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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Trouble Brewing, Part 4

    | Erie, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (We have a special offer on small 10oz draft beers from 8-11pm. A customer approaches the bar around midnight, which is when most other local bar specials end.)

    Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Let me get two double drafts.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, double drafts? Unfortunately, our drafts only come in the 16oz size.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll just have two [popular domestic brand] drafts, then.”

    Me: “Okay! That will be $5, please.”

    Customer: “How are they $5?!”

    Me: “Because they’re $2.50 apiece.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t they $0.25 apiece?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; that was our special from earlier this evening. The special runs from 8-11, only pertains to [unpopular and extremely-cheap beer], and they are served in the small 8oz mason jars. I explained that our regular drafts only come in the 16oz size, and you asked for [brand] which isn’t part of the special.”

    Customer: “Well, why the f*** didn’t you tell me that these weren’t on special when I ordered my first beers of the evening!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; were you misinformed on your previous round?”

    Customer: “No, this is my first round. It is your job as a bartender to inform me of the specials when I order. I would know; I manage [one of nearby town's college bars]!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but as it was after the special had ended, and it is after other bars’ specials had ended, I don’t normally tell customers about specials that they can’t have.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You can’t do your d*** job properly! I am NOT paying $5 for these two beers! If you were my employee at [other bar], I would fire you!”

    (I have been nothing but sweet and empathetic up until this point. Unfortunately for this kid, I have had quite enough.)

    Me: “That’s interesting, because I always assumed that if I were to work at [other bar], I would be under the supervision of [manager’s name], who has been a friend of mine for years. Anyone in this industry, if they even want the special, knows enough to ask if the special is still running, and what is included in the special. If you were truly the manager of a bar, or have ever bartended a day in your life, then you certainly should know that the manner in which you are speaking to me is in no way appropriate or acceptable. Now, would you like your two drafts for $5, or not?”

    Customer: “I… I… THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

    (My manager, who has been standing nearby and has heard everything, walks up.)

    Manager: “Listen, kid. You’ve not only been rude to my bartender, but she’s also proved that you’re a liar. The fact that she hasn’t had you removed for your behavior is a testament to her extreme patience and upbeat personality. Now, pay for your beers, or go back to [nearby town] and practice your ‘managerial skills’!”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    The Machine Runs On Punch-Lines Of Code

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am working the self-scans, bagging a customer’s groceries. The customer puts two small plastic containers filled with olives on the belt. The self-scan is programmed not only to mention the price of an item, but also to weigh some items, and let people know if their item should be placed on the belt or not.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts both containers on the belt instead of taking it to the bagging area, and watches as the belt doesn’t move.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts her hand on both containers and instead of picking them up and giving them to me, she pushes them down the belt causing the self-scan to freeze.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please stand by. Help is on the way.”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “Why do you need to help me?”

    Me: “Because you pushed your olives down the belt. You never have to put these on the belt. Just bring them to me so I can bag them.”

    Customer: “Oh! When the machine told me to bring these items straight down, I actually had to do it? I didn’t have to put them on the belt at all?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I thought this machine was just joking with me.”

    Fractional Intelligence, Part 2

    , | Jasper, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I work at the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like a 16 piece family meal with two thirds of it fish.”

    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am; did you want 10 or 11 fish?”

    Customer: “What do mean?”

    Me: “Two thirds isn’t a proper fraction to use. It will give you between 10-11 pieces. So how many pieces would you like?”

    Customer: “I don’t see how you get those numbers. Just give me 12 fish. Is that a fraction you can figure out?”

    Me: “Yes, one 16 piece, 3/4 fish the rest chicken. Is there anything else for you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t see the difference between 3/4 and 2/3, but okay.”

    Related:
    Fractional Intelligence

    The Signature Of Inebriation

    | Sea Isle City, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a late-night restaurant that caters to the people who come for food when the surrounding bars close for the night. A customer comes in who has drunk a little too much.)

    Customer: “Do you accept credit cards?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    (I swipe the credit card, and it is approved.)

    Me: “Now, if you could just sign here, you’re all set.”

    Customer: “What am I supposed to sign?”

    Me: “The cardholder’s name.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

    (She then proceeds to draw a picture of a naked lady—complete with large boobs—where her signature should be.)

    Me: “Uh” ma’am, I don’t think this is a valid signature.”

    Customer: “Just try it; it’ll work!”

    (I put it through, and the machine accepts the signature!)

    Me: “Wow, I guess you’re right!”

    Customer: “I need to stop drinking so much!”

    (She leaves me a $15 tip on a $25 bill! That is why I love working the late-night shift!)

    Order(s) Out Of Disorder

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (It’s 8:30 pm on a very slow Monday night, so my manager has sent everyone home except me and another server. Suddenly, we get slammed. Within 20 minutes I have over 20 tables. While I’m doing my best, about half my tables still need to be greeted, much less have their orders taken.)

    Customer: “We need refills. It’s been like twenty minutes since you came over here last. We’re all done with our food and we’ve needed refills this whole time!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I’ll be back in one second with those refills, okay?”

    (I get the tables refilled, despite the fact that I have to ring in four other tables and check out three of them. Because I am so busy, I make a mistake and give him a regular soda like his friends instead of the diet soda he wants. After dropping them off and trying to attend to the outrageous amount of other guests needing me, he begins yelling for me.)

    Customer: “HEY! LADY! WE NEED YOU OVER HERE NOW!”

    (I look sympathetically at the couple I am currently taking the order for.)

    Me: “I am so sorry about this; I will be right back.”

    Couple: “Oh, don’t worry about it; we do understand. It’s crazy in here!”

    (I hastily run to the shouting customer. He shoves the cup against my chest, sloshing soda on me and the floor.)

    Customer: “Can I get a DIET soda this time? DIET? DI-ET, as in NOT REGULAR?”

    (The shouting customer’s wife has been looking embarrassed during the whole exchange. She suddenly pipes up.)

    Customer’s Wife: “SIT. DOWN!”

    (The customer sits immediately, fuming. I refill his diet soda quickly, trying to ignore the cold soda all over me.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir; I’m very sorry about that.”

    Customer’s Wife: “Thank you so much dear. Whenever you get a chance, we’d like the bill. Take your time.”

    (Trying not to cry, I take care of some other customers, including the poor couple I had to run away from, and then print their bill out. The husband does not look at me or talk to me again the rest of the time.)

    Customer’s Wife: “You were an amazing waitress, honey. Thank you.”

    (The wife left me a 30% tip, and the other couple dropped a $20 bill for my tip on top of their small, $20 tag.)

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