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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    She Likes Her Coffee Black Belt

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (My friend and I head to a coffee shop. When we get there, there’s a customer screaming at the barista.)

    Customer: “You useless little s***! How hard is it to make a d*** drink? I’m going to ring your manager; I’m going to complain to head office…”

    (He continues making threats. The poor girl behind the counter is pretty much in tears. My friend’s patience runs out.)

    My Friend: “Oi, mate! I don’t know what’s going on here, but screaming isn’t helping things.”

    Customer: “Mind your own business, b****!

    My Friend: “What did you call me?”

    (The customer turns back around to my friend. The customer is a pretty big guy, six foot, and fairly wide. My friend is five four, female, and fairly unimposing. He squares up to her.)

    Customer: “I called you a b**** who should learn to mind her own business. Now p*** off!”

    (The customer shoves her.)

    My Friend: “Don’t touch me.”

    Customer: “Or what?”

    (The customer goes to shove her again. My friend grabs his arm, turning with it, and throws him to the ground hard enough to wind him. She puts her foot over his crotch.)

    My Friend: “Or you learn I have a black belt in judo. Apologize to the nice lady now.”

    (The customer apologizes, but the police are still called. My friend and I get a free lunch!)

    They Are Calorie Counting On Each Other

    , | Eugene, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am a customer. There’s a woman in line ahead of me, already at the register and ordering for herself and three kids, and a guy behind me. Another customer comes in. He looks to be in a rush, muttering under his breath about people not ordering until they know what they want. The young woman working the register has a slight but obvious German accent, but not thick enough to present any difficulty communicating at all. I get to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi! I’d like a regular meal, but can I substitute the drink with a shake?”

    (The cashier repeats it back to me, as one would logically do to make sure. The impatient customer barks at her.)

    Impatient Customer: “If you spoke English right, you’d know that’s what he said the first time!”

    Me: “I’ll bet her English is a h*** of a lot better than your German, dude.”

    Impatient Customer: “I don’t have to know that s***, because we’re in America!”

    Me: “And I can take my time giving her my order… because we’re in America.”

    (I turn to the cashier.)

    Me: “Do you still have any of the strawberry pies tonight?”

    Cashier: “Yes, sir. Would you like one?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Is the calorie amount listed for them on the menu right?”

    (The cashier smiles as she catches on.)

    Cashier: “I believe so, sir. If you’ll wait just a moment, I’ll bring the official list from the office to make sure.”

    (As she starts to turn toward the office, a second cashier comes from the back and tells her that she’ll go get it for her. The impatient customer has had enough. He starts moaning to the customer in line behind me.)

    Impatient Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

    Customer Behind Me: “Those pies sound good. I want to know more about them.”

    (The impatient customer turns to the cashier.)

    Impatient Customer: “Get your manager!”

    (The second cashier is just putting a key in the office door. She turns toward the impatient customer and smiles.)

    Second Cashier: “I’m the manager, sir. I’ll be happy to help you as soon as I get the nutritional information for the gentleman who is being served right now. You’ll be served when your turn comes, or I can ring you up myself as soon as I get the list. I’m not sure where it is in there, though, so I may be a while.”

    (The impatient customer is now red-faced, and turns to each of us as he enunciates each word, looking at me first.)

    Impatient Customer: “F***. ALL. OF. YOU! I’m going to [other fast food chain]!”

    (He storms out and we all start laughing. I look at my watch.)

    Me: “[Other fast food chain] closed three minutes ago.”

    Perhaps He Can’t Count That High

    , | MT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (A family approach my counter.)

    Customer: “Uh. Can I get a number six, with mac and cheese? And a medium drink.”

    (His family orders their food, and I make the sandwich—his number six— and plate the rest of the food. Our number six doesn’t come with a biscuit, but his father and mother’s meals do.)

    Customer: “Hey. HEY!”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “We’re short one biscuit.”

    (Even though I know he isn’t, I give him one. Five minutes later, I see him stand up, and start screaming.)

    Customer: “IT’S NOT JUST THIS RESTAURANT; IT’S ALL FAST FOOD!”

    (He barges up, and slams his sandwich down.)

    Customer: “I ORDERED A NUMBER 12! THIS HAS A BUN! I WANTED THE ONE WITH NO BUN!

    Me: “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry! I thought you said number six! That one comes with a bun! Sorry, again!”

    Customer: “I DID ORDER A NUMBER SIX, BUT I WANTED A NUMBER 12! WASN’T IT OBVIOUS!?”

    He Has Beef With You

    | KS, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geography

    (An elderly man walks up to the toppings bar.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Miss?”

    Me: “What can I help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “Have you got anything with meat in it?”

    (This is a frozen yogurt bar. We have various kinds of fruity and sweet yogurts and toppings. No one would usually expect to find meat anywhere.)

    Me: “Um, no, sir. Sorry about that.”

    Customer: “F****** vegans and vegetarians are taking over the whole f****** world! You haven’t got anything with some beef in it?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. That’s actually a kind of unusual request because this is basically dessert stuff.”

    Customer: “I’m an American! I ain’t a vegetarian! I eat meat in my dessert because this is America, d*** it!”

    (The customer throws his yogurt on the floor, making a huge mess. The next customer jumps out of the way, then resumes getting toppings while I clean.)

    Customer #2: “Just when you think you’ve seen it all!”

    Stick It To The (Business) Man

    | Liuzhou, Guangxi, China | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (My family are visiting my mother’s hometown in China. We are at a noodle shop for breakfast, where I am buying a stick of fried dough. I am a 12-year-old American-born-Chinese, so I can speak Chinese relatively well.)

    Me: “Hello, can I get a—”

    (A businessman barges in front of me, cutting me off mid-sentence.)

    Businessman: “I need two sticks, hurry!”

    (The man behind the stall looks shocked, but still takes the man’s money before reaching to get the fried dough sticks.)

    Me: “Excuse me, I was in front of you. You cut in front of me.”

    Businessman: “No, you weren’t! You were still walking over here when I was ordering! You should respect your elders! Kids these days!”

    (He continues berating me until the man gives him his fried dough sticks. I glare at the businessman as he walks away, before turning to the man at the stall.)

    Man: “Wow, you must be so brave to stick up like that! That guy has been bothering me for ages! He’s always acting like that.”

    Me: “You’re welcome. So, could I please have a stick of fried dough?”

    (The man happily gives me my stick of fried dough, smiling the whole time. He said that I made his day!)


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