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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    It’s About To Get Crazy Horse Up In Here

    , | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am on break and heading towards the restroom, when a customer asks me to take his order. Seeing that it’s busy, and assuming that the customer has been waiting for some time, I step up to the spare till that the managers all share. All of my on-duty coworkers are either Hispanic or African American.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Number four, medium, with an iced tea to drink. I’m glad you finally came out of the kitchen. I thought I’d never get to order.”

    Me: “I’m sorry again about your wait. We’ve been a little understaffed all day.”

    Customer: “So, that must be why you were doing the Mexican’s work.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The kitchen, the kitchen! I guess all these n****** who can’t take an order right needed someone back there who speaks English to fix everything. They need to hire more white folks like you to work here.”

    Me: “Sir, I would appreciate it if you refrain from making such offensive remarks.”

    Customer: “Aw, c’mon. No need to cater to them. Just between us, you think whites are the best race, right?”

    Me: “Just between us?”

    (I beckon the customer closer, then speak loudly enough for the entire restaurant to hear.)

    Me: “If you spout any more of this racist bull-s***, I will not hesitate to kick you out.”

    Customer: “But you’re white!”

    Me: “Not that it matters, but I’m half Native-American.”

    Customer: “You don’t look it. If that’s true, what’s your ‘Injun’ name?”

    Me: “In my tribe, I am called ‘Ejects-Bigoted-A**-hole-From-Premises’. Now kindly get the f*** out.”

    Think Small

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working the pay window at a fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: “Why did they ask me small, medium, or large?”

    Me: “For the size of your combo.”

    Customer: “That is too complicated for drive-thru.”

    Developing Arrest

    | Fargo, ND, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work as a supervisor at a bar. Fargo is hosting the ‘North Dakota High School State Wrestling Tournament’ this weekend. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Bar Name], my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller #1: “Hi, My Name is [name #1]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Um, well no, because they are not state regulated. You have to have papers if your driver’s license or state ID is clipped.”

    Caller #1: “Well my drivers license is clipped; can I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #1: *click*

    (Two minutes later…)

    Me: “[Bar name], my name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Yes, my name is [name #2]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Your name is [name #2]?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is the license you grabbed clipped?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well you need to have your papers issued to you by the state for your clipped drivers license or state ID.”

    (I then hear a hushed voice in the background. It is Caller #2 talking to Caller #1.)

    Caller #2: “[Name #1], what do I do now?”

    Caller #1: “Ask for the manager.”

    (Without letting Caller #2 even ask, I respond.)

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #2: *click*

    (Three minutes later…)

    Me: *sighs* “[Bar name], my name is [name]. I am the supervisor here; how may I help you?”

    Caller #3: “Hi, my name is [name #3]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Are you friends of [name #1] and [name #2]”

    Caller #3: “YES!”

    Me: “Oh, well, hello then. I talked to my general manager, and he says to come by the bar! What time will you three ladies be showing up tonight?”

    Caller #3: *in a hushed voice to Callers #1 and #2* “We are soooo in!” *returning to me* “We will be there at 9:30 sharp.”

    Me: “Well I hope to see you all here tonight.”

    (Later that night, Callers #1, #2, and #3 show up at9:30.)

    Caller #3: “We are here; the supervisor said you accepted student IDs!”

    Me: “Hi! You must be [Callers #1, #2, #3]. Let me see your clipped drivers’ licenses, and student IDs.”

    (I check them. The licenses and student IDs are clearly not theirs. The pictures in each of the girl’s licenses have a different facial structure, and one girl is miraculously missing a birth mark on her chin.)

    Me: “Alright ladies, we have a VIP party in the back. Let me lead you there.”

    Caller #1: *to #2 and #3* “Oh, my God! VIP? This is the best [high school's name] trip ever!”

    (I walk them around the building, with all of their IDs still in my hand.)

    Me: “Alright officers, they’re all yours.”

    (A couple of police officers are waiting for them at the back. As they are being handcuffed, one of the callers has a question.)

    Caller #1: “Can we at least get our IDs back?”

    Officer 1: “You can tell…” *reads names on all three IDs* “…that they can come pick them up at the station. We would like to have a word with them.”

    (To my knowledge, they were processed to scare them, and then released to their parents. The girls on the IDs were charged with ‘furnishing alcohol to minors’, and ‘providing identification to a minor for the sole purpose of obtaining alcohol’.)

    At Lagerheads, Part 3

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work the night shift at an upscale long-term stay hotel. I am delivering all the bills underneath the doors when I encounter a guest holding two beers and a water from my market in the lobby. State law prohibits me from selling alcohol of any kind after midnight.)

    Guest: “Hi. Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, I do, sir. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “I just wanted to let you know, I got these from the market. I left a note to charge them to my room, 235.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I cannot charge those beers. I actually have to take them back, as I’m not allowed to sell alcohol after midnight.”

    Guest: “It’s not that long after midnight.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s almost two in the morning. It’s actually state law, not company policy, so my hands are really tied. Again, I’m sorry.”

    Guest: “Just charge them in the morning.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t do that. It’s because we sell the beer retail; we don’t serve it.”

    Guest: “This is ridiculous. I’m taking the beers. You can do it just this once. I won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I have you on camera taking the beer. It would show up on my shift audit, which my manager reviews daily. If I let you take that I will lose my job.”

    Guest: “That’s not my problem; you should have been there when I was taking them out of the cooler.”

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t give me those beers, I’ll be forced to return to my desk and call the police.”

    Guest: “What?! Why?!”

    Me: “You didn’t pay for those beers, and you’re being very belligerent about breaking state law. I know your room number, which means I know your name and have a copy of your ID on file. I suggest you reconsider how thirsty you really are.”

    (He gave me the beers.)

    Related:
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

    Must Have Got Their Brains From The Dollar Store

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am a customer standing in line at a very large fast-food chain. Two scruffy-looking males in their early twenties get in line behind me, and are looking up at the menu. I detect the odor of marijuana coming from their direction.)

    Customer #1: *to his friend* “Why are there no prices on the menu?”

    Customer #2: “Uh… what do you mean?”

    Customer #1: “Dude, under the dollar menu, there are no prices! How stupid! How are we supposed to know how much things are?”

    (I turn around just enough to see the confused expressions on both their faces. A few seconds pass, and his friend finally realizes.)

    Customer #2: “Oh… dude! Those are all one dollar, because they’re on the dollar menu!”

    Customer #1: “Oh… OH!”


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