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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    Morpheus, Tarantino, And The Green Lantern Walk Into A Bar

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Geeks Rule

    (It’s a slow day and there haven’t been many customers come through. Around lunch time two teenagers, a girl and a boy come into the store and start browsing through the boxes of comic books. I overhear snippets of their conversation; the boy seems to have no idea of anything that he is seeing, while the girl does. They stop in front of a large poster commemorating 20 years of Sandman comics. The boy reads from a list one character is holding.)

    Boy: “Death… Despair… Morpheus!” *to the girl* “Help me find Morpheus!”

    Girl: “Who?”

    Boy: “Morpheus! You know big dude from the Matrix series?”

    Girl: “I know, but you do realise he won’t be there, right?”

    Boy: “His name is on the list. And this is a comic book store, he should be on there!”

    Girl: “Dude, really? The poster says that it’s from the Sandman series. Why do you expect a guy from The Matrix to be there? Morpheus was a god of the realm of sleep and dreams, and if you look at the other names on that list they seem pretty god-like. There isn’t a big black dude on that poster and if I were to hazard a guess, he would be Morpheus.” *points to a figure on the poster* “You’re a bit embarrassing.”

    (She moves away to look at the collectible figurines from movies and television shows while he continues to puzzle over the poster. He eventually comes over and accidentally knocks some of the toys off of the shelf. She cringes while he’s picking them back up.)

    Girl: Oh hey, that’s a Kill Bill action figure!”

    Boy: “What’s Kill Bill?”

    Girl: “Are you kidding? Kill Bill is probably one of the best films Tarantino has made!”

    (They move to leave, when the girl comes over and looks at the box of badges on the counter. The boy grabs her by the elbow and pulls her out of the store.)

    Girl: “But.. but… the Lantern Corps insignias were on those! Beware my power, Green Lantern’s LIGHT!”

    Iron Chef

    | QC, Canada | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (I’m working in a bookstore, storing cooking books. On top of the pile is Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipe book. A boy of around 10 walks by and stops next to me.)

    Boy: “Mom, look! Pepper Potts wrote a cookbook!”

    (Being a comics fan, he totally made my day!)

    He Can Light Up The Sky(rim)

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule

    (I work in a small comic shop. Our bathroom lights don’t work quite right. Once you flip on the switch, they do light up, about five seconds later.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, the lights in your bathroom don’t work. I think it’s a dead bulb.”

    Me: “Oh, no, they work. You just need to—”

    Customer: “No, they don’t! Come with me, let me show you!”

    (The customer leads me to the bathrooms, I follow. He flips the switch on and off a few times, leaving it in the off position.)

    Customer: “See? Can you give maintenance a call or something?”

    Me: “Hold on, I can fix this…”

    (As I take a step into the bathroom, I flick the switch on behind me, then count out the time it takes for the lights to power up. Just as the lights power on, I shout…)

    Me: “STRUN BAH QO!”

    (For those that don’t know, that’s ‘Storm Call’ in Skyrim.)

    Customer: “T-The Dragonborn…”

    Half-Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    | OR, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (The fun center where I work is having a big countdown celebration on New Year’s Eve, and I’m working the arcade. We serve alcohol to adult patrons. As we get closer to midnight, a man and a woman approach the counter. I game in my spare time, and the man in the pair looks exactly like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life.)

    Me: “How are you folks today?”

    Man: *inebriated* “Oh, look, a Speederman tattoo. Can I get that?” *he should have said Spiderman*

    Woman: “Sure.”

    (She gives me her tickets, and I give him the tattoo. He is ecstatic about it.)

    Man: “Speederman! This is so awesome! I’m gonna put it on!” *starts stripping*

    Me: “Sir!”

    Woman: “What are you doing?”

    Man: “Speederman!”

    (She manages to convince him to put his shirt back on, and I had to turn away so they wouldn’t see me laughing. To this day, I refer to that as the New Year’s Eve when I saw Gordon Freeman stripping for Spiderman.)

    The True Justice League

    | Queens, NY, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (A cop comes in, in uniform and out of breath.)

    Cop: “Batman.”

    Employee: “Sorry?”

    Cop: “Batman. Mask. Where can I find one?”

    Employee: “Uh, we’ve got a selection of—”

    (The cop grabs a mask, shoves a stack of money into the employee’s hand, and runs out.)

    Employee: “What the f*** just happened?”

    (I’m wondering the same thing, so I take off after the cop, only to find a second cop waiting for him.)

    Second Cop: “You find one?”

    Bat Cop: *puts on the mask* “Yeah. Think it’ll work?”

    Second Cop: “It’s worth a shot…”

    (They walk around the corner, so I follow to find a drunk man clinging to a second-story window dressed as Spider Man.)

    Drunk Spidey: “Y’all just fake cops. Gonna be the Joker or some s*** behind that badge!”

    Bat Cop: *in a deep voice* “Spiderman. Come on down. We have work to do.”

    Drunk Spidey: *after a long pause* “We do?”

    Bat Cop: “The city is in danger. I need your help.”

    (Slowly, the drunk man climbs down until he’s hanging from the bars of the window. One of the cops has found a stepladder and they manage to cajole him into climbing down. It looks like they’re going to let him go until…)

    Drunk Spidey: “Yo, Batman! Is there such thing as, like, bat-heroin? Cause I used all my spider heroin!”


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