Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,232 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    His Name Is Olaf And He Likes Hot Cheeseburgers

    | AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am a male and take chats from the website of a large North American cable company.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company] sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: “Yes, [My Name], it’s Olaf!”

    Me: “Hello, Olaf! How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “I need Internet, and I have a few questions. One: which service is best for gaming. Two: how much is a rental modem, and do you like cheeseburgers?”

    Me: “Well, Olaf, that would be [Product], that modem is $3.99 per month, and I love cheeseburgers! Now, let’s get this ordered. I’ll be on with you to make sure all goes well!”

    (The customer goes through the order without interruption, and an order number populates my screen.)

    Me: “I see that order is [number]! Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], that was easy! I have to say, my name really isn’t Olaf. It’s too bad I’m married, because I think I have a crush on you.”

    Me: “Ha ha ha, And I, you, Not-Olaf!”

    Customer: “If only this did not have to end.”

    Me: “Alas, Not-Olaf all things come to an end. So I must ask: is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Customer: “D***, I knew you would say that! But I guess I’ve bothered you enough. Goodbye, sexy.”

    Me: “Bye Not-Olaf! This made my day!”

    (Customer closes chat.)

    A Lack Of Branding Understanding, Part 2

    | Escondido, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (A couple is ordering at the concessions stand.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium Coke.”

    (I get the rest of the order ready and then hand her the Coke.)

    Customer: “No, I don’t want Coke, I want root beer.”

    Customer’s Husband: “You said Coke.”

    Customer: *sighs* “But I didn’t mean Coke. By ‘Coke’ I meant ‘soda!’ She didn’t ask me what kind of soda I wanted!”

    Related:
    A Lack Of Branding Understanding

    This Will Become Herb And Legend

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working as a bartender in a posh Upper East Side Italian restaurant that often has long waits for tables. Customers are encouraged to order drinks and appetizers from the bar. We have just begun offering Neapolitan style pizzas as an appetizer. An older, affluent couple sits down in the bar area and proceeds to order drinks and ask about our different pizza offerings.)

    Customer: “Could you tell us a little more about your white pizza.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. It is a thin Neapolitan style pizza topped with olive oil and an herb and cheese blend.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do we look like saggy pants wearing, hip hop rap loving, people? This is an affluent, sophisticated neighborhood. Why would you even consider serving us urban cheese. Do we look like we are on welfare?”

    Customer’s Wife: *loudly* “I mean, my god, what would make you think your customers would ever pay $14 for something with urban cheese on it. I am disgusted at the thought.”

    Me: “I am terribly sorry to have caused you so much concern. I believe I may have spoken too fast and caused a misunderstanding. The pizza bianca con erbe e formaggio is a pizza without tomato sauce, instead it is made with olive oil and an HERRRB and cheese blend.”

    (They asked for a moment to think about it, and as I returned to the bar I noticed they very quietly got up and left the restaurant.)

    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m working the register at a popular coffee shop chain. A woman inspects our breakfast sandwiches for a few minutes before approaching me.)

    Customer: “Can I get one of the reduced fat turkey bacon sandwiches?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry; we just sold out of those. Is there anything else I can offer you today?”

    Customer: “Well, what else do you have that’s vegetarian?”

    Related:
    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2
    No Meat In Their Brain

    Wish You Were Just Pulling My Leg

    | Taylor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I was working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a cart full of two-packs of turkey legs.)

    Me: “Wow, these are pretty big; they make me think of renaissance festival turkey legs.”

    Customer: “Yeah, exactly! I’m going to put them in my smoker. They come out just like that.”

    Me: “Oh, sounds nice! Now I’m craving one!” *laughs*

    Customer: “You are? I could give you one if you like!”

    (I laugh it off as a joke and finish the transaction normally. However, a couple of days later, I see the customer return with a food container in the child seat of her cart.)

    Customer: “Oh! I was hoping you were working this shift again. Guess what I brought you!”

    (She opens the container and pulls out a whole turkey leg, smoked so much it’s falling off the bone she’s holding it by.)

    Customer: “I brought you one like I said!”

    Me: *surprised* “I… uh? Thank you, but… I really can’t take it!”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. I have plenty. You saw. You said you wanted one right? Take it!”

    (I continue to politely refuse while she literally shoved the turkey leg at me, it’s falling apart on my belt and getting grease everywhere.)

    Me: *desperate* “I can’t eat on the job. I could get in trouble!”

    Customer: “Oh, well… I’ll just leave you it here for it later then.”

    (She puts the turkey leg right on the belt and hurries off like nothing happened, leaving me to clean up the greasy mess. It was a nice gesture but an odd one at that!)

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