Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,674 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Walking A Mile With Another Man’s Candy

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am checking out a customer.)

    Me: “Hello! How are you doing today?”

    (The customer just mumbles something. I am scanning his groceries. I am almost finished when he says something to me.)

    Customer: “Grab me a couple of sneakers back there.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “Get me two sneakers from over there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I do not understand what you are asking for.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid or deaf? A COUPLE D*** SNEAKERS! RIGHT BEHIND YOU! JESUS CHRIST!”

    Me: “Sir, there is no need to take that tone with me, as I am neither deaf or stupid.”

    (The customer is getting furious with me. The next customer behind him in line tries to clarify the misunderstanding.)

    Next Customer: “I think he’s asking for SNICKERS Candy Bars.”

    Me: “Thank you. I’m sorry, sir. I’ll get them for you.”

    Customer: “Never mind! If you’re too f****** stupid to understand what I am asking for, what the h*** are you doing workin’ with customers?!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologized for not understanding you. But you can not and will not talk to me in that foul manner. There are children around. Even if there weren’t, you should never speak to anyone like that. That is completely uncalled for!”

    Customer: “F*** you! Give me my d*** change!”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (He finally gets his things and leaves. The next customer steps up.)

    Next Customer: “I didn’t understand him at first. I thought he was asking for a d*** pair of shoes!” *laughs*

    Giving Him A Good Dressing Down

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, One-Liners

    (I am bartending. A nicely dressed couple in their 20s comes in and order drinks at the bar. They’ve been polite and quiet. The woman is on the heavier side, but still quite cute in her skirt. When the woman’s boyfriend goes to the restroom, a rowdy customer in a polo shirt, who has been obnoxious all night, approaches the bar.)

    Rowdy Customer: “Hey! Hey! I need another gin and tonic! Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be right with you. Just let me fill this order.”

    (As I’m filling the other order, I look up and see the rowdy customer eyeing the woman. He leans onto the bar while staring at her.)

    Rowdy Customer: “Hey, you.”

    (The woman ignores him, and turns slightly away.)

    Rowdy Customer: “You know, a pig in a dress is still just a pig in a dress!”

    (At this point, I’m speechless. I see the woman’s face turn from a smile into an extremely angry frown. Before I can say anything, the woman turns towards him.)

    Woman: “Yeah, and you know, an a**hole in a polo is still just an a**hole in a polo!”

    Rowdy Customer: “I… what?”

    Me: “You can pay up and get out of here for harassing other customers. That’s what!”

    Rowdy Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

    (The rowdy customer leaves some money on the counter and storms out. I turn to the woman.)

    Me: “Hey, that was the best thing I’ve heard all night! Can I get you and your boyfriend the next round?”

    (She smiles and accepts, ordering a drink for herself and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend comes back after everything has quieted down.)

    Me: “Here’s your free round. Really, that was a great come back! It made my day!”

    Woman: “Thanks!”

    The Sausages Of Society

    | New York, NY, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in an Italian deli in Brooklyn that sells high quality cured meats. Because of its location, we have recently seen an upsurge in customers from Williamsburg’s gentrified neighborhoods. Two customers walk in.)

    Customer #1: “Yes. I wanted to know if you stocked any vegan sausages.”

    Me: *thinking they’re joking* “Sir, this is [deli]. Our specialty is aged and cured meats. We don’t sell vegan food.”

    Customer #2: *to his friend* “What did you expect from this place? Their vibes are totally off. It’s obvious this isn’t the right deli for us, man.” *turns to me* “Listen, you see?m like a pretty smart guy. You shouldn’t buy into the corporate lies they feed you. You know the sausages you sell are just pumped full of water and corn syrup right?”

    (I decide to have some fun with this.)

    Me: “Yeah. Right on, man. That must mean those giant storage lockers in the back where we hang the freshly grounded and mixed meat is just an illusion created by the corporate industrialists in order to fool the proletariat.”

    (Amazingly, they actually nod in agreement for a few second before realizing I’m making fun of them. Scowling, they finally leave.)

    Customer #2: “I’m going to tell my friends about all of the ‘negative vibes’ your deli gives off!”

    (To this day I’m not sure if they were serious or trying to prank us.)

    Tree-ting The Request With Respect

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Two customers come in for lunch and want to eat outside on the deck. I take their order, bring it to them, and periodically check on them to make sure everything is going well. I come back again at the end of their meal.)

    Me: “So, how was everything? Would you like dessert, or would this be all for you ladies today?”

    Customer #1: “Everything was great, thank you.”

    Customer #2: “It was great, and I don’t want to sound rude, but I’m going to criticize.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer #2: “You’re on the river. You should be a fine dining establishment. You shouldn’t have the trees dropping pine cones and other stuff on the deck. And you should get rid of the spider webs.”

    (Customer #1 is looking at Customer #2 indicating that she would like her to shut up.)

    Me: “We clean the deck off a few times a week, but the wind has been picking up lately, and stuff keeps falling from the trees. Would you like me to ask the spiders if they would kindly stop building their webs on the deck every night also?”

    Customer #2: “If you would do that, that would be great!”

    Customer #1: “And I suppose you want her to ask the trees to stop dropping things on the deck too?”

    Customer #2: “Yes! Please do it!”

    (Fortunatel, Customer #1 apologized to me as soon as they were walking out the door.)

    Lying Is All Relative(s), Part 2

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (My sister and I work in a bakery owned by our family; our grandma is the owner.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m the owner’s daughter. So, I can get my food for free, okay?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll call your mother in, okay?”

    (The customer nervously nods. I call in my grandma.)

    Grandma: “What is it?”

    Me: “Oh, this customer says you’re her mum.”

    (My grandma looks at the customer.)

    Grandma: “I have never seen you in my life. Also, you look about twenty. So you could pass as my granddaughter, but not as my daughter!”

    (The customer runs out quickly!)

    Related:
    Lying Is All Relative(s)

    Page 65/253First...6364656667...Last