November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Must Be On A Naughty Diet

, | MI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I’ve just started a job at a certain Canadian coffee shop franchise. It’s my first job, and I’m still learning how to deal with people and learning the items we sell.)

Customer: “I’d like a naughty donut, please.”

Me: *pause* “What kind of donut?”

Customer: “A naughty donut.”

(I entered in ‘assorted donut’ and he pays. My coworker comes up and reads the screen, going over to the donut section.)

Coworker: “Hi, sir, what type of donut did you want?”

Customer: “A naughty one.”

Coworker: “Um… what kind?”

Customer: *points* “A Peanut Crunch.”

Me: “Oh, a NUTTY donut!”

Having Beef With Telling Porkies

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a pound of chipped beef.”

Me: “So a pound of roast beef chipped?”

Customer: “No, chipped beef.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have roast beef and corned beef.”

(The lady dismisses me, and then scans our meat selection.)

Customer: “Here! Chopped ham! That’s what I’m looking for.”

Me: *surprised* “Oh, I thought you were looking for chipped beef.”

Customer: “That’s what that is. You take the chopped ham and chip it, and then it becomes chipped beef!”

A Hot Slice Of Justice

, | Grimes, IA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We’re getting pretty close to closing time. We’ve barely had any orders today. I’m working the kitchen with two others. Everything’s been cleaned and there’s nothing to do until another order comes in, when suddenly a customer comes storming into the store, shouting things exceptionally hard to understand, and possibly drunk.)

Me: “Oh, lord, here we go…”

Customer: “Where’s the kitchen guy! I WANT TO SEE THE KI—”

Me: “Right here. You can stop yelling now. I can hear you.”

Customer: *does actually stop yelling, probably because he had to look up to me* “Where the f*** is my pizza? I ordered a pizza over an hour ago. Now, where is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We haven’t—”


Me: “Well, the manager is asleep. If you want, I can go back there and see if we have your order.”

Customer: “Yeah, you do that. I want my free f****** pizza!”

(He gives his name and address. I go to where we keep the order slips.)

Me: “Sir, there’s no slip under either of those.”


Coworker: “Hey, why don’t you call again?”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: “If you did call this store, and we took your order, it was never filled. Go ahead and call the number again. If the phone rings, we’ll give you a free pizza.”

(He whipped out his phone, mashing the buttons until he got to the recent calls, and called the store. Our phone didn’t ring, but somebody on the other end picked up. He had placed an order at the store on the other side of town. The customer shoved his phone in his pocket and stormed out of the store without a word.)

Anything But Basic

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I have just finished ringing Customer #1, and wished her a good evening. I turn to Customer #2:)

Customer #2: “Hello, I need someone to get me something from back in the store.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be happy to help! What can we get you?”

Customer #2: “I need two bags of [Brand], chicken and pea for cats. It has a green stripe on the top.”

Me: “All right, are you sure about the formula? I don’t think [Brand] comes in chicken, it’s usually turkey.”

Customer #2: “Yes, I get it here all the time. It’s chicken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(Upon reaching the aisle with our [Brand] formulas, I find they are all either turkey & potato, or salmon & potato. Rather than automatically assume that this is the bag, since changing proteins can be rather serious for cats, I decide to go back up and confirm what she wanted.)

Me: “Ma’am, it’s as I thought… there is no [Sub-Brand] chicken and pea. It’s only turkey and salmon protein formulas.”

Customer #2: “No, I didn’t say [Sub-Brand], did I? I said [Brand]. I get it here all the time. It’s very expensive. You obviously didn’t look in the right spot or don’t know what you’re talking about. I suppose I’m going to have to go all the way back there myself to educate you on where it is, and I’m not very happy about it.”

(While she’s on her rambling fit, I page my manager to the front to assist the customer for two reasons: one, it is obvious she is going to be an issue and two, I have to ring the customers present in my line. The whole time she continues to ramble on until Customer #1, who has not yet left, interjects:)

Customer #1: “Ma’am, if you’d stop complaining for two seconds, you’d understand that he did what he could to find your food.”

Customer #2: “Then he needs to get someone–”

Customer #1: “If you were paying attention you’d hear that he already did page an associate up to assist you. Maybe if you’d shut up you’d notice that instead of moaning. I don’t work here, but you’ve gotta be polite when talking to people.”

(Around this time, my manager has arrived at the front. After the long transaction, my manager comes back up to me.)

Manager: “So… that lady has issues. I tell her we’ll find whatever it is she’s looking for if she’d just describe the bag to me. When she tells me it’s ‘[Brand]’ I automatically think of [Sub-Brand], and she yelled that it wasn’t. She then said that it was this bag of [Different Brand], which I can’t even see anyplace on the bag it says the word ‘basics.’”

Me: “Yeah, I tried to explain that, too…”

Manager: “Then she says she’s legally blind and that that would explain that… Fine. She has me check the bags over for holes, and they look good. Then, as I’m ringing her up, her savers card can’t be found, and she complains about that and how we never get it right and that she’s going to shop at the other store from now on. Then I ask her which car is hers and where she wants them in the car… She tells me ‘the red one.’ I then ask again where she wants them and she said ‘the. Red. Car!’ So I say, ‘The. Trunk? Or. The. Front. Seat?’ So, she has me toss them in the front seat…”

(Moments later…)

Manager: “So… wait… she told me she’s legally blind. What the h*** is she doing driving?!

Gallons Of Stupidity

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a well known grocery store, mainly working to direct searching customers to their desired products. I am walking down the dairy aisle. I spot two teenagers waiting for a time. The first customer is holding cartons of milk in his hands, and the second customer is holding out a smart phone.)

Me: “Do you two need any help right now?”

Customer #1: “Actually… um, yeah…”

(Customer #1 suddenly nods to Customer #2, who raises his smartphone. I can hear the sound from his that signals the record button being pressed. At this point, I’m starting to catch on that this is a gallon smashing prank.)

Customer #1: “Woah, woah, woah!”

(He badly acts that he’s accidentally falling, and tosses the containers of milk into the sky, and he falls flat on his back. The cartons hit the floor, but don’t shatter or release milk.)

Customer #2: “Crap!”

Customer #1: “We need to redo that!”

(I’m just standing in amazement about how bad these two are at pranking someone.)

Me: “Sir, if you keep intentionally keep damaging our products, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Customer #1: “It was an accident! I just slipped!”

Me: “What about your friend over there recording?”

Customer #2: “I’m just… taking a selfie!”

(I start rolling my eyes, and go to pick up the cartons of milk. Out of nowhere, Customer #1 grabs the cartons of milk off the floor and tosses them up again. Again, nothing happens as they hit the floor.)

Customer #2: “S***! We need another take!”

Customer #1: “C’mon, just let us have one more try?”

Me: “No. Get out of this store now, or I’ll call security for multiple attempts of destruction of property.”

(The two teenagers quickly scurry out of the store, Customer #1 even tripping once during the way out.)

Coworker: “Did those two try to do a gallon prank with cartons?”

Me: “The world may never know.”