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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    But We Do Have Some Everlasting Gob-Stoppers

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s a snowy winter day on the East Coast. Customers are placing their items on the checkout counter to be rung up by me. I’m wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not a winter coat, no gloves or hat, and I’m three registers away from the open outside door.)

    Customer: “Brrr! It’s so COLD! How can you STAND it in here? You must be FREEZING!”

    Me: “No, I don’t mind it. We keep busy when we are at the register.”

    Customer: *eyeing the previous customer’s frozen ice cream containers being bagged by a coworker* “How can anyone buy ice cream on a freezing day like this?”

    Me: “Ah, well then, you should buy some Willy Wonka’s Hot Ice Cream! It’s perfect for those cold days.”

    Coworker: *stops bagging items and stares at me with open mouth*

    Customer: “Wow! Really? That sounds great! Is it too late to go back and get some?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re temporarily out of stock.”

    Coworker: *turns away to laugh*

    Customer: “Oh. Too bad.”

    Me: *smiling at the customer’s ignorance of Roald Dahl’s book ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’* “Maybe next time. Have a good day!”

    This ID Is Sub-par

    | Westchester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am the customer in this story. I am checking out with a few items of food and some beer. I keep my ID and subway card in the same pocket of my wallet.)

    Cashier: “Could I see some ID?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (Not paying any attention, I hand her my subway card.)

    Cashier: *holds card while staring at me, waiting for me to notice it’s not a driver’s license* “Um…”

    Me: “Oh, oops! Sorry!” *hands her my ID*

    Her Coworker: *while bagging my groceries* “Now, if it was a twenty, that might have worked!”

    A New Form Of Pest Control

    , | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a popular fast food restaurant on a weekday. We are not extremely busy, but did have a fairly large drive-thru line. A man comes into the dining room and places his order wearing his work uniform. He is the only person in the dining room but he only waits about three minutes before coming to the counter to complain.)

    Customer: “I have been waiting for my order for f***** ever, and want to speak with your manager, and I want my meal for free.”

    (The manager comes over after hearing the customer.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for f****** ever, and I expect my food now, and I expect it for free.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry but we serve on a ‘first-come, first-serve basis’ and have a long line in the drive-thru. I can give you a discount on your order, but we can’t give it to you for free.”

    Customer: “Your corporate offices are going to hear about your s**** service and you’ll be fired.”

    (The customer storms out and I ask my manager what happened. He said this customer comes in about once a month to do this, but never wore a uniform before. It turns out the customer worked for a pest control company which our restaurant uses for routine sprays around the building. My manager calls the number on the customer’s uniform and tells them what has happened and that we’ll be using a different service from now on. A couple of days later the customer comes in again.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m very sorry for how I acted the other day. Will you call my boss and ask them if I can have my job back?”

    Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About

    | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (At the restaurant all ‘extra’ items are served on the side, such as lemons for water or extra dressing, as well as a few of the sides. One of the customers has ordered a water with lemon, and this occurs after I set down her glass.)

    Customer: “I said I wanted water with lemon. Why are you incapable of doing anything right?”

    (I set out down the dish of lemons that was on my tray with the remaining drinks.)

    Customer: “Oh, usually people forget them.”

    Me: “Okay, well, are you ready to order?”

    Customer: “Yes, I will have [Food], with a side of ranch, ketchup, and [several other extra items]. And you better not forget anything, I am so tired of having to ask six times for everything.”

    Me: “I won’t forget anything.”

    Customer: “Yeah, right; you people always forget something.”

    Me: “Okay, I will do my best.”

    (Since it this is a larger table, when the food is finally ready it takes three servers to carry out the food. I set the customers food down first.)

    Customer: “Where is my ketchup, ranch, and [several other items]? I knew you would forget them. You are completely worthless!”

    Me: “I have them but they are on the next few trays.”

    (I gesture to the two servers behind me waiting with the rest of the order.)

    Customer: “No, it’s not. You’re just making excuses for your incompetence.”

    (The customer continues to yell at me the entire time I am passing out the food while watching me to be sure I don’t sneak back to get items that I forgot. After I am done I look at the customer.)

    Me: “Is there anything else you need?”

    (The customer looks at the food and starts to pout. Her husband, who has been silent this entire time, finally speaks, obviously somewhat annoyed.)

    Husband: “Well, I don’t think she forgot anything did she, honey? It looks like she brought everything you wanted.”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, but she only got everything so that she could make me look bad.”

    (The customer did not say another word the rest of the time the were there. Instead she just glared angrily at me!)

    If Only She Could Hear Herself

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am totally deaf in my left ear and partially deaf in my right. I wear a regular hearing aid in my right ear and have a cochlear implant in my left. I’m now 19, and working in a very posh restaurant. I’m serving a party of 10. There is a couple who comes in quite regularly who are the ‘hosts’ of this group. The husband is okay but the wife is really snobby and has caused us problems before.)

    Me: “Good evening. Is everyone ready to order?”

    Wife: “Could you get the manager for me? Now!”

    Me: “Of course, madam. Is there anything I can do for you?”

    Wife: “No! Just get him.”

    (I go and get my boss but have no explanation why he is needed.)

    Boss: “Good evening, madam. How may I help you tonight?”

    Wife: “How dare you let your staff wear headphones? We spend a lot of money in here and we expect a certain type of service. This is most distressing.”

    (Most of the other guests look really uncomfortable as they realise she’s talking about me and it’s obvious that I have hearing aids.)

    Boss: “Madam, I can assure you we do not allow that. If you could point out the server who is wearing them I’ll happily sort this out for you.”

    Wife: “For God’s sake! It’s the girl!” *she points to me as I’m still standing at the table* “We are in here all the time and I have never known such disregard for the customer.”

    Boss: “I’m really sorry. There’s no way you deserve to be treated this way.”

    Wife: “I should think so. I just—”

    Boss: “Not you. I was talking to my employee and friend. You—” *referring to the wife “—on the other hand are a despicable human being. How dare you come in here and talk to a member of my staff like that? It is massively, plainly obvious that she is wearing hearing aids. Everyone else at your table can see that. Now you have not only embarrassed yourself and the rest of your table but also my staff member. I’m very sorry but I have to ask you to leave, madam. The rest of your table may stay if they so wish but I simply cannot have my staff treated that way. Please leave. Now.”

    Wife: “Well! I think you’ll find you’ve just made a very big mistake talking to me like that. You have lost a lot of business from us. My husband here is a solicitor and he will—”

    Husband: “That’s enough. I’m really sorry. We’ve been served by your waitress before and know she wears hearing aids, and I’m not a solicitor.” *to his wife* “I think you need to go home. I’m hungry; I would like to order, please.”

    (The wife looks about the table as the rest of the guests sit there in silence. She then gets up and flounces out. I take everyone’s order and the rest of the evening goes very smoothly. When the guests ask for the bill the husband calls me over.)

    Husband: “I’m really sorry about my wife. Do you know, I don’t work and neither does she. I won the money on the lottery. Before we were rich I was an accountant and she worked in a shoe shop. I really have no idea why she’s like that. I promise I’ll never bring her in here again.”

    (The meal itself cost over £400 and I made a massive tip as everyone at the table felt really badly. The husband still comes in with friends but never brings his wife. He asks for me to serve him and always tips really well but I share the tips now!)

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