Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Just Made Her (Mother’s) Day

| Milford, CT, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I am a hostess, and this story happens the Friday before Mother’s Day. I am standing at the register at the entrance to the restaurant when a gentleman in his early 40s who had been dining alone approaches me.)

Customer: “Do I pay up here?”

Me: “Oh! No, sir, you pay with your waitress. Let me grab her for you.”

(I go to the back and bring the waitress up to the front with me.)

Customer: *to waitress* “So, my bill was $18?”

Waitress: “Yes. ”

Customer: “Do you have a family?”

Waitress: “Uh… yes.”

Customer: “You have kids?”

Waitress: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, then. This is for my check.” *hands coworker a $20 bill* “… and this is for you.” *hands coworker a $50 bill* “Happy Mother’s Day!”

(At this point, the customer leaves before the waitress can even say ‘thank you.’)

Waitress: *to me* “I think I’m gonna cry.”

Sherlock Hemlock Solves The Case

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am the customer in this story. It’s New Year’s Day and my mom’s family has a tradition where one cooks ham hocks and beans for good luck. I’m at the store and can’t find the ham hock.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

Employee: “Yes?”

Me: “Can you tell me where to find the hemlock please?”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “The hemlock.”

Employee: *pause* “What do you need it for?”

Me: “Oh, my family is coming over today and my mom is going to put it in beans.”

Employee: “Could you describe it for me?”

Me: “Um, it’s a part of a pig, attached to the leg—”

Employee: “Ham hock! Right this way.”

Has Beef With And In The Grill

, | Beavercreek, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

Me: “Is this a return?”

Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

(I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

Coworker: “Free food!”

Nuts About Clams

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(An older gentlemen approaches me while I am stocking frozen meats.)

Customer: “Where are the clams that are in the flyer?”

Me: *slightly puzzled* “We haven’t had clams in this store in a long time, if ever.”

Customer: “Well, I saw them in the flyer.”

Me: “Do you have this flyer on you?”

(I ask because half the time the customer produces a flyer from a completely different store.)

Customer: “No, I don’t think so.”

Me: “One sec, I’ll fetch the current one…”

(A few moments later.)

Me: “They aren’t in here, sir.”

Customer: “Ah, there. That’s them!”

(He points to a picture of pistachios. In all fairness, in this photograph, they do look a bit like small clams. Between the resolution of the image and perhaps the old man’s eyesight, it’s an understandable mistake.)

Me: “Sir, those are pistachios.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “…yeah.”

Customer: “Well, do they taste like clams?”

Understaffed But Over-Spoken

, | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(Working late at night the store is understaffed. There is a manager and I running the entire store. We are trying to keep up with drive through demand, but the wait time is slipping from two minutes to about five minutes.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. How may I take your order?”

Customer: “I’d like [hamburger meal] and a large drink.”

Me: “Thank you. Please pull up to the second window.”

(The customer waits in line for a few minutes until I can handle the customer before him and prepare his food. He drives up in an expensive sports car.)

Me: “Sorry for the wait, sir. Here is your—”

Customer: “You know I’ve been to your stores all over the country, and yours in the only one that always takes such a d*** long time to get anything done!”

Me: *embarrassed/angry*  “I’m sorry for the long wait, sir, but we are understaffed. There is just the two of us here handling all the orders. But if you are interested in helping get things sped up, we are hiring right now and I can get you an application.”

(The customer made a face, took his food, and sped off.)

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