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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    That Would Not Be A Happy Meal

    , | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Everyone in the kitchen wears headsets to hear the drive-thru. This is so we can make the order while the customer is ordering.)

    Me: “Hey, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Just a sec… s***!”

    Me: *deadpan* “I’m sorry, sir; we don’t serve that here.”

    (The entire kitchen erupts in laughter.)

    Customer: *also laughing* “If I wanted that, I’d go to [competitor]!”

    They Taste A Bit Brimstoney

    | Roseburg, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Religion

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I bought some shrimp the other day, and would like to return them.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “The shrimp’s souls are in Hell.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well they are freezer burned, and since they are ‘burned’, that means that their little souls are in Hell. I just can’t eat anything that has been damned.”

    The Wait Time Was Criminal

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (My husband calls a diner ahead for two Philly sandwiches. When we pull up, we see the waitress and the cook waiting outside while one person is eating at the counter.)

    Cook: “Are you [last name]?”

    Husband: “Yes?”

    Cook: “I’m sorry, but there’s been… an issue with your order.”

    Husband: “What’s going on?”

    Cook: “We’re waiting for the cops. You see, I was in the middle of making your order. That gentleman in there came in, grabbed your food off the grill, and sat down to eat. We think he might be armed. We’ve locked him inside, and we’re waiting for the cops.”

    (My husband is speechless.)

    Cook: “I’ll also have to remake your order if you still want it.”

    Husband: “It’s okay. We’ll wait.”

    (We are there for over an hour. The cops show up rather shortly. They arrest the man, and take all available evidence. The cook and waitress have to clean everything before they can make my husband’s order. We are given half off for our wait!)

    Food For Thoughtless

    | Derby, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (The store I work in is now a very popular coffee brand store. We’ve been open for two weeks. The building was previously a food and dining store, but the building had been empty eight months prior to our store opening.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not very d*** good now!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m ever so sorry to hear that! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I came here for some breakfast, but you’re not [old store] any more!”

    Me: “Well, we do have breakfast options. We can heat them for yo—”

    Customer: “NO GOOD! I WANTED HOT FOOD!”

    Me: “We can do you hot food; we offer porridge, and of course our lovely hot dr—”

    Customer: “IT’S S***! IT’S GARBAGE, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! I WON’T PUT UP WITH IT!”

    (While he’s steadily getting angrier, another customer has entered the store behind him.)

    Me: “Um, there’s not really much else I can do I’m afraid, sir. Was there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a… NO! I’ll go somewhere else. THIS IS TOTAL S***! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

    Me: “Er… I’m sorry but [old store] hasn’t been open on this site for almost a year, so there really is nothing I can do about it. If that is everything, I will just serve the next customer who has been waiting patiently. Thank you, have a good d—”

    Customer: “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU! I WA—”

    Next Customer: “Well, she’s finished with YOU! You’re obviously bloody stupid; EVERYONE knows that [old store] hasn’t been here for ages! It’s too d*** early for you to be yelling at this poor girl! Now, sod off and let me get my coffee!”

    (The first customer all but runs from the store.)

    Me: “Wow, thank you for that! I’m so sorry you had to step in though!”

    Next Customer: “No worries, my darling! Hey, I recognise you; didn’t you work at [popular fast food store]?”

    Me: “Yup! Five years of putting up with customers like that; I think I may have brought them with me!”

    Next Customer: “Oh, dear me. Well, this is for you, darling! Keep that smile going!”

    (The woman hands me a £5 note, swiftly followed by several more from the other customers in the store, all of whom come over when they hear where I used to work!)

    There’s Nothing To Fear But Beer By Itself

    | Manteo, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (During the night shift at the 24-hour gas station, it’s against policy to have the store open from midnight to five if you’re working alone. My coworker hasn’t shown up, so I am doing some cleaning while the store is temporarily closed and locked. A customer bangs angrily on the door. After several mimes of miming ‘Sorry!’ and pointing to the ‘Closed’ sign, I open the door a crack, figuring she might be in trouble or have run out of gas.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Open the door!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed. I’m not allowed to be open from midnight to five.”

    Customer: “You’re CLOSED?!”

    Me: “Yes! Well… is it an emergency?”

    Customer: “It is an emergency! I need beer!”


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