Featured Story:
  • A Total Brazil Nut
    (1,446 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    You Say Potato, I Say Catholic

    | NC, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    (My grandmother and I are serving food at an outdoor event. I have cooked mashed potatoes.)

    Customer: “These potatoes are fantastic! I’ve had three servings.”

    Me: “Well, thank you!”

    Customer: “You must be from the First Baptist Church, because all of the best cooks are Baptist, you know.”

    Me: “Actually, I’m not.”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you must be a Methodist then. Methodist women always did have a way with potatoes.”

    Me: “No, I’m actually a Catholic.”

    Customer: “Well, where the h*** did you come from?”

    That Comment Contains Many Holes

    | Huntsville, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I have gone to pick up junk food for the house, when a customer in line behind me notices the chocolate bars I’ve selected. They are a brand that leaves tiny air bubbles inside the chocolate.)

    Customer: “Oh! I just love those!”

    Me: “Heh, yeah. They’re a favorite in the household.”

    Customer: “I love them because they took all the calories out!”

    Me: “The orange ones are the best, I— Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t you know? Those holes are where the calories used to be!”

    Easy To Label The Problem Customers

    , | Erie, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (Instead of repeatedly having to tell customers prices, we have case tags with the name and price listed in front of each product. A customer walks up and I go up to the counter to greet him.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. I would like a half pound of this bologna.”

    (He walks over to the case that has several different kinds of bologna in it. The case tags are clearly labeled in front of each product. I politely ask again which product he wanted.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, which one did you want? We have [Name Brand #1], [Name Brand #2], and [Name Brand #3].”

    Customer: “This one.”

    Me: “Sir, I can not see which one you’re pointing to.”

    (The man starts to glare at me. He points once again.)

    Customer: “THIS… ONE…”

    (Finally giving up on the hope he’ll actually say brand of bologna he wants, I walk around the counter to the front.)

    Me: “I apologize. Which one did you want?”

    (Without speaking, he points to the bologna he wanted.)

    Me: “Oh, the [Brand Name] beef bologna.”

    Customer: “YES! I’ve been pointing to THAT one.”

    (I slice the desired amount of meat for the gentleman and thank him for shopping with us. My coworker then walks up to me.)

    Coworker: “That’s okay… I had someone completely ignore the label and ask for the white circle cheese.”

    No Plaice For A Jedi

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I have just placed an order at a fish ‘n’ chips restaurant.)

    Cashier: “Okay, here’s your receipt, sir. Your order number is 66.”

    Me: “Huh. How many Order 66’s do you get through every day?”

    Cashier: “Two, sometimes three.”

    Me: “Wow, all those poor Jedi…”

    No Point Crying Over Stolen Milk

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (Milk is subsidized in my state so we don’t offer cash refunds or exchanges unless the product is spoiled or damaged. One man has been exchanging half-empty milk every week for six months claiming each time that the container is leaking. He does it with different clerks and it takes a while before everyone realizes he’s scamming us. As manager, I ask my clerks to let me know if they see him come in so I can talk to him.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this milk.”

    Me: “Sure, we can certainly do that. Man, you have some rotten luck!”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, you just always seem to have leaky milks. Looking at how little is remaining, it must have really made a mess in your fridge!”

    Customer: “Oh. Yeah.”

    Me: “Wow, going through a milk every week? I wonder if [Milk Company] knows they have so many leaky containers. I should track this and notify them.”

    Customer: *nervously* “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, a leaky gallon every week for six months? That’s unacceptable. Maybe you should try another brand? You know, [Milk Company]’s headquarters are just one town over. I could just call them and have them inspect this.”

    Customer: *alarmed* “Oh, no, no! It’s fine. I’m all set.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Hey, why don’t we go pick out a gallon together. That way we’ll KNOW it isn’t leaking?”

    Customer: “Oh, uhhh. I’m sure I won’t have any problems anymore.”

    Me: “I really appreciate you letting us know there is an issue with their packaging. I’ll be sure to keep an extra close eye on your milk from now on.”

    (The customer leaves in a hurry and we never see him again!)

    Page 79/281First...7778798081...Last