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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Not A Very Smart Cookie

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer is standing in the store looking at the case of pastries.)

    Customer: “What’s a peanut butter cookie?”

    Me: “It’s a cookie with peanut butter.”

    Customer: “What’s a chocolate chip cookie?”

    Me: “It’s a cookie with chocolate chips in it.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The peanut butter cookie has peanut butter and no chocolate chips, and the chocolate chip cookie has chocolate chips and no peanut butter.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand the difference.” *deliberates for a few minutes* “I’ll get one of each…”

    Your Biggest Bugbear

    , | Danvers, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (It is my last week working as a waiter at a nice restaurant/bar before heading off to college. Late Friday afternoon, eight men in suits and ties come in for food and drinks. A couple minutes after serving their cocktails, one of them calls me to the table, stands up, and starts shouting.)

    Customer: “What’s the meaning of this? There’s a bug in my drink!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry sir. I’ve never seen that happen before.”

    (For the next five minutes he rants and raves. I apologize every time he’ll let me get a word in, but he won’t let up. He’s apparently trying to impress his companions, but they’re all rolling their eyes in embarrassment at his hysterics. Finally, he reaches the end of his tantrum.)

    Customer: “You should be fired for serving a drink with a bug in it. It’s completely unacceptable. Take this back and bring me another one. Get me another one, right now!”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. Of course.”

    Me: *turns to leave, hesitates, turns back to the customer* “To make sure I’ve got this right, sir, is that another bug or another drink you would like?”

    Customer: “…”

    Companions: *burst out laughing*

    (The customer turns red. He never said another word. The group left me a nice tip.)

    Sorry, Please Chai Again

    | Olympia, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I am working in a new coffee shop on campus that is very busy at certain times of the day. We start to notice a professor pulling a scam on us at our peak times. Every day she waits until we are really busy. She waits with her friend in line but does not order anything. Then, after ‘waiting’ a while, she demands to know where her drink is. Several students are pulling this scam as well. We put up a sign that says you have to present your receipt, and make sure we tell everyone that orders. All the scams stop, except one.)

    Professor: *slamming her hand over and over on the pickup counter* “Where is my chai?! Where is my chai?!”

    Coworker: “Do you have your receipt?”

    Professor: *indignant* “No.”

    Coworker: “Then you don’t have a chai.”

    (She never tried to pull the scam on us again!)

    Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (The store is relatively quiet and empty on this evening. A customer enters and approaches me quickly, seeming angry. She slams an open 12-pack of caffeine-free soft drinks on my counter, which I remember I had sold to her earlier.)

    Customer: “False advertising!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You sell products that are advertised falsely!”

    Me: “Um… okay. How? Did you get overcharged?”

    Customer: “These are marked as ‘caffeine free’ but they AREN’T! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have no control over the caffeinating. That would be something to contact the soda company about. May I ask, how do you know it has caffeine in it?”

    Customer: “Watch!”

    (She proceeds to open a can. I hear a ‘tsssshhhhh.’)

    Customer: “THERE! See? You don’t hear that noise unless it isn’t caffeinated! There is caffeine in these!”

    Me: “Oh! That isn’t because of caffeine—”

    Customer: “Don’t try to protect them! I DEMAND A REFUND!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s CARBONATION. Not CAFFEINE.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “CARBONATION is what makes the drink bubbly; CAFFEINE is a stimulant. Furthermore, like I said, that would be an issue to take up with the soda company. Not us.”

    Customer: “… oh. Oh!” *gathers up her drinks and hurries out, clearly embarrassed*

    Bird Is The Word

    , | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I am working the drive thru on a Sunday, a time when we have a lot of regular customers after church lets out. I recognize a man from last Sunday.)

    Me: “Hey, I remember you from the other day!”

    Customer: “That’s right! You have a good memory! I like to hear the word and eat the bird!”

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