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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Trying To Remember Without A Dismember

    | BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at the customer service desk of a member-owned co-op store.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Member: “This is [Name]. I need to phone [Local Celebrity] but I don’t have his phone number and he’s not on the phone book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We can’t give out the phone numbers of our members.”

    Member: “But you don’t understand! This is very important! He is coming over for dinner, and I was planning to serve chicken, but now I’m thinking he may be a vegetarian! I have to ask him!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I still can’t give you his phone number.”

    Member: “But I’m a member! I own the store! You have to do what I say!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t just give other member’s information from their file.”

    Member: “Fine! Can you call him instead, ask him if he eats chicken, and then call me back?”

    The Most Confusing Meal Of The Day

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work in a call centre making reservations for a large hotel chain. A customer has just asked for a particular date in a particular hotel.)

    Me: “I have the standard room for $99, or bed and breakfast for $109. The superior room for $129—”

    Customer: “Wait! So the first two rooms are standard rooms?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So why is the one more expensive?”

    Me: “Well, room only is $99 and if you want breakfast included it is $109.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “If you want to eat breakfast in the morning it’s $10 more.”

    Customer: “I still don’t see why I would pay more for the same room!”

    Me: “You don’t pay more for the room, you pay the extra for the food. You can have just the room for $99 or the room and breakfast at the restaurant for $109.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why I should pay more.”

    Me: “I have no idea how else to explain this.”

    (She never made a booking. We were ‘too confusing.’)

    Wined And Dined And Fined

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (I wait tables at a popular Chicago Italian restaurant that gets a lot of traffic from Cubs fans on game day. Another waitress has a table full of young men who have come down from an affluent suburb to see the game. They’re very friendly, and charming, and drinking up a storm. She drops their check, and goes to serve another customer and comes back to find that they’ have ‘dined and dashed.’ We are required to cover our tickets, so she is now $100+ in the hole, and starts trying to pick up a later shift so she doesn’t lose money. A few other waiters head over to the bar where we usually go after our shifts. One comes back, bursting with excitement.)

    Waiter: “Those guys who stiffed you are all drinking at the bar!”

    (Our restaurant also happens to be a popular cop hangout. One of our regulars, a 6’9″ fierce-looking cop, who is sitting in the poor waitress’s station at that very moment, speaks up.)

    Cop: “Can you take care of her tables for a moment?”

    (The cop takes the waitress down the street to the bar, with several of us following to see the fun, and storms up to the group of young men.)

    Cop: “Gentlemen, I believe you forgot to take care of something this evening.”

    (Horrified, the young men frantically dig through their pockets and start throwing money at her. She ends up with a 50 percent tip!)

    Unbalanced Customer

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A lady comes up to my register with a child on her hip. The boy has to be at least two or three years old, plenty old enough to walk on his own. His mother orders several meals with bright red fruit punch, value sizing all of them.)

    Me: “Here are your drinks. The food will be out shortly. Shall I carry your tray for you?”

    Customer: “No, I’ve got it.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s kind of heavy and wobbly, especially with you holding your child in one arm. It’s not a problem at all.”

    Customer: “NO. I’VE. GOT. IT!”

    (I’m still not sure she can get it on her own, but there is nothing I can do at this point.)

    Me: “Okay. I’ll bring your food out when it’s ready.”

    (The customer walks off, and I wince as the tray wobbles unsteadily in her hand. I turn back to my work, but not a minute later there is a huge crash from the back of the dining room, near the entrance to the kiddie play area. My coworker and I rush over to see what is going on. With one hand still holding her son and the other balancing a tray of three 32 ounce drinks, the customer had attempted to open the door to the play area. The busted cups, along with all 96 ounces of fruit punch and ice, are splattered on the floor. Note that there is a large sign posted that bans food or drink from the play area.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your drinks are ruined. Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll get you some new ones?”

    Customer: “Okay. We’ll be in there.”

    (The customer attempts to step over the large mess and enter the play area.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’ll have to ask you to sit at a table. If you want to watch your kids, we have several right here by the glass wall looking into the playground.”

    Customer: “But I want to eat in THERE.”

    Me: “I understand, ma’am, but we ask that you don’t bring food or drinks in the play area. There aren’t any tables in there anyway, just two small benches.”

    (The customer continues to get more and more irate.)

    Customer: “But I want to eat in there!”

    Me: *firmly* “Ma’am, please have a seat. Your food will be out in just a minute, and we will get you new drinks. I cannot allow you to break the rules. It’s too easy for the carpet and equipment to get ruined if you spill while in the play area. You’ve already caused a hazard by trying to go inside with two full hands.”

    (While we are speaking, I have to physically catch one little girl who tries to run out the door and slips on the drinks. I also have to stop several other children from nearly having the same accident.)

    Customer: “FINE!”

    (The customer sighed loudly and stalked over to a table. When my coworker came back, I got him to watch the door so I could get towels and a mop. I spent the next five minutes on my hands and knees, cleaning up a mess that temporarily stained both of my hands bright red. I also had to keep an eye out that no children came through quickly and hurt themselves or me. Then I had to spend longer drying it to completely eliminate any chance of injury by anyone. The customer spent the entire time giving me one of the dirtiest glares I have ever seen.)

    A Good Customer Is A Fresh Breath Of Air

    , | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I enter a local fast food place. There’s only one customer ahead of me standing to the side. Just as I get to the counter to place my order he’s given an order of french fries. He lets out an incredibly loud and dramatic sigh, then proceeds to yell at the woman who gave them to him.)

    Customer: “You know, you should just LISTEN to your customers!”

    Employee: “What’s wrong, sir?”

    Customer: “I said I wanted the FRESH ONES!”

    Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I wasn’t told. That batch just came out a minute ago. It’s still hot from the fryer.”

    Customer: “I KNOW THAT! I specifically said I wanted the fresh batch you were working on!

    Employee: “All right. Again, I didn’t know that, sir. I’m sorry. I’ll take those back and the other ones will be right up.”

    Customer: “It’s just that you should LISTEN TO THE CUSTOMER! When he ASKS for something he should GET IT!”

    (By this point all other conversation in the front of the restaurant has stopped and everyone – customers and employee alike – are staring at the man who’s still raising a fuss over something that has essentially already been resolved. He grabs his tray and stomps over to the far side of the counter, standing there with arms folded and huffing like someone a tenth his age. I finally step up to the register.)

    Me: “Yes, I’ll have the [combo meal], and I’d like my soda made FRESH, please. Mix the syrup up yourself. And if you could take a straw and blow the bubbles into it right in front of me that would be great!”

    (The other customer apparently didn’t hear me but at least I got a laugh out of the crew and the other people in line!)

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