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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    This One Cuts The Mustard

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I overhear an exchange while doing prep work.)

    Customer: “Can I get everything on it?”

    Coworker: “Sure thing.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait, I don’t want mustard.”

    Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry, I already put it on there.”

    Customer: “Oh… it’s okay.”

    Coworker: “Are you sure? We can absolutely make you another sandwich.”

    Customer: “No, no, I’m the one who said I wanted it on there!”

    Coworker: “I promise, sir; I’ll make you a mustard-free sandwich.”

    Coworker: “No, don’t even worry about it, please. I’ll take it as-is. It’s entirely my fault.”

    Coworker: “Okay, sir, if you promise it’s okay! I’m sorry there’s mustard on it!”

    Customer: “Oh don’t be silly; I’m the one who should be sorry.”

    (I turn and look at another worker who looks straight at me.)

    Me: “That guy is the best guy in the entire world.”

    Second Coworker: “Yes. Yes he is. I think he deserves a medal.”

    Stark Raving Mad

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

    Me: “Good morning!”

    Customer:What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

    (The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red-wine window.)

    Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here, winter is near.’”

    Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”


    They Have No Drive

    , | Markham, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in the drive-thru window. I am talking to a customer and we both notice a group of four young teens WALKING down the drive-thru lane.)

    Customer: *laughs* “Don’t you love how silly kids are? Well, good night!”

    (The customer leaves, and the teens approach the drive-thru window.)

    Teen: “Yea, hi. I want to order.”

    Me: “Yea, sorry. Unfortunately I can’t serve you here unless you are in a car. You are welcome to come inside though.”

    Teen: “What are you talking about? We are in a car, see! I’m the driver holding the wheel.” *holds imaginary wheel* “And my passengers!” *points at his three friends*

    Me: “Sorry, but unless you can crash your car and dent my wall. I can’t serve you here.”

    Teen: “Okay!” *makes screeching noises* “CRASH!”

    De-Stress The Waitress

    | AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am a waitress at a high-end restaurant. This night, I am particularly rushed and upset, and make a few customer service mistakes while serving a customer.)

    Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager, please.”

    Me: “Sure, may I ask what about?”

    Customer: “About you.”

    (My manager is very strict, and he doesn’t believe in second chances. I am terrified. I go up to my manager.)

    Me: “Manager, table six please; they want to talk to you.”

    Manager: *walks over* “Yes sir, what did you need to talk to me about?”

    Customer: “It’s about your waitress here.”

    Manager: *starting to glare at me* “Has she done something wrong?”

    (I am standing there holding back tears, sure that I am about to be fired.)

    Customer: “Well, she has been very busy and rushed tonight. All the same, she has managed to take our orders and give us our food quickly and with a smile on her face. I used to be a waitress, and I know how hard that is to do. I just wanted to tell you that you have a Class-A employee here, and I’m leaving her a 50% tip. I also have reservations for next week, and I’d like to request in advance that she be our server.”

    Manager: *stunned* “Yes, that can be arranged. I’m glad you thought well of her. Have a good day.”

    Me: *almost crying* “I thought you were about to have me fired! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s no problem, dear. Here’s your tip, and I hope your day gets better!”

    Their Reasoning Has A Hole In The Middle

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the in-store bakery at my supermarket. Our shelving-display signs warn that all of our products either contain nuts, or are prepared in the same food areas as products containing nuts. Two young girls aged about eight approach the shelving, and read aloud the notice.)

    Girl #1: “The sign says that some of the food contains nuts. I wonder which things have them in.”

    Girl #2: “Well duh, obviously all of the doughnuts have nuts. The clue is in the name. DOUGH. NUTS.”

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