November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Geeks Rule

Whether you call them geeks, nerds, or dorks, we’re proud to call the masters of all that is obtuse and purveyors of hopelessly inane facts and fiction our friends. From Trekkies and Sith Lords to Muggles and Team Jacob (okay, Edward too), this category is dedicated to stories about those who rise above cool — and will probably end up ruling the world!

Back To The Uber

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule, Transportation

(A large group of us are going from a house party to a club, so we order two separate Ubers. My group gets into the second Uber just as the first one is pulling away.)

Me: “Driver! Follow that car!”

Uber Driver: “Awesome! I’ve always wanted someone to say that!”

(We pull away and start following our friends in the first Uber.)

Uber Driver: “So, why are we following them?”

(My three slightly tipsy friends and I all answer simultaneously.)

Friend #1: “Kidnapping.”

Friend #2: “Terrorists.”

Friend #3: “Aliens.”

Me: “Time Travelers.”

Uber Driver: “So… time-traveling alien terrorists have kidnapped someone?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Uber Driver: “Well I have a flux-capacitor in the back!”

Me: “But this isn’t a DeLorean!”

Uber Driver: “Yeah, Uber wouldn’t let me use the DeLorean for fear I would get the passengers to their destinations before they even left their point of origin. Temporal paradoxes and all that. But I still have the spare flux-capacitor, so don’t tell them!”

Me: “Your secret is safe with us.”

Uber Driver: “So shall we time travel to stop the evil alien time-traveling terrorists from their fiendish scheme?”

Friend #1: “I see a problem with that plan.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Friend #1: “Good luck hitting 88 mph in downtown San Francisco…”

Search Your Feelings, You Know It To Be True

| KY, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Holidays, Movies & TV

(It is October, 1999. I am in the local fabric store with some friends, getting costuming stuff. We run across a woman buying up materials for making an Anakin Skywalker costume for her nine-year-old son that’s with her. He really, really likes ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace;’ it is his favorite movie and he has come to be a huge fan of ‘Star Wars.’)

Boy: “I’ve watched the original trilogy of films every week and that I’ve seen Episode I in theaters a dozen times and can’t wait for it to come out on tape!”

Mom: “I hope my boy grows up to be just like Anakin!” *she then goes on talking about what a great role model Anakin is for young boys and how she encourages her boy to be like Anakin… cue the awkward pause and cringe by me and my friends*

Me: “Uh, do you know that Anakin Skywalker grows up to be Darth Vader?”

Mom: “Don’t be crazy. You’re making that up. There’s no way sweet little Anakin could ever become evil like that. Besides, he doesn’t grow up to be Vader. They have different names after all.”

Me: “These are prequels. They are set decades before the original films, right? Okay, the hero of the original films was Luke Skywalker right? Okay, remember the “No, I am your father.” part that Vader says?”

(That is when it clicked to her. She’d never put it together. She got a look of abject horror on her face when she realized it was true. She grabbed her boy by the hand, dragging him out of the store, saying he was going to be something else for Halloween, and he was not allowed to ever watch Star Wars ever again and she was getting rid of all his Star Wars stuff because it was filled with such bad role models for children.)

Makes You Very GLAD(os)

| HI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I work for a local supermarket chain. We give out reward coupons after customers spend a certain amount that you can use for a number of things. One of these is a special item that changes each week. I notice my next customer is wearing a Portal shirt.)

Me: “Welcome to the Aperture Science [Store] Register. If you successfully finish this transaction and have a reward, there will be cake.”

Customer: *laughs* “The cake is a lie!”

Me: “Not so, sir.” *points to flier* “The reward this week is free cheesecake.”

Customer: *stares* “Seriously?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “Could I… get one right now?”

Me: “If you have a reward, certainly.”

(Customer then proceeded to sprint off to grab a cheesecake and came back exclaiming “The cake’s not a lie!”)

Be Glad It Wasn’t Slartibartfast

| San Antonio, Texas, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

(My call center doesn’t rely on any script; we just have things we’re required to share with our customers. It gives us the opportunity to be playful and fun in certain situations, or we can be serious and sympathetic in others. The following takes place at the end of the call:)

Me: “Your reference code will be easy to remember if you’re into Douglas Adams. Zerbop.”

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: Zerbop. Zulu, echo, bravo

Customer: “No, I got that. The other part.”

Me: “It sounds like a character Douglas Adams would write about.” *I think to myself that I had horribly misjudged the situation*

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Was that all I could do for you today?”

Customer: “Yes. So long, and thanks for all the fish.” *click*

Not Thinking Outside The Police Box

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(Our bookstore has its own TARDIS that we use to display Doctor Who and other science fiction books and toys on. The following conversation between one of our booksellers and an indignant customer recently happened:)

Customer: “Why do you have a police box in your store?”

Bookseller: “It’s from the show Doctor Who.”

Customer: *blank look* “I am unfamiliar with that.”

Bookseller: “It’s a British science fiction show.”

Customer: *haughtily* “Aren’t you afraid of the implications?”

Bookseller: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “That you are misleading people. What if someone had an actual emergency and needed to call the police? And all you have this fake police phone box.”

Bookseller: “We have actual telephones. And everyone here could easily dial 911 on their cells.”

Customer: “You’re lying to people.”

Employee: “It’s a British phone box from the 1960s. Even if it worked, all we’d get were British police from the 1960s and they’d have to come a very long way. Or we might get the Doctor.”

Customer: “Who?”

Employee: “Yes.”

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