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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Punch, Drunk, And Love

    | USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

    Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

    Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

    Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

    Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

    Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

    (The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

    Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

    (The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

    Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

    Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

    Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

    (The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

    Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

    (The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

    Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

    Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

    Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

    Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

    Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

    Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

    (The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

    Customer Gets Carded Anyway

    | Manchester, England, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working the drive-thru, and the card machine has just gone down. There are a number of cars already waiting in line, so I go outside to put signs up and tell them about the problem.)

    Me: “Hello, madam, I am very sorry, but we are having problems with our card machine. If you need to pay by card, you will need to go inside the restaurant.”

    Customer: “Well why the f*** didn’t you tell me before?”

    Me: “I am very sorry but this problem has only just occurred.”

    Customer: “You stupid b****, I asked why didn’t you tell me before I queued up!”

    Me: “I walked out here as soon as we had the problem, and again, I am sorry for the inconvenience.”

    (The customer starts screaming at me, so I walk behind her car to go and tell the next customer.)

    Customer: “Don’t walk away from me b****. I was talking to you! Are you stupid?”

    (The customer then reverses her car into me hard, knocking me to the floor.)

    Customer: “You damaged my car you little s***! I am phoning the police!”

    (Someone comes out to help me, and calls an ambulance. Both the ambulance and police arrive, and surprise, surprise, it isn’t me that is arrested!)

    Service With A Smile

    , | Peoria, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive thru and I’m in a good mood.)

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total comes to $3.47 and a smile!”

    (I smile at her.)

    Customer: “Excuse me? How rude! How dare you?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to smile, and you can’t make me. Just give me my d*** food.”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Manager: “What was her problem?”

    Me: “I ‘charged’ her a smile.”

    Manager: “I hate drive thru.”

    Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

    | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

    Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

    Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

    Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

    Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

    Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

    Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”

    Their Granola Is Rockin’

    | NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (We have small bags of granola that is made in-house in front of the register with a sign saying that it is homemade. A customer picks one up after ordering and receiving his coffee.)

    Customer: “Oh wow, $2 for this?! It better be good granola!”

    Me: “Well we do make it in-house.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but how hard can it be? You’re not back there banging rocks or anything. What goes into it?”

    Me: “Well, you mix oats and honey with nuts. Then you have to bake—”

    Customer: “Oh, so you do make it yourself! That’s cool!”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Coworker: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Whether or not we bang rocks to make our granola?”

    Coworker: “Oh, of course.”

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