(It’s my first night working drive-thru. I’m really nervous and trying to be polite to the customers. A man orders his meal and pulls up to window to pay. He looks mad. He pays me, and I give him his change and hand him his bag.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Not with the day I’m having.”

Me: “Yeah, we all have those kind of days.”

Customer: “NOT with the kind of day I’m having! When your wife leaves you for a richer man, goes to California with him, and then calls you because she wants money to come home, THEN you’re having a bad day!” *screeches out of parking lot*

(The restaurant I work at is rather unimaginatively named after the street where we are located. There is an equally unimaginatively named salon just a block away from us. We get calls for them often enough that we posted their number next to our phone so we can give it to customers who called by accident.)

Me: “[Restaurant], how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to schedule a hair cut and color for tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m sorry, this is [restaurant], not the salon. I have their number right here if you’d like to take it down.”

Caller: “No, no, no! I don’t want a restaurant. I want to schedule a hair cut.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I’m afraid you have the wrong number. The salon’s number is—”

Caller: “NO! I want to schedule a hair cut.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that, but I’m afraid I can’t do that for you. This is a restaurant.”

Caller: “I don’t understand why you can’t just make an appointment for me! I want to speak with your manager!”

Me: “I’m afraid my manager is unavailable at the moment.”

Caller: “Fine! I’ll just come in first thing tomorrow for a walk-in. Expect me to talk with your manager then!”

Me: “You do that, ma’am. Have a nice evening.”

Caller: *click*

(Our manager actually got a call from the extremely amused salon manager the next day. Apparently, she had to promise to “fire” me as the woman would not believe that she had called the wrong number!)

(I am working to-go service at an chain restaurant. Note that we’re three doors down from another similar chain-restaurant that also has to-go service.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up my to-go order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. No one has placed a to-go order with me tonight. When exactly did you call and who did you talk to?”

Customer: *irate* “I called 10 minutes ago and I talked to you! I recognize your voice. Where is my to-go order?!”

Me: “Ma’am, my phone hasn’t rung once in two hours. Can you please let me know what you would like? I will have the kitchen rush make it for you.”

Customer: “I ordered the fajitas. I just talked to you 10 minutes ago, where are my fajitas?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have fajitas on the menu here.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You have them! I ordered them from you 10 minutes ago!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you didn’t place your to-go order with [restaurant three doors down]? I know that they have fajitas and they also have to-go service.”

Customer: “No! I talked to you! Where are my fajitas?”

(This continues for another 10 minutes until finally, I just pick up the phone and call the other restaurant.)

Me: *on the phone* “Do you have a to-go order under the name [patron] for some fajitas?”

Other Restaurant: “Yes, we have her order right here. It has just been sitting here getting cold.”

Me, to Patron: “Ma’am, [restaurant three doors down] has an order under your name for some fajitas.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t order from there. Are you guys pulling a prank on me? Just bring me my fajitas!”

Me: “No, ma’am, you placed your order with other restaurant. The only way you are going to get fajitas is if you go over there and pick them up.”

Customer: “Well, fine! But just know that I will never eat at this restaurant ever again!” *stomps out the door*

(I work at a farmer’s market. One customer is a Thursday regular who always buys single teabags.)

Customer: “I am looking for a good green tea.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I certainly have a large selection—”

Customer: *holding up a Sushi Bar Green Tea* “Oh my lord, this doesn’t have real sushi in it, does it?”

Me: “What? Oh! No. That just means it is like the green tea found at sushi bars.”

Customer: “Oh, good! For a minute there, I thought it was raw fish flavored!”

Customer: “Can I have a champagne and lemonade?”

Me: “So, that’s a champagne with lemonade in it?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Yes, yes!”

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

Me: “Champagne and lemonade.”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’m crazy* “Ew, who would want that? I wanted a champagne AND a lemonade!”

Me: *sigh*