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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Whine About Wine

    | MA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m working at the tasting bar for our winery. It’s been a fairly busy day. I’m serving two women around my age—early 30s.)

    Me: “Hi! Can I get you anything?”

    Customer #1: “Um…. let me think. Sorry, I’m not ready!”

    Me: “Sure, that’s f—”

    Customer #2: “Can I try the chardonnay?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I get the wine and start to pour.)

    Customer #2: “It must be really annoying to work here. You have all these people interrupting you to say ‘Can I try this? Can I try that?’ Is it really annoying?”

    Me: “Actually, that’s not annoying at all! What’s annoying is when people say ‘I want to try this. It sounds delicious, what a great description, how do you like it?’ and I say ‘I think it’s great,’ and they try it and then say ‘this is terrible, it’s disgusting, how can you serve this? Who in their right mind would drink this?’ That’s annoying.”

    (Both of them are staring at me in disbelief.)

    Customer #1: “No… people don’t really do that.”

    Customer #2: “That’s crazy. They really say stuff like that?”

    Me: “I’m afraid so.”

    Customer #2: “Well, I think this chardonnay is really good! Thank you!”

    Me: “You’re very welcome!”

    Taking Shots At Her Kids

    | Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (My store serves a variety of health-drinks. Some of these are concentrated and fairly potent, so we serve them in the form of a ‘shot,’ although they don’t contain any alcohol. A customer comes in with two rowdy young children and orders one of our shots. Her kids are running around and shouting in the background.)

    Customer: “I’m taking them back-to-school shopping today, and—STOP FIGHTING, JUST STOP—sorry.”

    Coworker: “Here’s your shot ma’am!”

    Customer: “Alright kids. Mommy’s going to take her shot now! At 10:30 in the morning! What am I doing with my life? At least it’s just wheatgrass…”

    Being Extra Extra Extra Polite

    , | Palmerston North, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi there, please place your order when you’re ready, thanks.”

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a [popular burger combo] with extra extra extra mayo, please?”

    Me: “Sure, that was [burger] with add mayo?”

    Customer: “Can you add more than that?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sure, I’ll add extra extra mayo. That’s [total], drive on up.”

    (When the customer gets to the window, I pack up her order, and laugh. They’d written ‘+mayo +mayo +mayo’ all over the burger wrap.)

    Me: “Here you go, miss, with extra extra extra mayo.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *opens up the bag, and laughs* “Or, should I say, thank you, thank you, thank you?”

    A-Salted By The Flavor

    | Hyannis, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I own a small cookie bakery on a busy main street on Cape Cod. A customer and his wife have purchased a cookie and some coffee and sat outside to enjoy it. I am having a conversation with my son, when the customer walks back in after they’ve finished.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Just a little constructive criticism.”

    Me: “Okay. Sure!”

    Customer: “The cookie we had was too salty.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Which cookie did you purchase?”

    Customer: “The lace cookie.”

    Me: “You mean the one topped with sea salt?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure why it tasted so salty!”

    My Son: “But it’s… it’s topped with sea salt.”

    Customer: “You know, you REALLY need to be careful about stuff like that when there are people like us who are watching our salt intake!”

    Me: “Well then, sir, I’m not certain you made the best decision. Out of our 14 or so varieties, you chose to purchase a salted cookie.”

    Customer: “But it was—” *reads description* “—OH! I see. Um, okay, have a great day!”

    Chip Quip

    , | NM, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’ve recently moved to the USA from England, and have got myself a job in a fast food place. I keep saying chips instead of fries, which causes confusion.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Can I get two medium chips to go please?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted fries.”

    Me: “Oh yeah, my bad. I’m still not used to talking American.”

    Customer: “So where you from? Mexico?”

    (I have tanned skin, so this is a common question.)

    Me: “No mate, I’m British.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. So you’re not used to speaking English?”

    Me: “What? Us Brits speak English too; we invented the language.”

    Customer: “Oh sweetie, don’t worry! You’ll learn real English in America.”

    Me: “Okay.” *I decide to throw in a British colloquialism* “Here’s your order. Have a pukka day!”

    Customer: “See, I knew you British didn’t speak English.”


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