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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    This Is Just The Tip Of The Ice

    , | Okemos, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work in a small coffee kiosk located in a shopping mall. A customer comes up, and the transaction is fairly normal right up until the end.)

    Customer: “This coffee is so hot! Could you please get me some ice to cool it down?”

    Me: “Of course!”

    (I proceed to grab a paper cup and put a reasonable amount of ice in it, which I then hand to the customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, this isn’t enough! Can I have more?”

    Me: “Sure, sorry about that!” *I do exactly as she asks*

    Customer: “Now this is just too much ice. Can you pour a little out?”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    (I’m a little annoyed, but do my best to be as polite as possible as I pour a little bit of ice out.)

    Customer: “That’s still too much ice! I really wish I could just do this myself…”

    (The customer then proceeds to pour about half of the ice into her hand, and then holds out her hand full of ice, clearly expecting me to do the same.)

    Me: “Uh….”

    (I grab a nearby cup for her to pour it in. She ignores this, dumps the ice on the credit card reader and containers of sugar packets, and walks away happily as can be with her coffee filled with what she apparently considered to be the perfect amount of ice.)

    Fry Your Brains

    , | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (It’s a semi-busy night. I and one other manager are up front helping to get orders out when this woman grabs my attention from across the counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you make sure my fries are extra crispy?”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Good. Thanks. I can’t have all that extra fat in me.”

    Me: *stunned speechless for a few seconds* “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “I need them extra well done so there isn’t as much fat on my fries.”

    (I blink a few more times before smiling, nodding, and turning around to relay this information to the manager.)

    Manager: *in response to the customers request* “Wait, what?”

    Me: “You heard me.”

    Manager: “Did you explain how deep frying works?”

    Me: “You know, it wasn’t worth the argument.”

    Denser Than The Dough

    , | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in the bakery department of a rather large supermarket chain. We are one of the few remaining chains in the area with a fresh bakery: our breads are made from scratch every morning. We have a particularly smug customer who always thinks he is right about everything. Normally he complains about the prices on products, expecting the prices to never change… ever.)

    Customer: “Do you have any Mountain Bread?”

    (This type of bread is a round loaf cut in a particular way with flour on top to make it look like the snow on a mountain. It is extremely popular.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we ran sold out of that today. But if you would like to buy this loaf here—” *I gesture to an Italian loaf* “—it is the exact same bread. It is just a different shape.”

    Customer: “No, it isn’t! It tastes completely different. The dough is nothing alike!”

    Me: “I assure you sir, they are exactly the same.”

    Customer: “NO, THEY AREN’T! I KNOW MY BREAD AND THESE ARE NOT THE SAME! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?! I’M AN EXPERT WITH BREAD!”

    Me: “And I know MY bread as I made these both this very morning, and I assure you the dough for both is made in one giant batch. We set aside some of it to make into round Mountain loafs and some of it to be set aside for the more standard Italian loaves. It is the exact same dough; the only difference is that the Mountain bread gets flour on top. That is it.”

    Customer: “YOU’RE WRONG! THE DOUGH IS NOTHING ALIKE!”

    Me: *fed up* “How about you try a piece?”

    (I take a loaf from the shelf and offer him a slice. He takes the slice and takes a bite.)

    Customer: “…I guess it is close… BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME!” *he takes a loaf and leaves*

    Me: *to a coworker* “What part of I MADE THIS and IT COMES FROM THE SAME BATCH was so hard to understand?”

    Coworker: “Some people are just dense…”

    (The customer still shops in my store, though he hasn’t had any big issues like this in quite some time.)

    Trying To Go Dutch On The Danish

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular coffee chain that also sells baked treats. A very polite, very elderly man purchases a cheese Danish, leaving only one in the tray. The next customer, a young woman, buys the last cheese Danish. She gives me cash, and while I am counting it out, the old man comes up to the counter again. He points at the cheese Danish that the young woman is holding.)

    Old Man: “Excuse me, young lady, that’s mine.”

    Young Woman: “Oh…”

    (She glances at me uncertainly, and I look around. I spot the old man’s cheese Danish on a table nearby.)

    Me: “Sir, yours is right there.” *points*

    (The old man turns and looks, and looks genuinely surprised to see the cheese Danish.)

    Old Man: “Oh, my…”

    Young Woman: “Dessert buddies!”

    (She high fives him and hurries out of the shop, blushing.)

    That’s The Way The Cookie Slices

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays

    (My family runs a small pizza place. A nearby family has been regular customers for about ten years now. The phone rings Christmas Eve.)

    Me: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh, sorry, I entered the wrong code on speed dial. Have a nice night.”

    (Five minutes later, she shows up with a plate of cookies! The phone call had been a ruse to confirm we were open that day.)

    Regular Customer: “You always give us such great food. We thought we’d mix it up a bit.”

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