Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Done With This Business

| Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am second in line at a deli. Deli servers aren’t allowed to stop serving someone unless they’re absolutely sure a customer is done.)

Deli Worker: *to first customer* “That’s 500 grams. Is that all today?”

Customer: *playing with phone, says nothing*

Deli Worker: *turns, wraps the item, and hands it to the customer* “Is that all today?”

Customer: *not looking up, slowly walks away*

(The worker’s eyes follow the customer until she’s completely out of the line.)

Deli Worker: “Aaaaaand… that’s a yes.” *turns to me, mirroring my bemused face* “Hi.”

Just Grit Your Teeth And Smile

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Customer: *looking over a menu* “Anything on your menu can be made vegan, right?”

Me: “Well, most of it. Actually if it can be there will be a capital V next to the name.”

Customer: “So the grits are vegan?”

Me: “No, but they can be made vegetarian.”

Customer: “I’ll have the grits.”

Me: “They’re vegetarian, not vegan.”

Customer: “You’ve had the grits for awhile?”

Me: “Yes and they’re not vegan.”

Customer: “I’d like the grits.”

Me: *sighs*

Need To Reroute This Transaction

, | Hokes Bluff, AL, USA | Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I hear my coworker, who is somewhat new, reading our entire list of drinks off to a customer over the speaker. I go over to see what is going on, and hear this.)

Customer: “I want a ‘route 44!'”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, and what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “A ‘route 44!'”

Coworker: “What kind? We have—” *reads off drinks again*

Customer: *angry* “A ‘ROUTE 44!'”

Coworker: *to me* “I don’t know what to do. She’s just not getting it.”

Me: *to Coworker* “They need you over there. I’ll take over here.” *to Customer* “Hi ma’am, what can I get you to drink with your order?”

Customer: “Oh, my god. I WANT A ‘ROUTE 44!'”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but a route 44 what?”

Customer: *screaming* “A ROUTE 44 LARGE! I WANT A ROUTE 44 LARGE!”

Me: “Ma’am, route 44 is a size. What would you like to drink?”

Customer: *pauses, mutters something to another person in the car* “I want a route 44 Coke…”

Taking Action On The Distraction

, | Estado de México, Mexico | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I’m the customer in this story. I’ve come to the mall and on the way out I visit a stall that makes crêpes.)

Me: “Yeah, I’d like a ham with manchego one, please.”

Worker: *Inputs the order in the computer* “Would you like chipotle or jalapeño, sir?”

(I’ve wandered into my own thoughts and don’t listen.)

Worker: “Sir?”

Me: *snapping back* “Uh?”

Worker: “Chipotle or jalapeño, sir?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The worker stares at me awkwardly and then I realize what I just said.)

Me: “Sorry, sorry! Chipotle, please.”

(The rest of the transaction goes without any trouble and then they proceed to make the crêpe.)

Worker: “You tell me how much chipotle do you want, sir.”

(I look at her dabbing a little of the stuff and then adding more and more.)

Worker: “Uh… are you distracted again?”

Me: “Not this time. I just like it spicy.”

The Sad (Pro)State Of Service

| Adelaide, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I work as a waitress in a small and very busy beach side cafe which attracts a somewhat pretentious crowd.)

New Colleague: “I’m not sure what that man at table one wanted. He was mumbling a lot.”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll ask.”

Customer: “Oi, you! Can I get the bill?!” *does ticking bill sign in air*

Me: “When you’re ready, sir, just come to the front and we can sort it out up there.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know that but I want the bill here.”

Me: *grits teeth* “… Sure.”

(I bring the customer his bill. The customer’s wife waves me aside as her husband exits with a weird waddle in his step.)

Wife: “Don’t worry, dear. No man is pleasant to be around after a prostate exam.”

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