Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Hoping They Were Born Yesterday

    | Houston, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a bakery franchise that specializes in bundt cakes. On loyalty customers’ birthdays, they have the opportunity to come into the store and get a free mini cake. The following exchange happens the week before Halloween over the phone.)

    Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Franchise Name]; how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi. I was just calling about the birthday bundtlet? I didn’t get one.”

    Me: “Oh, geez, sorry about that. When did you come in?”

    Caller: “I didn’t. I never got the email with the coupon on it.”

    Me: “Okay. When did you sign up for the loyalty program?”

    Caller: “Um, it was for my cousin’s birthday, so it was a while ago, and…”

    (The customer proceeds to ramble on for a minute or so, making me suspicious that she signed up after her birthday.)

    Me: “Okay, miss. If you come in with your ID, to prove that your birthday was within a week of today, I’ll check to make sure you’re on the loyalty program and get you that cake.”

    Caller: “Oh, my birthday was in August. But my husband’s birthday is in a week, so I’ll just get a bundtlet for then.”

    Me: “No, that won’t work. I’m sorry.”

    Caller: “God, I f****** hate this store. You never work with your customers!”

    A Half-Baked Notion

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am an 18-year-old male. I work at a local bakery around the corner from my house on the weekends. I’m busy dealing with a customer, who happens to be my older sister by five years. Since it’s quiet at the moment, I’m just having a quick chat with her whilst my coworker deals with the only other customer in the store.)

    Me: “Well, anyway, I should get back to clearing the shelves. I will see you at home later?”

    Sister: “Yea sure!”

    (The other customer has apparently been eavesdropping, and walks up to my sister.)

    Customer: “Don’t you think you should wait until you’re older before you start dating men?”

    (The customer then turns to me.)

    Customer: “AND YOU! You should be ashamed of yourself! This girl can’t be more than 16, and you’re taking advantage of her!”

    (To be fair my sister is short and very slim. I’m 6′ 2″ and quite bulky, so she is often mistaken for being younger than me.)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but you seem to have misunderstood. This is my sister, and she’s actually older than me.”

    Customer: “Don’t you try to justify yourself to me you monster; you’re taking advantage of this poor girl.”

    (The customer then tries to take my sister by the hand and lead her out of the store.)

    Customer: “Come with me, dear; I won’t let that man hurt you.”

    Sister: “No, that really is my brother! You don’t understand.”

    Customer: “No, dear, don’t believe his lies. Let’s get you away from here and call the police.”

    (He drags my sister out onto the street. I rush after them, because as far as I’m concerned, this man is in the act of kidnapping my sister.)

    Me: “Hey stop! GET OFF MY SISTER!”

    (The man turns around to face me, at which point several other store owners have come out to see what’s going on. I decide to make a last ditch attempt to reason with this man before I try and force him to let go of my sister.)

    Me: “Look, I’ve got my ID on me and so does my sister! If we show them to you, will you accept that what were telling you is the truth?”

    Customer: “Fine, but I warn you I know fakes when I see them!”

    (My sister and I both show our IDs, which bear the exact same surname and our dates of birth. I see that it all finally clicks into place in the customer’s brain.)

    Customer: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”

    (The customer saunters off down the street, merry as you like. Once were sure he’s gone, my sister walks round the corner back home. It’s only then we realize that in all the drama, the customer never actually paid for the bread and cakes he had bought. We all now wonder if he just forgot like we did, or if we were a victim of the most impressive scam to steal bread and cake in history!)

    A Roll Rehearsal Before Bowel Reversal

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working the front desk and checking in a guest.)

    Me: “…and here are your room keys. Your room is located on the third floor and will be on the right hand side of the elevator. If there’s absolutely anything you need just press zero on your phone and I’ll be sure to assist you. Enjoy your stay.”

    Guest: “Can I ask you for something now?”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Anything you need would be my pleasure to serve.”

    Guest: “Can I get five rolls of toilet paper?”

    Me: “The rooms come standard with two rolls. Would you like an additional three rolls to total the room out to five rolls, or would you like five additional rolls to total seven rolls?”

    Guest: “I would like the five additional rolls, please.”

    Me: “I can do that for you, but unfortunately there is a $1 fee per excess roll. Between you and me, if you wait until the morning, the housekeepers will change out your toilet paper anyway and you won’t have to pay for it.”

    Guest: “I need the five rolls tonight. I only bought this room because if I’m going to destroy a bathroom after my mother-in-law’s cooking, it ain’t gonna be my job to clean it up…”

    Food For Thought-ful

    | Durant, OK, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work in a gift shop inside a very successful casino. Our department is very small, and has suffered a few losses of faculty leaving us shorthanded for a small period. I am working a late shift unable to take any breaks but I don’t mind it. I’m used to being on my feet, but I am feeling very hungry. A customer comes in with bags of food wanting a few candy bars.)

    Me: “Oh my gosh, that smells so good.”

    Customer: “Yeah, double cheeseburger, onion rings and chili fries! I’m feeling hungry tonight!”

    Me: “Oh man, me too! I haven’t had a chance to eat today.”

    Customer: “You haven’t? Well, why not?!”

    Me: “The store is open 24 hours, and there’s no one else here to break me. It’s only for a little while though, and my relief comes in at midnight.”

    Customer: “But that’s so long!”

    Me: “It’s not that long, but that smell sure is making me hungry!”

    Customer: “You want me to order you some food?”

    Me: “Sir, you don’t have to do that!”

    Customer: “I want to!”

    (I continue ringing him up and hand him back his change.)

    Me: *chuckles* “Alright, thank you, sir. You have a good night.”

    Customer: “You the same!”

    (The customer leaves and the offer slips my mind as I continue working. Sure enough, about an hour later a drink-girl comes in with a tray full of all the food he described! I was astounded! Thank you, sir, for your generosity!)

    This Customer Is Not From Concentrate

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We have three flavours of slushy in our slushy machine: raspberry, cherry and orange. Raspberry is blue, cherry is pink and orange is obviously orange. Customers usually refer to the slushy they want by the colors.)

    Customer: “What flavour is the orange slushy?”

    Me: “Orange flavoured.”

    Customer: “I know what the color is, I want to know the FLAVOUR.”

    Me: “It’s orange flavoured, ma’am, just like the fruit.”

    (The customer suddenly starts screaming at me.)

    Woman: “WHAT IS THE FLAVOUR! I CAN SEE THE COLOR OF THE D*** THING! WHAT FLAVOUR IS IT?!”

    (The customer’s daughter chimes in.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mum! It’s like orange juice! Chill out!”

    Woman: “Orange juice? Jeez, why couldn’t she just tell me that?! Two of those, please!”

    (The customer is perfectly pleasant with me for the rest of the transaction, and wanders off with her slushy happily!)

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