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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Don’t Have A Cow, Ma’am

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Food & Drink

    (It’s my first day working in this cafe. It’s late in the afternoon and we are getting ready to close. I am in the back kitchen, cleaning, when I overhear this conversation between the waitress and a customer who has just walked in and is looking at the food we have left on display.)

    Waitress: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Don’t you have anything else vegetarian? All I can see are these quiches, and they look disgusting! Like they’ve been here for hours!”

    Waitress: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Normally we do have a few more vegetarian options; pasties and such, but as you can see, it’s almost the end of the day, so we’ve sold out of most things. But I can assure you that the quiches are baked fresh here and these ones are still fine to eat.”

    Customer: “Well, they look terrible. I’ll just have one of those pies.”

    Waitress: “Are you sure, ma’am? These are meat pies; they’re not vegetarian.”

    Customer: “Just give me a d*** pie!”

    (The waitress reluctantly bags up the pie and the customer pays for it and leaves in a huff. Sure enough, less than five minutes later, the customer returns.)

    Customer: “How dare you sell this to me! It’s not vegetarian! It’s got f***ing meat in it! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

    Me: *to my fellow kitchen employees* “I’m going to love working here, aren’t I?”

    Not Just Coffee That Is Perky

    | London, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work as a barista while my coworker is on the till. It is the lunch rush and we have a queue of about 15 people. We have been working nonstop for several hours and so are running out of supplies and mugs. I am currently finishing an order for a lady—Customer #1—and preparing to make drinks for the next elderly gentleman—Customer #2.)

    Customer #2: *loudly* “I can’t believe how slow this service is! It’s absolutely ridiculous! I’ve only come in here for a cup of coffee!”

    (He continues to moan in this manner. I set up the saucers and cutlery for Customer #1.)

    Customer #1: *HUGE smile on her face* “Look how hard these girls are working! They are working nonstop! How long are you here until young lady?”

    Me: “6 pm.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, dear! That’s quite late!”

    Me: “It’s alright, really. Today hasn’t been so hectic.”

    Customer #1: “Well, you girls really do work hard. It’s to be commended!”

    Me: “Thank you very much! Enjoy your drinks and have a nice day!”

    (I move on to Customer #2, who by this point has shut up and is looking at the floor. I make his drinks and finish his order and he doesn’t say a word. That lady really perked me up for the rest of my day and it’s nice to see my work is appreciated by some! Thank you!)

    Fond Of The Name Change

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Our cafe makes a number of desserts. Most can be made by any of the staff. However, a few need to be made specifically by the chef. Typically, if business is not too fast, those of us taking the orders will simply call the order out to the chef for the entire cafe to hear.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a fondle.”

    Me: “Excuse me!?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’ve got some friends waiting, so hurry up.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Could, you… er… please repeat your order for me so I can put it through?”

    Customer: “A fondle! You know the one for five people! Geez, you haven’t been working here long, have you?”

    Me: “A fon… oh, the chocolate fondue?”

    Customer: “The fondle, yes! Hurry it up!”

    Me: “It won’t be long, sir. I’ll call you when it’s done.”

    (The customer, grumbling, goes and sits down at a table with various other people.)

    Me: *to the chef* “One chocolate fondle, please!”

    Chef: “One… what?”

    Me: “The last customer asked for a fondle. So, one of your absolute best fondles for him please!”

    Chef: “Well, of course! One extra-large fondle coming up!”

    (Most of the customer’s friends start chuckling. The customer himself does not seem to notice anything awry. The chef, amused, makes the fondue and brings it out to the customer himself.)

    Chef: *to the customer* “Here you are, sir. A big satisfying fondle, just as you requested!”

    (From that point on, we nearly always call fondue orders out to the chef this way. He is proud to be able to claim that he gives hundreds of men and women ‘fondles’ every day, with full approval from his wife.)

    They Don’t Know That Band Aid Feeds The World

    , | OK, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A customer pulls up into the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you have a grilled chicken salad?”

    (I list off all our chicken salads.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take the BLT salad. Does that come with lettuce?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s a salad with lettuce.”

    Customer: “Okay. One BLT grilled salad with lettuce.”

    (I tell her the total, and she pulls up to the window. I’d cut myself earlier in the day on my finger, so I have to wear a band-aid. I’m only working with money, and try to keep it out of sight of customers as much as possible.)

    Me: “Your total is $5.85.”

    (The customer glances at my finger when I push the button to see her total. She looks like I’d just killed someone right in front of her.)

    Customer: “Oh. My gosh. I’m sorry. That’s so gross!”

    (She drops her change from spazzing out.)

    Customer:“J-just take the twenty and forget the change!”

    Me: “You sure? I can wait.”

    Customer: “Y-yes!” *shoos me away in disgust*

    (I give her the change, and close the window. I tell my coworkers it would be best if someone else handed out her food. My coworker hands the salad out to the spazzing customer.)

    Coworker: “Did you see her? ”

    Me: “No?”

    Coworker: “She was staring at you and making praying gestures and talking to herself!”

    At Lagerheads, Part 2

    | Reading, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway

    (I am working late at a local pizzeria. I’m already pretty aggravated due to having to cover someone else’s shift who called off that night, but I have managed to keep my cool. A customer calls in on the phone to place an order for delivery. He sounds fairly plastered already but is polite enough so I begin to take his order.)

    Me: “What can I get for you tonight, sir?”

    Customer: “I’d like two plain pizzas, a cheese steak stromboli, an order of hot wings, and a six pack of Heineken.”

    Me: “Sir, we can’t deliver beer.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Well sir, we just don’t. It’s against company policy. Now, can I get your name and address so we can send your food out to you?”

    Customer: “Sure, but I’d like to change the order.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem, what’s it going to be?”

    Customer: “Well I said two plain pizzas, but now I’d like you to reach down your pants and tear out a large handful of pubic hair and toss it on top of my pizzas.”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir; that’s complimentary and is included in each and every one of our meals free of charge.”

    Customer: “F*** you. I’ll be in to pick it up shortly.”

    (I figured he was way too drunk to drive over, so I didn’t make his order. I was right.)

    Related:
    At Lagerheads


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