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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Superbowled Them Over With Realisation

    | Sparta, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working as a cook at a pizza place. it’s Superbowl Sunday, the phone has been ringing constantly, and we’re working non-stop. My manager asks me to answer the phone in back and take orders.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like an order for delivery.”

    (I take his order.)

    Me: “Okay, that comes to [total] and the delivery estimate comes to about three hours.”

    Customer: “THREE HOURS?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!”

    Me: “Sir, are you watching the Superbowl tonight?”

    Customer: “Well… yeah.”

    Me: “And I assume you have a small gathering at your house?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Would you safely assume you’re the only person in town doing this?”

    Customer: “…umm, no.”

    Me: “So if everyone else in town is doing the same as you, there is going to be a bit of a wait. Do you still want your order?”

    Customer: “Oh. Yeah, we can wait.”

    When Pinot Means No

    | Sonoma, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Sometimes, the wineries in the Valley join up for a tasting event. People can buy a ticket, get a special wine glass and get to travel to different wineries and get free tastings of specific wines.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [Winery]. May I pour you a sample?”

    Guest: “What do you have?”

    Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “Can I have a Pinot Noir?”

    Me: “I have Merlot and Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “You don’t have a Pinot.”

    Me: “No, I do not.”

    Guest: “Do you have a Pinot?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, although, the Pinot is not being offered for this specific tasting. However, if you’d like to taste the Pinot, you are more than welcome to visit the tasting room upstairs and try it out. Unfortunately, it won’t be complementary.”

    Guest: “Oh, never mind… What do you have again?”

    Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot, and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “I’d like to taste the Cabernet.”

    Coupons Can Be Taxing

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month

    (I manage a fast food/coffee shop. A customer presents a coupon for $1.99 coffee. I make her drink and I ring it up.)

    Me: “That’s going to be $2.11.”

    Customer: “That’s with the coupon?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “But it’s supposed to be $1.99.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. $1.99 plus tax.”

    Customer: “But why is it $2.11? That seems like too much.”

    Me: “Well its $1.99 plus 12 cents tax which comes to $2.11.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense! It should be $1.99!”

    (This goes on for a couple minutes and my boss is next to me counting money.)

    Customer: *to my boss* “You understand what I’m saying right?”

    Boss: “I’m not sure I do. The drink is $1.99 plus tax and the tax is 12 cents so the total should be $2.11.”

    (The customer stops and thinks for a second and then, looking quite embarrassed turns to me.)

    Customer: “OH, MY GOSH I’m so sorry! I really need this coffee!”

    Charged With Stupid Indignation

    | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer presents two coupons, both for large sandwiches.)

    Customer: “Can I use these both?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay can I get a [Sandwich #1] and a [Sandwich #2]. But I want extra lettuce, tomato, and sauce on that one. And can I get one fish sandwich?”

    Me: “Sure, just let me take these two coupons off for you, okay?”

    (I give her the two free sandwiches so she’s only paying for one.)

    Customer: “All right, that sounds good to me!”

    (Her order is finished, she has the bag, her coupons were taken off, everything seems perfect. But of course, it isn’t.)

    Customer: “Ma’am?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is there something wrong here?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, you charged me for two sandwiches.”

    Me: *checks the receipt* “The only sandwich you paid for was the one with extra toppings. They came to a little more, but I assure you, you only paid for one of the three.”

    Customer: “No, you charged me. Look here.” *points to the one sandwich she paid for*

    Me: “Yes, I charged you for that sandwich. But where it says ’1P,’ means it was free. There is one on the [Sandwich #1] and one on the fish.”

    Customer: “But you charged me for two sandwiches.”

    Me: *speaks a little slower* “The 1P next to the sandwiches make them $0. Free. You have two free sandwiches. Two.”

    Customer: “Ma’am. You charged me for two.”

    (I wanted to bash my head into the register. Finally after about six minutes, she finally understood that I only charged for one sandwich, and then left happily.)

    They Won’t Stop For Muffin

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a cook working the breakfast shift. I notice two women sitting at the bar arguing with the waitress. We no longer serve bagels due to lack of sales and a high volume of losses, this being specified on the menu.)

    Customer #1: “So, do you guys serve like bagel sandwiches. You know like the ones at [Popular Chain Restaurant]?”

    Waitress: “I’m sorry, but those are not offered on the menu.”

    Customer #2: “But you can make it right?”

    Waitress: “Is it on the menu?”

    Customer #2: “No, but can you?”

    Waitress: “It’s not on the menu, so I”ll have to say no.”

    Customer #2: “You do make breakfast sandwiches though?”

    Waitress: “Well, that is on the menu so yes.”

    Customer #1: “Okay, so we’ll take the English muffin.”

    Waitress: “Okay.”

    Customer #1: “But I want to switch the ham for bacon.”

    Waitress: “We can do that.”

    Customer #1: “I’ll also want lettuce and tomato in it.”

    Customer #2: “At the same time we’d like to switch the English muffin for a bagel.”

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