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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Served With Just Desserts

    | Scotland, UK | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a restaurant which is very gay-friendly. It’s not actually a gay restaurant, but half the waiting staff, two of the chefs, and the owner are all gay or bi. Many of the customers are gay couples. A tourist couple, a man and woman, comes in, and sits at a table.)

    Me: *flamboyantly* “Hi, welcome! Here are your menus—”

    Customer #1: “We want another server!”

    Me: “Sorry, but I’m the only one that’s free at the moment, and you’re sitting in my area, but I can help you all the same.”

    (The couple stands up and walk to another table on the other side of the restaurant. Their server comes up to the table; she’s a young woman who dresses very alternatively.)

    Server: “Hi, there! Would you like to look at—”

    (The couple stands up again, this time moving to a table being served by the only straight server in the restaurant today. They order happily, and the server leaves. The table is right next to the large opening where you can see the chefs cooking your food. The customers can be heard by one of the chefs,—who happens to be my boyfriend.)

    Customer #1: “I can’t believe they let those people work with food. They’ll contaminate it.”

    Customer #2: “I know! But don’t let it get to you; we have a good server now.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, but just look at them. That first man probably has AIDS, and they let him work in a restaurant! It’s disgusting!”

    Chef: “Excuse me; please don’t talk about him that way. He doesn’t have AIDS. Even if he did, you wouldn’t catch it just because he served you food. He’s also my boyfriend, so stop it, or you’ll upset me and him.”

    (The couple remains quiet until their server bring their drinks.)

    Customer #1: “Make sure that thing doesn’t cook or touch any of my food.”

    Server: “Sorry, I can’t do that. He is one of our best chefs, and he deals with items that you have ordered.”

    Customer #2: “Well, have someone else make our food, someone clean!”

    Server: “I assure you that our chefs take hygiene very seriously. We are very highly rated from health and safety—”

    Customer #1: “MANAGER! NOW!”

    (Their server gets the manager, a very well-dressed and flamboyant man.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer #1: “You’re one too?! A dirty gay! I can’t believe it! F*** you! F*** you all! Don’t any of you touch my food, my wife, or me! I don’t want your any of your dirty gay diseases!”

    (The customers start referring to their server.)

    Customer #2: “And to think you surround this poor boy with your heathen ways!” *to the server* “Come now, son, leave with us and we can save you from this evil lot!”

    (All of the servers have gathered around the area. Many of the regular customers and their partners join too.)

    Server: “You know what, you’re right! Why should I have to work in a place with such nasty people?”

    (The couple smiles and move towards him, as if to take him away.)

    Server: “You two, get the f*** out of here and leave me alone! We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and you most certainly are not welcome here!”

    (The couple runs out, flustered and embarrassed.)

    Manager: “I couldn’t have said it any better myself!”

    Server: “Thanks, Dad!”

    He Who Melt It, Dealt It

    | NM, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (It is over 90 degrees outside. A customer comes in to buy an ice cream. He then goes into the bar across the road, and returns over an hour later.)

    Customer: “I need to exchange this ice cream.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I just bought it a minute ago, and it’s melted!”

    Me: “You were here over an hour ago. I can’t exchange it for you.”

    Customer: “You d*** well better exchange it! It wasn’t melted when I bought it! It’s not my fault I left it in my car when I went to the bar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t exchange it for you; it’s not our fault.”

    Customer: “I just bought it! Give me my d*** money! You know what? I have an even better idea!”

    (The customer slams the melted ice cream on the counter, and grabs a new one from the cooler.)

    Customer: “Give me a f****** bag that will prevent this from melting!”

    Me: “It’ll be [price] for the ice cream, and I don’t think those exist.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for this! You are f****** giving it to me for free, b****!”

    Me: “Not happening. I’ll be more then happy to call the owner for you.”

    Customer: “Get his fat ugly a** down here! I’ll have you fired for this!”

    (I step back to call for the owner.)

    Me: “DAD!”

    (My 6’3″, 300-pound dad walks out from the back room.)

    Dad: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: * grabs the melted ice cream and runs out of the door*

    Self-Serves Him Right

    | Rolling Prairie, IN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m off the clock at the fast food restaurant I work at. I’m waiting for my manager to get off, because I’m his ride home. My manager is the cashier, and there’s only one other employee besides me there. A customer walks up to the counter.)

    Manager: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea, please.”

    Manager: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

    (The customer pays, and his receipt is printed off.)

    Manager: “Your order number is 544, and it’ll be up shortly.”

    Customer: “Can I have my drink?”

    (My manager hands him a cup, since our drink station is self serve.)

    Customer: “There’s no tea in this.”

    Manager: “Yes, because our tea is self serve.”

    Customer: “I don’t do self serve. I don’t work here.”

    Manager: “So, let me get this straight, you want me to go out there and fill your cup up at our self-serve drink station?”

    Customer: “Yes, like I said, I don’t work here. I shouldn’t have to get my own drink.”

    (My manager turns to the other employee, who’s been listening to the entire conversation.)

    Manager: “Would you fill up his drink for him?”

    Employee: “No.”

    Manager: “Good answer.”

    (My manager turns back to the customer.)

    Manager: “Sorry, sir, but I can not fill your drink for you.”

    Customer: “Then give me my d*** money back.”

    Manager: “Okay, here is your money, sir. Have a good night.”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *walks away*

    Me: “In nearly four years of being here, I’ve never seen a customer not want to fill up their own drink.”

    Manager: “Same here.”

    Me: “Makes me wonder though; how does he get gas? There aren’t any full service gas stations off the interstate.”

    Manager: “Good point. Want a double cheese?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Taking The Ham-Fisted Approach

    | NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (Seeing the line for the deli stretch halfway through the produce section, I stand in line while my fiancé goes for the rest of the stuff. Every single person in line ahead of me goes through the same process.)

    Customer: “Let me get some ham.”

    Deli Worker: “What kind of ham?”

    Customer: “Um… [brand].”

    Deli Worker: “Okay… What kind? Honey glazed, regular, salt free?”

    Customer: “Oh… uh… [type].”

    Deli Worker: “How much?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    (This continues on, not just for each customer, but even when one customer has multiple items! I finally step up to the counter just as my fiancé arrives.)

    Me: “Let me get 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium roast reef, 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium turkey, and 1/2 pound [store brand] American yellow, please.”

    Deli Worker: “Ooh honey, you’re my favorite customer of the day!”

    Fiancé: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Apparently, I’m the only person here that thinks ahead!”

    Customer After Me: “Let me get some… salami.”

    Deli Worker: “Here we go again!”

    Cotton-Pickers

    | CT, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a stand in the food court of a mall. We make cotton candy, and I usually have one out for display with a sign that says, “Please do not touch”. Children are usually pretty good about it, but adults are a different story. A customer reaches out and grabs the cotton candy.)

    Female Customer: “Ooh, is this real cotton candy?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. And now that you’ve touched it, you have to take it.”

    Female Customer: “I don’t want that one; I put my hands all over it!”


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