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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    The Lie-To-Yourself Diet

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. Can I interest you in two large pizzas with up to five toppings and a pop for only $22.99?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need that much. I’m on a diet.”

    Me: “Okay. What can I get you tonight?”

    Customer: “Can I get a large veggie pizza, but hold the mushrooms, black olives, green peppers, and onions, and add sausage, beef, bacon, Canadian bacon and pepperoni.”

    Me: “Okay, that would just be a meats pizza with tomatoes.”

    Customer: “No, I’m on a diet. I need a veggie pizza because of my diet. but hold the mushrooms, black olives, green peppers, and onions, and add sausage, beef, bacon, Canadian bacon and pepperoni.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Your total will be $11 and we will have it ready in 15 minutes.”

    (I rang up the order the way she wanted it but told my coworkers that it was just a meats pizza with tomatoes.)

    Colorful Employees

    , | IL, USA | Bigotry, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I am the guest relations person, so I return calls from disgruntled customers all the time. The restaurants are fast food and all have drive thrus.)

    Customer: “Did you know you have gang members hanging around your [Location] restaurant?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I did not. Have you spoken with the manager of the establishment about this?”

    Customer: “I did and he laughed me off!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry about that, sir. We ask that our manager’s take guest concerns seriously. Where are you witnessing gang members around the facility?”

    Customer: “He should be able to see them. They are hanging out in your driveway there, all wearing the same clothes ALL THE TIME!”

    Me: “How are they dressed?”

    Customer: “They are wearing black shirts, khakis, and hats! They are always there until you guys close!”

    Me: “Sir, you are describing our drive thru staff. They are wearing our uniform and stationed outside to take orders.”

    Customer: “But they’re all black and Mexican!”

    Me: “We are an equal opportunity employer and do not discriminate who we hire.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! I want to talk to your manager!”

    Me: “Sir, you can talk to my manager if you’d like but you are describing our staff. They are not a gang and there would be nothing she would be able to do about it.”

    Customer: “I SAID I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    (My manager explained the same thing I did and the customer screamed so loudly we hung up.)

    Transcontinental Breakfast

    | Cumberland County, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I work the front desk night shift at our hotel, and one of my duties is to set up breakfast and make sure it is fully stocked until I clock out in the morning. I’m a young transgender woman and I’ve only informed the general manager of that fact. As far as I know neither my coworkers nor any guests can tell. I am restocking the sausage patties when this happens.)

    Guest: “Oh, so you’re the one who cooks up all the breakfast, eh?”

    Me: *smiles* “Yup, that’s me!”

    (I quickly break away from the encounter to wrap up my shift. Soon enough my coworker is just about ready to let me go for the day, when the same guest from before passes by, spots me, and smiles.)

    Guest: “There’s the sausage queen!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Coworker: *chuckles* “Sorry, the 12-year-old in me just had to laugh at that!”

    Me: “They may never know just how funny that truly was.”

    Driving On Booze Control

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (I work at a liquor store, and we have one major rule. If you appear to be under 30 you MUST have your ID on you unless you are accompanied by a parent or guardian. If you do not have your ID on you no one in your group is allowed to purchase alcohol. Two guys come into our store together and start making a ruckus. The one guy looks about 23 or so, but the other can’t be 17. They’re yelling up and down the aisles to each other looking for something to purchase. I greet the two of them and start scanning their items. I ask for their IDs.)

    Customer #1: “Here you go.”

    Me: “Thanks.” *pointing at Customer #2* “I just need to see your ID as well.”

    Customer #2: “I don’t got mine.”

    Me: “Okay. Is it in the car or something? I need to see both of your IDs because you came in together.”

    Customer #2: “Why? I didn’t come in here with him. We met up outside and walked in together.”

    Me: “Let me get my manager. He’ll be able to sort this out for you guys.”

    (My manager comes over and I explain to him that the one has his ID, but the other guy doesn’t. My manager reiterates the store policy. As this is happening, Customer #2 hands a $5 bill ‘stealthily’ to his buddy.)

    Customer #1: “We’re friends from work! We ran into each other inside. Why am I getting denied service because I happened to run into him and happened to get in line with him at the same time.”

    Manager: “Well, if that’s the case why did he just hand you money and try to walk out towards the door?

    Customer #1: “I had asked to borrow some money! This is b******t!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but that’s the law. For all we know, you’re about to purchase alcohol for a minor, and we could get fined for that.”

    Customer #2: “That’s racist! You’re refusing to sell to us because we’re [race]!”

    Manager: “No, sir, that’s not why. I just told you why I’m refusing service.”

    Customer #2: “Well, if that’s the case why didn’t you card that baby in the other dude’s line over there?”

    Manager: “Sir. Think about what you just said. Do you really think that baby is really going to drink anything in that cart?”

    Customer #2: “Whatever. I’m calling the cops. You’re going to be arrested for being racist. You racist son of a b****!”

    Manager: “Okay. I can wait. I’ll just tell them that your pal just tried to purchase alcohol for a minor.”

    (With that they walked out of the store, screaming and ranting, and wound up kicking over one of the basket returns by the exit, never to be seen since.)

    The High Point Of My Night

    , | Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work as a cashier and am finally at the end of a long, frustrating split-shift. About 10 minutes to closing a group of guys in their early 20s come in and head straight for the confection aisle. They seem to be having a hard time deciding, and become panicked when my supervisor makes the closing announcement. They shove their candy, chips, and pop into the arms of one guy, and push him toward the cash. They leave the store, leaving their friend to pay. He places the items very slowly on the counter, blinking with confusion a number of times, swaying a little on his feet. I ring his items through.)

    Me: “That’s $14.59. How will you be paying?”

    Customer: “Uh… debit?”

    (He slowly pulls out his wallet and fumbles for his card. He finally places it in the debit machine, and then stares at it, unmoving. The machine times-out, so I reset it. He manages, with some difficulty to make it through the rest of the transaction. When I place his bag in front of him, he looks confused.)

    Customer: “Is this mine?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “These are the things I bought?”

    Me: “Uh… yes. Are you all right?”

    Customer: “Huh? Oh, yeah, don’t mind me, I’m just really fried.”

    (He pulls a 2 dollar coin out of his pocket and puts it on the counter.)

    Customer: “Don’t tell; my parents know the owner.”

    (He left, marveling at the automatic doors as he did. He has been back to the store a number of times, in the same state, and makes my day whenever he shows up.)

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