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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergy’s, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    He Who Melt It, Dealt It

    | NM, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (It is over 90 degrees outside. A customer comes in to buy an ice cream. He then goes into the bar across the road, and returns over an hour later.)

    Customer: “I need to exchange this ice cream.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I just bought it a minute ago, and it’s melted!”

    Me: “You were here over an hour ago. I can’t exchange it for you.”

    Customer: “You d*** well better exchange it! It wasn’t melted when I bought it! It’s not my fault I left it in my car when I went to the bar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t exchange it for you; it’s not our fault.”

    Customer: “I just bought it! Give me my d*** money! You know what? I have an even better idea!”

    (The customer slams the melted ice cream on the counter, and grabs a new one from the cooler.)

    Customer: “Give me a f****** bag that will prevent this from melting!”

    Me: “It’ll be [price] for the ice cream, and I don’t think those exist.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for this! You are f****** giving it to me for free, b****!”

    Me: “Not happening. I’ll be more then happy to call the owner for you.”

    Customer: “Get his fat ugly a** down here! I’ll have you fired for this!”

    (I step back to call for the owner.)

    Me: “DAD!”

    (My 6’3″, 300-pound dad walks out from the back room.)

    Dad: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: * grabs the melted ice cream and runs out of the door*

    Self-Serves Him Right

    | Rolling Prairie, IN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m off the clock at the fast food restaurant I work at. I’m waiting for my manager to get off, because I’m his ride home. My manager is the cashier, and there’s only one other employee besides me there. A customer walks up to the counter.)

    Manager: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea, please.”

    Manager: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

    (The customer pays, and his receipt is printed off.)

    Manager: “Your order number is 544, and it’ll be up shortly.”

    Customer: “Can I have my drink?”

    (My manager hands him a cup, since our drink station is self serve.)

    Customer: “There’s no tea in this.”

    Manager: “Yes, because our tea is self serve.”

    Customer: “I don’t do self serve. I don’t work here.”

    Manager: “So, let me get this straight, you want me to go out there and fill your cup up at our self-serve drink station?”

    Customer: “Yes, like I said, I don’t work here. I shouldn’t have to get my own drink.”

    (My manager turns to the other employee, who’s been listening to the entire conversation.)

    Manager: “Would you fill up his drink for him?”

    Employee: “No.”

    Manager: “Good answer.”

    (My manager turns back to the customer.)

    Manager: “Sorry, sir, but I can not fill your drink for you.”

    Customer: “Then give me my d*** money back.”

    Manager: “Okay, here is your money, sir. Have a good night.”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *walks away*

    Me: “In nearly four years of being here, I’ve never seen a customer not want to fill up their own drink.”

    Manager: “Same here.”

    Me: “Makes me wonder though; how does he get gas? There aren’t any full service gas stations off the interstate.”

    Manager: “Good point. Want a double cheese?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Taking The Ham-Fisted Approach

    | NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (Seeing the line for the deli stretch halfway through the produce section, I stand in line while my fiancé goes for the rest of the stuff. Every single person in line ahead of me goes through the same process.)

    Customer: “Let me get some ham.”

    Deli Worker: “What kind of ham?”

    Customer: “Um… [brand].”

    Deli Worker: “Okay… What kind? Honey glazed, regular, salt free?”

    Customer: “Oh… uh… [type].”

    Deli Worker: “How much?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    (This continues on, not just for each customer, but even when one customer has multiple items! I finally step up to the counter just as my fiancé arrives.)

    Me: “Let me get 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium roast reef, 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium turkey, and 1/2 pound [store brand] American yellow, please.”

    Deli Worker: “Ooh honey, you’re my favorite customer of the day!”

    Fiancé: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Apparently, I’m the only person here that thinks ahead!”

    Customer After Me: “Let me get some… salami.”

    Deli Worker: “Here we go again!”

    Cotton-Pickers

    | CT, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a stand in the food court of a mall. We make cotton candy, and I usually have one out for display with a sign that says, “Please do not touch”. Children are usually pretty good about it, but adults are a different story. A customer reaches out and grabs the cotton candy.)

    Female Customer: “Ooh, is this real cotton candy?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. And now that you’ve touched it, you have to take it.”

    Female Customer: “I don’t want that one; I put my hands all over it!”

    The Booger-inning Of A Beautiful Friendship

    | Hurst, TX, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a customer in line at a pizza place. Most of the employees are Spanish speakers, but for the most part are bilingual. The cashier speaks in heavily accented, broken English, but is very sweet.)

    Me: “I’d like a slice of chee—”

    (A customer storms up to the counter, and begins screaming.)

    Customer: “I ordered my pizza five minutes ago! Why isn’t it ready?!”

    Cashier: “It is cooking.”

    Customer: “It doesn’t take five minutes to heat up a pizza! I want my money back, and I want my pizza right now!”

    Cashier: “It is in the oven; it will be soon.”

    Customer: “I can’t understand a word you’re saying! Get me your manager!”

    Cashier: “I am the manager.”

    Customer: “I can’t understand you! Are you even legal? I can’t believe this place hires w******s like you!”

    (I have had enough, and decide to intervene.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your pizza is still cooking. They prepare them totally from scratch when you order. Her race has nothing to do with how long it takes to cook pizza, and you owe her an apology!”

    Customer: “I don’t have to listen to you, you… you… booger face!”

    (She storms off without her pizza, and I got mine for free. The cashier calls me ‘booger-face’ every time I eat there now!)


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