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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Peanuts Are High In Irony

    | NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A man comes in with his son, who looks to be about nine years old.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you guys cook anything in peanut oil? My son has a peanut allergy, and he can’t eat anything with peanuts.”

    Manager: “No, we don’t. He can have everything here except the salad, which has almond in it.”

    Customer’s Son: “Ooh dad, chocolate soda!”

    Customer: “What about the chocolate soda?”

    Manager: “Oh no, he can’t have that.”

    Customer: “Sorry, bud, how about the root beer instead?”

    (He orders their food and while they wait, his phone goes off.)

    Customer’s Phone: “IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME. PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!”

    (He quickly answers it while my coworkers and I are trying not to laugh. He looks a little embarrassed when he hangs up.)

    Customer: “Ha, sorry about that. I guess I should change my ring tone, huh?”

    Me: “No, I loved the irony!”

    Acting Like A Cookie Monster

    | TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We have a regular at our restaurant, a 14-year-old, that bikes to our store and gets the same order about once a week. Everyone gets along with him well, and the owner likes him enough to give him free cookies with all of his lunches. The owner has just given him some free cookies.)

    14-Year-Old Regular: “Thanks a ton!”

    (Another customer sees this, and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “Why did that BRAT get free cookies? I DEMAND to know, AND get cookies complimentary with my order!”

    14-Year-Old Regular: “I always assumed I got them because I’m not a douche-bag of a customer, unlike someone else.”

    (The customer goes red and shuts up.)

    Owner: “Isn’t he cute?”

    Related:
    A Real Life Cookie Monster

    Real Sugar Can’t Be Beet

    | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (A customer comes up with two packages of[energy drink].)

    Customer: “Is this sugar free?”

    Me: “Nope, afraid not. The sugar free usually has a lighter coloring on the box.”

    (The customer repeats his question twice more, and I repeat my answer twice more. Finally, he decides to buy the two packages of normal [energy drink].)

    Me: “All right, here’s your receipt!”

    Customer: “Wait here. I’ll go get the sugar free…”

    (Puzzled, I keep an eye on his groceries. When he returns, he takes the normal [energy drink] out of the bag, putting the new packages in the bag.)

    Me: “Sir, didn’t you want to purchase those, too?”

    Customer: “No! I told you, I was going to get sugar free! You rang me up for them!”

    Me: “Sir, I told you three times that you were buying the regular kind. If you want those instead, you’re going to have to do an exchange.”

    Customer: “No! I told you! I wanted sugar free! I have no time for this!”

    (I call over my supervisor.)

    Supervisor: “What’s up?”

    (I explain the situation, calling it a slight problem in communication.)

    Customer: “I told her; I’m very busy! I have no time for this!”

    Supervisor: “Sir, in the time it took me to walk over here, you could’ve had this done and been on your way. I’ll take care of this on another register.”

    (Without a word further, my supervisor takes the customer’s groceries and brings them to another register. A regular customer is behind the other customer, and has witnessed the whole thing.)

    Regular Customer: “Geez! People sure are awful, huh?”

    Give Pizza A Chance

    | Merseyside, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A customer calls for a pizza delivery.)

    Customer: “I want a large pizza with all the toppings.”

    Me: “We’ve got over 30 different kind of toppings; which would you like?”

    Customer: “All of them; I’m starving.”

    Me: “A pizza with 30 toppings isn’t going to taste very nice.”

    Customer: “I don’t care; I’m starving. I want all the toppings.”

    Me: “One of the toppings is sliced banana; do you want that one?”

    Customer: “Ugh! Banana? No, not on a pizza. Okay, leave that off.”

    Me: “Do you like olives?”

    Customer: “Er, no. None of them.”

    Me: “Anchovies?”

    Customer: “What are they?”

    Me: “Small strips of dried, salted fish.”

    Customer: “Ugh, no!”

    (We repeat this for 25 more items.)

    Me: “So, that’s a ham and mushroom on a thin crust, with you in 30 minutes.”

    Customer: “Er, yeah. Thanks.”

    Rise Above It

    | OH, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am a cashier at a buffet. I am very short and am standing next to another cashier over six feet. Our buffet guests have been standing in line for about two hours for a very popular weekend dinner. I invite the next two guests in line to come pay at my register.)

    Guest: “Well, aren’t you lucky! You get to sit down while we had to stand in that line for over two hours.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Guest: “I said, you’re very lucky to get to sit down while we had to stand in that line for a very long time.”

    (I glance at my co-worker, who is grinning widely at the comment.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sitting down. This is as tall as I get!”

    (The guest turns bright red and starts apologizing. I can’t resist taking off my shoes, which shorten me by another two inches.)

    Me: “Ma’am, without my shoes I’m only this tall.”

    Guest: “Please! You’d better keep your shoes on!”


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