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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    An Extra Toast To All The Idiots

    | Round Rock, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a restaurant making sandwiches. My coworker asked me to talk to a customer over the phone who wanted to voice a complaint about food he ordered several days ago.)

    Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yes, hi. Uh, I ordered a sandwich from y’all a while ago, and the bread was too hard for me. I’d like the names of the employees working so I can leave a complaint.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that ,sir. Please tell me about the order so I can rectify the problem.”

    Customer: “Well, I ordered the steak and cheese foot long, and when I tried eating it the bread was too crunchy.”

    Me: “Uh, sure… Did you have this sandwich toasted, by any chance?”

    Customer: “Yes, I did. Why?”

    Me: “Well, usually when you toast a sandwich, the bread tends to get kind of crunchy, ’cause, you know, It’s toasted…”

    Customer: “Well, it was too toasted!”

    Me: “Okay… Did you tell the employee that you didn’t want it as toasted?”

    Customer: “Well, I wanted it extra toasted, but that was too much!”

    Me: “So, let me understand this: your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?”

    Customer: “Are you being smart with me here?!”

    Me: “Someone in this conversation has to be.”

    Someone Will Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

    | London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A customer comes in, looking a little tired. I’m stacking shelves.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need some vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Where are your freezers?”

    Me: “They’re over here, but I’m afraid I think we’re out of Häagen-Dazs. We have our own brand vanilla.”

    (He gives me a look like he’s going to cry.)

    Customer: “I’m really sorry. It has to be Häagen-Dazs. It has to be vanilla.” *voice cracking* “Do you know where I could get some?”

    (I promised to go and check the store room as he genuinely looked like he was about to burst into tears and I thought maybe he wasn’t very well. Luckily, we had a couple left that hadn’t been brought out. I brought it back and handed it to him. He looks at it like it’s magical, breathes a huge sigh of relief, and heads to the check out. He picks up a mini chocolate cake on the way and I see him talk to my colleague behind the counter. After he’s gone, she comes over to me and hands me the cake.)

    Coworker: “That guy just said this is for you. He said he’s going home to his eight-month pregnant monster wife and because of you he’s not going to be murdered tonight.”

    Free KiWiFi

    | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (As we fill the bunks in the fresh produce department off loaded trolleys, we often get customers asking if they can take items directly off the trolley instead of the display. Of course, we tell them yes.)

    Me: *cheerfully filling kiwi fruit*

    Customer: *takes one off the trolley* “Can I take this?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer: *kiwi fruit in hand, strolls out of the store*

    Me: *stunned*

    (Now I always remember to say ‘only if you pay for it.’ Thanks, random customer, for making me sound like a b**** to all the paying customers.)

    Unhappy Customers Can Sour The Milk

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks up to my cash register with a big carton of goat’s milk. He slams it down on my conveyor belt, looking angry and puffy.)

    Customer: “Do you know the person that milked these goats?”

    Me: *completely stunned* “Uh… no. I’m sorry, I don’t know who milked them. But I’m sure if you call the company that produces the milk and give them the batch number, they could put you in touch with the farmer, and HE OR SHE might know the person who operated the machine that milked the goats for that particular batch.”

    Customer: “Machine?! The goats are milked with machines?!”

    Me: “Probably… that IS how they do it most of the time. But I don’t know for sure. Like I said, if you contact the company they’ll be able to give you more information.”

    Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A STORE TO KNOW WHO HANDLES THE FOOD YOU SELL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s really nothing more I can do to help you, aside from suggesting you call the company. If I may, why do you want to know who milks the goats?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF THEY’RE KEEPING THE GOATS HAPPY. IF A GOAT IS UNHAPPY WHILE IT’S BEING MILKED, THEN THE MILK WILL BE SOUR. IT’S TRUE! I SAW IT ON A TV PROGRAM!”

    (He then paid for his milk and left with it anyway, while I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)

    A Minor Mistake, Part 3

    | UK | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Having asked for ID for two members of a family’s table and them not having any, the two young people buy cokes. However, not long afterwards I see them drinking cocktails purchased by the father.)

    Me: “Excuse me, guys, but as I said at the bar I’m afraid I can’t let you two drink alcohol since you don’t have your ID with you.”

    Father: “Yeah, but I bought them. So, it’s fine.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t let anyone without ID drink alcohol. I need you to return those drinks or I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

    Father: “You let them drink their drinks or I’m calling the police. You’ll get fired and you’ll end up arrested.”

    Me: “You want to phone the police, to arrest me, because you supplied alcohol to a child?”

    Father: “… We’ll leave.”

    Related:
    A Minor Mistake, Part 2
    A Minor Mistake


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