Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

It’s All Sliding Downhill From Here

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(An elderly gentleman wearing a wife beater that is tucked into his underwear slowly makes his way to the counter to pick up his pizza. After a seemingly normal transaction with a sane customer, he picks up his pizza and turns to walk out the door. As he turns he tilts the pizza vertically and puts it under his arm (like carrying a book). I and some fellow employees watch in amazement as we imagine the hot pizza cheese sliding into a clump.)

Manager: “He’s going to be calling back…”

(About fifteen minutes later, the phone rings.)

Me: “[Pizza], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

Me: “Right away.”

Manager: “This is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my pizza was clumped on one side of the box and the cheese had slide off the pizza. I’d like a new one!”

Making A Meal Out Of It, Part 2

| Pekin, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Holidays

(I work in the deli section. The deli has special holiday dinners you order and take home. All customers are told their order is pre-cooked; they just need to warm it up. Lots of customers call and say that they were under the impression that their meal would be hot, but one customer took the cake on that…)

Me: Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you today?

Caller: “I ordered one of your holiday meals, and I am not happy with it.”

Me: “Can you explain what made you dissatisfied, Ma’am?”

Caller: “I thought it would be hot.”

Me: “No, Ma’am. All of the holiday meals are pre-cooked. You just have to heat them up.”

Caller: “No one told me this!”

Me: “Ma’am, did you place the order yourself?”

Caller: “Yes, but no one said anything about ME having to cook!”

Me: “Ma’am, whoever took your order should have made it clear that you don’t have to cook, just use the warmer setting on your oven, or use a microwave. If you received a copy of your order form, it also clearly states that you just heat and serve.”

Caller: “Fine. That is not such a big problem, but I paid $50 for this, and it’s not complete!”

Me: “What is missing from your order? We can locate it, and have it ready for you to pick up from [Store] within twenty minutes.”

Caller: “The dishes.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Caller: “The DISHES! You know the white china in the ad? Isn’t it included? I paid $50, and you lousy workers didn’t cook it for me, OR give me the CHINA I PAID FOR!”

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t get dishes with the meal. Only the food.”

Caller: “Why charge me so much if you aren’t going to provide everything? Take it off the d*** ad, then! You are misleading the public!” *click*

Related:
From Not Always Friendly:
Making A Meal Out Of It

An Extra Toast To All The Idiots

| Round Rock, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I work at a restaurant making sandwiches. My coworker asked me to talk to a customer over the phone who wanted to voice a complaint about food he ordered several days ago.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Yes, hi. Uh, I ordered a sandwich from y’all a while ago, and the bread was too hard for me. I’d like the names of the employees working so I can leave a complaint.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that ,sir. Please tell me about the order so I can rectify the problem.”

Customer: “Well, I ordered the steak and cheese foot long, and when I tried eating it the bread was too crunchy.”

Me: “Uh, sure… Did you have this sandwich toasted, by any chance?”

Customer: “Yes, I did. Why?”

Me: “Well, usually when you toast a sandwich, the bread tends to get kind of crunchy, ’cause, you know, It’s toasted…”

Customer: “Well, it was too toasted!”

Me: “Okay… Did you tell the employee that you didn’t want it as toasted?”

Customer: “Well, I wanted it extra toasted, but that was too much!”

Me: “So, let me understand this: your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?”

Customer: “Are you being smart with me here?!”

Me: “Someone in this conversation has to be.”

Someone Will Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

(A customer comes in, looking a little tired. I’m stacking shelves.)

Customer: “Hi, I need some vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Where are your freezers?”

Me: “They’re over here, but I’m afraid I think we’re out of Häagen-Dazs. We have our own brand vanilla.”

(He gives me a look like he’s going to cry.)

Customer: “I’m really sorry. It has to be Häagen-Dazs. It has to be vanilla.” *voice cracking* “Do you know where I could get some?”

(I promised to go and check the store room as he genuinely looked like he was about to burst into tears and I thought maybe he wasn’t very well. Luckily, we had a couple left that hadn’t been brought out. I brought it back and handed it to him. He looks at it like it’s magical, breathes a huge sigh of relief, and heads to the check out. He picks up a mini chocolate cake on the way and I see him talk to my colleague behind the counter. After he’s gone, she comes over to me and hands me the cake.)

Coworker: “That guy just said this is for you. He said he’s going home to his eight-month pregnant monster wife and because of you he’s not going to be murdered tonight.”

Free KiWiFi

| Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(As we fill the bunks in the fresh produce department off loaded trolleys, we often get customers asking if they can take items directly off the trolley instead of the display. Of course, we tell them yes.)

Me: *cheerfully filling kiwi fruit*

Customer: *takes one off the trolley* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: *kiwi fruit in hand, strolls out of the store*

Me: *stunned*

(Now I always remember to say ‘only if you pay for it.’ Thanks, random customer, for making me sound like a b**** to all the paying customers.)

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