November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Strife Of A Housewife

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I’m a customer shopping for fridges. I find one I like and go to find an employee to purchase the fridge. The only employee who handles fridges is talking to another customer.)

Customer: “So, this fridge… keeps things… cold?” *he asks very skeptical*

Employee: “Yes, sir, the general point of all fridges are to keep things cold.”

Customer: “No. My wife and I used to have a fridge that cooks things.”

(Not only is the employee just stunned by this statement, but everyone around who hears this pulls a face.)

Employee: “A fridge… that cooks things?”

Customer: “Yes, you put stuff like vegetables, milk, and chicken in it. And when you take the chicken or vegetables out they’re all cooked.”

Employee: “So they’re all cooked and ready to eat right now?”

Customer: “No! What do you think I’m dumb or something?”

Employee: “No, I’m just trying to find the particular item you’re looking for… So, you put in raw chicken and veggies and it cooks them automatically?”

Customer: “Yes. Put them in raw, and then they come out cooked.” *explains as if the employee is slow*

Employee: “Does it cook the milk as well?”

Customer: “NO! That would be dumb. It would just spoil instantly. It just keeps the drinks cool.”

Employee: “Hmmm, I can’t seem to think of the item you’re looking for. Let me get someone a bit more knowledgeable.”

(Hearing this, I come to realize that apparently there are other employees I could ask for help, but at this point I’m really curious as to what this man is talking about. The employee shortly returns with an older employee.)

Old Employee: “So you put in raw food and it comes out cooked right?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Old Employee: “Okay… and when you put in drinks or milk it keeps them cold right?”

Customer: “Yes.” *looks at younger employee* “See, he clearly knows what I’m talking about.”

Old Employee: “So, out of curiosity, when your wife takes out the cooked food… did you by chance re-heat it?”

Customer: “Well, duh…”

Old Employee: “Duh what, sir?”

Customer: “Of course she had to heat it up. The fridge kept it cold like it was suppose too. DUH!”

(It is at this moment where the customer’s wife has come to re-join her husband after looking at other appliances.)

Customer’s Wife: “So, did you have any luck finding a new fridge, hun?”

Customer: “No… I tried to find one that cooks like our old one but they don’t have it.”

Customer’s Wife: “A fridge that… cooks?”

Customer: “Yeah, just like our old one. You know, you put the chicken in raw and you take it back out later before dinner and it’s all cooked. Just like last night.”

Customer’s Wife: “Hunny… I cooked that chicken and put it back in the fridge. Fridges don’t cook food. They just keep them cold.”

Customer: *turns beet red in embarrassment as he finally realizes just how stupid of a moment he had* “Um, I think it’s time to leave.”

(The husband left in a hurried walk, with his wife in tow saying, ‘But what about the fridge, Hunny? What about the fridge?’)

Causing An Infraction

| Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

(As at many restaurants in the South, we have extremely sweet iced tea. It is common for guests to order “1/2 & 1/2 tea.”)

Me: “What would you like to drink?”

Guest: “I want some 1/2 & 1/2 tea, but I want more sweet than unsweet.”

Me: “That’s not how fractions work…”

A Divisive Question

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am a clerk stocking groceries. A newer, less experienced clerk approaches me to ask a question.)

Coworker: “Do we carry something called divided oil? A customer needs it for a recipe and I’ve never heard of it.”

(I went over to the baking aisle and proceeded to explain to the middle-aged female customer and my teenaged coworker what it meant when a recipe calls for one and a half cups oil, divided.)

When The Spice Isn’t Nice

| WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I have worked in a Thai restaurant for six years and never really came into a difficult customer before. I am training a friend of mine and watch her take a customer’s order on her own.)

Friend: *smiles* “Hello. Are you ready to order?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like Chicken Spicy Basil, but I do not want the spice in there.”

Friend: “I’m not sure that’s possible, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, it is. Just don’t add the spice to the dish. I don’t want any spice in there.”

Friend: “May I have a moment? I need to talk to the head waitress.”

(She comes over to me without a word, because I was listening. It was the strangest request I have ever received.)

Me: “Miss, we can’t take the spice out of the Spicy Basil sauce. It’s not possible once it’s already made.”

Customer: “Yes, it is, and I don’t want the spice in it at all. Figure it out for yourself.”

(Not knowing what to do, I went and talked to the cook, who was also my older cousin. She was really confused, but ended up using a different sauce for the dish. That customer gave us a bad review on some site, calling us liars and bad names, which actually caused no new customers to come in for a week.)

Allergic To Payback

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(After a customer is hospitalized due to a miscommunication about their allergies, my manager changes store policy so that we aren’t allowed to serve anyone anything if they say they are allergic to components. Since bratty customers often claim allergy, this has had many hilarious results, my favorite being a customer who usually makes us remake her order three or four times because she’s allergic to this or that.)

Customer: “I’ll have a meatball sub, no onion. I’m allergic to onion.”

Me: “The meatballs have onion in them. What else can I get you?”

Customer: “The meatballs only have a little; it’s fine.”

Me: “You have informed me you have an onion allergy. I cannot serve you any products containing onion.”

Customer: *huffs* “Fine, I’ll have the chicken sub!”

Me: “Ma’am, last week you made me remake your food because of a tomato allergy. I cannot serve you any product with tomato.”

Customer: “Yes, you can! I get them all the time.”

Me: “Store policy has changed. I cannot serve any customer any food that may have been contaminated with anything they label as an allergen.”

Customer: “Fine, I was lying. Give me my sub.”

Me: “As you have given me conflicting information I must err on the side of caution. I cannot serve you tomato, onion, wheat, gluten, dairy, eggs-”

Customer: “WHAT! I never said I was allergic to that stuff:”

Me: “Ma’am, whenever you have us remake food we must enter the reason in the register. And all your credit card purchases are saved in the system. Should we look up your purchases?”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

(I run in back and tell him what’s going on. He gets an evil look on his face.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am, I understand you’re confused about our new store policy?”

Customer: “Your employee here refuses to make me food even though I told her I am not allergic!”

Manager: “So you aren’t allergic to onions or tomatoes or wheat?”

Customer: “No, I am not.”

Manager: “Ma’am, you just admitted to lying about allergies. So you can either pay for every sandwich you’ve ever had us remake, or get out.”

Customer: *runs out of the store*