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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    You Say Milk, I Say Epinephrine

    | Portland, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fairly well known coffee shop chain. A woman comes up to the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Me: “[Name], your venti iced no whip mocha.”

    Customer: “Excuse me! Does that have milk in it?”

    Me: “The iced mocha?”

    Customer: “Yes. That’s what I ordered: iced mocha coffee, no whip.”

    Me: “Yes. It’s made with milk by default.”

    Customer: “WELL, I DIDN’T WANT IT MADE WITH MILK! I AM HIGHLY ALLERGIC!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. Let me remake that for you. So, you’d like iced coffee with mocha syrup and no whip?”

    Customer: “Whatever. Fine. Yes. Mocha coffee iced with no whip.”

    (I remake her drink rather quickly.)

    Me: “Here you are. Sorry about that. Let me take that other one.”

    Customer: “If it’s okay– I know you’re gonna dump it; I was hoping I could have it.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay. That’s fine.”

    Customer: *puts a straw in both* “Yum! These are both great! Thanks!”

    Related:
    You Say Tomato, I Say Epinephrine
    You Say Potato, I Say Epinephrine

    Shell Shocked

    , | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is late at night, in the middle of summer. I’m working at the first window, taking orders as well as working the register. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; thankfully the driver is sober.)

    Me: “Good evening. Your total is $[total].”

    Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

    (The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment before handing me a wad of bills.)

    Me: “Alright. Here’s your change and your recei—”

    (I turn to hand him his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

    Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

    Me: “Er… no thanks.”

    Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

    (The customer tries to hand me the crab anyways.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take… tips?”

    Customer: “Aww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

    Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

    (My colleagues and I were all left wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

    Pass The Buck To Your Manager

    | IA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am stocking the liquor section. An older customer comes up to the register. He is wearing cut-off jeans going three quarters of the way up his thigh and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his belly button.)

    Customer: “I want the liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I want that liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Do you know the name of this drink?”

    Customer: “No, but I know it is made of deer’s blood.”

    (I call over the manager who deals with the liquor section.)

    Me: “Do we have a liqueur made of deer’s blood?”

    Manager: “I don’t think we stock anything like that. Let’s look.”

    (We look for a while and I eventually take a bottle of Jägermeister off the shelf.)

    Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

    The Price Is Right, The Customer Is Not

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (It is Thanksgiving. A customer comes up to the register with a mountain of ads from other stores, since we offer price match. She puts three turkeys on the belt.)

    Customer: “Hi. [Competitor Store] has turkeys for 87 cents a pound. Can you match it?”

    (Our price is 79 cents a pound.)

    Me: “Oh, ma’am. No need to price match; ours is cheaper.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. I see the prices and [Competitor Store] prices are much cheaper.”

    Me: “Honestly, ma’am, they are indeed cheaper.”

    Customer: “Please humor me. Honor your policy and give me the price I want!”

    (At this point I shrug my shoulders and comply.)

    Me: “Alright. Your total is $47.90.”

    Customer: “See! Much cheaper.”

    (The customer puts the turkeys in her cart and walk away. About twenty minutes later, I’m helping the customer service desk. The same woman from earlier comes in line looking clearly upset. I open my register. Since she is next in line, she comes to me.)

    Customer: “You cheated me! You gave me [Competitor Store] price when you knew your stores prices were cheaper!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I remember correctly, I tried telling you our price. You insisted on getting [Competitor Store] prices. Knowing that the customer is always right, I did as you wished.”

    (The customer turns bright red and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “In this case the customer was wrong! Now give me your price.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Once meat leaves the store, we can no longer return it, nor change the price you received.”

    (The customer screams. She takes her three turkeys and runs off.)

    Nothing But Air Between His Bun

    , | Hertfordshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work in a burger restaurant. We’ve just started a new promotion with two new burgers.)

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, umm… Can I try your new burger?”

    Me: “Sure. Is that the cheddar burger or the Mediterranean chicken burger?”

    Customer: “Uh… what’s the difference?”

    Me: “The cheddar burger is a beef burger with cheddar cheese, while the Mediterranean is a chicken burger with peppers and salsa.”

    Customer: “I… I don’t know?”

    Me: “This one…” *points to picture* “…is our new beef burger, and this one…” *points to another picture* “…is our new chicken burger.”

    Customer: “Oh right! So, can I get the new one?”

    Me: “Chicken or beef, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh… chicken? I guess?

    Me: “So, just to check you want the Mediterranean chicken burger? This burger here?”

    Customer: “I think so.”

    Me: “Okay. Anything else for you?”

    Customer: “So, what have I ordered?”

    Me: “This burger here, sir.” *points to picture again* “The Mediterranean chicken burger.”

    Customer: “Wait, what’s in it?”

    Me: “Crispy chicken, peppers, lettuce, salsa and mayo. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sounds good!”

    (I hand the customer his meal and he walks off. He’s back about 10 minutes later, with half of the burger.)

    Customer: “Erm, this isn’t what I ordered.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I thought you wanted the Mediterranean chicken?”

    Customer: “No. I wanted the new burger. That one!” *points at cheddar burger picture*

    Me: “Oh, right… Okay. I’ll just get that for you. Have you already eaten half of the chicken burger?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sorry! I didn’t realise until now that it wasn’t the beef one.”

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