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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Diplomacy

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Language & Words, One-Liners, Top

    (A customer in his early 20′s is ranting at the front of the bookstore. He’s speaking as if he’s much older than he is. His rant is about kids nowadays not reading as much. There are no other customers, so it’s policy to let him vent. I smile politely to everything he’s saying, since he’s not being a bother.)

    Male Customer: “…they just don’t understand the beauty of holding a book in their hands, smelling the pages and reading tales of epic proportion! Kids these days just want to stand around listening to crap music. No wonder they’re getting dumber.”

    Me: “We get a few teenagers coming in the store, though.”

    Male Customer: “I bet they’re just picking up crap like Twilight. They’d never read proper books.”

    (A customer walks in as he’s saying this. I recognise her from a few days ago, when she ordered a book. She’s about 16, very blonde, and very clearly one of the popular girls.)

    Female Customer: “Hi, I ordered a book. I just want to check if it has come in? It’s under [name].”

    Male Customer: *mutters* “This is exactly what I was talking about.”

    Female Customer: “Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?”

    Male Customer: “I was just saying that kids like you have no interest in reading. If you do, it’s all crap.”

    Female Customer: “If I had no interest in reading, why would I be in a bookstore? And who cares what others think of a book, so long as you enjoy it? That’s all that matters, right?”

    Male Customer: “Whatever, go on, pick up your crappy little Twilight.”

    Female Customer: “For your information, I ordered John Green’s Looking for Alaska. I did not like Twilight at all.”

    Male Customer: “Yeah, as if.”

    Female Customer: “”War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.” George Orwell, 1984. That last line is something you ought to think about before opening your rude mouth!”

    Me: “She certainly knows her stuff.”

    (I hand her the book she ordered, making sure the male customer sees the cover. She pays and walks away, but turns back around before she leaves.)

    Female Customer: “So long, and thanks for all the fish!”

    Putting Yourself Into An Awkward Superposition

    | West Lafayette, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Math & Science, Top

    (I’m studying physics at a major university. I work at an ice cream store, and when we don’t have anything to do I usually do my reading for physics. A customer walks up to the counter to get a spoon, and then sees one of the diagrams in my physics book.)

    Customer: “Oh, you’re reading a picture book. I’m glad you found something that you’re smart enough to read. What’s it about?”

    Me: “String theory and theoretical quantum physics.”

    Customer: *long pause*

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; should I use smaller words? Maybe I could draw you a picture?”

    Customer: *quietly* “May I please have a spoon?”

    A Hollow Victory

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a certain kind of video game. Could you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what were you looking for?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a game called Hollow.”

    Me: “I’ve never heard of that one before. Let me look it up in the computer for you.”

    (I type in ‘Hollow’ on the computer. It’s giving me very few results. The closest thing we have is a DS game called ‘Time Hollow’.)

    Me: “Here. Is this the correct game?”

    Customer: “No, that’s the wrong game. The game I’m looking for is for the Xbox 360.”

    (I attempt the search again.)

    Me: “I really don’t know how to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a game called Hollow for the Xbox 360.”

    Customer: “Bull-s*** there isn’t! The game isn’t even that old! You’re probably not even spelling it right. It’s only four letters long; how do you screw that up? H-A-L-O, it’s not that hard!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean Halo! Oh, yes, we definitely have that in stock!”

    Customer: “Then, why were you jerking me around like that?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you said Hollow, as in H-O-L-L-O-W. I didn’t realize you meant ‘Halo’.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know how it’s pronounced? I’m not much of a game person!”

    Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, ‘Halo’ is a real word. It can be found in the English dictionary.”

    (The customer glares at me.)

    Customer: “Smart-a**.”

    Don’t Be Tardis With His Order

    | AR, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I am filling boxes for to-go orders. An order comes back without a name, so my boss gives me permission to write ‘Dr. Who’ on the box.)

    Boss: “We’ve got a to-go!”

    Me: “Sorry guys, I don’t have enough information on these grilled cheese sandwiches. And there’s not a name or phone number.”

    Boss: “Oh, shoot.”

    Me: “Should we wait until they get here?”

    Boss: “We’ll just give them cheddar. If they don’t want them, we’ll make them new ones.”

    (I write up the boxes with ‘Dr. Who’ and make the order. I see a young man picking up the no-name order. The following week…)

    Waitress: “We’ve got an order from Doctor Who!”

    Me: “Wait, really?”

    Waitress: “Yep. He told me on the phone that he liked what we did with the boxes.”

    (I check the ticket. It’s the same thing the young man ordered last week, with ‘Dr. Who’ written in the name spot. Looks like one of our regulars has a new nickname!)

    They’re Game To Play A Game To Win The Game

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (A customer approaches me. She is holding a rather rare DS game.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, do you guys happen to have another copy of this game in stock?”

    Me: “No, sorry. It’s not too often that we come across this one. It’s quite the gem.”

    Customer #1: “D***. See, I want this game, but so does she.”

    (She motions to another customer, Customer #2, standing next to the game shelf.)

    Customer #1: “I guess we’ll have to settle this somehow.”

    Me: “Um… just don’t get violent, okay?”

    Customer #1: “Oh, we won’t!”

    (After a bit of talking, the two come over to the counter.)

    Customer #2: “Do you mind if we use your counter for a bit?”

    Me: “I guess so.”

    (The two customers stare at each other for a bit. Suddenly, they break into the most heated arm wrestling match I have ever witnessed in my life. Customer #1 barely struggles, and defeats Customer #2 very easily.)

    Customer #2: “What? How did you do that?”

    Customer #1: “I work in a kennel. Handling 100-pound dogs will give you a bit of arm strength!”

    (The defeated customer leaves the store. I ring Customer #1 out. After she leaves, I start talking to my coworker.)

    Me: “Dude. What just happened?”

    Coworker: “I have no f****** idea.”

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