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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Developing Arrest

    | Fargo, ND, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work as a supervisor at a bar. Fargo is hosting the ‘North Dakota High School State Wrestling Tournament’ this weekend. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Bar Name], my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller #1: “Hi, My Name is [name #1]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Um, well no, because they are not state regulated. You have to have papers if your driver’s license or state ID is clipped.”

    Caller #1: “Well my drivers license is clipped; can I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #1: *click*

    (Two minutes later…)

    Me: “[Bar name], my name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Yes, my name is [name #2]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Your name is [name #2]?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is the license you grabbed clipped?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well you need to have your papers issued to you by the state for your clipped drivers license or state ID.”

    (I then hear a hushed voice in the background. It is Caller #2 talking to Caller #1.)

    Caller #2: “[Name #1], what do I do now?”

    Caller #1: “Ask for the manager.”

    (Without letting Caller #2 even ask, I respond.)

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #2: *click*

    (Three minutes later…)

    Me: *sighs* “[Bar name], my name is [name]. I am the supervisor here; how may I help you?”

    Caller #3: “Hi, my name is [name #3]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Are you friends of [name #1] and [name #2]”

    Caller #3: “YES!”

    Me: “Oh, well, hello then. I talked to my general manager, and he says to come by the bar! What time will you three ladies be showing up tonight?”

    Caller #3: *in a hushed voice to Callers #1 and #2* “We are soooo in!” *returning to me* “We will be there at 9:30 sharp.”

    Me: “Well I hope to see you all here tonight.”

    (Later that night, Callers #1, #2, and #3 show up at9:30.)

    Caller #3: “We are here; the supervisor said you accepted student IDs!”

    Me: “Hi! You must be [Callers #1, #2, #3]. Let me see your clipped drivers’ licenses, and student IDs.”

    (I check them. The licenses and student IDs are clearly not theirs. The pictures in each of the girl’s licenses have a different facial structure, and one girl is miraculously missing a birth mark on her chin.)

    Me: “Alright ladies, we have a VIP party in the back. Let me lead you there.”

    Caller #1: *to #2 and #3* “Oh, my God! VIP? This is the best [high school's name] trip ever!”

    (I walk them around the building, with all of their IDs still in my hand.)

    Me: “Alright officers, they’re all yours.”

    (A couple of police officers are waiting for them at the back. As they are being handcuffed, one of the callers has a question.)

    Caller #1: “Can we at least get our IDs back?”

    Officer 1: “You can tell…” *reads names on all three IDs* “…that they can come pick them up at the station. We would like to have a word with them.”

    (To my knowledge, they were processed to scare them, and then released to their parents. The girls on the IDs were charged with ‘furnishing alcohol to minors’, and ‘providing identification to a minor for the sole purpose of obtaining alcohol’.)

    At Lagerheads, Part 3

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work the night shift at an upscale long-term stay hotel. I am delivering all the bills underneath the doors when I encounter a guest holding two beers and a water from my market in the lobby. State law prohibits me from selling alcohol of any kind after midnight.)

    Guest: “Hi. Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, I do, sir. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “I just wanted to let you know, I got these from the market. I left a note to charge them to my room, 235.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I cannot charge those beers. I actually have to take them back, as I’m not allowed to sell alcohol after midnight.”

    Guest: “It’s not that long after midnight.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s almost two in the morning. It’s actually state law, not company policy, so my hands are really tied. Again, I’m sorry.”

    Guest: “Just charge them in the morning.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t do that. It’s because we sell the beer retail; we don’t serve it.”

    Guest: “This is ridiculous. I’m taking the beers. You can do it just this once. I won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I have you on camera taking the beer. It would show up on my shift audit, which my manager reviews daily. If I let you take that I will lose my job.”

    Guest: “That’s not my problem; you should have been there when I was taking them out of the cooler.”

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t give me those beers, I’ll be forced to return to my desk and call the police.”

    Guest: “What?! Why?!”

    Me: “You didn’t pay for those beers, and you’re being very belligerent about breaking state law. I know your room number, which means I know your name and have a copy of your ID on file. I suggest you reconsider how thirsty you really are.”

    (He gave me the beers.)

    Related:
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

    Must Have Got Their Brains From The Dollar Store

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am a customer standing in line at a very large fast-food chain. Two scruffy-looking males in their early twenties get in line behind me, and are looking up at the menu. I detect the odor of marijuana coming from their direction.)

    Customer #1: *to his friend* “Why are there no prices on the menu?”

    Customer #2: “Uh… what do you mean?”

    Customer #1: “Dude, under the dollar menu, there are no prices! How stupid! How are we supposed to know how much things are?”

    (I turn around just enough to see the confused expressions on both their faces. A few seconds pass, and his friend finally realizes.)

    Customer #2: “Oh… dude! Those are all one dollar, because they’re on the dollar menu!”

    Customer #1: “Oh… OH!”

    Breast Not To Correct Them

    | QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive-thru.)

    Customer: “I’d like to have three boxes of chicken legs, white.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “What, don’t tell me you’re out already?! These chicken legs can’t be brown, okay? They have to be white!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s no such thing as white chicken legs. It’s always brown meat.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me, girl! I know what I eat. I. WANT. WHITE CHICKEN LEGS!”

    Me: “Okay, okay, let me see if we have some.”

    (I order up three servings of chicken breast, and meet the customer at the drive-thru window with the food.)

    Customer: “This better be my white chicken legs!”

    Me: “You can check if you want, ma’am. If it’s not to your liking, we can always switch.”

    (The client checks inside the three boxes, and smiles triumphantly.)

    Customer: “I knew you had some! They always tell me they don’t, but the others always lie. I like you. I’ll come back again!”

    Trouble Brewing, Part 4

    | Erie, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (We have a special offer on small 10oz draft beers from 8-11pm. A customer approaches the bar around midnight, which is when most other local bar specials end.)

    Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Let me get two double drafts.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, double drafts? Unfortunately, our drafts only come in the 16oz size.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll just have two [popular domestic brand] drafts, then.”

    Me: “Okay! That will be $5, please.”

    Customer: “How are they $5?!”

    Me: “Because they’re $2.50 apiece.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t they $0.25 apiece?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; that was our special from earlier this evening. The special runs from 8-11, only pertains to [unpopular and extremely-cheap beer], and they are served in the small 8oz mason jars. I explained that our regular drafts only come in the 16oz size, and you asked for [brand] which isn’t part of the special.”

    Customer: “Well, why the f*** didn’t you tell me that these weren’t on special when I ordered my first beers of the evening!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; were you misinformed on your previous round?”

    Customer: “No, this is my first round. It is your job as a bartender to inform me of the specials when I order. I would know; I manage [one of nearby town's college bars]!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but as it was after the special had ended, and it is after other bars’ specials had ended, I don’t normally tell customers about specials that they can’t have.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You can’t do your d*** job properly! I am NOT paying $5 for these two beers! If you were my employee at [other bar], I would fire you!”

    (I have been nothing but sweet and empathetic up until this point. Unfortunately for this kid, I have had quite enough.)

    Me: “That’s interesting, because I always assumed that if I were to work at [other bar], I would be under the supervision of [manager’s name], who has been a friend of mine for years. Anyone in this industry, if they even want the special, knows enough to ask if the special is still running, and what is included in the special. If you were truly the manager of a bar, or have ever bartended a day in your life, then you certainly should know that the manner in which you are speaking to me is in no way appropriate or acceptable. Now, would you like your two drafts for $5, or not?”

    Customer: “I… I… THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

    (My manager, who has been standing nearby and has heard everything, walks up.)

    Manager: “Listen, kid. You’ve not only been rude to my bartender, but she’s also proved that you’re a liar. The fact that she hasn’t had you removed for your behavior is a testament to her extreme patience and upbeat personality. Now, pay for your beers, or go back to [nearby town] and practice your ‘managerial skills’!”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

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