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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A Sizeable Gap In Knowledge

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino, please, to take away.”

    Me: “A cappuccino to take away. No problem.”

    Customer: “Is that a large or a small?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Do I want a large or a small cappuccino?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    Customer: “Look. I just want to know if I want a large or a small!”

    Deeply Fried And Deeply Mistaken

    | Onley, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a department store. I am helping stock shelves in the grocery department.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Could you help me find Sugar-Free Oreos?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I’m not too familiar with the grocery department and it takes us a while to find them.)

    Me: “Oh! Here they are!”

    Customer: “Oh! Thank you! I’m so happy you found them!”

    Me: “No problem. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Well, my daughter bought them here last week. I’ve been looking for them ever since.”

    Me: “I’m glad I could help—”

    Customer: “You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because they’re healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind.”

    Thinks He’s So Grape

    , | Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a wine waiter in a business hotel, where we often have repeat guests. One such guest, who always has a problem with something, is tasting a bottle of wine I’ve just opened.)

    Guest: “This wine is bad. It’s corked, or oxidised, or something.”

    Me: “May I test it?”

    (I take the glass and smell the wine, knowing straight away that there’s no problem.)

    Me: “I don’t notice anything wrong here. If you insist, I can open a fresh bottle.”

    Guest: “Well, you obviously don’t know anything about wine or service. Of COURSE I want a fresh bottle.”

    Me: “Very well, sir.”

    (I take the bottle away, re-cork it, and wait a few seconds before returning to the table with a new glass. I open the bottle again as I arrive and I pour a little for him to taste.)

    Guest: “MUCH better. Can’t believe you thought there was nothing wrong with the last bottle. You obviously don’t deserve to be in charge of wine here.”

    There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a cafe and bar that is attached to a movie theater. On this evening, we are somewhat slammed due to a highly anticipated movie release. While I am working the bar I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer #1: “I need to return these fries.”

    Coworker #1: “Of course. What was wrong with them, ma’am?

    Customer #1: “There’s too much sugar!”

    (Both of my co-workers just stare blankly for a few seconds.)

    Coworker #2: “Did you mean, there’s too much salt?”

    Customer #1: “No! Sugar! There’s too much sugar on these fries! I want salt!”

    Coworker #1: “Let me replace your order for you, ma’am…”

    (At this point, many of the customers at the bar and I are struggling to not laugh out loud. While my coworker tries to explain to the cooks exactly what’s going on, the customer moves out of the way for the person next-in-line.)

    Customer #2: *sarcastically* “I want an order of your fries, and, for the love of all that is good: No. Sugar. Please. No. Sugar!”

    (Many of the customers lose it at this point. All of a sudden, we hear a cook scream out to our waitresses.)

    Cook: “We don’t even have sugar in the kitchen! Why would we have sugar?! Nothing we make has sugar! On top of that, WHO PUTS SUGAR ON FRIES?!”

    (I couldn’t get my fist in my mouth in time to stop my laughter. The best part was, the customer in question never even noticed any of this happening!)

    Preorder Disorder, Part 2

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a family style restaurant that offers free bread, salad, dessert, and tea or coffee with all entrees. One particular shift I’m notified I will be taking a birthday party of 15 kids, but they need to be out at a certain time for a movie. The group comes in 15 minutes past their reservation.)

    Mother: “Did you receive my preorder? I gave your manager our complete order so we can catch our movie on time.”

    Me: “Yes, I received it. The bread and waters are already on the table like you requested. I’m just about to bring out the salads, and the kitchen is already working on your order.”

    Mother: “Fine. But talk to the kids and see what else they want to drink. My son wants pop.”

    (She has me stand there reciting all of our drinks to the 15 boys multiple times, as they all choose different items. Before I walk away to make the drinks the mother speaks up.)

    Mother: “Excuse me? Why aren’t the salads out yet?”

    Me: “I was just going to get them before the boys needed more drinks. I didn’t see them on the preorder so they’ll have to be made now.”

    Mother: “You know we’re trying to catch a movie don’t you?!”

    (I quickly bring out the salads, and rush the drinks out to all the boys. Before I can go back to the kitchen to see how the meals are, I’m stopped again.)

    Mother: “As you know, we are in a rush, so my husband and I will have our teas right now. I prefer cream in my tea, my husband will take milk, but we want them both heated up.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll be right back with them.”

    Mother: “Why haven’t you checked on our food yet?”

    (I go back to the kitchen and see the order is being finished. I have time to bring out the teas before I bring all of the food.)

    Me: “Here are your teas, and now I’ll go and get the meals.”

    Mother: “No, hold on. I want to order for me and my husband. We should eat something before the movie.”

    (It is a busy Saturday night, and the kitchen is backed up.)

    Mother: “We’ll have two steaks, medium, with a side of fries.”

    Me: “All right. I will put a rush on your order because I know you have to leave soon. But I should let you know steaks do take a bit longer to prepare.”

    Mother: “We ordered what we wanted! If we wanted something else we would have gotten that! Now where is their food?!”

    (I run back to the kitchen to place the rush order, and bring out the boys’ food. Everything is handed out and fine, when I’m approached again.)

    Mother: “This pesto linguine for my son is nut free, correct? It was on the preorder that he is deathly allergic!”

    (I know there was nothing on the preorder about an allergy, and even show her the paper she gave us. I take the pesto linguine away since, obviously, there are nuts in it, and get him something nut free immediately.)

    Mother: “You need to be more careful! He almost ate that!”

    (By the time the boys are finished eating, plus the parents, and I’ve given them their desserts, it’s the time they should have left. The mother comes up to me and starts freaking out about the movie time.)

    Mother: “I can’t believe how unprofessional you are. You knew we had a movie to catch!”

    (They all leave 15 minutes later, and the mother doesn’t leave me a tip on a $250 bill. She talks to my manager on the way out.)

    Manager: *to me* “Hey, I want to talk to you. Thanks for handling that table so well! She comes in every year for her son’s birthday and pulls that crap. Don’t take her personally. We’ve all had to deal with her here. I just can’t believe you didn’t break down like a few of us did!”

    (A few people in the lobby who have been waiting for a table witnessed some of her pleasantries, and were seated in my section afterwards. They tipped very, very generously after seeing me cater to her every whim!)

    Related:
    Preorder Disorder

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