October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

H2-Slow, Part 9

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(One early morning I answer the calls.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if you carried dehydrated water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, dehydrated water?”

Customer: “Yes, dehydrated water.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean distilled water?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “No, I definitely mean dehydrated water.”

Me: “Sir, to dehydrate something is to remove the moisture. If you remove moisture from water, you get air.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind!”

H2Slow, Part 8
H2Slow, Part 7
H2Slow, Part 6

Literally Scream For More Ice Cream

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(At the library I volunteer for, we have a “Reading Event” in the summer for the kids. My job is to hand out one ice cream to each child. Throughout the course of the day, one of the younger boys decides to hang around me to keep me “company.” Another kid comes up to me.)

Me: *hands ice cream to kid* “Enjoy and have a great summer!”

Child: *nods his head, then reaches to grab another ice cream from my cooler*

Me: *I tug the cooler away from him* “Sorry, but it’s only one-per-person.”

Child: “That’s not fair!” *the child begins to stomp his feet on the ground and basically throw a fit*

(At this point a woman I can only assume is the boy’s mother rushes over.)

Woman: “What on Earth do you think you’re doing to my son!”

Me: *trying to stay calm* “Nothing, ma’am! I was just telling him he could only have one ice cream!”

Woman: “Nonsense! He’s my baby and he deserves as many as he wants!”

Me: “Miss, please, I can’t give him more than one ice cream; it’s one of the rules!”

Woman: “But—”

(At this point the younger boy hanging around me decides to pipe up:)


(Both the woman, the child, and I all stared at the younger boy in shock. The lady began to look sheepish and dragged her son out of the library. And without saying anything, I handed the unopened ice cream the kid left behind in their haste to leave, to my favorite “little helper.”)

Canola Or Can’tola

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work in something of a high end grocery store as a cashier. Most of our customers are great but every once in a while I come across one who thinks we aren’t high end enough. As part of my job I always try to ask the customers if they found everything they were looking for, and if not to then help them get it when that’s possible. A woman walks up to check out with a couple of items.)

Me: “Hi there! You find everything all right?”

Customer: “No, actually. I was disappointed you don’t have rapeseed oil. I really figured you would and I need it for a recipe. I think I’m going to have to go to a specialty store to get it now.”

Me: “You know, I could be wrong, but I think canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. If you want I could page our grocery section to double check and see if we have any?”

Customer: *as though I don’t know what I’m talking about* “No, no, no, I don’t think so. I’ll just go to a specialty store.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure companies avoid calling it rapeseed oil because of what it sounds like. I think most use another name and I think it’s canola oil.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure!”

Me: “All right, well, have a good day and I hope you find it!”

(I looked it up later and I was right. Canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. We definitely sell canola oil at our store.)

Labelled As A Liar

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a popular smoothie shop. We normally don’t have a lot of problems with customers who have food allergies, but today a woman and her son come in who seem to be difficult to please.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Smoothie Shop]. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

(In an all of a sudden rude tone:)

Customer: “MY KID IS PB FREE!” *yes, she says ‘PB’ instead of peanut butter*

Me: “No problem. I will be happy to clean all our appliances and use our peanut butter free blender.”

Customer: “Ok, fine. I’ll have [Popular Drink].”

Me: “Perfect. Your total is $4.99.”

(She hands me cash and I proceed to make her drink. I grab a blender from the back that is never exposed to any of our other products. As I’m making her drink she yells.)

Customer: “THAT’S NOT PB FREE!”

(I try to assure her it is.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is. Although it isn’t labelled it is a peanut butter free blender.”


(She causes a horrible commotion, and continues to yell at me, telling me that I’m incompetent. So I run to the back, get our label maker that we make name tags with, and label the same exact blender PB Free. I come back, show her the blender, and proceed to make her drink.)

Customer: “Finally! You understand my son’s needs.”

(I give her the drink and tell her to have a nice day.)

Son: “Mom, but I’m not even allergic to—”

Customer: “SHUT UP!”

Wining And Whining

| Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(This is my third day at this job and I am still in training, out stocking the floor and familiarizing myself with the layout. Adjacent to the bakery is the wine section.)

Woman: *approaches me* “Hello, I’d like some help with choosing a wine?”

Me: “Wine?” *notices* “Oh, that. Well, unfortunately, I don’t know anything about wine.”

Woman: “What? You do work here, right?”

Me: “Well, yes, but I’ve just started and wine isn’t my section.”

Woman: “How can you not know your own store?!”

Me: “Miss, this is my third day. I haven’t even shopped here before!”

Woman: “I don’t care HOW new you are; you should learn things!” *storms off*

(I was three syllables from telling her that I have a friend who works here as well and went to culinary school, took classes in wine, and could help her out, but she left too quickly.)

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