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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    The Sad (Pro)State Of Service

    | Adelaide, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I work as a waitress in a small and very busy beach side cafe which attracts a somewhat pretentious crowd.)

    New Colleague: “I’m not sure what that man at table one wanted. He was mumbling a lot.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll ask.”

    Customer: “Oi, you! Can I get the bill?!” *does ticking bill sign in air*

    Me: “When you’re ready, sir, just come to the front and we can sort it out up there.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know that but I want the bill here.”

    Me: *grits teeth* “… Sure.”

    (I bring the customer his bill. The customer’s wife waves me aside as her husband exits with a weird waddle in his step.)

    Wife: “Don’t worry, dear. No man is pleasant to be around after a prostate exam.”

    Meatballs-Out Crazy Request

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (The building out of which I have operated my shop for the last 2.5 years was originally built as an Italian restaurant. The restaurant went out of business over a decade ago, and my coffee shop is only the latest in a string of businesses that have occupied the property since then.)

    Me: *answering the phone* “Good afternoon, [Coffee Shop].”

    Caller: “Oh, um, hi… This is going to sound a little stupid…”

    Me: “No, don’t worry. What can I help you with?”

    Caller: “Well, my name is [Caller], and I just really loved [Original Restaurant]’s meatballs and sauce. I was wondering if you still had any, or if you knew how to get some?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Caller: “They were just so good! Do you know where they might have opened up again?”

    Me: “No… Not at all.”

    Caller: “Oh, that’s disappointing. What a shame. They were just so good. I—”

    Me: “All right. Well, if that’s all, I—”

    Caller: “But they were just so good!”

    Should Go Back To Primary Level

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a small art and bookshop. We get a lot of students coming in to get supplies.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m starting an art course at the college and I need some brushes.”

    Me: “Okay. We have lots to choose from over there.”

    (I point to huge rack of brushes to my right full of oil, acrylic, and watercolour brushes.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not quite…”

    Me: “I can help you if you like? What sort of brush are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Well, what sort of brushes are the other students buying?”

    Me: “It’s up to you really. It’s sort of a personal preference. What do you like to paint with?”

    Customer: “Primary colours.”

    Me: “…”

    (Something told me she probably won’t excel at art college!)

    Girl Scout Tout

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

    (As a Girl Scout, we have no control over the price of Girl Scout cookies. They have gone up to $4 for around two years now.)

    Me: “Would you like to buy any Girl Scout cookies?”

    Lady: “Yes, I love Girl Scout cookies! How much are they?”

    Me: “They are $4 a box, ma’am.”

    Lady: “YOU’RE LYING TO ME! MY DAUGHTER USED TO SELL THEM FOR $3.50!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they have been $4 now for around two years. That is the price and we have no control over it.”

    Lady: “You are just trying to make some extra cash! My daughter used to charge 50 cents extra all the time! Now give me the real price!”

    Me: “That was against the rules, and we have never done that! If you refuse to pay the full price, we cannot sell cookies to you!”

    Lady: “FINE! Do you take checks?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do! What would you like?”

    Lady: “I want two boxes of cookies! NOW!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That will be $8.”

    (She gives us a check, takes the cookies, and walks away. As I look at the check I notice it is only for $7! I run after the lady.)

    Me: “Excuse me! We need another dollar!”

    Lady: “F*** you! You are just cheating me!”

    (She backs up in her car, almost hits me, and throws a dollar out the window! Then she races out of the parking lot!)

    Not A Very Smart Cookie

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer is standing in the store looking at the case of pastries.)

    Customer: “What’s a peanut butter cookie?”

    Me: “It’s a cookie with peanut butter.”

    Customer: “What’s a chocolate chip cookie?”

    Me: “It’s a cookie with chocolate chips in it.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The peanut butter cookie has peanut butter and no chocolate chips, and the chocolate chip cookie has chocolate chips and no peanut butter.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand the difference.” *deliberates for a few minutes* “I’ll get one of each…”

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