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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 12

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’ll have the melt, please.”

    Me: “Okay! Would you like it toasted?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Would you like the bacon heated up?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want bacon.”

    Me: “Oh, well, in that case I—”

    Customer: “Wait, how do you normally do the melt?”

    Me: “Well, since you don’t want bacon it’s—”

    Customer: *irritated* “No, no, no. Just forget about the bacon. How do you normally do it?”

    Me: “Um… put it in the toaster, but—”

    Customer: “Then put it in the toaster!”

    (Giving up on him listening to me, I comply.)

    Customer: *to next customer in line* “You’d think they don’t speak English here.”

    (The funny part is that I was trying to tell him that without bacon, his sandwich became a different kind, which was a dollar cheaper. Since he decided to be a jerk and cut me off, he probably told the cashier he’d gotten a melt, and paid for bacon that he never got!)

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    Re-Fill You With Joy

    | Avon, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (It’s the middle of the day, during a down-hour between movies, so my coworker and I have nothing really to do. A little girl comes up to my counter.)

    Girl: “Excuse me, but can I have a refill?” *holds up a kids meal, so no refill*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I’m afraid not.”

    Girl: “Oh. Okay!”

    (She runs off. I laugh a little on how cute she Is. A few moments later, the little girl shows up again.)

    Girl: “Does this get a refill?” *holds up a medium bag of popcorn, but only large items get refills*

    Me: *grimace in having to tell her bad news again* “Sorry, sweetie. Only large bags.”

    Girl: “Oh… How much is a large bag?”

    Me: “It’s [price].”

    Girl: “Okay!”

    (She leaves again. I turn back to my coworker.)

    Me: “If she comes back a third time, I giving her a refill. She’s so cute.”

    Coworker: “I know. I don’t know how you could say no to her.”

    Girl: “Excuse me, is this enough money?” *lifts her hand over to get us*

    Me: *barely glances over it* “Yep! Would you like butter with that, miss?”

    Girl: “Lots of butter!”

    (My coworker hands her the popcorn, and the girl is vibrating in excitement.)

    Girl: “Does this get refills?”

    Me: “Yep, it sure does!”

    (She runs off to her theater, screaming ‘YAAAAY!’)

    Getting Crabby At The Box Office

    | US | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work in the box office of a theater company that performs different plays throughout the summer. Occasionally we get calls from people assuming we are a cinema.)

    Me: “Box office. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah, can I place an order with you?”

    Me: “Yes, this is the box office. You can order tickets with us.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’m gonna get five crab cakes, two orders of—”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What was that?”

    Customer: “I want five orders of the crab cakes, and—”

    Me: “I’m sorry. This is the box office of the theater at [Town].”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The theater at [Town].”

    Customer: “[Town]?”

    Me: “Yes. This is the box office.”

    Customer: “The box office.”

    Me: “Yes.” *silence* “Did you want to order some tickets to a play?”

    Customer: “… Yeah. So, I want five crab cakes and two ord—”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This isn’t a restaurant. This is the box office of the theater.”

    Customer: “So you don’t have any crab cakes?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. We only sell tickets to plays.”

    Customer: “Okay, sounds great, thanks.” *hangs up*

    Try Not To Vegetate On It For Too Long

    | MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m in the kitchen making pizzas when my boss comes back and tells me that an order she just sent back requested that we use a clean knife and cutting board to cut her pizza with because she is vegan and doesn’t want her pizza to come into contact with something against her diet. This is not an unusual request so I give her a thumbs up. A few minutes later I get to the ticket.)

    Me: “Hey, [Boss]? It was ticket number 62 that was the vegan ticket, right?”

    Boss: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Ticket 62… The cheese stuffed pizza with extra cheese?”

    Boss: “Yeah…”

    Me: “…”

    Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction, Part 2

    | Lynnwood, WA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I was getting my best friend some candy at a grocery store to cheer her up, when I am approached by a lady who is at a sample station with dog treats.)

    Customer: “Do happen to have a dog at home?”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t. We only have a bunch of reptiles.”

    Customer: “Reptiles, huh. When I was out this state, we caught large iguanas about this big—” *stretches out arms, maybe four feet* “—from the jungle and ate them.”

    Me: “Iguanas can get very large.”

    Customer: “It was delicious, but I don’t recommend eating your pets.”

    Me: “No, that would be pretty messed up.”

    (Luckily some people walked up to her table and she went to help. I wasn’t sure how to react to someone telling me they enjoy eating the pets I love.)

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