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    Category: Geeks Rule

    Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

    Yaoi Got To Be Kidding

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a comic shop that has a high number of female employees, with most of my coworkers having a specialty in knowledge; i.e. comics, figurines, card games, etc. A pair of very obnoxious customers walks in, and heads straight to me at the back of the shop.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I need to know if you have a [specific arc] of X-force?”

    Coworker #1: “Do you mean [arc] of the third series, or that old one done by Loeb?”

    Customer #2: “Hey b****! Butt out! I’m asking the only real nerd on your staff a question.”

    Me: “I’m not sure, however [coworker #1] organizes our older comic collection and probably knows if we have it or not.”

    Customer #1: “Quit trying to give the b**** fake nerd cred, yo. Everyone knows the only girls who work here are a bunch of Yaoi-fangirls.”

    (Customer #1 points towards our manga and anime section. Coworker #2 walks over due to all the commotion.)

    Coworker #2: “You do realize that [my name] is the only one of us who reads manga? H***, it’s why we hired him in the first place.”

    (Both customers look pretty embarrassed, and quietly ask Coworker #1 if we have the comic arc in question. They won’t even look at any of us as they pay for their purchase. After they leave, Coworker #1 comes up to me.)

    Coworker #1: “So, apparently you’re a Yaoi-fangirl?”

    The Text Signaler Concurrence

    | Ashford, Kent, UK | At The Checkout, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I am on the checkout, chatting away to a woman and her daughter whilst putting their shopping through. Suddenly, the woman gets a text message on her mobile.)

    Phone: “Bazinga! Bazinga!”

    Me: “Um, did your phone just ‘bazinga’?”

    Woman: “Oh, yes, I have a text. Sorry about that.”

    Daughter: “You’re the first to recognize the word.”

    Me: “Oh, we love The Big Bang Theory. My dad has that as his text alert too.”

    Daughter: “I have the theme as my ringtone!”

    Me: “So do both my parents!”

    (We all talk about the show for a few moments before parting ways. The next customer comes up, having overheard the last part of our chat.)

    Next Customer: “I’m glad they’ve gone. They were in my spot.”

    Me: “Another fan?”

    Next Customer: “Oh yes…”

    The Fully-Insured Walking Dead

    | Draper, UT, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My company sells music gear. We have a coverage plan that we are required to pitch to each customer on every item that qualifies. We are encouraged to get creative with our coverage pitches. I am talking to a woman about a keyboard.)

    Me: “So, we offer this extended plan which covers any kind of accidental damage, wear and tear, and shipping costs. The only things we don’t cover are theft, intentional abuse, and acts of God. So, set on fire, struck by lightning, floods, tornadoes, zombie attacks—”

    Customer: “What? You don’t cover zombies?!”

    Me: “We will cover if the zombie accidentally knocks your keyboard over, or if it bleeds all over it. But if you intentionally hit the zombie with your keyboard, you’re on your own. And if that’s your zombie-killing weapon, may God be with you.”

    Customer: “Do you watch The Walking Dead, by any chance?”

    Me: “Yes, I do! Although, I am actually terrified of zombies. The main reason I watch the show is because I am a huge Norman Reedus fan.”

    Customer:” Me, too! He’s my favorite character!”

    (What follows is a ten minute conversation about the show itself, how awesome Daryl Dixon is, and the pros and cons of various zombie weapons. The customer makes my day. She bought coverage, too!)

    Saving Souls And Money

    | Buena Park, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    ( One late night, a customer comes up dressed in very stereotypical goth attire and makeup.)

    Me: “Okay, sir! Your total comes to [total].”

    Customer: “Look me in the eyes.”

    Me: “Um… okay?”

    (I look the customer directly in the eyes. He starts speaking in a steady voice.)

    Customer: “You will give me a discount.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t just give you a discount.”

    Customer: “Yes, you will. I am a vampire lord, and you are under my mental control.”

    Me: *in the same type of steady voice* “You are a vampire lord, and I am under your mental control.”

    Customer: “Very good. Now give me a discount or I will consume your soul.”

    Me: “But master, as you can clearly see, I am a ginger, and it is common knowledge that gingers have no souls.”

    (The customer stares into my eyes silently for a few seconds, and then breaks eye contact.)

    Customer: “D***, you’re right. It was worth a try.”

    (The customer pays and leaves.)

    Supervisor: “Um…”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Supervisor: “You’re blond.”

    Me: “Really? THAT’S what you picked up on?”

    The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am working in the largest gift shop in the theme park. I am walking around straightening and folding the when I hear a middle-aged guests whistling. After a few moments, I recognize it as the theme tune to ‘The Animaniacs’.)

    Me: *singing* “Pinky and the Brain, they want rule the universe…”

    Guest: “…Slappy slaps them with her purse…”

    Me: “…Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse!”

    Together: “Why write a script? We have no script! Why bother to rehearse? We are the Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts! We are zany to the max, there’s baloney in our slacks! We’re Animany, totally insany—”

    Guest: *Wakko voice* “Where’s Lon Chaney?”

    Together: “Animaniacs! Those are the facts!”

    Guest: *high-fives me* “It was nice jammin’ with you, Dot.”

    (I beamed for the rest of the night.)

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