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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Shaken About The Stirring

    | NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (We have a condiment bar right next to the door that offers various sugars, half & half, and other coffee additives that the customers can add themselves.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a decaf latte with two sugars, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Our sugar is over by the door for your convenience.”

    Customer: “Oh, of course.”

    (I ring him up, and my coworker makes his latte and hands it to me. I place it on the counter for the customer, who comes up and proceeds to stare at me.)

    Me: “Yes? Is there anything else, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh! I’m so sorry.”

    (He runs across the shop to the door, picks out two packets of sugar, and then runs back and hands them to me expectantly.)

    Me: “You want me to add them?”

    Customer: “Of course!”

    Me: “…okay.”

    (I add the packets myself while he watches. I replace the lid and hand it back, but he continues to stare at me.)

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “The sugar is just going to settle at the bottom if you don’t stir it!”

    Me: “The stirrers are provided for you at the condiment bar, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, fine! I’ll just do it myself.”

    (He hustles out, grabbing a stirrer and clumsily trying to fix his coffee as he walks. My coworker stares at me.)

    Coworker: “Did he just make all the effort of running all over the shop, just to have you pour his sugar in?”

    Too Hot, Too Cold, Therein Lies The Rib

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A woman orders a rack of ribs. The menu clearly states that it is a FULL rack. When they are ready, I immediately bring them to her table.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God, this is too much! Why didn’t you tell me this was so big? Can you bring these back and ask the chef to cut them in half and put half of them in a box?”

    Me: “Oh, sure. I’ll be right back.”

    (I go to the kitchen and tell the chef the customer’s request.)

    Chef: “Doesn’t she know what a FULL RACK of ribs is?”

    Me: “Apparently not.”

    (He is annoyed, but cuts the rack in half, and boxes half. I bring the box and the remaining ribs back out to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um, miss! These are cold! Why are you serving me cold food?”

    Me: “Well, I’m very sorry; they must have cooled down while I was bringing them back and having him cut them for you. I would be happy to—”

    Customer: “Go tell him to heat them up in a microwave! I’m not eating cold food!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, right away.”

    (I bring the ribs back. The chef looks like he wants to murder me.)

    Chef: “What now?”

    Me: “She says they’re cold.”

    Chef: “Give me the ribs.”

    (He puts them in the microwave for two minutes, and they are piping hot when they come out.)

    Chef: “Here, this should make her happy.”

    (I bring the ribs back to the table a third time. The woman obviously sees the steam rising from the plate, but immediately grabs the ribs. She drops them, crying out in pain.)

    Customer: “Ow! Why are these so hot? Don’t you test the food before you bring it out to make sure it’s not too hot?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any way to test it. It should be cool enough to eat in just a few seconds.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you can’t test it? Just touch it!”

    Me: “You want me to touch your food? With my hands?”

    Customer: “Yes! I don’t see what’s so hard about that! You kids these days! Honestly!”

    Me: “Enjoy your meal, ma’am.”

    Some Customers Have Good Taste

    , | New York City, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a fast food chain. I have just finished dealing with an absolutely horrendous customer, but I cannot take a break yet. My boss is sympathetic, but a little strict about breaks. I steel myself for the next customer.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “One second, sorry.”

    (She is writing something on a slip of paper.)

    Customer: “Okay, thanks for waiting. Can I get some sweet tea? Also, that last guy was a jerk. Here!”

    (She hands me the piece of paper. It says: ‘notalwaysright.com’.)

    Customer: “If you need to feel better, then go here!”

    (Thank you so much, miss! I had never heard of this site before today, and I’m so glad you were kind to me!)

    Good Honest Coffee

    | Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    Regular: “Is [coworker] here?”

    Me: “No, is there something I can do for you?”

    Regular: “Oh, I was just here yesterday and I was chatting with [coworker], and didn’t pay for my espresso. I’d like to pay for it now.”

    (I look at him in shock.)

    Regular: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

    Me: “Because most people aren’t that honest.”

    Regular: “Well, they should be; what’s so difficult about it?”

    Me: “Nothing, but it’s unusual. Would you like your usual along with it?”

    Regular: “Yes, please, but make sure you charge me for yesterday’s as well.”

    (The girl I am working with and I are just awestruck. It puts us in a good mood for the rest of the day.)

    He’s Talking A Load Of Bull(ion)

    | Rochester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m picking up a few things near the cash register. A customer walks up to the cashier with a bottle of Goldschlager. He looks like your typical party frat-boy. I overhear his attempt to impress the attractive cashier.)

    Customer: “Dude, I love this stuff. It’s so good.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, my mom’s a fan too.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s really awesome. The gold flakes in it cut your throat and your stomach to get the alcohol in you faster, and get you drunk faster.”

    (It is now obvious that the cashier is unenthused.)

    Cashier: “Is that so?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s totally why I drink it. It gets you drunk way faster.”

    (I can see that the cashier is getting annoyed with the customer’s ‘bro’ attitude, so I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, that’s just an urban legend. Gold is known for its soft malleable properties, so it’s not sharp enough to cut you like that.”

    (The customer looks a little flustered.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s what I heard!”

    Me: “Well it’s wrong. Not to mention, I’m sure the FDA would not approve of the sale of a drink that actually could tear the lining of the stomach and throat to accelerate intoxication. The gold is just a novelty effect.”

    (The guy mumbles something, pays for his liquor, and leaves; he is clearly embarrassed. I finish my selection, and go to the cashier to pay.)

    Cashier: “Look at you go! Thanks so much for that. I get so tired of idiots thinking I’m impressed with how much they can drink.”

    Me: “No problem!”


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