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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Chipping Away Until You Get The Answer

    , | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (An elderly customer walks into my store.)

    Me: “Hi! I can take your order when you’re ready!”

    Customer: “I’d like some chips.”

    (The customer doesn’t have a noticeable accent so I assume he isn’t from England.)

    Me: “We don’t have chips, but would you like fries instead?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like some chips!”

    (The elderly customer then points to the chocolate chip cookies we have sitting out front.)

    Customer: “You know what I want! I want chips!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean chocolate chips!”

    Customer: “No! Chips!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand. If you’d like I can get my manager and see if he knows what you’re talking about?”

    Customer: “I don’t want your manager! I want chips! You know they’re like chips of chicken!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean chicken nuggets?”

    Customer: “Yes! There you go! Chicken chips! See, I told you, you had chips!”

    Don’t Always Have To Scream For Ice-Cream

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (It is a busy night in the drive thru. I am trying desperately to catch up on the significant line, and the previous customer had asked for directions at the window after receiving her food. We sometimes miscalculate and get our dessert items ready too early, so the next customer’s ice cream is getting a little ‘melty.’ I know I should re-scoop it, but the line is so long and I hope she won’t mind.)

    Me: “Here’s your ice cream. [Price], please.”

    Customer: “I don’t mean to be a b****, as I know it’s not your fault they asked for directions, but could you re-scoop this for me?”

    Me: *ashamed* “Of course. I’m sorry.”

    (I get her a new one. She produces a $10 bill.)

    Customer: “Can you break this ten into two fives for me?”

    Me: “Here you are.”

    Customer:  *only takes one of the bills* “That one’s for you! Thanks for getting me a new ice cream!”

    Me: *astounded* “Thank you so much!”

    That Reasoning Doesn’t Fly

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work in a duty free shop and a customer wanting to buy a bottle of cognac comes to my register. All is well until I ask for his boarding pass.)

    Me: “All right, sir, may I see your boarding pass?”

    Customer #1: “No.”

    Me: “Then you can’t buy this cognac.”

    Customer #1: “Why not?”

    Me: “Alcohol is a customs bonded item, and as such can only be bought by people leaving the country directly from this point. I need to see your boarding pass so I can make sure you are doing so.”

    Customer #1: “But I am French.”

    Me: “That does not mean you are leaving the country.”

    Customer #1: “But this is an international airport.”

    Me: “Domestic flights go out of this airport regularly.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I won’t show you my boarding pass.”

    Me: “Than you can’t buy the cognac.”

    Customer #1: “But I want to.”

    Me: “Then I need to see your boarding pass.”

    Customer #1: “NO!”

    (This goes on for five minutes and the customer leaves in a huff without his cognac. The lady behind him comes up toting a five pound bag of pretzel M&Ms, which, like all candy, is not bonded.)

    Customer #2: “Um, I’m on a domestic flight to Phoenix. Can I buy these M&Ms?”

    Me: “Sure. Candy isn’t bonded.”

    Customer #2: “Okay.” *looks at the cognac* “After that last guy you might need some of that yourself.”

    Making A Fresh Start In A New City

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is 20 minutes before close. A man comes in alone and demands to be seated in the closed half of the restaurant. He insists this is the only ‘real’ part of the restaurant. My coworker takes his initial order then sends me over to continue with him. He’s ordered something that only comes as an add-on to an entrée, but he wants it first while he’s deciding on the entrée. This is no problem and I go to drop off his drink.)

    Customer: “Limes are very precious in this city. So precious. Do you have any limes?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can get you some if you like.”

    Customer: “Yes, both lemon and lime are so precious.”

    (I fetch him some.)

    Me: “Did you decide on an entrée this evening or do you still need a few minutes?”

    Customer: “What time do you close?”

    Me: “10 pm.”

    Customer: “[City] is terrible! Nothing stays open. If we were in a different city you’d be open till midnight at least.”

    Me: “Well, they do stay open in some areas where there’s things around them that are open later like movie theatres. But we find here people don’t really come in for dinner so late. Did you need another minute with the menus?”

    Customer: “This city is terrible. I hate this place so much. All the stores are awful. Everything is awful.”

    (Another guest is trying to hail me so I politely excuse myself from the still-ranting man. A few minutes later I bring him the add-on he wanted as a starter.)

    Customer: *in a demanding tone of voice* “Is it cold?!”

    Me: *glancing at the clearly steaming food* “No, sir. It’s hot.”

    Customer: “If you’re sure.”

    Me: “Did you decide on an entrée? I can get them cooking it while you’re eating.”

    Customer: “I’ll have chicken.”

    Me: *thinking of the dozen diverse items on the menu that contain chicken* “Chicken, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, but only if it’s fresh. It needs to be really fresh! You need to give it the smell test. If you haven’t stuck your nose into the burger it’s not really fresh! If it’s not fresh I’ll just send it right back!”

    Me: *thinking that we’ve at least narrowed it down to the four chicken burger options* “Absolutely, sir. I’ll triple check with the kitchen, but our chicken is generally really fresh. Do you know which of the chicken burgers you’d like?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! You’re not listening! You have to listen to your customers! It . Must. Be. Fresh. I know it’s not! I eat here all the time and it’s not. This place is terrible. All the restaurants in this city are terrible.”

    Me: “I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad experience, sir. I can tell you that our chicken today is very fresh. Is there a particular burger you’d like?”

    Customer: “I’ve called head office and left a message for the CEO, you know. They didn’t care about freshness. No one cares about freshness. You’re not even listening! You have to listen to your customers! You know what, f*** it! I’ll just take this to go.”

    (I go get him a take out box and he puts the hot food in that, dumps the salad out onto the table and the floor and storms out. He paid for the add-on and even left me a one cent tip.)

    Disabled But Not Disarmed

    | UK | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (An early morning regular customer is a disabled woman in her 30s who dresses very gothic and always orders a coffee and then reads a book. A new customer I’ve never seen before comes to the serving counter.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. What have we done wrong?”

    Customer: “You let that [disabled slur] not only sit here but she takes up two seats!”

    Me: “Please don’t use words like that. She’s a very good and quiet customer who uses the second chair to prop her walking stick against. Besides, this early in the morning there are plenty of seats.”

    Customer: “She’s offending us! She’s being abusive!”

    (I’m confused, because I’ve not seen the lady even move from her chair.)

    Me: “Er, what has she said?”

    Customer: “Nothing! She didn’t even apologise!”

    Me: “What on earth for?”

    Customer: “For reading one of those e-book things, and being lazy, and fat, and—”

    (I can see our regular struggling to her feet and limping over.)

    Me: “Please just stop. She’s not affecting you.”

    Customer: “She’s a lazy f****** bum. I bet she’s on f****** benefits!”

    (Our regular makes it to the counter.)

    Regular Customer:  ”Could I please have another coffee as I’ve finished the first one and haven’t finished the chapter I’m reading.”

    (She hands me a £10 note.)

    Regular Customer: “Please keep the change as a tip.” *turns to the complaining customer* “Darlin’, I work as a software engineer and you need to work on your d*** manners. Us disabled have a right to get coffee as well.”

    (The new customer stomped back to her table and sat there eating her breakfast and glowering at our regular, who paid no attention at all to it. We found she’d left another £5 behind as an additional tip for ‘dealing with that.’)


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