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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Customers Give You Crabs

    , | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working drive-thru. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; the driver is sober.)

    Me: “Good evening. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

    (The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment, before handing me a wad of bills.)

    Me: “Alright, here’s your change and your recei—”

    (I turn to hand the customer his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

    Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

    Me: “Er… no, thanks.”

    Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

    (The customer tries to hand me the crab anyway.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

    Customer: “Awww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

    Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

    (Later, my coworkers ask what took so long. They couldn’t believe he’d offered me crabs! Probably because we all were wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

    A Customer With Felineous Intent

    | GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a waitress at an upscale seafood and steak restaurant. There is a decorative two-headed zebra cat table at the front of the restaurant. A customer walks in and screams as soon as they see the table.)

    Customer: “Oh my God!”

    (The customer grabs one of my coworkers and puts her car keys in his hand.)

    Customer: “My car is the Toyota parked up on that hill. Open my trunk and put this cat table inside!”

    Coworker: “Uh…”

    (The customer eventually sits in my section. I try to get her started on the menu, but she is completely turned around in her booth looking toward the front of the restaurant.)

    Me: “Is there something wrong?”

    Customer: “I want that cat table!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but it’s not for sale. It belongs to the owner.”

    Customer: “Well, where is he then? I’m gonna schmooze up to him and then he’ll have to give it to me.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll let him know what’s going on.”

    (I go to the back to get her something to drink. When I go back to the front, I hear meowing. It’s the customer, and she is gesturing for the table to come.)

    Customer: “Meow, meow, meow! Come here kitty!”

    (I can see that other customers are looking.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to stop… meowing. It’s making people nervous.”

    (This goes on for half an hour. Eventually, I feel I have to talk to the manager.)

    Me: “Can you please talk to this woman? She wants your cat table. She’s meowing and bothering other customers.”

    Boss: “I’m not getting involved with this.”

    (I go back to the table.)

    Me: “Here’s your check.”

    Customer: “What about the cat table?”

    Me: “So as I said before, the table is not for sale.”

    Customer: “Are you serious? This place isn’t very customer oriented!”

    (After she leaves, I pick up the check. On the back of the receipt was a drawing of a demonic cat with sharp teeth and a note that said ‘You better give me your cat table! -The Cat Lady.’)

    Displacing An Order

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am at a local Chinese restaurant to pick up food for my office. I have done a lot of business with these folks. The young lady working seems to have trouble with her English. As I wait, another customer walks in the door.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m picking up my order my wife placed 20 minutes ago.”

    Worker: “I am sorry. I have no order.”

    (The customer starts getting angry, and the worker is getting upset and trying her best to accommodate him.)

    Customer: “This is un-f******-believable. You people are ridiculous!”

    Worker: “I am so sorry. I will make your food. What did you order?”

    Customer: “You people need to get your s*** together. You need to learn how to COMMUNICATE!”

    (The customer calls his wife.)

    Customer: “Yeah, honey? I’m at [Chinese restaurant] getting our food. They screwed up and didn’t, wait, what? Okay…”

    (The customer hangs up, suddenly looking very timid.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m at the wrong place.”

    (I feel the need to comment.)

    Me: “Looks like you need to learn how to COMMUNICATE.”

    (I then grab my food, tip the worker a comfortable amount, and walk out. I can see the smirk on her face, and the embarrassment radiating from the customer.)

    He Has Beef With The Cheese, Part 2

    | NV, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a cheeseburger with no cheese, and some fries.”

    Me: “Okay, so you’d like a hamburger combo with fries. That’ll be $7.4—”

    Customer: “No, no, I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

    Me: “So… a hamburger.”

    Customer: “NO! I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger minus cheese!”

    (Note: cheeseburgers, whether I enter in “no cheese” or not, are always a dollar more than hamburgers.)

    Me: “So, you want to pay a dollar extra for a cheeseburger, but you want no cheese?”

    Customer: “YES! Is that so hard?”

    Me: “No, sir. So, a cheeseburger with no cheese, and fries. Your total is $8.54.”

    Customer: *satisfied, hands me a $10* “Much better!”

    Related:
    He Has Beef With The Cheese

    A Burger, A Side Of Obnoxiousness, Hold The Manners

    , | Germany | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am ordering inside at a fast food restaurant. There aren’t many people inside but several cars lined up outside at the drive in and most burgers are sold out.)

    Me: “I’ll have a [burger].”

    Cashier #1: “Alright, but I fear you’ll have to wait a bit. Those are out right now, and several other customers are waiting for one as well.”

    Me: “That’s not a problem; I’ll just wait here.”

    (I’ve waited for several minutes with my cashier constantly apologizing to me about it taking so long, when another customer stomps in and goes to the next register.)

    Cashier #2: “Welcome, sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a [same burger as me] and some fries.”

    Cashier #2: “Yes, sir, I apologize in advance, but the burgers are out at the moment and you’ll need to wait a bit.”

    Customer: “Hmph! You’d better hurry up. I’m paying good money for this.”

    (After about two minutes of waiting, the customer starts to curse at the cashiers about being idiots and not working at all. This goes on for several more minutes until the first burger is done and my cashier starts to pack it up for me.)

    Customer: “Oi, that’s my burger! Give it to me now!”

    Cashier #1: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but this lady here came in first and therefore it’s hers.”

    Customer: “Stop talking nonsense! Give it to me!”

    Cashier #2: “No, sir, that’s not your burger. We will give it to her.”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting for ages now. I demand you to give me my burger. NOW!”

    Cashier #1: “But sir it’s—”

    Me: “Ah, just give the burger to him. This poor bloke is probably starving since he lost all his manners already.”

    Cashier #1: “Are you sure about this?”

    Me: “Yep, absolutely. After waiting this long, a few more minutes won’t make it any worse.”

    (The cashier gives the burger to the customer, who immediately retorts…)

    Customer: “Why didn’t you give it to me faster, you idiots?!”

    (I’ve had enough of the customer’s sour attitude and speak up.)

    Me: “For one, because that actually was MY order and I was kind enough to have it. For another, in case you didn’t notice, there is a large line of cars outside waiting and the poor guy in the kitchen is all alone. So stop being an a** and go eat your food which you needed so desperately!”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Cashier #1: “I’m really sorry that you have wait even longer because of him now.”

    Me: “It’s alright. I don’t have anything to do anyway.”

    (After another two minutes, Cashiers #1 and #2 pack my order and add an extra burger.)

    Cashiers #1 & #2: “There you go. A little thank you from all of us!”

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