November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Giving You A (Prison) Break

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

Customer #1: “Thank God, this line is taking forever.”

(There is no line at all, although the tables are mostly occupied.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. May I take your order?”

(The customer proceeds to rattle off a long, confusing, and often contradictory order, including such things as a meatless ham sandwich.)

Me: “Sir, I’m a little confused by your order. Do you mean—”

Customer #1: “—oh for God’s sake, I have to repeat myself now? Weren’t you paying attention the first time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t want to get anything wrong. You made a big order, and—”

Customer #1: *sighs* “I’ll repeat myself, but just this once. I hate dealing with lazy ignorant dropouts like you.”

(He repeats his order, but I understand it even less because I am trying not to cry. He finishes speaking and snaps his fingers at me.)

Customer #1: “Hello?! Punch it in, you dumb b****. I haven’t got all day, and—”

(Suddenly one of the other customers; a strongly-built man who has been quietly sitting at a nearby table, roars and leaps to his feet, flipping the table and spilling his coffee in the process.)


(The rude customer shrieks and flees from the store. I and the remaining customers stare at the man, who quietly picks up the table and comes over to the counter.)

Customer #2: “I’ll pay for any damage. If you could show me where the mops are, I’ll take care of the mess too.”

Me: “I-I-I, um…”

Customer #2: “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. There’s always gonna be an a** like that around.”

Me: “Uh, you, um…”

Customer #2: “Oh, the prison thing?” *laughs* “Never been in jail in my life. So, anyway, where’s that mop?”

Sandwiched Between The Bad Days

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(A customer has picked something up to go (that my coworker prepared) all the while complaining. Apparently she had ordered food from another diner by accident and was angry when we didn’t have her food ready for her. My coworker quickly took her order and got her the food. 10 minutes later the phone rings and I am closest to the front.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

(My voice is very bubbly. In a fake bubbly voice the customer starts yelling.)

Customer: “Well, hi, [My Name]! This is the customer who wanted a pastrami melt but who got a patty melt!”

Me: “I am so sorry, ma’am. If you would like to come back I can give you refund?”

Customer: “Oh, sure! Because I just love driving all over town! My husband and I are coming in and sitting down to eat!”

(She hangs up. When she comes in, I decide to put her in my section so my coworker doesn’t have to deal with her anger. She immediately starts yelling and answers everything I say sarcastically while her husband watches on. I go to get her drinks and when I come back she looks embarrassed.)

Customer: “I would like to apologize. My husband asked me if you were the one that had helped me before and when I said no he asked ‘well, what are you yelling at the girl for?’ I’m sorry.”

(I was shocked. I told her not to worry, got her food out, was very attentive, and they left an excellent tip. I guess it goes to show that we all have bad days.)

A Pulled-Teeth Burger

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a cook at a diner with an open kitchen, but because we work with a skeleton crew, I often step onto the floor to help take orders. Today I stepped in to take an order for a man who came in alone.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

(The customer doesn’t respond, and continues staring at the menu. After a few seconds, I continue.)

Me: “Can I start you off with anything to drink today?”

Customer: “Burger with fried onions and French fries!”

Me: “And would you like anything to drink with that?”

(The customer looks at me like I’m an idiot.)

Customer: “Of course! A [Soda]!”

(I proceed to enter and cook his order. After finishing his meal, the customer calls me over again.)

Customer: “I’d like you to start that burger for my wife!”

(No one had mentioned any burger to me, or the server.)

Me: “Ummm, sure! What would she like on it?”

(Customer stares at me again like I’m an idiot.)

Customer: “You figure it out! You’re the d*** cook!”

(It took me a few moments to comprehend what had just occurred. I was somehow, in my infinite capacity as a diner cook, to know what someone whom I’ve never met before wanted on their burger, and that I was at fault for not being able to do so. Utterly bewildered, I went back to the kitchen and called the server over.)

Me: “Listen, I have no idea what’s going on, but the guy at B4 just placed a burger order for his wife, but won’t tell me what to put on it. Can you please find out?”

(The server comes back almost ten minutes later, during which I had to take the remaining customers orders while cooking.)

Server: “That was like pulling f****** teeth! Apparently she wants fried onions and mushrooms on it, no cheese.”

Me: “What side?”

(Server gets a look of horror on her face and looks over at the customer. She had forgotten to ask.)

Server: “She wants fries. Give her fries.”

The Brain Freeze Will Make No Difference

| Calgary, AB, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(So I work at a college as a coffee server. I really wonder how some people made it this far. I am prepping a customers order. She turns to her friend.)

Customer: “Do you want your double-double?”

Friend: “No, thanks, I’m going to get an iced cappuccino.”

Customer: “It’s below 10 out.”

Friend: “Yeah, but I gave up caffeine for Lent, so I’m going to have an iced cap.”

Customer: “You know there caffeine in that, right?”

Friend: “Yes, in a HOT cappuccino. When you freeze it you kill the caffeine, so therefore it’s caffeine free. The sugar will keep me awake.”

Zipping From One Line To Another

| Stevens, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a retreat and adventure center. One of our main attractions is a zipline canopy tour that requires one to make a reservation. Many call in to do so and inquire about certain safety issues and other things.)

Me: “Hello, [Camp]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to reserve a spot for ziplining.”

Me: “Okay, what day?”

Customer: “Sunday.”

Me: “Okay, and what time.”

Customer: “What time is best? What time will get us finished by dinner?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. How about three?”

Customer: “Okay, and what time would be best for us to leave so we can get there on time?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am, it depends on where you live.”

Customer: “And I wanted to stick in a pot roast and have it done when we return. What would be the best temperature to leave the pot roast at so that it will be done when we get back?”