(I work as a hostess. A family of four walk in, and I seat them. The nine-year-old son leaves the table and comes up to the host stand.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Do you like your job?”

Me: “Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it’s all good! Do you need some extra crayons or something?”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “No. Are you tired of your job yet?”

Me: “No, I’m doing all right.”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Because if you’re tired, I’ll take over for you. Just come tell me at my table.”

(I laugh.)

Me: “Thank you very much, but I have to stay up here and work until the end of my shift!”

(His older sister comes over.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “I’m serious! If you’re tired, I can take over!”

Older Sister: “Come on, let’s go!”

(I’m studying physics at a major university. I work at an ice cream store, and when we don’t have anything to do I usually do my reading for physics. A customer walks up to the counter to get a spoon, and then sees one of the diagrams in my physics book.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re reading a picture book. I’m glad you found something that you’re smart enough to read. What’s it about?”

Me: “String theory and theoretical quantum physics.”

Customer: *long pause*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; should I use smaller words? Maybe I could draw you a picture?”

Customer: *quietly* “May I please have a spoon?”

(I am stocking coke in the aisle. A very perturbed customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Young man, my doctor said I can’t drink coke anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

(I continue stocking the coke.)

Customer: “Young man, I just told you that I can’t drink this stuff.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Would you like me to help you find something else?”

Customer: “I said I can’t drink this stuff!”

(She grabs a two-liter bottle and throws it to the ground. She puts her hand into the shelf behind the product and starts walking down the aisle, scooping all the soda on the floor.)

Customer: “I can’t drink coke! I can’t drink coke!”

(She begins stomping on the cans and bottles and kicking them around. By the time she’s worn herself out, the floor is covered. The cans are spraying little jets of cola. She looks at me, then over my shoulder at the liquor dept.)

Customer: “He said I can’t drink whiskey either!”

(She starts to charge the liquor dept. Thankfully, that is when the security guard steps in front of her, takes her hand, and leads her out of the store.)

(I am waiting on a table being used by a family: a mother, two teenagers, and one younger son. I am taking the order from the mother; everyone else has given their order.)

Me: “…and what side dish would—”

(The young son hits me in the back of the head. I find this funny, as the kid is so young.)

Me: “Hey buddy, what’s the matter?”

Child: “Where the f*** is my food?”

(I look at the mother in expectation of her to do something.)

Mother: “Well? Are you going to answer him?”

(I stare at the mother in disbelief.)

Me: “Well… the kitchen needs to cook your food for you, which takes time. I haven’t left the table yet, which means they don’t know what you would like to eat; it hasn’t even started being cooked yet.”

(The mother just kept going like nothing happened.)

(I’m taking care of my younger sister, who is 10. We’re having a movie night, and are grabbing some snacks at a nearby store. I am 19 and female.)

Me: “Okay, pick out what you want.”

Sister: “Can I have whatever I want?”

Me: “Of course! You can pick out anything.”

(Another customer notices my sister picking out some candy.)

Customer: “Humph! You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “Having a child at your age. It’s disgraceful. And now you’re wasting your welfare money on junk food. It’s your fault the economy is so terrible.”

Me: “I’m afraid you’re mistaken. She’s not my daughter, she’s my sister. I’m babysitting for the night.”

Customer: “That’s just the lie you tell people so you don’t get strange looks. I’ll bet your kid’s spoiled rotten.”

Me: “Actually, she is my sister. This is our night to have fun together. And I’m not on welfare. I actually work part time, and have a large scholarship for the university I attend. My sister isn’t spoiled. She’s very sweet and very smart.”

Customer: “You’d like to think that wouldn’t you?”

(My little sister interjects by talking to me.)

Sister: “How old are you?”

Me: “I’m 19.”

Sister: “And I’m 10. If I was your baby, you’d be a mom at nine, right?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Sister: “She can’t be my mom. She’s not old enough. Maybe you should get new glasses.”

(The other customer sputters for a moment, then walks away.)

Me: “I think we should get some ice cream too.”

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