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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Grill The Sandwiches, Not The Staff

    | Boise, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (My boyfriend and I are getting lunch from the deli. Standing next to me is a customer, ordering a sandwich from a different worker.)

    Customer: “Do you speak English? How many times do I have to tell you? No cheese!”

    Deli Worker: “Alright, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why is this taking so long? Hurry up!”

    Deli Worker: “I’ll have your order done shortly.”

    (The bread on the sandwich breaks, and the employee looks panicked.)

    Deli Worker: “Would you like me to remake your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Just put the d*** thing in a bag so I can go!”

    Deli Worker: “Are you sure?”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “Does anyone speak English in this place?!”

    Me: “There is no reason to be so rude.”

    Customer: “But he asked me if I wanted cheese! I wrote down ‘no cheese’ and he still asked me!”

    Me: “So what? Ma’am, he is trying his best, and being patient with you. You need to calm down.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! What is wrong with you people?”

    (I reach up to gather my order, which is now ready.)

    Customer: “D*** it, look at me when I’m talking to you!”

    Me: “No, thank you.”

    (I give the employees a huge grin.)

    Me: “Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day, guys!”

    Customer: “Why doesn’t anyone speak English?!”

    (Both deli workers give me an appreciative smile. The one that made my food runs over to the register and puts a sticker on my plate; my lunch is free!)

    It’s Crazy Season(ing)

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer has ordered a poutine, two large fries with seasoning and a rooter through the drive thru. My manager has informed me that it will take three minutes to cook up enough fries to fill the order, so I go to the window ask her to park her car while she waits.)

    Me: “Hi, so there going to be three minutes to cook—”

    Customer: “You forgot one of my drinks.”

    (Her order was for only one drink, but I just pour her another drink rather than argue.)

    Me: “There you go; sorry about that. It will just be three minutes for your fries—”

    Customer: “Can I get some ketchup packets too?”

    Me: “Sure I’ll put some in the bag. If you could—”

    Customer: “Can I get them now?”

    Me: “Here you go. So if you just want to—”

    Customer: “Can I get some more?”

    Me: “Sure. If you’ll go pull up in front of the building—”

    Customer: “Can I get a container of seasoning too?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I go ask the kitchen for a container of seasoning. While I’m waiting, my manager gives me a puzzled look and glances meaningfully at the drive thru timer; I just shrug and grimace. The customer looks inside the container when I give it to her.)

    Me: “Okay, so here you go. If you’ll pull up in front of the building, we’ll bring&mdash”

    Customer: “Can I get a lot more seasoning?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Coworker: “She’s not gone yet?!”

    Me: “She wants more seasoning first.”

    (My manager’s just shaking his head.)

    Me: “So here you go. Just pull up and we’ll bring you—”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

    (The customer drives through. At this point, she’s been sitting at our window for over two minutes, so her food is ready very quickly. I hand her the order out in the parking lot.)

    Me: “Alright, so there’s your poutine, and two large fries. Sorry about the wait. Have a—”

    Customer: scowls* “I hope no one spat in this!” *rolls up her window and drives away*

    Me: “—nice day.”

    Punch, Drunk, And Love

    | USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

    Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

    Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

    Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

    Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

    Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

    (The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

    Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

    (The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

    Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

    Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

    Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

    (The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

    Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

    (The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

    Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

    Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

    Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

    Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

    Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

    Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

    (The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

    Customer Gets Carded Anyway

    | Manchester, England, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working the drive-thru, and the card machine has just gone down. There are a number of cars already waiting in line, so I go outside to put signs up and tell them about the problem.)

    Me: “Hello, madam, I am very sorry, but we are having problems with our card machine. If you need to pay by card, you will need to go inside the restaurant.”

    Customer: “Well why the f*** didn’t you tell me before?”

    Me: “I am very sorry but this problem has only just occurred.”

    Customer: “You stupid b****, I asked why didn’t you tell me before I queued up!”

    Me: “I walked out here as soon as we had the problem, and again, I am sorry for the inconvenience.”

    (The customer starts screaming at me, so I walk behind her car to go and tell the next customer.)

    Customer: “Don’t walk away from me b****. I was talking to you! Are you stupid?”

    (The customer then reverses her car into me hard, knocking me to the floor.)

    Customer: “You damaged my car you little s***! I am phoning the police!”

    (Someone comes out to help me, and calls an ambulance. Both the ambulance and police arrive, and surprise, surprise, it isn’t me that is arrested!)

    Service With A Smile

    , | Peoria, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive thru and I’m in a good mood.)

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total comes to $3.47 and a smile!”

    (I smile at her.)

    Customer: “Excuse me? How rude! How dare you?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to smile, and you can’t make me. Just give me my d*** food.”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Manager: “What was her problem?”

    Me: “I ‘charged’ her a smile.”

    Manager: “I hate drive thru.”

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