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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop, Part 2

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Regular Customer: “I’ll have a toffee-hazelnut iced coffee, but can you make it decaf?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Switching to ‘D,’ then?”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, my doctor told me I should cut down on sugar, so I’m going with decaf!”

    Me: “Um… there’s no sugar in regular or decaf coffee. But there is sugar in the two syrups I use to make that flavor; are you sure you want them?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh yes, I’m not cutting out every bit of sugar! Just the caffeine sugars.”

    Me: “There are zero calories, zero sugars in plain black coffee, either regular or decaf.”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, but my sister says she cut out iced coffee and she’s lost 20 pounds! I have to have my coffee, but I figured I could just do decaf instead.”

    Me: “I can use sugar-free flavors for you if you’re trying to—”

    Regular Customer: “No! I hate that fake stuff. Just the decaf iced coffee with toffee and hazelnut. Oh, and extra cream.”

    Related:
    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

    Sautéed Transmogrified Beef

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, [cafe], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, could you tell me what today’s special is?”

    Me: “Today we have a lamb steak with rice and greek potatoes.”

    Caller: “Is the lamb steak beef?”

    His Hearing Is Run Of The Mill

    | MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get a chicken salad sandwich on wheat?”

    Me: “Sure, big or small?”

    Customer: “Wheat.”

    Me: “Big or small?”

    Customer: “WHEAT!”

    Me: “Big or small—”

    Customer: “WHEAT!”

    Me: *quickly and loudly* “Size, what size, big or small—”

    Customer: “WHEAT! Wait, what are you asking me?”

    Me: “Big. Or. Small. Size?”

    Customer: “Oh, just a smaller one. Sorry, I thought you were asking me wheat or white!”

    Customer Service Is Free, Manners Are Priceless

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (I do coffee machine demos. I’m in sales, not service. I have just come from doing a 12-hour shift before Christmas in an electronics store, where customers were rude and unpleasant, never mind ungrateful for the free coffee. I decide to pick up a burger at a drive-thru on my way home.)

    Fast Food Worker: “Hi, welcome to [fast-food place]. Can I take your order?”

    Me: “Yes, please. May I have [order]? Thanks.”

    Fast Food Worker: “Sure. That’ll be [price].”

    Me: “Thank you very much.”

    (I pull up to the window, pay, and receive my order.)

    Me: “Thank you so much.”

    Fast Food Worker: “So, you do work in customer service?”

    Me: “Yeah, how can you tell?”

    Fast Food Worker: “Only someone dealing with rude people all day says please and thank you as much as you!”

    Math Skills Are In The Lower 25 Per Cent

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money, Top

    (While working at an ice cream store, there is a sale for buy one ice cream, get one for 25 cents. We are jam packed, and I am manning one of the registers.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming to [store], what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like five large ice creams, please.”

    Me: “Sounds great; your total comes to $14.”

    Customer: “I thought there was a sale for 25 cents?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s buy one, get one for 25 cents.”

    Customer: “So then why am I paying so much?”

    Me: “A regular large is $4.50, so three of those adds up to $13.50, plus two for 25 cents.”

    Customer: “The fifth one is supposed to be 25 cents.”

    Me: “You have to buy one first for it to be 25 cents. Would you like to buy one more blizzard?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want six ice creams; the last one needs to be 25 cents!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t give you the fifth one for 25 cents; you need to buy another ice cream first.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME THE ICE CREAM FOR 25 CENTS!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t. Its buy one, get one for 25 cents.”

    Customer: “I refuse to speak with you; get me your manager now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re very busy and—”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please we are very busy—”

    Customer: “I refuse to speak with such an idiot.”

    Me: “Let me get her for you…”

    (I pull my manager away from making 15 ice creams. She is very much annoyed that I have to get her.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This imbecile of an employee will not give me my 25 cent ice cream.”

    (The manager looks at my screen, and sees five ice creams.)

    Manager: “You ordered five ice creams, correct?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I want my 25 cent ice cream!”

    Manager: “It’s a buy one, get one for 25 cents. You have five ice creams. Simple math tells us that the fifth is at regular price. So either pay for your f***** ice cream, or the get the h*** out of my store.”

    Customer: “Well EXCUSE ME! I’ll take my ice creams, but I’m never coming back!”

    Manager: “Good, you weren’t going to be allowed back anyway!”


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