Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Uniform Response

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Military, Top

(I’m in a chain restaurant with my family when a group of four soldiers from the base come in. The group is very loud and rowdy, but no one wants to say anything because they’re soldiers. However, as they all order alcoholic drinks for ‘pre-gaming,’ they just get louder and rowdier. Finally, another customer at the table next to theirs has had enough.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you four please quiet down? We’re all trying to enjoy our dinners.”

Soldier #1: “With all due respect, shove it.”

Soldier #2: “We’re willing to go out and die for your freedom and you can’t even let us have dinner?”

Soldier #3: “We’re just trying to celebrate [Soldier #1]’s promotion, lady. Chill.”

Soldier #1: “Show some f****** respect.”

(The customer takes a deep breath, stands up and turns around, revealing a missing arm.)

Customer: “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Major [Customer] and I’ve recently been transferred to the base here after spending a few months in Walter Reed. I lost my arm to an IED in Iraq. I want all of your names. I’ll be talking to your C.O. as soon as I leave here, and I have a feeling you won’t be celebrating that promotion long. Now please keep your voices down so all of these people can enjoy their dinners, and stop being a disgrace to the uniform.”

(The whole restaurant applauded her.)

Doesn’t Drink, Period

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m second in a queue to pay and the customer in front of me is an older lady wanting a bottle of whiskey. They are kept behind the counter. The owner of the store is a very polite Muslim gentleman in traditional dress. I love this store; it has a little bit of everything and the owner has a great sense of humour. The woman is asking lots of questions about the strength of the whiskey and the prices.)

Customer: “But what about the Glen Moray? What percentage is that?”

Owner: “Its 40.”

Customer: “And the price?”

Owner: “£20.”

Customer: “And the Jameson?”

Owner: “It’s also 40% and £20.”

Customer: “And how much is the Teachers?”

Owner: “£20.”

Customer: “But is it stronger?”

Owner: “No, it’s 40% as well.”

(Each time she asks about a whiskey the owner has to climb up a little ladder to check and he’s not a young gentleman. But he does it smiling all the time.)

Customer: “What’s that there? Canadian Club?”

Owner: “Yes it is also £20 and 40% proof.”

Customer: “I just don’t know. What do they taste like? Which one’s the nicest?”

(I should point out at this point that it became obvious that this lady was not a connoisseur. But was looking for the strongest whiskey to add to the 4 bottles of cheap strong wine she had in her basket.)

Owner: “I’m sorry. I do not drink so I don’t know the taste.”

Customer: *looking disgusted* “How on earth can you sell alcohol when you don’t even drink?”

Me: *taps lady on shoulder* “Well, he sells tampons, too. I hope you don’t expect him to use them!”

(The customer quietly pays and leaves.)

A Continuous Sauce Of Stress

, | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Give me an extra sauce.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I have to charge you an additional 28 cents.”

Customer: “I come here all the time! Just give me the f****** sauce!”

(I’ve worked there for three years both day and night shift and have never seen this lady.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t give you the extra sauce unless you purchase it.”

(The lady digs in her purse and pulls out some change. I hand her the sauce.)

Customer: “Can I have a cup of water?”

Me: “We charge for our cups as well. It would be 28 cents.”

(I’m trying to hold back a smile as the customer glares at me.)

Customer: “Have a good f****** night, b****!”

(I smile at her politely.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am! I hope you have a wonderful evening as well!”

Seriously Cheesed Off

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in the deli section of my store. We have only one meat slicer and one cheese slicer. Right now, we have a long line at the slicers. My coworker is slicing meat and I’m slicing cheese.)

Me: *to the line of people* “Cheese? Cheese? Anyone getting sliced cheese?”

(A customer puts his phone down and approaches.)

Customer #1: “Hi, can I have a pound of turkey?”

Me: “Okay. Any cheese for you, sir?”

Customer #1: “No, I’m not getting cheese.”

Me: “Oh. Well, I was asking about cheese. My buddy here is slicing meat. He’ll be with you in a moment.”

(He gives me a disgruntled look and gets back in line.)

Me: *louder* “Is anyone getting cheese sliced today?”

(Another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “Yes, can I get cooked ham, please?”

Me: “Do you need any cheese, sir?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid there will be a short wait. I’m only slicing cheese; my coworker is doing the meat.”

Customer #2: “Um, okay.”

(He gets back in line.)

Coworker: *snickering*

Me: *very loudly* “DOES ANYONE HERE NEED SLICED CHEESE?”

(A little old lady walks up to me.)

Customer #3: “I want to get some turkey breast, please.”

Me: “Are you getting any cheese, ma’am?”

Customer #3: “No, I don’t need any.”

Me: *sighing* “I’m sorry, I’m only slicing cheese. He’s doing meat. I’m doing cheese.”

Customer #3: “You mean I have to wait?!”

Me: “We only have one meat slicer, ma’am.”

(She throws her hands up in frustration and gets back in line. My coworker is now chuckling loudly.)

Me: “Well, since no one needs cheese, I’m going to go clean up the mess in the cooler.”

Coworker: “What mess?”

Me: “The one that’s going to be there after I face-palm my brains all over the wall…”

A Slow And Ready Response

, | Turku, Finland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(It’s an extremely busy Saturday, as usual, and even though we have all four tills open, there’s a massive queue. Everything goes smoothly however, until a family of five enters the line. The father starts immediately to complain about absolutely everything. I try to be extra nice to smooth things over.)

Customer: *uses a lot of profanities* “How slow are you people?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, Saturdays are really busy days for us. What would you like to order?”

(The kids want our most popular meal, which comes from our hamburger kitchen, and the wait for the burgers is minimal. The parents want kebabs from our other, significantly smaller kitchen, which is backed up for at least 15 minutes.)

Customer: “So, for how long do I have to wait until I get my darn food?!”

Me: “The hamburgers will take only a couple of minutes, but unfortunately the kebabs will take a while. If you’re in a hurry today, I recommend that you change our order to only hamburgers.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re so f****** slow! We are really in a hurry. We need to be at the cinema in the city center in half an hour! You need to be faster than this!”

(I’ve done my best to be polite, but now I lose my composure.)

Me: “Sir, you saw how long our line was when you entered our facility. You had to know that the service would be a tad slower today and frankly, it is not my problem that you are late for your movie, especially since you insist on having kebabs, even though the line is really long and you’ll have to wait. Maybe you shouldn’t have come here at all, if you were so keen on making it to the movies!”

(The face of the customer was priceless and the rest of the transaction was made in silence. I was chagrined by my outburst and told my manager what I did, in case the family wanted to give feedback, so that he would know that I was the culprit. The manager just shrugged and said that things like that happen, and as long as I don’t do it again I wouldn’t get more than a verbal warning!)

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