Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Avoiding Spring Bathroom Break

| Fairfield, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a bar near the beach. It’s usually a popular spot, especially when Spring Break comes around. A trio of college students comes in ordering the Spring Break special, which is where you get pitchers of beer for $1 each until you take a bathroom break, after which it becomes regular price. Our bathrooms do not have any windows and are guarded by two security guards who stamp every patron who leaves the bathroom so management can keep track of everyone. Two of the college students used the bathroom but the third person continues to keep drinking without using the bathroom. After over 60 minutes of drinking he orders another pitcher.)

Customer: *inebriated* “Yo, bro. Another pitcher, please!”

Me: “Right away, sir. It’s amazing that you keep going like this.”

Customer: “Yes, all this drinking is making me thirsty.”

(The people nearby, including the manager, laugh when he says that. The manager decides to step in.)

Manager: “Sir, if you don’t mind me asking, what is your secret? I mean everyone I’ve seen usually goes to the bathroom after 30 minutes of drinking but you haven’t visited the bathroom once. How do you do it?”

Customer: “All right, I’ll show you.”

(The man proceeded to lower his pants and reveal he was wearing an adult diaper. It was soggy looking and yellow like popcorn butter. The manager was so shocked and disgusted by this he took out his cell phone, took a picture of the guy, then whistled for one of the security guards to have the guy escorted from the bar. He then ordered the other two patrons to pay for the difference since they ‘cheated.’ Scared by the security guards, they paid and left me a nice tip!)

Caught Between A Drunk And A Hard Place

| USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I am a young female working alone late at night. I’m busy with another customer when a heavily intoxicated man starts yelling sexist and obscene slurs at me, despite his friend trying to pull him away. The customer in front of me turns towards him.)

Customer: “Hey buddy! F*** off! Can’t you see that she’s not interested?!”

(The drunk makes a move towards him, but thankfully his friend finally manages, with lots of effort, to finally pull him away.)

Me: “Thank you. I didn’t know what I was going to do.”

Customer: “No problem, I always wanted to say that when working in customer service.”

(We finish with his issue and then…)

Customer: “So, can I get your number?”

Me: “Ah, sorry, we’re not allowed to give our numbers to customers.”

Customer: “Oh well, you missed out. Probably a [gay slur], ain’t ya…” *walks off*

Me: “…”

Chipping Away Until You Get The Answer

, | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(An elderly customer walks into my store.)

Me: “Hi! I can take your order when you’re ready!”

Customer: “I’d like some chips.”

(The customer doesn’t have a noticeable accent so I assume he isn’t from England.)

Me: “We don’t have chips, but would you like fries instead?”

Customer: “No, I’d like some chips!”

(The elderly customer then points to the chocolate chip cookies we have sitting out front.)

Customer: “You know what I want! I want chips!”

Me: “Oh, you mean chocolate chips!”

Customer: “No! Chips!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand. If you’d like I can get my manager and see if he knows what you’re talking about?”

Customer: “I don’t want your manager! I want chips! You know they’re like chips of chicken!”

Me: “Oh, you mean chicken nuggets?”

Customer: “Yes! There you go! Chicken chips! See, I told you, you had chips!”

Don’t Always Have To Scream For Ice-Cream

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(It is a busy night in the drive thru. I am trying desperately to catch up on the significant line, and the previous customer had asked for directions at the window after receiving her food. We sometimes miscalculate and get our dessert items ready too early, so the next customer’s ice cream is getting a little ‘melty.’ I know I should re-scoop it, but the line is so long and I hope she won’t mind.)

Me: “Here’s your ice cream. [Price], please.”

Customer: “I don’t mean to be a b****, as I know it’s not your fault they asked for directions, but could you re-scoop this for me?”

Me: *ashamed* “Of course. I’m sorry.”

(I get her a new one. She produces a $10 bill.)

Customer: “Can you break this ten into two fives for me?”

Me: “Here you are.”

Customer:  *only takes one of the bills* “That one’s for you! Thanks for getting me a new ice cream!”

Me: *astounded* “Thank you so much!”

That Reasoning Doesn’t Fly

| Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work in a duty free shop and a customer wanting to buy a bottle of cognac comes to my register. All is well until I ask for his boarding pass.)

Me: “All right, sir, may I see your boarding pass?”

Customer #1: “No.”

Me: “Then you can’t buy this cognac.”

Customer #1: “Why not?”

Me: “Alcohol is a customs bonded item, and as such can only be bought by people leaving the country directly from this point. I need to see your boarding pass so I can make sure you are doing so.”

Customer #1: “But I am French.”

Me: “That does not mean you are leaving the country.”

Customer #1: “But this is an international airport.”

Me: “Domestic flights go out of this airport regularly.”

Customer #1: “Well, I won’t show you my boarding pass.”

Me: “Than you can’t buy the cognac.”

Customer #1: “But I want to.”

Me: “Then I need to see your boarding pass.”

Customer #1: “NO!”

(This goes on for five minutes and the customer leaves in a huff without his cognac. The lady behind him comes up toting a five pound bag of pretzel M&Ms, which, like all candy, is not bonded.)

Customer #2: “Um, I’m on a domestic flight to Phoenix. Can I buy these M&Ms?”

Me: “Sure. Candy isn’t bonded.”

Customer #2: “Okay.” *looks at the cognac* “After that last guy you might need some of that yourself.”

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