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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Link, Nyu, And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

    , | Derby, England, UK | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (There’s an anime convention near to where I work. A bunch of them come in while I’m on the front counter. All of them are in costume.)

    Me: “Great costumes, guys! You had a good day?”

    (Link from Legend Of Zelda is the first to speak up.)

    Link: “Yeah, it’s been amazing, thanks!”

    (I spot one of their friends, a disabled girl, dressed as one of my favorite characters. I call out to her.)

    Me: “Oh, wow! It’s Nyu! You look adorable! I think you win for best costume of the day!”

    Link: “Thanks for that; no one has guessed correctly all day and she’s been pretty upset about it! I think you pretty much just made her day!”

    Me: “My pleasure!”

    (I turn to the girl.)

    Me: “No one could guess your costume, sweetie? Guess they don’t watch the cool shows, huh?”

    (The girl smiles, and begins to answer, but she’s cut off by a random customer who’s come storming over towards us.)

    Customer: “Alright, that’s enough of that! I’M here now, so you can stop catering to that [disabled slur] and show me some respect!”

    Me: “Sir! Please, there’s no need to be so harsh to another customer! If you do not tone it down a little, I will have to ask you to leave!”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why the f*** should I tone it down?! SHE shouldn’t be here, and YOU should start showing me more respect, b****, or I’ll see what your manager has to say about this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was always taught that respect was earned, and that you must always respect others. Since you are unable to do this to me or this poor girl you have insulted, then I have no reason to show YOU any respect. Please leave.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F—”

    (He cuts himself off as he suddenly finds himself surrounded by various different anime and game heroes, all complete with replica weapons.)

    Sephiroth: “I believe the lady asked you to leave, so scram.”

    (The guy all but runs out of the store. ‘Link’ pulls out an ocarina, and plays a medley of various video game songs for me as a thank you. It makes my night!)

    Related:
    Morpheus, Tarantino, And The Green Lantern Walk Into A Bar
    Superman, Rocky Balboa And ABBA Walk Into A Bar

    Trouble Brewing, Part 5

    | Champaign, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I am working the Friday night shift at a gas station located on the campus of a big university. The city’s liquor law prohibits the sale of alcohol after midnight. I’m working by myself at 3 am, when a customer with a look of urgency and intoxication comes barging right in.)

    Customer: “Dude, I have a huge party at my apartment and we just ran out of beer! I need like six cases!”

    Me: “Sorry, buddy, but we stop selling alcohol at midnight.”

    Customer: “I’m desperate! There are like 100 people at my place, and a ton of hot b*****! If I don’t get more beer soon, they’ll leave! I’ll give you a $20 tip if you sell me some.”

    Me: “Sorry, even if I were to try to sell you some, I couldn’t since our registers also block all sales of alcohol after midnight.”

    Customer: “How about if I just walk out with two cases, and ‘accidentally’ drop $40 on the ground on my way out?”

    Me: “That would be stealing, and I’m not okay with that.”

    Customer: “Okay, what if I stuck my hand in my pocket, and pretended to have a gun…”

    (The customer proceeds to stick hand in his jacket pocket and make it look like he’s holding me at gunpoint.)

    Customer: “…and ‘robbed’ you for some cases of beer. Then you would chase me out, and while chasing me outside, I would ‘accidentally’ drop $40?”

    Me: “I couldn’t let you do that either. First of all, I would be required to immediately call the police and file a police report for a robbery. The police would then get your face from the store cameras, easily track you down since you live close by, and put you in jail. Is this party worth going to jail over?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry for bothering you dude. I really don’t have a gun. I just wanted to get some beer for this party really bad, and didn’t want to come back empty handed. Please don’t call the cops!”

    Me: “I’ll forget this even happened if you leave immediately.”

    Customer: “See ya!”

    Me: “Bye!”

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 4
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m chatting with my friend in a grocery store, completely minding my own business. Another customer approaches us.)

    Customer: “Can you please help me to find [item]?”

    Me: “Umm… I don’t know where to find it…”

    Customer: “It’s pretty much like this, but a different shape and brand.”

    (The customer holds up another item, and continues talking for a while. I’m trying to interrupt her, but she’s giving me the exact specs and some more.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; but I don’t work here. Unfortunately I have no idea where to find it.”

    (She looks at me with a puzzled look on her face. At this point I realize that my shirt is red, and not completely unlike the uniform that the shop assistants are required to wear.)

    Customer: “Are you sure? You look like you work here.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m quite certain. Please read the back of my shirt. The store wouldn’t probably accept the message, would they?”

    (My shirt is from a local rap artist with a slogan that translates to “steal from your boss”.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie, Part 2

    | MO, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

    (I’m working at the cash register of a pizza place. A customer storms in and demands his pizza.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, it seems I don’t have anything in here by that name or phone number. Are you sure you called the right store?”

    Customer: “YES! The person who took my order refused to honor this coupon, and so I hung up on them!”

    Me: “Well, sir, that’s probably why it isn’t in here. Should I place a new order?”

    Customer: “Fine! But I want it delivered to my house!”

    (The customer proceeds to place the order, as more customers are lining up and watching the spectacle. I read him the final total.)

    Customer: “That’s not the total! What is wrong with you people?! Can’t anyone do math? It says here I get two pizzas for $11.95.”

    Me: “Actually sir, it’s two pizzas for $11.95 each. Do you still want to place the order?”

    (Everyone is watching at this point. The customer throws the coupon at me.)

    Customer: “WHAT DOES THIS SAY?”

    Me: “Two pizzas for $11.95 each, no limit, expires [date].”

    (The customer’s tail is between his legs, and he’s red with embarrassment. With an entire crowd watching, he reluctantly mumbles and pays the bill.)

    Related:
    A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie

    Dancers In The Dark Coffee

    | USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young customer woman in ballet shoes comes running into the shop. She looks exhausted.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; this is going to be a really big order.”

    (She starts to rattle off a huge order. Being the only barista, I start on them as soon as she done ordering. While making the coffees, a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; she’ll probably be a little bit. I have really big order.”

    (The regular just scoffs, and stands at the register. I focus on the drinks I’m making.)

    Regular: “Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be there in just a moment; I want to make sure all of her—”

    Regular: “Forget her f****** order! She and her little friends will just waste the damn drinks. Dancers, bah.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Regular: “You heard me. All you stupid little girls thinking that they’re an athlete because they can f****** dance!”

    (The customer takes a few steps back.)

    Customer: “Right, it’s so easy. Then how about you follow me.”

    (She bends backwards, practically touching her ankles. She slides back up, before standing on point. She brings one leg up and begins to spin on one foot, in place. She does it a few more times, before smirking at my regular. Still on point.)

    Customer: “Your turn.”

    (The regular scoffs, and huffs about the register until the order is finished.)


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