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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Tis The Seasoning

    | MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (My father and I decide to go out to eat at a chain restaurant around Christmas. We can’t help but overhear a table, with a husband who has remained silent the entire time, and a wife, complaining about how her meal has been ruined by the waiter, who happens to be the manager on duty.)

    Woman: “Excuse me, sir. You completely ruined my steak. This is not what I ordered.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I would be more than happy to correct this error. May I ask what is wrong with your steak? Is it overcooked?”

    Woman: “Just slightly but the major problem is the seasonings you put on the steak. I cannot stand it. I want just a plain steak. No seasonings.”

    (Overhearing this, I realize I have ordered the same thing, a Cajun top sirloin, which clearly states that there is spices put on the steak. After a few minutes, the manager comes back with a plain steak for the other table, as well as my meal. After delivering my meal, the woman pulls the manager back to her table.)

    Woman: “Sir, this is the second time, and the last time I hope I have to call you over here. You ruined my steak again. This steak is so bland and flavorless. How hard is it to give me a good steak with a bit of salt and pepper?”

    Manager: “I am sorry for the confusion, ma’am. I’ll go fix your order personally.”

    Woman: *as the manager is leaving the table, but clearly able to hear* “You know, honey, why would a place like this put that seasoning on something when it doesn’t even say it has it on there? No one likes that stuff anyway.”

    (Both my father and I have worked in restaurants most of our lives are fed up by this demanding customer and come to the aid of the manager.)

    Myself: *loud enough for the manager to hear* “Oh, my god! What did they do to this steak!?” *I see the woman turn around and give me a look of agreement as my dad is trying the steak* “This is the best steak I have ever had! And the seasoning is GREAT!”

    (The husband is nearly falling out of his chair laughing as the wife stays silent for the rest of the meal. The manager later thanked us for helping silence the customer. Knowing he was going to get stiffed on a tip, we each pitched $10 just to make his day a little brighter.)

    Be The Change You Want To See

    , | Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money

    (I’m picking up my son from elementary school when he asks for ice cream. The man selling outside is in his 50s-60s and pushing an ice cream cart in 100+ degree weather. There’s a 10 year old boy with his 5 year old sister ahead of us.)

    Girl: “I want that one”

    Boy: “How much is that?”

    Ice cream Man: “$1.50″

    Boy: *to sister* “We only have two dollars.”

    Sister: “I want that one.”

    (She points to another that also turns out to be $1.50, this goes on for another three times until the man finally sells them for $1 instead of $1.50.)

    Boy: “I’ll take two.”

    (The man’s expression seems like he can’t afford to lose a penny but he gives it to them anyway.)

    Son: “I’ll take that one.”

    Ice Cream Man: “That’s $1.00.”

    (I hand him $3.00 and tell him it’s to cover the kids in front of us. The man seems so relieved it made me wish I had more change.)

    Sugar And Spice And Naughty And Nice

    | Bloomfield Hills, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Movies & TV

    Customer: *after purchasing tickets and popcorn* “And I need to get my husband a drink. Give me a bottle of water. Or… what do you have that’s not naughty?”

    Me: “Um, naughty like… ‘sex on the beach?'”

    Customer: “No. Just without any high-fructose crap. Saccharine is fine, aspartame isn’t…”

    (She begins to look at the options in our cooler as her husband, wearing a ‘live free or die’ hat, enters.)

    Customer: “Get something to drink. Something not naughty.”

    Customer’s Husband: *to me* “You got Coke products?”

    Me: “Yes. We have fountain drinks which have HFCS, and the bottled drinks are all cane sugar. So they aren’t, um, quite as naughty.”

    Customer: “Oh, he’ll just have a bottle of water.”

    Me: “Okay. So that’s two bottles of water? One for him and one for you?”

    Customer’s Husband:  “I think I’ll have a Cherry Coke.”

    Customer: “Cherry Coke? What are you, 12?”

    Customer’s Husband:  “We’re at a movie!”

    Customer: “But it’s NAUGHTY!”

    Customer’s Husband:  “Fine. Make it a small.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll be in the theater while you’re getting diabetes! WITH MY WATER!”

    (I prepare the Cherry Coke for him and ring it up.)

    Me: “Live free or die, man. Here’s your drink.”

    This Friendship Is Fried

    | Bowling Green, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I approach a table occupied by a young couple.)

    Me: “Hello. I’m [My Name] and I’ll be your waitress. Can I get you something to drink?”

    Young Man: “Hello. Um, yes.  I’ll have a [Soda Pop] and we’re ready to order, if that’s okay?”

    Me: “Certainly, what can I get for you?”

    (The young man, polite and well-spoken, places his order and I turned to the vacant eyed young lady with him. All empty smiles and mindless giggles, she inquires…)

    Young Lady: “Hee, hee, hee. What’s a kwee-sa-dil-la?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    (She points to the quesadilla plate and I calmly explain the concept to her.)

    Young Lady: “Hee hee! Oh, I don’t think I’d like that? What’s chicken ‘friend’ rice?”

    (The young man takes on a look of pained embarrassment and I try to spare him by keeping my expression neutral.)

    Me: “Its rice that’s been stir fried and had vegetables, egg, and chicken added to it.”

    Young Lady: “Tee hee. Oh, so, it has shrimp in it?”

    (Young man face palms.)

    Me: “We have a shrimp fried rice plate that has shrimp in it.”

    Young Lady: “No, no, no. I want that chicken ‘friend’ rice stuff.”

    Me: “All right. So chicken fried rice and—”

    Young Lady: “And that’s got shrimp, right?”

    (Young man drops head to table and tries to disappear.)

    Me: “Um, no, it has chicken but I can have them make shrimp fried rice instead.”

    Young Lady: “No, no. I want chicken ‘friend’ rice with shrimp, not chicken.”

    He Has Mama Issues

    | Stettler, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a fairly new cashier at a popular fast food restaurant. Our burgers have names, like ‘Mama Burger’ or ‘Teen Burger.’)

    Customer: *obviously intoxicated* “I want a cheeseburger and I want it hot. I don’t want it sitting in the f******* warmer.”

    (As there is no listing for cheeseburger, I automatically change it to a ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Of course, sir, that’ll be $7.50.”

    (I continue on with my job, cleaning trays and wiping tables, as someone else bags food. After several minutes I notice the customer is still standing there without his food. There is a bag sitting on the counter, and as I check the receipt I notice it is his ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe this is your meal here. Your cheeseburger?”

    Customer: “I ORDERED A GODD*** CHEESEBURGER OVER 10 MINUTES AGO! NOT A ‘MAMA BURGER’!”

    (As he continues on, my manager steps in and I quietly go hide in the back room and watch and listen.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry for the mix up, sir. This is a cheeseburger, but in this restaurant it’s called a—”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHAT IT’S CALLED. I’VE WAITED OVER 10 MINUTES! THIS IS WHY YOU PEOPLE ONLY MAKE MINIMUM WAGE! ANY MONKEY COULD TAKE YOUR JOBS AND DO BETTER!”

    Manager: *calmly* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: *snatches food from counter* “I’M SO MAD, I COULD JUST—” *raises his fist to manager’s face* “I SHOULD BURN THIS BUILDING DOWN ON TOP OF ALL OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF S***!”

    Manager: “You should not be out drinking and driving. It puts everyone in danger.”

    Customer: “I’VE NEVER HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! NO DRUGS EITHER!”

    *storms out with his food*

    Next Customer In Line: “That’s a lie. He has had to be removed by police from [Other Fast Food Restaurant] four times. We’re instructed to phone police if he enters the premises.”

    Me: *comes out of hiding*

    Coworker: “You saw that coming, huh? I was wondering why you were hiding.”

    Me: “This job… It gets better, right?”

    Coworker: “No.”

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