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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A Compete Idiot

    , | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Where do you keep [Competitor Store] branded beans, please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam. We don’t carry our competitors lines. We only stock our own branded goods.”

    Customer: “That’s silly. You could make money selling other stores’ goods.”

    Me: “That’s an interesting concept. I wonder why no one has thought of it before?”

    Customer: “Well, it’s all the same stuff inside anyway. They just use their own brand labels.”

    Me: “In that case, would you like to try our own brand beans?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I prefer [Competitor Brand] beans. They taste much nicer.”

    Pot Calling The Kettle Everything

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I work in a South American restaurant that tends to get a lot of Asian customers. Since I’m fluent in Mandarin Chinese, Korean, Khmer [Cambodian], and Tagalog [Philippines], I’m often called on to serve customers who don’t speak English. A group of seven customers come in.)

    Customer #1: *obviously struggling* “Can… I… has this?”

    Me: *taking a guess* *Mandarin* “Would you be more comfortable in Mandarin?”

    Customer #2: *Korean* “Stupid Mexicans. Can’t even tell the difference between a Korean and a Chinese man.”

    Me: *Korean* “I apologize, ma’am. I guessed based on [Customer #1]‘s accent and it seems I was wrong. Can I take your order now?”

    Customer #3: *English* “No. I want to talk to your manager.”

    (I go back to get the manager, who is Peruvian.)

    Manager: “Can I help you?

    Customer #3: “Yes. I want to complain about your Mexican waiter’s horribly racist demeanor.”

    Manager: “How was he being racist? He’s usually very culturally sensitive.”

    Customer #4: “You Mexicans are all the same, never bothering to think that maybe there are more types of Asians than just Chinese people.”

    Manager: “First of all, your waiter is from Puerto Rico. I’m from Peru. So maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to complain about being unable to differentiate ethnicity.”

    Customer #3: “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

    (Sighing, my manager assigns a Chinese-American waiter to them. He can only speak English and ends up having to have customers 3 and 4 translate for the rest of their table in order to get their order. Amazingly, they never complained about the difficulty in ordering.)

    This Diet Is Really Going Against The Grain

    | MN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Excuse me. You used to stock a drink in the cooler. It was tea. It had no carbs.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We probably don’t have any more. Sometimes they cycle out drinks that don’t sell very well.”

    Customer: “It was tea. It had no carbs.”

    Me: “I think I know the one you’re thinking of. If it’s not in there, then we’re out. We have some iced tea brewed up if you would like to try that.”

    Customer: “How do I know that it doesn’t have carbs?”

    Me: “I brewed it myself. I can promise you that there are no carbs.”

    Customer: “I want the other tea! You know that soda in there has 33 carbs! You should really stock more options for customers who don’t want to have so many carbs.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to give you some of our iced tea, or some water.”

    Customer: “Ugh! I don’t want any of that. I want the old tea.”

    Me: “Sorry! Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yes! I’ll have a large cookie.”

    They Read A Pizza My Mind

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    Me: *taking an order over the phone* “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello. I would like to order two large pizzas, and I want the first one with sausage.”

    Me: “Okay, and what would you like for the second one?”

    Caller: “I don’t know. Surprise me.”

    (I am almost about to do just that. All of a sudden I hear a second person on the other line.)

    Second Person: “DON’T SAY THAT! HE PROBABLY WILL SURPRISE YOU!”

    Caller: “Okay. Sorry. Make that second one pepperoni.”

    Me: “What’s the matter? Don’t you like anchovies?”

    This Argument Is Short And Sweet

    | Lee's Summit, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I work in a Mexican restaurant. I’m getting the drink order.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a sweet tea.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We only have unsweetened tea, but we have different sweeteners available at the table here.”

    Customer: “Not having sweet tea is un-American!”

    Me: “Sir, this is a Mexican restaurant.”

    Customer: “…touché.”

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