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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Not Quite Seasoned With The Omelet Station

    , | Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work for a hotel with a complimentary breakfast that includes a made-to-order omelet station. I am making the omelets in plain sight of the customers, with all of my ingredients on display. A customer walks up and ignores a sign with ingredients listed and bowls on display, full of veggies.)

    Customer: “I want an omelet with all the vegetables.”

    Me: “Okay, all of the vegetables including the ja—”

    Customer: *cuts me off* “YES! All of them.”

    Me: “Okay, because we have—”

    Customer: *walks off*

    (I make an omelet with all of the vegetables, and call it out when it’s done. She comes and picks it up and walks off with out a word. About two minutes later, she comes back. Her face is red, and there are tears running down her face.)

    Customer: “I didn’t realize you had jalapeños!”

    Not Even A Nugget Of Truth

    | Tyler, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the only manager at a fast food restaurant on a night that is known for being slammed. We are short staffed, so I’ve been picking up the slack in many different parts of the store. I am trying to bag the 50 orders on the boards when the phone rings and is quickly handed to me by my coworker.)

    Coworker: “She needs to speak with a manager.”

    Me: “This is the manager; how may I serve you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was in your drive through earlier for lunch and I got the nugget meal. I drove all the way back to work and when I bit into my nugget red juice came out! I could tell they were all raw. Now I have to go ALL DAY without eating anything. I want my money back!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am very sorry you had this experience and can understand why you’re upset. I will personally speak with our kitchen manager to ensure the proper procedures are being used and I will be more than happy to replace your entire meal with any meal on the menu.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want anything else. I want my money back. I drove all the way there because I wanted to eat your food but I can assure you that I will not be eating at your restaurant again. You can’t even cook the food properly. DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT GETTING PEOPLE SICK?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that food safety is most important at our restaurant. I am unable to give you a cash refund without the food present. I can give you a gift card for the price of your meal, or I can replace your meal with any other meal on the menu.”

    Customer: “I wont accept another meal! Do whatever you need to do to get me my money back, or I’ll go to the city and they’ll get it back. As a matter of fact, you owe me reimbursement for the gas it took for me to drive there and back only to get this s*** food!”

    (I get her information, and tell her I will have to leave a message for my supervisor, and that he would get back to her as soon as possible. She remains unsatisfied with my response and hangs up on me mid-sentence. First of all, every batch of nuggets is cooked at a specific temperature for a set time period every time they are cooked. Secondly, if there were some crazy incident where the nuggets did not get cooked thoroughly then we should expect that more than one customer would have experienced this issue as well. Finally, with the increasing addition to her list of demands and very detailed story and threats, I have the suspicion that she may be trying to scam me. After the phone call ends, I text my supervisor.)

    Me: “I told her I would speak to you and give you her information but she wants and cash refund and gas money.”

    Supervisor: “If she brings me back a raw nugget I will be happy to refund her meal.”

    Me: “She said she wouldn’t be back for days so I told her she probably shouldn’t keep them that long.”

    Supervisor: “Of course! And paying for her gas? Total scam. Thank you for playing. Come again.”

    The Customer Might Not Be Telling The Whole Tooth

    | Farmington, NM, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Restaurant]! Did you already have an order?”

    Customer: “No. Well sort of; I have a complaint for a pizza I just got.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m the manager on duty at the moment. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, I just got this pizza, and I bit into it, and, well, there was a tooth in it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, a tooth?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it looked like it was cooked. It’s real black.”

    (The area I live in has a meth abuse problem, as well as a lower than average annual income, so dental hygiene is not a strength of this particular community. As the customer is talking, I notice he has several rotten and black teeth, as well as several missing.)

    Me: “Um, okay. Do you have the pizza and, erm, tooth with you?”

    (He hands the pizza and tooth to me. The tooth indeed looks very blackened, though obviously not from cooking. I excuse myself to let the owner know the situation, and I enter his office at the time he is on the phone.)

    Owner: “No, ma’am, we don’t have security cameras outside the store. Did you let anyone know you had fallen? So you decided it wasn’t an issue over two years ago when you did slip and fall on our sidewalk, but suddenly it’s a problem for you? Well, I’m sorry, but without some sort of proof that you fell on our property, there isn’t much we can do for you. Very well, you can have your lawyer contact ours. Have a good day.”

    (The owner hangs up and looks at me.)

    Owner: “Your problem can’t possibly be worse than the lady I just dealt with. She claims she injured herself a few winters ago by slipping on ice on the sidewalk.”

    Me: “I think you’d be surprised.”

    Acting Totally Incremental

    | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I am out on delivery late at night. The customer to whom I am delivering has been very drunk on the phone. When I arrive at his house, he stumbles outside to meet me, pulling out his wallet. A girl follows him outside.)

    Me: “Mr. [Name]?”

    Drunken Customer: “Yep, that’s me.”

    Me: “Here you are, sir! Your total this evening will be $46.70!”

    Drunken Customer: “Okay. Here you go.”

    (The customer hands me $70.)

    Me: “Of course, sir; let me get your change.”

    (I hand back a twenty dollar bill and three ones, but he won’t take it.)

    Drunken Customer: “Nope. No change. That’s your $5 tip right there.”

    Me: “Um, yes, sir, I appreciate it very much, but—”

    Drunken Customer: “No, no, no. Listen. 46 and whatever is like 47, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Drunken Customer: “Well, fifty minus forty-seven is this three, right?” *points to the three $1 bills*

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Drunken Customer: “That leaves the two and the zero.” *points at the $20 bill* “And two plus zero is two, and then plus the other $3, and two plus three is five, and that’s your $5 tip!”

    Girl: “Just take it and go. He thinks he’s good at math when he’s drunk.”

    Me: “Thank you very much, sir! Have a wonderful evening!”

    Drunken Customer: “Don’t spend all your $5 in one place!”

    (He is the best tipping customer of the night! When I get back to the store, my manager can’t believe how thoroughly the customer explained his math!)

    Fattening Fallacies, Part 2

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “It’s so convenient that this place just opened. I’ve been trying to eat healthier lately, and ice cream is my weakness in the summertime.”

    Me: “Oh, I agree. Nothing beats something cold and sweet on a hot day.”

    Customer: “I still can’t believe that this stuff is calorie-free. It tastes too good to be true!”

    Me: “Um, sir? You are aware that frozen yogurt still has calories, right? It is healthier than ice cream but there are still calories.”

    Customer: “What? But what about the bacteria? I was told yogurt has them. They eat all the calories out of it before we can!”

    Related:
    Fattening Fallacies

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