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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Will Have To Wait For The Correct Answer

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I have just finished at the doctor’s office and talk my mom into taking me to get some coffee. We decide to go through the drive-thru as I need to get back to school and her to work. She is driving and I’m riding shotgun.)

    Cashier: “What can I get for you today?”

    Mom: “Two coffees, please.”

    Cashier: “That’ll be [total]. Please pull around to the window.”

    (As there is a long line, it takes about 10 minutes before we finally get to the window.)

    Cashier: “Sorry about the wait.”

    Mom: “Oh, I’m doing fine. How about you?”

    (At this, the cashier gets a deer-in-the-headlights look as he does not know how to respond to this break in the conversational cycle. I, however, am cracking up.)

    Mom: *looks at the cashier and then at me* “What’s so funny?”

    Me: “Mom, he said sorry about the wait.”

    Mom: “Oh! I thought he said ‘how are you.'” *turns to the cashier* “I’m sorry. You can laugh at me if you want…”

    A Few Sandwiches Short Of A Picnic

    | Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A lot of middle and high school students from all over the state are in town for an event. The shop is slammed, but we’re doing our best to move the line along quickly. The board behind me lists our 18 different cold sandwich options in huge letters. It also states the bread sizes: small, medium, and large.)

    Me: “Hello. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #1: “Um… can I have a… medium sandwich?”

    Me: “Sure thing. What kind of sandwich would you like?”

    Customer #1: “Medium?”

    Me: *pointing at the board behind me* “Absolutely, what kind of meat and cheese would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer #1: “Um… white bread?”

    Me: *grabbing a medium white roll* “Okay, and what kind of meat would you like? We have ham, turkey, roast beef…”

    Customer #1: *starting to look confused and angry* “Just a regular sandwich!”

    (The customer gestures at the sandwich belonging to the customer in front of him, which already has lettuce and tomato on it, obscuring the meats.)

    Customer #1: “Like that one!”

    Me: “Okay, so that one’s a ham, turkey, and provolone. Would you like that?”

    Customer #1: ” … ham.”

    Me: “Great! Any cheese?”

    Customer #1: “I just want a regular sandwich!”

    (I quickly make him a ham and American cheese sandwich, pass him to the next person working the line, and turn to my next customer.)

    Me: “Hello, miss! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #2: “Can I have a… small sandwich?”

    Me: “Absolutely. What kind of meat and cheese?”

    Customer #2: (staring at the board) “Oh, I guess wheat bread?”

    (It was a long day.)

    Some Requests Just Take The Cake

    | Champaign, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I take a request on a phone call.)

    Me: “We can only make small round, large round, and small rectangle cakes, sir. We cannot make large rectangles.”

    Caller: “Okay, so is it possible for me to have a cake made by Sunday? Mother’s day?”

    Me: “We can have any cake ready for you by Mother’s day. Yes, sir!”

    Caller: “Any cake? I thought you just said that you can’t make large rectangles cakes.”

    Me: “We can’t, like I just said, sir.”

    Customer: “So, let me get this straight. You can make ANY cake except the large rectangle?”

    Me: *face-palm*

    Done With This Business

    | Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am second in line at a deli. Deli servers aren’t allowed to stop serving someone unless they’re absolutely sure a customer is done.)

    Deli Worker: *to first customer* “That’s 500 grams. Is that all today?”

    Customer: *playing with phone, says nothing*

    Deli Worker: *turns, wraps the item, and hands it to the customer* “Is that all today?”

    Customer: *not looking up, slowly walks away*

    (The worker’s eyes follow the customer until she’s completely out of the line.)

    Deli Worker: “Aaaaaand… that’s a yes.” *turns to me, mirroring my bemused face* “Hi.”

    Just Grit Your Teeth And Smile

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: *looking over a menu* “Anything on your menu can be made vegan, right?”

    Me: “Well, most of it. Actually if it can be there will be a capital V next to the name.”

    Customer: “So the grits are vegan?”

    Me: “No, but they can be made vegetarian.”

    Customer: “I’ll have the grits.”

    Me: “They’re vegetarian, not vegan.”

    Customer: “You’ve had the grits for awhile?”

    Me: “Yes and they’re not vegan.”

    Customer: “I’d like the grits.”

    Me: *sighs*

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