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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 3

    | Cicero, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (After ordering a breakfast sandwich with only sausage and cheese, a customer comes back with said sandwich with a few bites taken.)

    Customer: “I can’t eat this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Is there a problem with your order?”

    Customer: “I can’t eat meat. I’m allergic.”

    (Confused on why she ordered it in the first place, I offer her something else or her money back.)

    Customer: “Just make me a sandwich with ham and cheese.”

    Me: “Um, you just told me you’re allergic to meats.”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Ham is a meat.”

    Customer: “I’m allergic to that meat.” *points at sandwich*

    Me: “You’re only allergic to that type of sausage?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s why I’m telling you to make me a sandwich with ham instead!”

    Me: “Are you sure you just didn’t like it?”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?!”

    Me: “Well, it’s just that our sausage is made from pork. Now you’re asking for ham.”

    Customer: “What’s your point?”

    Me: “Ham is a pork product. If you eat this, I may have to call a paramedic in due to your throat possibly swelling. We wouldn’t want to risk your life, miss.”

    Customer: “…I didn’t like the sausage.”

    Related
    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 2
    Allergic To Common Sense

    Decaffeinated Milk

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer comes into the store and confusedly finds his way to the register.)

    Customer: “Get me a steamed milk.”

    (I make the drink and hand it to him.)

    Customer: “This is just milk. I wanted coffee in this.”

    Me: “No. You ordered steamed milk.”

    Customer: “Don’t you guys put coffee in everything?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “What has coffee in it?”

    Me: “Coffee.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s what I meant to get.”

    The Opposite Of A Rib-Tickler

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I’m the last to get cut tonight and end up having to pick up a table. Right off the bat, this woman tells me how last time she had a horrible experience and that our boss said he’d take care of them the next time they were in.)

    Customer: “I want our appetizer crispy, but not burnt. I want our ribs to be meaty and full. I don’t want them to just pick out any kind and my daughter will have her steak medium.”

    (I bring out the appetizer.)

    Customer: “This isn’t crispy at all! See all this?”

    (I go back and get a new one started for her. When I come back out to tell her that, she says:)

    Customer: “Well, we actually want it without all the seasoning on it.”

    (I run back to let the kitchen guys know, and they are now making the third appetizer for this family. I bring it out when it’s ready.)

    Customer: *after about a minute of eating the appetizer* “Why is everything taking so long? Why is the food taking so long? We’ve been here three hours!”

    (It’s been approximately a half an hour.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we had to make you three appetizers first, before the food was put in.”

    Customer: “I don’t care. It’s taking too long. And they better not screw up the ribs.”

    (I go back to the kitchen and tell the guys they really need to help me out here and they do their best.)

    Customer: *after biting into her ribs* “Do you see this? It’s so dry! Taste it!”

    Me: “No, thanks, ma’am. I trust you.”

    (I grab my manager and have her talk to them. We get her two new baked potatoes, she argues over what medium meant, etc. My manager takes the ribs off the bill. I take it out to her.)

    Customer: “Well, I don’t think we should pay for any of this! We didn’t eat it! My daughter hardly touched her steak.”

    (I ran back and begged my manager to take care of it, since they had been here over an hour and a half and we’re closed. She took care of the whole check. I sat down with the woman and chatted for a minute afterwards, and she handed me $6… on a check that should’ve been $50, for a table that kept me past closing.)

    Sugar-Coating The Prices

    | Lincolnshire, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (An elderly lady asks to see our wine list:)

    Customer: “Do you have any house white wines that are sweet?”

    Me: “No. Unfortunately our two house white wines are both dry wines. However we do have this [slightly more expensive] sweet white wine. Would you like a glass of that?”

    Customer: “No, no. Just bring me a glass of this house white wine and two packets of sugar.”

    A Block Of Highland(er) Cheese

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (I’m on the register late at night when a coworker I vaguely know from another department comes through with his shopping. I scan his items and all is well until I try to scan a block of cut cheese from our deli. The register brings up a warning that it can’t be sold because it is past its use-by date.)

    Me: “Sorry; it’s out of date.”

    Coworker: “I don’t care.” *he holds his hand out*

    (I know that its just going to be thrown out if I waste it and so does he. He is the store butcher, so I look around to check no one is around and just hand him the cheese. I feel I have to be sure though.)

    Me: “You’re sure?”

    Coworker: “Yep.” *he hides his cheese* “Cheese is always good. Cheese is just milk’s attempt at being immortal.”

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