July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Disabled But Not Disarmed

| UK | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(An early morning regular customer is a disabled woman in her 30s who dresses very gothic and always orders a coffee and then reads a book. A new customer I’ve never seen before comes to the serving counter.)

Customer: “I have a complaint!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. What have we done wrong?”

Customer: “You let that [disabled slur] not only sit here but she takes up two seats!”

Me: “Please don’t use words like that. She’s a very good and quiet customer who uses the second chair to prop her walking stick against. Besides, this early in the morning there are plenty of seats.”

Customer: “She’s offending us! She’s being abusive!”

(I’m confused, because I’ve not seen the lady even move from her chair.)

Me: “Er, what has she said?”

Customer: “Nothing! She didn’t even apologise!”

Me: “What on earth for?”

Customer: “For reading one of those e-book things, and being lazy, and fat, and—”

(I can see our regular struggling to her feet and limping over.)

Me: “Please just stop. She’s not affecting you.”

Customer: “She’s a lazy f****** bum. I bet she’s on f****** benefits!”

(Our regular makes it to the counter.)

Regular Customer:  “Could I please have another coffee as I’ve finished the first one and haven’t finished the chapter I’m reading.”

(She hands me a £10 note.)

Regular Customer: “Please keep the change as a tip.” *turns to the complaining customer* “Darlin’, I work as a software engineer and you need to work on your d*** manners. Us disabled have a right to get coffee as well.”

(The new customer stomped back to her table and sat there eating her breakfast and glowering at our regular, who paid no attention at all to it. We found she’d left another £5 behind as an additional tip for ‘dealing with that.’)

A Lack Of Volume Control

| Cumbria, England, UK | Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a pint and a half of lager and a bitter shandy.”

Me: “A pint or a half?”

(Customer looks confused.)

Me: “Of bitter shandy?”

Customer: “A pint and a half.”

Me: “Of the lager?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And would you like a pint or a half of the bitter shandy?”

Customer: “No, a pint and a half of lager and a bitter shandy.”

Me: “And would you like a pint or a half of bitter shandy?”

Customer: “No, I want a pint and a half of…” *pauses* “Oh, yeah a half of bitter shandy, please.

No Refunds From A Fire Sale

| Clemmons, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(There is a customer in the drive thru when we have to evacuate all of the employees due to a fire. The cashier has already taken her money but lays it down on the counter.)

Cashier: “The building is on fire. We have to leave.”

(An hour later, we are standing there watching it burn as the firefighters try to put it out. The same customer walks up.)

Customer: “I demand to see a manager.”

Me: “That would be me. May I ask what you need?”

Customer: “Can I get either my food or my money back since I already paid for it?”

Me: “Sure. Would you like that extra, extra well done?”

Southern Discomfort

| Washington DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am giving out samples of hot sauce with tuna salad. An old man with a long grey beard and a thick Southern accent comes up to my table…)

Me: “Hello, sir, would you like to try some tuna salad with hot sauce?”

Customer: “Maybe. Can I see the hot sauce bottle?”

Me: *thinking he wanted to see the ingredients* “All right, sure.” *I hand him the bottle*

Customer: *carefully shakes the bottle, then tips it upside down to see how much is left*

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Good girl, you’ve used a lot of it.”

Me: “Well, I’ve been serving it to a lot of people.”

Customer: “Yee-hee!”

(The man unscrews the bottle, then tilts his head back and starts shaking hot sauce into his mouth.)

Me: “Sir! Sir, I have to ask for that back now!”

Customer: “Hee-hee. You can’t say you’re Cajun unless you can do that. You need one of those little bottles. I can chug them. Can’t call yourself Southern otherwise. Yee-hee!”

(The man handed back the bottle and walked off. I sanitized the bottle as thoroughly as possible!)

Over-spilling With Irresponsibility

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We sell hot drinks in takeaway cups. We serve them without sugar, and direct customers to the end of the counter where they can add it if they wish. My colleague has just served a woman her coffee:)

Colleague: “Okay, that’s your latte there. Sugar is at the end of the counter if you need it. Enjoy your movie.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer takes the drink, and goes to the end of the counter, where she puts her cup on an uneven pile of napkins. When she then takes the lid off, the cup tips, and covers the counter and the customer. At this point, my colleague goes over to help clean up.)

Colleague: “Don’t worry. We will get this cleaned up, and I will get you another coffee.”

(After he gets the coffee, the customer asks for a supervisor.)

Customer: “I think you should take responsibility for this accident. I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault, but you should take responsibility.”

Supervisor: “We should take responsibility for you placing your drink on the napkins instead of the counter, and then spilling it on yourself?”

Customer: “Yes!”

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