Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The store is relatively quiet and empty on this evening. A customer enters and approaches me quickly, seeming angry. She slams an open 12-pack of caffeine-free soft drinks on my counter, which I remember I had sold to her earlier.)

Customer: “False advertising!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You sell products that are advertised falsely!”

Me: “Um… okay. How? Did you get overcharged?”

Customer: “These are marked as ‘caffeine free’ but they AREN’T! I demand a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have no control over the caffeinating. That would be something to contact the soda company about. May I ask, how do you know it has caffeine in it?”

Customer: “Watch!”

(She proceeds to open a can. I hear a ‘tsssshhhhh.’)

Customer: “THERE! See? You don’t hear that noise unless it isn’t caffeinated! There is caffeine in these!”

Me: “Oh! That isn’t because of caffeine—”

Customer: “Don’t try to protect them! I DEMAND A REFUND!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s CARBONATION. Not CAFFEINE.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “CARBONATION is what makes the drink bubbly; CAFFEINE is a stimulant. Furthermore, like I said, that would be an issue to take up with the soda company. Not us.”

Customer: “… oh. Oh!” *gathers up her drinks and hurries out, clearly embarrassed*

Bird Is The Word

, | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Religion

(I am working the drive thru on a Sunday, a time when we have a lot of regular customers after church lets out. I recognize a man from last Sunday.)

Me: “Hey, I remember you from the other day!”

Customer: “That’s right! You have a good memory! I like to hear the word and eat the bird!”

Needs Some Light Soul Food

, | CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am working the drive thru of the store very early in the morning.)

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Store], what could I get for you today?”

Customer: “Just a small coffee.”

Me: “How will you take your coffee today?”

Customer: “Black, just like my soul.”

Me: “… okay?”

Three-dom Isn’t Free

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I’m a cashier at the local supercenter and I’m working the afternoon shift. We have impulse candy racks at the end of each register that come in both normal and king-sized packages. Under the price tags is a strip that reads “all king-sized candy bars three for $3.” A customer approaches my register.)

Customer: “The candy is three for $3 dollars, yes?”

Me: “Yes, sir. The king-sized candy bars are all three for $3.”

(The customer grabs a few of the candy bars from the candy rack and sets them down on the conveyor belt with the rest of his items. I check them all out like normal and I notice that he had purchased two candy bars for $0.68 and one king-sized candy bar for $1. The customer gives me a strange, irritated look as I hit the total button on my keyboard.)

Customer: “The candy was three for $3. You said it was three for $3.”

Me: “Yes, sir, the king-sized candy bars are all 3 for $3. You bought two candy bars that cost $0.68 and one king-sized candy bar for $1.00.”

Customer: “But your sign says three for $3! Why is it not $3 for these candy bars!?”

Me: “Because, sir, the candy bars that you purchased amount to less than $3.00.”

(The customer went silent for a moment, though his irritated expression never left his face. He paid for his merchandise without another word and left. I stood there for a few moments trying to figure out what kind of math he was using.)

High On The Milk Of Human Kindness

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I work at a small independent grocery store. I’m helping an older woman check out. The transaction goes smoothly until she gets a look of sudden realization.)

Customer: “Oh! What do I do about unpaid milk quarts?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “I was here the other day and I had two milk quarts but I didn’t get them.”

Me: “You didn’t get them? Would you like to get them now? Or did you mean you accidentally left them behind?”

Customer: “Oh, no, no. I… oh. dear. I didn’t see them in my cart and I’d forgotten I grabbed them, so I left without paying for them. I didn’t even think about it until I got home and checked my receipt.”

Me: “Oh! Oh, I understand. Well, I could go grab a quart and ring it in with this order?”

Customer: “Okay!”

(I ask her what brand and kind of milk she got, then go fetch it and add two to her order.)

Customer: “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to not pay for them.”

Me: “Oh gosh. No, don’t be sorry! Thank you for your honesty. Most people would have just been like ‘sweet, free milk’ when they realized what had happened.”

Customer: “Well, I just couldn’t live with doing that! Your selection might not be as big as [Chain Competitor]’s, but I’ve been shopping here since the current owner’s father was running the place. Everyone is always so helpful. I just couldn’t do something so unethical and mean!”

(It’s not a glamorous job, but customers like her make me glad I’m working for a business like that!)

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Low On The Milk Of Human Kindness

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