Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,159 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Pass The Buck To Your Manager

    | IA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am stocking the liquor section. An older customer comes up to the register. He is wearing cut-off jeans going three quarters of the way up his thigh and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his belly button.)

    Customer: “I want the liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I want that liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Do you know the name of this drink?”

    Customer: “No, but I know it is made of deer’s blood.”

    (I call over the manager who deals with the liquor section.)

    Me: “Do we have a liqueur made of deer’s blood?”

    Manager: “I don’t think we stock anything like that. Let’s look.”

    (We look for a while and I eventually take a bottle of Jägermeister off the shelf.)

    Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

    The Price Is Right, The Customer Is Not

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (It is Thanksgiving. A customer comes up to the register with a mountain of ads from other stores, since we offer price match. She puts three turkeys on the belt.)

    Customer: “Hi. [Competitor Store] has turkeys for 87 cents a pound. Can you match it?”

    (Our price is 79 cents a pound.)

    Me: “Oh, ma’am. No need to price match; ours is cheaper.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. I see the prices and [Competitor Store] prices are much cheaper.”

    Me: “Honestly, ma’am, they are indeed cheaper.”

    Customer: “Please humor me. Honor your policy and give me the price I want!”

    (At this point I shrug my shoulders and comply.)

    Me: “Alright. Your total is $47.90.”

    Customer: “See! Much cheaper.”

    (The customer puts the turkeys in her cart and walk away. About twenty minutes later, I’m helping the customer service desk. The same woman from earlier comes in line looking clearly upset. I open my register. Since she is next in line, she comes to me.)

    Customer: “You cheated me! You gave me [Competitor Store] price when you knew your stores prices were cheaper!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I remember correctly, I tried telling you our price. You insisted on getting [Competitor Store] prices. Knowing that the customer is always right, I did as you wished.”

    (The customer turns bright red and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “In this case the customer was wrong! Now give me your price.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Once meat leaves the store, we can no longer return it, nor change the price you received.”

    (The customer screams. She takes her three turkeys and runs off.)

    Nothing But Air Between His Bun

    , | Hertfordshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work in a burger restaurant. We’ve just started a new promotion with two new burgers.)

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, umm… Can I try your new burger?”

    Me: “Sure. Is that the cheddar burger or the Mediterranean chicken burger?”

    Customer: “Uh… what’s the difference?”

    Me: “The cheddar burger is a beef burger with cheddar cheese, while the Mediterranean is a chicken burger with peppers and salsa.”

    Customer: “I… I don’t know?”

    Me: “This one…” *points to picture* “…is our new beef burger, and this one…” *points to another picture* “…is our new chicken burger.”

    Customer: “Oh right! So, can I get the new one?”

    Me: “Chicken or beef, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh… chicken? I guess?

    Me: “So, just to check you want the Mediterranean chicken burger? This burger here?”

    Customer: “I think so.”

    Me: “Okay. Anything else for you?”

    Customer: “So, what have I ordered?”

    Me: “This burger here, sir.” *points to picture again* “The Mediterranean chicken burger.”

    Customer: “Wait, what’s in it?”

    Me: “Crispy chicken, peppers, lettuce, salsa and mayo. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sounds good!”

    (I hand the customer his meal and he walks off. He’s back about 10 minutes later, with half of the burger.)

    Customer: “Erm, this isn’t what I ordered.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I thought you wanted the Mediterranean chicken?”

    Customer: “No. I wanted the new burger. That one!” *points at cheddar burger picture*

    Me: “Oh, right… Okay. I’ll just get that for you. Have you already eaten half of the chicken burger?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sorry! I didn’t realise until now that it wasn’t the beef one.”

    Walking A Mile With Another Man’s Candy

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am checking out a customer.)

    Me: “Hello! How are you doing today?”

    (The customer just mumbles something. I am scanning his groceries. I am almost finished when he says something to me.)

    Customer: “Grab me a couple of sneakers back there.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “Get me two sneakers from over there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I do not understand what you are asking for.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid or deaf? A COUPLE D*** SNEAKERS! RIGHT BEHIND YOU! JESUS CHRIST!”

    Me: “Sir, there is no need to take that tone with me, as I am neither deaf or stupid.”

    (The customer is getting furious with me. The next customer behind him in line tries to clarify the misunderstanding.)

    Next Customer: “I think he’s asking for SNICKERS Candy Bars.”

    Me: “Thank you. I’m sorry, sir. I’ll get them for you.”

    Customer: “Never mind! If you’re too f****** stupid to understand what I am asking for, what the h*** are you doing workin’ with customers?!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologized for not understanding you. But you can not and will not talk to me in that foul manner. There are children around. Even if there weren’t, you should never speak to anyone like that. That is completely uncalled for!”

    Customer: “F*** you! Give me my d*** change!”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (He finally gets his things and leaves. The next customer steps up.)

    Next Customer: “I didn’t understand him at first. I thought he was asking for a d*** pair of shoes!” *laughs*

    Giving Him A Good Dressing Down

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, One-Liners

    (I am bartending. A nicely dressed couple in their 20s comes in and order drinks at the bar. They’ve been polite and quiet. The woman is on the heavier side, but still quite cute in her skirt. When the woman’s boyfriend goes to the restroom, a rowdy customer in a polo shirt, who has been obnoxious all night, approaches the bar.)

    Rowdy Customer: “Hey! Hey! I need another gin and tonic! Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be right with you. Just let me fill this order.”

    (As I’m filling the other order, I look up and see the rowdy customer eyeing the woman. He leans onto the bar while staring at her.)

    Rowdy Customer: “Hey, you.”

    (The woman ignores him, and turns slightly away.)

    Rowdy Customer: “You know, a pig in a dress is still just a pig in a dress!”

    (At this point, I’m speechless. I see the woman’s face turn from a smile into an extremely angry frown. Before I can say anything, the woman turns towards him.)

    Woman: “Yeah, and you know, an a**hole in a polo is still just an a**hole in a polo!”

    Rowdy Customer: “I… what?”

    Me: “You can pay up and get out of here for harassing other customers. That’s what!”

    Rowdy Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

    (The rowdy customer leaves some money on the counter and storms out. I turn to the woman.)

    Me: “Hey, that was the best thing I’ve heard all night! Can I get you and your boyfriend the next round?”

    (She smiles and accepts, ordering a drink for herself and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend comes back after everything has quieted down.)

    Me: “Here’s your free round. Really, that was a great come back! It made my day!”

    Woman: “Thanks!”

    Page 73/261First...7172737475...Last