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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A Major Minor Mishap

    , | Wales, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am 15 years old, and I work in my cousin’s burger van or cafe during the school breaks. Often I will be in the kiosk late at night when all the clubs close while my cousin is still working. One night a group of guys in their 30s comes up, slightly drunk, and ordered a bunch of food.)

    Customer #1: “You having fun tonight?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, god, leave her alone, dude!”

    Me: *laughs nervously*

    Customer #1: “Oh, come on… Hey, you see that sausage on the hotplate?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah?”

    Customer #1: “I could give you double the sausage on that hotplate if you come back with me.”

    Me: “Oh, is that so?”

    Customer #1: “Oh yeah, totally.”

    (I laugh and let him carry on, his friends just laughing at him.)

    Me: “So, I’m curious. Do you always talk to minors like that?”

    Customer #1: “What?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m 15.”

    (Customer #1 runs off in a hurry without his order, red faced.)

    Customer #2: “Well, he won’t live that down any time soon!”

    Can Give An Inch In A Pinch

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m a barista at a well known coffee chain. I only work the opening shift, which means I’m at the store at 5:30 am. This customer comes in around 6:15 am.)

    Me: “Morning. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Americano.”

    Me: “Sure. Do you need room for cream?”

    (I think he answers no. I make the Americano, and fill the cup to the top, leaving no room for cream.)

    Me: “Here’s your Americano. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “You call this room?”

    Me: “Sorry! I must have misheard you. I can pour some out for you, if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Yes, please. Pour out about an inch.”

    (I pour out a good inch of the beverage and hand it back to the guy.)

    Customer: “You call this an inch? Clearly men have been lying to you your whole life, dear.”

    (He immediately walks away, while I stand there, suffering from shock.)

    Manager: “Did he just say what I think he said?”

    The Slippery Subject Of Price

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer puts bananas on the conveyor belt at my till. I pick them up and type the

    number for the bananas in.)

    Customer: “Wait up. The bananas are [price] for one set of bananas, not [price] for one single banana.”

    Me: “No. We have no scales here so the price of fruit is per single item.”

    Customer: “You didn’t explain that fast enough so I’m not getting them.”

    Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy, Part 2

    , | Williamston, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant. It’s a little past six am, and we have just opened, when the phone rings.)

    Me: “This is [Store]. How may I help you?”

    (The caller sounds like a teenage girl.)

    Caller: “Hi! Um… so… I was wondering… Do you have any pop without fizz?”

    Me: “Well, we have Orange HiC, Frutopia, and Powerade. Those are all of the fountain drinks that don’t have fizz.”

    Caller: “But don’t you have any POP without fizz?”

    Me: “No ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

    Caller: “Well, couldn’t you just… take the fizz out?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t really have a way of doing that. It comes out of the fountain that way.”

    Caller: “But, aren’t the syrup and the fizz separate? Couldn’t you make it come out without the fizz?”

    Me: “I don’t believe so.”

    Caller: “Well, couldn’t you try?”

    Me: “I don’t think so. I’d be messing with a lot of equipment that I’m not really qualified to operate, and I wouldn’t want to break anything.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, that’s very disappointing.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “Yes! Can I get a burger?”

    Me: “Yes, if you come into the store and order one.”

    Caller: “Oh. I could come in right now and get one? It isn’t breakfast or something?”

    Me: “Well, yes, we do serve breakfast until 11 am. I just meant that I can’t take your order or give you food over the phone; if you want to order food, you’d need to come up to the store and order it in person.”

    Caller: “But you’re on breakfast until 11 am?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well… thanks… I guess…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “No, I guess not.”

    Me: “All right! Thank you for calling. Have a great day!”

    Caller: “Bye!”

    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Coworker: “What the heck was that about?”

    Me: “Either that was one of the most entertaining prank calls I’ve ever gotten, or… Well, I don’t want to think about it if she was actually serious!”

    Related:
    Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

    The Uniform Response

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Military, Top

    (I’m in a chain restaurant with my family when a group of four soldiers from the base come in. The group is very loud and rowdy, but no one wants to say anything because they’re soldiers. However, as they all order alcoholic drinks for ‘pre-gaming,’ they just get louder and rowdier. Finally, another customer at the table next to theirs has had enough.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Can you four please quiet down? We’re all trying to enjoy our dinners.”

    Soldier #1: “With all due respect, shove it.”

    Soldier #2: “We’re willing to go out and die for your freedom and you can’t even let us have dinner?”

    Soldier #3: “We’re just trying to celebrate [Soldier #1]’s promotion, lady. Chill.”

    Soldier #1: “Show some f****** respect.”

    (The customer takes a deep breath, stands up and turns around, revealing a missing arm.)

    Customer: “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Major [Customer] and I’ve recently been transferred to the base here after spending a few months in Walter Reed. I lost my arm to an IED in Iraq. I want all of your names. I’ll be talking to your C.O. as soon as I leave here, and I have a feeling you won’t be celebrating that promotion long. Now please keep your voices down so all of these people can enjoy their dinners, and stop being a disgrace to the uniform.”

    (The whole restaurant applauded her.)

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