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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Taking The Ham-Fisted Approach

    | NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (Seeing the line for the deli stretch halfway through the produce section, I stand in line while my fiancé goes for the rest of the stuff. Every single person in line ahead of me goes through the same process.)

    Customer: “Let me get some ham.”

    Deli Worker: “What kind of ham?”

    Customer: “Um… [brand].”

    Deli Worker: “Okay… What kind? Honey glazed, regular, salt free?”

    Customer: “Oh… uh… [type].”

    Deli Worker: “How much?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    (This continues on, not just for each customer, but even when one customer has multiple items! I finally step up to the counter just as my fiancé arrives.)

    Me: “Let me get 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium roast reef, 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium turkey, and 1/2 pound [store brand] American yellow, please.”

    Deli Worker: “Ooh honey, you’re my favorite customer of the day!”

    Fiancé: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Apparently, I’m the only person here that thinks ahead!”

    Customer After Me: “Let me get some… salami.”

    Deli Worker: “Here we go again!”

    Cotton-Pickers

    | CT, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a stand in the food court of a mall. We make cotton candy, and I usually have one out for display with a sign that says, “Please do not touch”. Children are usually pretty good about it, but adults are a different story. A customer reaches out and grabs the cotton candy.)

    Female Customer: “Ooh, is this real cotton candy?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. And now that you’ve touched it, you have to take it.”

    Female Customer: “I don’t want that one; I put my hands all over it!”

    The Booger-inning Of A Beautiful Friendship

    | Hurst, TX, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a customer in line at a pizza place. Most of the employees are Spanish speakers, but for the most part are bilingual. The cashier speaks in heavily accented, broken English, but is very sweet.)

    Me: “I’d like a slice of chee—”

    (A customer storms up to the counter, and begins screaming.)

    Customer: “I ordered my pizza five minutes ago! Why isn’t it ready?!”

    Cashier: “It is cooking.”

    Customer: “It doesn’t take five minutes to heat up a pizza! I want my money back, and I want my pizza right now!”

    Cashier: “It is in the oven; it will be soon.”

    Customer: “I can’t understand a word you’re saying! Get me your manager!”

    Cashier: “I am the manager.”

    Customer: “I can’t understand you! Are you even legal? I can’t believe this place hires w******s like you!”

    (I have had enough, and decide to intervene.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your pizza is still cooking. They prepare them totally from scratch when you order. Her race has nothing to do with how long it takes to cook pizza, and you owe her an apology!”

    Customer: “I don’t have to listen to you, you… you… booger face!”

    (She storms off without her pizza, and I got mine for free. The cashier calls me ‘booger-face’ every time I eat there now!)

    This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 2

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (There is a sizable line in the drive-thru. A rental car pulls up to order.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]; how can I serve you today?”

    (The customer and his wife proceed to order. They order a lot of food. The customer has a thick French accent, and I have to ask him to repeat a few things.)

    Customer: “How long is this going to take?”

    Me: “Well, we’re kind of busy; it will take about 15 minutes.”

    (I begin repeating the order back to the customer to verify that it’s right, but he pulls ahead while I’m still speaking. About 15 minutes later, he pulls up to the window. My coworker brings them their food when it is ready.)

    Coworker: “All right, so I have [order] for you.”

    Customer: “No, that’s wrong. We wanted [order].”

    (My coworker is fairly new, so I decide to take over. I send the revised order to the kitchen and ask them to remake it. Five minutes later, the order is done.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Here is your order.”

    Customer: “That’s not all; we want milkshakes, too.”

    (I am very frustrated with this customer, but I keep it under control and ring up the milkshakes. I took five years of French class in high school, so I can understand it fairly well.)

    Customer: *to wife, in French* “This place is terrible.”

    Customer’s Wife: “It’s so slow!”

    Customer: “And that skinny white boy is very rude.

    Customer’s Wife: “Don’t be mean; he’s probably not that smart.”

    (They laugh, and continue making fun of me. I finish making the milkshakes, and walk over to the window with a beaming, ear-to-ear smile.)

    Me: *in French* “Thank you for your business today.”

    (The man makes eye contact with me. His eyes are nearly bulging out of his head, as he realizes I have understood every word he and his wife said. I keep my eyes locked on his, and maintain my ghoulish grin.)

    Me: *in French* “It was a pleasure to serve you today.”

    Customer: *drops milkshakes in wife’s lap and accelerates away*

    Related:
    This Round He Lost (In Translation)

    A Drought Of Nice Customers

    | Palmerston North, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (We are having a really bad drought in the North Island at the moment, so we have some serious water restrictions. It’s the top of everyone’s mind, and everyone’s talking about it.)

    Me: *to customer at drive-thru* “That’ll be [total].”

    Customer: “Okay, here you go. Wow, it’s going to be another scorcher today, huh?”

    Me: “I know, I’m just about to go do a rain dance.”

    Customer: “I know how you feel. We’re on tank water, and it’s running a little low for us.”

    Me: “Well, in town we’ve just got all the regular restrictions; we’re not watering and stuff. My mum’s so upset; she’s lost her entire veggie garden because she can’t water during the day.”

    Customer: “That must be pretty hard on her. We’re doing okay, because we’ve been so careful and everything.”

    (My coworker hands me her meal, and I hand it straight out.)

    Me: “Here you go, all done!”

    Customer: “Wow, that was fast! Thanks!”

    (I think she’s about to drive away, so I move to shut the window.)

    Customer: “Hang on! Can I see your manager, please?”

    (Confused, I grab the manager on the floor.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “I just wanted to tell you how lovely it is to get a pleasant employee at the drive-thru window. This young lady has been talking to me the entire time I was here, and it made the time absolutely fly. You so rarely get pleasant people in the service industry. I just wanted to say how nice she was. Thank you, and have a good day!”

    (With that, she drives off. My manager gives me a thumbs-up, and I feel good the rest of my shift. Sometimes you get some good ones!)


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