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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A Labor-Intensive Industry

    | IN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am very obviously nine-months pregnant and begin having contractions in my car as I show up for an afternoon shift as a delivery driver. I calmly waddle inside to let my manager know what’s going on and wait for my ride to the hospital. When my manager sees me coming towards the building clutching my stomach and grimacing, he figures it out and runs back into the office. As I get inside and approach the service counter, another contraction hits and I double over leaning on the counter huffing and puffing, trying not to cry out in pain. A customer has walked in directly behind me.)

    Customer: “What terrible service! You didn’t even bother to hold the door for me!”

    Me: Uh… sorry?”

    Customer: “D*** right, you are! Now quit being lazy and get back there and take my order!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do that. I’m not even clocked in. And besides—”

    Customer:Maybe if you weren’t OBESE AND LAZY you could have made it in here sooner and clocked in already. Now I DEMAND service!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the delay, ma’am. But I do have to ask you to quit speaking to me like that. I’m not obese or lazy—”

    Customer: “Of course you are! Look at you! You’re huge. And you got winded just walking in from your car.”

    (My manager comes out of the office and walks up to the counter, having heard this whole exchange.)

    Manager: “I’m so sorry about the wait. I am the manager. I was busy calling someone to cover her shift because she’s IN LABOR and must go to the hospital. [My Name], go sit in the office and call your doctor and your ride.”

    (As I walk around the counter, my water breaks leaving a small wet spot on the floor.)

    Customer: *shrieks* “That’s unsanitary! Aren’t you going to make her clean it up?! That’s disgusting. I REFUSE to pay for any food prepared in your contaminated kitchen!”

    Manager: “Okay. Good-bye. Have a nice day!” *smiles*

    Customer: “WHERE’S MY FOOD?!”

    Manager: “You just said you didn’t want food from our ‘contaminated’ kitchen…”

    Customer: “But… I… FINE! You better believe I’m calling your corporate office and filing a formal complaint!” *storms out, knocking over large promotional signs on her way*

    (I made it to the hospital with plenty of time to spare. Just under 12 hours later, my son was born. After 6 weeks of maternity leave, I went back to delivering. Many of my regulars remembered me and wanted updates and pictures of the baby. As far as we know, the customer never actually did call corporate.)

    Board-ering On Insane

    , | WY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a Mexican fast food restaurant and some of our tacos come with a cardboard sleeve to help keep the ingredients from spilling. A customer orders one to try. A few moments later I see my register worker staring in amazement into the lobby. It turns out the customer is taking bites out of his taco AND the cardboard instead of removing it. We watch as he eats the whole sleeve with his taco. A few moments later…)

    Customer: “I just wanted to say I loved my burrito but the taco seemed dry.”

    Me: *trying to keep a professional face* “I’m sorry about that, sir. Let me make it up to you by making you another for free.”

    (My coworkers and I made another taco and made sure no sleeve was on it. He smiled and sat down and ate the taco. We’re still not sure he realized what he did.)

    Snickering At The Service

    , | Sylva, NC, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a sandwich shop during my first few years of college. One day during a slow period my two coworkers see this lady come inside on the security cameras. My coworkers immediately say ‘not it!’ so I go up to take care of this woman’s order. The lady is already irritated and being short with me, over something like she’s late or she’s had a bad day. The order is going along fine until we get to the part where she tells me what veggies she wants.)

    Customer: “And now I want the snicker cheese.”

    Me: *confused* “The what?”

    Customer: “The snicker cheese.”

    Me: *still confused* “…like the candy bar?”

    Customer: “Yes, the cheese that tastes like the Snicker’s candy bar.”

    (It turns out she wants the parmesan oregano. I can tell you from experience parmesan oregano tastes nothing like a Snicker’s candy bar. After finishing the woman’s order, I go back and my coworkers ask me what was up with her. I tell them what she said and they both just kind of give me this weird look.)

    Me: “You don’t believe me, do you?”

    Coworker: “No, I believe you. Something that stupid can’t be made up.”

    Closing Time Crime

    , | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a fast food restaurant that closes at 9:30 pm. A customer comes in just before then, as I am helping close up for the day.)

    Customer: “Hi. I ordered an eight-piece fried chicken during my lunch break, and got baked instead.”

    Me: “All right, sir. I’m terribly sorry. Do you want a refund or a correct order?”

    Customer: “I’d like what I ordered, please. The eight-piece fried chicken meal.”

    Me: “Sure, sir. We’re about to close, so at this point at night, we aren’t making the fried chicken anymore.”

    Customer: “What? But you’re a fried chicken place!”

    Me: “Yes, we are, but we’re also closing for the night.”

    Customer: “Okay, so, can I get an order that’s the same amount of money?”

    Me: “No problem. I just need the receipt and I can get you that, sir.”

    Customer: “The receipt? Oh, I think I threw that away.”

    (I look at him apologetically. I cannot correct an order or give a refund without the receipt.)

    Me: “What? Sir, I cannot give you your meal without the receipt.”

    Customer: “What? It’s just a piece of paper, I had the wrong order earlier and now I want what I paid for!”

    Me: “Sir, we fill out hundreds of orders around lunch time and I would not be able to find your order among them.”

    Customer: “I WANT MY FRIED CHICKEN!”

    Me: “Sir, please lower your voice. We don’t have the fried chicken, and without your receipt I can’t give you a refund.”

    Customer: “[Other Fast Food Chain] doesn’t need receipts to give me my food!”

    Me: “Sir, I am fairly sure they do. Look, it’s closing time but I can try to look through our computer system to find your order.”

    (He suddenly backs down a bit, from menacing to nervous.)

    Customer: “No, no, that’s okay. I’ll just go get dinner somewhere else.”

    (He leaves quickly. My manager walks over to see what it was about, and after I tell him, he shakes his head.)

    Manager: “I’m willing to bet there was no receipt, and he was just after a free meal!”

    An Off-Color Purchase

    | Dedham, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work in the beer and wine department of a large supermarket chain. A very elderly customer comes in a couple times a month and asks us to give him two different white wines, six bottles of each. This day, he approaches me.)

    Customer: “Could you help me? I want two red wines, six bottles of each.”

    Me: “What do you typically like?”

    Customer: “I don’t care. What do you think I’ll like?”

    (I suggest a couple wines, he takes them without complaint.)

    Customer: “You know, for ten years I’ve been drinking nothing but white wine, because I didn’t want to spill it and stain the carpet. But you know what I realized? F*** it!”

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