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  • Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    The Offer Is Sub-Standard

    , | BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (The sandwich shop I work in is only a block down the main street from a fairly rowdy nightclub. To alleviate problems we close two hours before the club does but we are often there long past closing to finish the cleanup. It is quite common for drunk people to bang on the door when it is well past closing and try to convince us to make them something. This particular night a group of four young men stumble past and one starts hollering through the locked glass door.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, can you make me a sub?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

    Drunk Guy: “C’mon! It’ll just take a sec. Hey, you can just pocket the money and no one will ever know!”

    Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so. Even if I wasn’t honest, we have security cameras.”

    Drunk Guy: “Oh, c’mon. It’s just a sub. Please?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed and all the food is put away.”

    (By this point his friends are trying to drag him along but I can see that it’s become a rather inebriated point of pride for him to convince me.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, I know. Tell ya what. I’ll sleep with you if you make me a sub!”

    (I make a really obvious show of looking him up and down.)

    Me: “And what’s in it for me?”

    (He just stood there looking dumbfounded as his friends all cracked up laughing, one of them actually falling over because he was laughing so hard. Shortly thereafter they dragged him off, still in shock.)

    The Cards Are Stacked Against You

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m 13 or 14, and I’m working at my lacrosse team’s bake sale.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I have a brownie?”

    Me: “Yes, thank you. That will be a dollar.”

    Customer: “Do you take credit cards?”

    (Moment of silence.)

    Me: “No… we don’t.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a bake sale.”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “I don’t—”

    (My teammate walks over.)

    Teammate: “What seems to be the problem here?”

    Customer: “She says you don’t accept credit cards. Is that true? Are you the manager?”

    Teammate: “Yes, I am. We’re getting a slot in half an hour. Thank you for your time.”

    (The customer walks away, mumbling about insolent businesses.)

    Me: “Well… that was odd.”

    Some Things Sadly Never Chang(e)

    | CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I was also dining at this restaurant and overhear this conversation. Keep in mind the server is Asian, but speaks perfect English with no accent and the customer is a man, ordering everything for his family of four.)

    Customer: *orders eight different sushi rolls* “We’re in a BIG hurry. We need to order and eat fast!”

    Server: “I understand, but sushi takes a long time to prepare as it’s made fresh after you order it. Most people are here for more than an hour. If you’re in a hurry, sushi is probably not the best choice for you.”

    Customer: “Just put the d*** order in and hurry it up.”

    (After the customers get their food and eat more than half it, he asks for the server’s manager.)

    Customer: “I want to complain. We’ve been here for 45 minutes and we’re just now eating. We told him we were in a hurry and he said it was no problem and we’d be done within half an hour and now we’re late. I’m not going to pay for this.”

    Manager: “I’m so sorry, sir. Sushi takes a long time to create.”

    Customer: “Well, Chang here said…”

    Server: “Chang?! My name is Steve!”

    (At this point another customer at a nearby table talked to the manager and told him that she heard what the server said and that he had told them it would be more than an hour. The manager told them to either pay up or he’d call the cops. They ended up paying, but complained loudly the whole time while using many other racially insensitive names.)

    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 3

    , | OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Me: *answering the phone* “Hello! Thank you for calling [Restaurant]! Would you like to hear about our specials?”

    Customer: “Don’t try to sell me anything. I’ll tell you what I want.”

    Me: “All right, sir. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking at your menu here… You got the six-piece nuggets?”

    Me: “Um… sir? You are aware that this is a pizza restaurant, right? We don’t have nuggets.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F***?!”

    (I can hear the customer step away from the phone for a moment, but can still hear him ranting and raving even though I can’t make out what he’s saying.)

    Me: “Sir? Hello?”

    Customer: “—AND TWO OF THEM IN YOUR A**-HOLE!”

    Me: “You have a nice night, sir.” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
    Giving A Pizza My Mind

    They Are Tea-Total

    | Hobart, TAS, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these two boxes of tea.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Did you just change your mind?”

    Customer: “No. Actually, I sent my daughter to the store to get some tea, meaning something for dinner, and she returned with this drinking tea. I don’t actually need it.”

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