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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    The Worst Example Of Homosapien

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer came up to me while I am stocking the cooler.)

    Customer: “Where’s the straight milk?”

    Me: “What? What’s straight milk?”

    Customer: “Straight milk!”

    Me: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Straight milk, so it doesn’t turn my kids gay.”

    Me: “Milk doesn’t turn anybody gay!”

    Customer: “Sure it does. See right here. It’s HOMO-genized milk. I want the HETERO-genized milk.”

    Me: “…”

    Salad With A Side Order Of Obnoxiousness

    | Jacksonville, Fl, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am a waitress at a pizza restaurant. We use a number system to place orders. Each ticket gets a number to put on their table for us to bring the food to them. My boss, the cook, has two different orders of the same salad, one small for table four, and one large for table five, which is supposed to be shared.)

    Boss: *handing me the large* “This one goes to table four.”

    (I take the salad to the table and come back to pick up the next order.)

    Boss: *handing me the small* “Actually, this one goes to four. The other one goes to five.”

    Me: “I took the other one to four already!”

    Boss: “Then go get it back!”

    (I go over to the table with the new salad. Luckily they have not eaten it yet.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I gave you the wrong salad. This one’s yours.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The one I gave you is a large. It’s supposed to be shared. You ordered a small. The large is for the next table over.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (The customer takes the small salad from me. I reach for the large salad, and the customer picks up her fork, licks it, and sticks it in the salad.)

    Customer: “You gave it to me, so it’s mine. Where’s my pizza?”

    Customer At The Other Table: “We’re still going to need that salad.”

    (I was speechless. I went back to my boss and told him what happened. He then yelled at me for not stopping the customer. Then he refused to make another salad. Table five came back inside to get a refund on the salad, which meant the boss had to come over. I got yelled at again for ‘not making them pay for it.’ I quit after that.)

    Butter(beer) Them Up

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I run the anime club at my school, and we have had to relocate to the coffee shop a couple blocks away.)

    Barista: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Friend: “Hi! I would like to order one large mocha!”

    Barista: “Under what name?”

    Friend: “Hmmm… how about Hermione?”

    Barista: “Okay!”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Barista: “Hermione Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!”

    Friend: *speechless, then breaks out laughing* “That was the best thing ever!”

    Barista: “I drew a little surprise on the back of the cup!”

    (It was a drawing of Hermione’s cat!)

    Needs To Clean Up Their Act

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “Can you come around to the front of the case so I can show you which steaks I want?”

    (I could have gotten the steaks perfectly easily from behind the case, but I do as the customer asks. I put on my plastic gloves and open up the case from the front.)

    Customer: *reaching into the case with his bare hand* “I want this one right here and—”

    Me: *quickly putting my hand over the steak* “Sir, please don’t touch the steaks with your bare hands.”

    Customer: “I just want to feel the texture of them.”

    Me: “Texture? Sir, it’s meat.”

    Customer: “I mean I want to make sure it’s not all hard, like it’s been sitting out all day.”

    Me: “I can assure you these steaks were cut less than an hour ago and have been in our refrigerated case ever since then, sir. But if I let you touch them in there, that would be a health hazard.”

    Customer: *suddenly furious* “What do you mean, a health hazard?! My hands are clean! What do you think I am, some kind of slob sicko?!”

    (I can tell him several reasons why I can’t let him touch the steaks, no matter how clean he thinks his hands are. But I have a different idea.)

    Me: “I’m sure your hands are clean, sir. But let me ask you this. If the person in line ahead of you wanted to put their hands all over the steaks, would you want to buy one then?”

    Customer: “Ugh! No!”

    Me: “Well, there you go. That’s why I can’t let you do it either.”

    Customer: “But my hands are clean! My hands are CLEAN!”

    Empty Threats Over Full Coffee

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I’m currently a greeter, but whenever there’s a line for a movie I go help take tickets. We’re near the end of the line when I see a woman with a large coffee cup that’s not from our cafe.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t allow outside food or drink.”

    Customer: “But you don’t serve coffee here.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, we have a cafe just on the other side of the concessions.”

    Customer: “Well, their coffee’s crap.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you bring that into the theater.”

    (The customer SPIKES her full coffee cup into the nearby garbage can.)

    Customer: “I’m never buying any food from you again!”

    (She storms into the theater. My coworker, who finished the line while I was dealing with the customer, looks at me.)

    Coworker: “What kind of threat was that? She’s not buying anything from us NOW!”

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