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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Petty People Make Petty Complaints

    | NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am serving a woman who comes in for lunch with her two children. They have been pleasant so far, and are waiting for their order to come out. The children’s food is done slightly before the mother’s, so I bring it out before it gets cold.)

    Mother: “Where is my food?”

    Me: “It’ll be out in a few minutes, so no worries!”

    Mother: “But my children have their food now.”

    Me: “Theirs was done a little sooner, but yours is on its way.”

    Mother: “It’s not right that they get to eat before I do!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry about the delay. Maybe you could have a few bites of their pizza while you’re waiting?”

    Mother: “Are you saying that I should STEAL food from my CHILDREN?”

    Me: “Oh, no, not at all! It’s just, sharing is caring, right?”

    Mother: “I want to see the manager! This is ridiculous! I am NOT paying for this!”

    Me: “Well all righty then…”

    (She ends up getting everything for free, even though the manager told me later he was on my side. )

    Wait For The Waiter

    | Erie, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am seated a couple tables down from a mother with her four-year-old daughter. The daughter asks to go to the restroom, and is about to bounce out into the aisle when her mom grabs her arm.)

    Mother: “Honey, look right there. Who’s that?”

    Daughter: “Waitress.”

    Mother: “And what’s she carrying?”

    Daughter: “Tray.”

    Mother: “And do you think she could see you with that great big tray in the way?”

    (The little girl’s eyes go very wide, and she shakes her head.)

    Mother: “You need to watch out and not get in the way of the people who work here, sweetheart. You could get hurt, and they could get in trouble for hurting you, even if it was an accident. Understand?”

    (The little girl nods hard, and carefully looks both ways before starting for the bathroom. The waitress, who was bringing me my food, looks shocked.)

    Waitress: “That never happens. Never.”

    Me: “I bet you that mom waited tables at some point.”

    (The waitress asks when she stops by to check on that family, and later tells me the mother was a waitress for three years in college, and nearly got sued for splashing hot coffee on customers when a pair of kids playing tag in the aisle tripped her!)

    A Spirited Response

    | Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I am working as a manager/bartender at a local club. It’s fairly slow, and a clearly drunk regular approaches to order.)

    Customer: “I’ll get a tall ‘Paralyzer.’”

    Me: “Sure thing! That will be $5.75.”

    (I proceed to make the drink, take his payment, and continue doing my job. A few minutes later, he returns to the bar with the empty cup.)

    Customer: “There was no alcohol in this! Make me another one on the house, you b****!”

    Me: “Excuse me? You watched me make it, and drank it all. If you came back after a sip, maybe, but not when it’s empty, dude.”

    (The customer’s intoxicated female friend approaches next to him.)

    Friend: “You’re full of it. I was the manager here a month ago; you’re new and stupid. You tried to rip him off, so make a new one! F****** stupid w****!”

    Me: “Listen up. One, you’re full of it. I’m the manager, and have been for the last year. You’ve never worked here. Second, I know for a fact you do nails for a living. If I had them done, ripped them off, and then said you didn’t do them, would you do them again for free? No. There was alcohol in that drink. Third, call me a f****** name again, and I’ll have you out of here so fast, your four-size-too-small miniskirt might actually squeeze away from your hippo thighs. Now, can I get you anything else, or are you good?”

    (The owner laughs so hard, she has to run to the bathroom. The customer’s friend ends up with a DUI that night. Talk about Karma!)

    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop, Part 2

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Regular Customer: “I’ll have a toffee-hazelnut iced coffee, but can you make it decaf?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Switching to ‘D,’ then?”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, my doctor told me I should cut down on sugar, so I’m going with decaf!”

    Me: “Um… there’s no sugar in regular or decaf coffee. But there is sugar in the two syrups I use to make that flavor; are you sure you want them?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh yes, I’m not cutting out every bit of sugar! Just the caffeine sugars.”

    Me: “There are zero calories, zero sugars in plain black coffee, either regular or decaf.”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, but my sister says she cut out iced coffee and she’s lost 20 pounds! I have to have my coffee, but I figured I could just do decaf instead.”

    Me: “I can use sugar-free flavors for you if you’re trying to—”

    Regular Customer: “No! I hate that fake stuff. Just the decaf iced coffee with toffee and hazelnut. Oh, and extra cream.”

    Related:
    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

    Sautéed Transmogrified Beef

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, [cafe], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, could you tell me what today’s special is?”

    Me: “Today we have a lamb steak with rice and greek potatoes.”

    Caller: “Is the lamb steak beef?”


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