odds’n'ends around the store from series that do well, including several bits of Doctor Who merchandise.)

    Me: “Can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “All of your Doctor Who stuff is bootlegged!”

    Me: “I assure you it’s not, sir. As you can see, it has the BBC logo on it.”

    Customer: “They can print anything in China. This TARDIS is a total knock off!”

    Me: “Possibly, but we source our merchandise from reputable distributors located in the US & UK. We’re using the same suppliers that the [National Broadcaster] store uses for its Doctor Who merchandise.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! This is all fake! And you know how I can tell? Phoneboxes are RED!”

    The Answer To Life, The Universe, And Everything

    | Arizona, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (We greet customers as they come in and answer questions they may have. A man comes in with his wife and comes over to me.)

    Me: “Did you have a question, sir?”

    Customer: “So what have you heard about woodchucks?”

    (I’m completely confused, so I try to just play along.)

    Me: “I hear they chuck wood.”

    (The customer begins to scowl at me, actually looking offended and disgusted with my answer. He then asks me a few questions about some of our products before heading off to shop.)

    Customer: *cryptically* “And you keep thinking about those woodchucks…”

    (He returns later and I am the cashier to take care of him. He brings up the woodchuck thing again as he’s about to leave.)

    Customer: “I’ve only had one person, this old man—a veteran—answer me correctly. He told me…42.”

    Ask Again And You’ll Get Slytherin

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (This takes place when I am hosting a release party for one of the Harry Potter books. As kids come in, we “sort” them into a Hogwarts house by having them choose a sticker from a sorting hat.)

    Me: “Welcome! Would you like to get sorted into a Hogwarts House?”

    (The daughter of a customer reaches into the hat and pulls her hand out to reveal a Ravenclaw sticker.)

    Customer: “Ravenclaw?! Hey, buddy, she really wanted Gryffindor. Let her pick again.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. All the Sorting Hat’s decisions are final.”

    Customer: “Just give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “I don’t think that would be fair. All the other kids picked and stuck with their choice. And we’re actually getting ready to start an activity for the Ravenclaw kids, so–”

    Customer: “No daughter of mine is getting stuck with those weird Ravenclaw kids! She’s clearly a Gryffindor!”

    Daughter: “Actually, Daddy, I like Ravenclaw. That’s where all the smart kids go!”

    Customer: “Screw that! Who wants to hang out with the nerds? Give her a Gryffindor sticker!”

    Me: “Okay, here you go!”

    Customer: “Finally! I’m going to talk to the manager about you.”

    (As they walk away the customer loudly teases his daughter for wanting to live with the smart kids. He did complain to my manager, but we just had a good laugh about it afterwards.)


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