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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Seasonings Greetings

    | Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (It’s Christmas time, and I am tasked with handing out free bags of popcorn to shoppers.)

    Manager: “Hey, I just got a complaint from a customer that this batch was too salty. Maybe cut it back a bit, then customers who want more salt can add it themselves.”

    Me: “Sure, not a problem!”

    (A couple batches later of adding barely any salt, an angry customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “What the f*** is this?!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “What, is there a shortage on salt or are you just being cheap?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, but some customers don’t like much salt on their popcorn, and it’s easier to add more than it is to remove it after the fact. If you’d like more salt you’re welcome to add more.”

    Customer: “This is f***ing bulls***! I shouldn’t have to add my own f***ing salt to my popcorn! I pay good money here!”

    (Thankfully, my manager overhears this and walks up.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “What money? You came to me earlier and complained the free popcorn you got was too salty. I asked my associate to cut back while you loitered around the store for half an hour, picked up another free bag only to complain again!”

    Customer: *turns red and leaves*

    Never Too Old To Spice Up Your Life

    | NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (At work, a regular elderly customer, whom everyone gets along with, approaches the counter at his turn.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

    Regular Customer: *singing* “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!”

    Me: “So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!”

    Regular Customer: “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna medium double cream, and a sugar twin, ahhhhh!”

    (While we are singing and having a good time, I am ringing him in. However, the next person in line reaches the counter at the last little bit of his song-order and speaks out loudly.)

    Next Customer: “Hey! I’m in a hurry here, take your song and dance somewhere else, buddy!”

    Regular Customer: “Sonny, when you reach my age, you’ll have all kinds of time on your hands to sing all the Spice Girls music you want, and no one will stop you!” *turns back to me* “And, honey, you look like that Posh one, and she’s my favorite. Don’t ever let a guy like him be your lover, or get with your friends!”

    (With that, he left, leaving the next customer standing there with his mouth agape, and me feeling quite happy! He made my day with the singing alone.)

    Shaq To Reality

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway

    (I work in the meat/seafood department of my store. Being in Orlando, it’s not uncommon for players from the Orlando Magic to come shopping at our store. This causes my coworkers to start a running gag: whenever we serve an especially tall customer, one of them will usually say, ‘Hey, look! It’s Shaq!’ out of the customer’s hearing.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [my name], look. It’s Shaq.”

    (I have my head in the shrimp case, and am unable to see over the counter, so I just mutter a reply.)

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Coworker: “Seriously, [my name]. Shaq’s coming this way.”

    Me: “Right.”

    (I pull my head out of the case, I see a tall man walk right up to me from the other side of the counter.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Shaq: “You got any live lobsters?”

    (My jaw hangs open. It’s really Shaq.)

    Me: “Uh… I’ve got some in the tank back here.”

    Shaq: “Thanks.”

    (He walks away without saying anything else or purchasing anything.)

    Coworker: “I told you it was Shaq, man!”

    No Business Like Snow Business

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work in a ski resort town at a small store that sells ski & snowboard accessories. It’s peak season and extremely busy. There is a constant line at the register and since we are understaffed, I am running the store alone open to close. This means I can’t leave the store or have a break during the shift. I am ringing people up when a customer with her three daughters come running in the crowded store.)

    Customer: “Ma’am, excuse me! I know you’re busy, but my daughters have a lesson in 20 minutes and they need goggles! But we really just need them for the week.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, hang on a minute and I’ll be right with you.”

    (After ringing up a couple more people, I break away from the line to show her our basic goggles and open the case to let her daughters try them on, while people are calling after me to ring them up.)

    Customer: “Great, we’ll take four pairs!”

    Me: “Excellent.”

    (I lock the case, walk to the back closet and have to climb on a chair to reach four pairs on the top shelf and hand them to the woman. The people at the register are clearly getting more impatient.)

    Me: “If you just head to the back of the line, I’ll take care of you shortly.”

    Customer: “Great, thanks!”

    (I return to the register. The customer eventually gets to the front of the line, pays, and leaves. Ten minutes later, I am still ringing people up, and the customer comes back and pokes her head in the store.)

    Customer: “Hey!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Do you like coffee or soda?”

    Me: “Uh… coffee?”

    (The customer disappears, and returns five minutes later and hands me a large latte.)

    Customer: “I just wanted to thank you for helping me out when you were so busy! It looked like you wouldn’t be able to leave so I got this for you.”

    Me: “Wow… thank you so much, ma’am! I really, really appreciate this.”

    Customer: “Not a problem! Have a good day!”

    (It was one of the longest 60-hour weeks of my life, but that small gesture made my week and reminded me that there are some awesome tourists too!)

    Praise Cheeses

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (Most delis have two slicer machines: one for meat and one for cheese. My coworker is cutting meat for an elderly woman who has placed a very large order, because she’s hosting a book club meeting at her house this afternoon. We’re chatting with her when a 40-something customer approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning. Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Hi. Could I get a half-pound of [brand] roast beef, please?”

    Me: “Certainly. I’m afraid [coworker] here is using the meat slicer to fill this lady’s order at the moment. Could I get you any cheese in the meantime?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want any cheese.”

    Me: “Okay, then. If you want to do some more shopping and come back in a few minutes I should have your order ready by then.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have any more shopping to do. This is the last thing I’m buying.”

    Me: “I see. Then I’m afraid there will be a little wait while my coworker finishes cutting meat for her order.”

    Customer: “What do you mean I have to wait? That slicer’s not being used, just use that one!”

    (She gestures toward the cheese slicer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That’s our cheese slicer. I’m afraid I can’t cut meat with that one.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “It’s a possible health hazard. They call it cross-contamination, and that’s what happens if I use equipment to prepare food for you that was just touching something you’re allergic to. Say, if you came to get cheese but were allergic to some kind of meat, the meat juice could get on the cheese you order and make you sick.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not allergic to any kind of meat or cheese. Just use the stupid slicer already!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that. Even though you might not have any allergies, some of our other customers might. On top of that, our management has a zero-tolerance policy for that. I could get fired for doing it.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s an idiotic policy! I’m not other customers, I’m me! I don’t care what happens to your other customers! If they’re allergic to meat it’s just proof that God wants to get rid of them so they won’t inconvenience people like me!”

    Me: “Well, I do care about our other customers, ma’am. And I’m going to ask you to please lower your voice and not tell them that God wants them to die, or I’ll have to call my manager over.”

    Customer: “Go ahead and call him, smart guy! You think you know what God wants better than I do? I’ve gone to [church] for 10 years!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I don’t think I know what God wants. Actually, I don’t believe in God.”

    Customer:You’re an atheist! No wonder you won’t just cut my f***ing meat! You were sent here by Satan himself to stop me! You’re just like Hitler or Saddam Hussein! Call your manager over here right now, so I can tell him there are demons casting spells over his meat!”

    (Fed up, the elderly woman my coworker is serving slaps her own forehead and turns to the raving customer.)

    Elderly Woman: “Miss, you need to hush your fat mouth up and let these folks do their job. They don’t need you hooting and carrying on. And I’ll have you know I’ve been attending [the same church] for 40 years, and I know that over there they teach you to have some respect and decency! No wonder you don’t have any, because you can’t hear anything over the sound of yourself screeching! And whatever that young man believes about God is between God and himself, but God loves him no matter what.”

    (The customer is silent, and then stammers angrily for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “Well, he, uh… he should have just cut my d*** meat!”

    (She storms out of the store.)

    Elderly Woman: “Some people have no tact.”

    Me: “Would you like to try a free sample of our [most expensive cheese], ma’am?”

    Elderly Woman: “I’d love to, young man. God bless you.”

    Me: “He already does, ma’am.”


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