Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

A Pint-Sized Understanding

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’ll just take a pint, please.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like a pint of?”

Customer: “I just want a pint.”

Me: “Yes. but what would you like?”

Customer: “I want a pint. You work in a bar. How do you not know what a pint is?”

Me: “Sorry. A pint is a unit of measurement; I am just asking what you would like a pint of.”

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! JUST GIVE ME A PINT!”

Me: “Of course.”

(I got him a pint of water. He was not happy.)

Stamping Out Stamp Fraud

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(A customer and his two teenage children come into the store at the beginning of every month, when they get their food stamps. We don’t sell a lot of food – being a drugstore – but we have basic essentials like bread and milk, and also candy. Every month, they would spend their food stamps on the most expensive candy we have. A few days later, they would return it, without the receipt, which rewards them with a store gift card. They would then use the gift card to get things they really wanted. It takes several months of the same cashier/manager combination to figure this scam out, because they try to buy and return from different cashiers at different times of the day. When we finally catch on, the next time they try to return items for a gift card, they were informed that we would NOT be giving them a gift card, nor accepting the return.)

Customer: “Why not!? I return things here all the time! I’m a regular customer!”

Manager: “You are returning food items that you bought with food stamps in order to get non-food items for free. That is a violation of the terms of the food stamp program. Goodbye.”

Customer: *as he and his children are stomping off* “Well, we are NEVER coming here again!”

(It was only three weeks until they were in the store again! Way to teach your children, Dad!)

Silenced Her Cake-Hole

| Wasilla, AK, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I am in at the customer service desk behind a lady who is attempting to make a return.)

Customer: “This is false advertising! You’re f****** lying to your customers!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “THIS!” *slams a half-eaten cake onto the counter* “The label says it’s ‘German Chocolate Cake!’ I bought it for my book club as part of our International Cuisine week and they tell me it’s not from Germany at all!”

(The clerk and I both get the same look of utter disbelief.)

Clerk: “Erm, yes, ma’am. German cake is named after the man who created it, Sam German. It has nothing to do with the country.”

Customer: “Well, how the h*** are customers supposed to know that? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was by this? I should sue you for emotional distress!”

Clerk: “Do you have your receipt? We normally don’t return food if it’s half-eaten but I’ll see what can be done for you.”

(The woman shoves her receipt in the clerk’s face and grumbles as the clerk goes off to check with her manager.)

Customer: “Honestly, can you believe the type of people they employ here?”

Me: “Yes, I know. It’s quite impressive, isn’t it? I doubt I’d have been that patient if it were me behind the counter.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Well, she’s happily making the effort to circumvent policy for something that is not at all her fault. If that had been me you were yelling at, you’d probably be wearing that cake right now, and have been kicked out of the store for being such a clueless, abusive idiot.”

(The customer opened her mouth as if to say something, but couldn’t think of anything. When the clerk came back, saying she could give the woman a full refund, the customer quietly accepted it and quickly took her leave.)

That Price Is Politically Incorrect

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Politics

(I am working the concessions stand at a movie theater in a very affluent neighborhood, in early 2009.)

Customer: “How much for a small popcorn?”

Me: “$5.50.”

Customer: “THAT much? Wow. Well, that’s what we get for electing Obama.”

Me: “I was unaware that the President of the United States took time out of his schedule to set popcorn prices.”

(I’ve been back to this theater recently and prices have actually gone up. THANKS, OBAMA!)

The Not So Smooth Path To A Smoothie

| Charlotte, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a coffee shop that also sells smoothies. On the smoothie menu board there is a note saying all smoothies come with a banana, protein, etc.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like two strawberry smoothies and these bananas please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Would you like a bag for your bananas today?”

Customer: “No, could you actually add them to the smoothies for me?”

Me: “All smoothies come with a banana. Did you want to add an extra banana?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I thought the sign meant we had to purchase our own bananas for the smoothies.”

(I give him a refund for the bananas and he leaves happily while my crew and I try to hold back laughter.)

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