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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    This Is Soda-Pressing

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m taking an order for delivery on the phone.)

    Caller: “What kind of soda do you have?”

    Me: “Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Mr. Pibb, and root beer.”

    Caller: “Hmm… I’d like a Mountain Dew!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have that. We only have Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Mr. Pibb, and root beer.”

    Caller: “Well, how about a Sprite then!”

    Me: “We don’t have that either, only Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Mr. Pibb, and root beer.”

    Caller: “Oh, Coke then!”

    (The customer then shouts into the background.)

    Caller: “Honey, do you want a soda? They have orange!”

    Paying it Forward Credits Everyone

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (My school’s residence hall is going on a fast-food run. My friend is really hungry, but has no money to go, so I give him all my cash to pay for it, as I intend to pay by debit. Most of the group goes to one specific fast-food place, but I am dropped off first to pick up some Taco Bell.)

    Cashier: “Cash only.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the card machine is broken. We can only take cash at this time.”

    (I turn around to see the bus driving off to the other fast-food place.)

    Me: “Darn, I was really craving Taco Bell recently. Guess I’ll wait for the bus to get back.”

    (The only other customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Don’t worry. I’ll pay for you.”

    Me: “No, it’s fine; I’ll get picked up and go somewhere else.”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine; I’m paying for you. End of story.”

    (Without hesitating, she pulls out her pocketbook, and pays as I order. When I see my friend, I tell him the story, and tell him he doesn’t owe me a penny.)

    Mix It Up A Very Very Little

    | AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m working at a take away counter at a corporate place that serves ‘Pan-Asian Cuisine’. A family comes in a couple days every week.)

    Customer: “We want four of the sweet & sour with chicken and the steamed white rice. Make sure the chicken has no sauce, and no vegetables; we just want the plain chicken and rice. And four cokes, please.”

    Me: “Would you like ketchup and fries with that?”

    Customer: “Oh, do you have those?”

    Me: “No, I was just kidding. This is an Asian restaurant.”

    (After the meal, the father of the family comes back to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about it the whole meal, and I just didn’t understand the joke you made. I’m really good with knock-knock jokes, but I didn’t get it. Can you explain it to me?”

    Me: “Sorry, I was just kidding because… well… I was just thinking it was funny you come to a restaurant that’s supposed to be spicy and exotic, but you always order the most extremely bland thing you can. It was kind of an American joke. And to be honest, I’m puzzled why you spend such a large amount eating out every week on only a few bowls of steamed white rice and chicken. You know, when I was really poor, I used to eat the same thing because you can get rice and chicken at the grocery store for less than twenty bucks a week. If I had that much money to spend on food, I’d be eating… well, something else. Mixing it up once in a while.”

    Customer: “Hmmm. I guess you have a point.”

    (I was wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut, and hoping I didn’t lose their business. A few days later, the family comes in as usual, only they spend some time looking at the menu before they approach my counter.)

    Customer: “Hi, we’d like to get four of the Thai coconut curry with chicken.”

    Me: “No way, really?!”

    Customer: “Yep. And we would like that with no sauce or vegetables, just steamed white rice.”

    Me: “Oh. Why did you ask for the Thai instead of the Sweet & Sour plain like you usually do?”

    Customer: “I thought about what you said and you’re right, we wanted to mix it up a little!”

    I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

    (I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

    Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

    Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

    (The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

    Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

    Ironic That She Wants A RACE Car

    | Barrie, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a fast food establishment that gives out toys with their kids meals. This particular month, we have dolls, or toy cars. There are four dolls in the set; two are white, one is Asian, and one is black. On this day, we only have the black doll in stock.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like a different doll, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, those are the only dolls we have available right now.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I can see one right there.”

    (The customer points to the toy display case.)

    Me: “Those are for display only, sorry.”

    Customer: “Open your f****** case, and get me another doll! I don’t want my daughter playing with some n***** doll!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we really don’t have any other doll. If you like, hang on to it, and come back next week when we get our new toys. You can switch it then.”

    Customer: “Not good enough; I want a manager!”

    (I go into the back, and explain to a black staffer—who happens to be built like a tank—what is happening. I ask him to go up front and pretend to be the manager.)

    Coworker: “My employee explained the situation. What would you like me to do about it?”

    Customer: *turns red and looks completely terrified* “I’d like to switch this for a car, please?”

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