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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    If Only She Could Hear Herself

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am totally deaf in my left ear and partially deaf in my right. I wear a regular hearing aid in my right ear and have a cochlear implant in my left. I’m now 19, and working in a very posh restaurant. I’m serving a party of 10. There is a couple who comes in quite regularly who are the ‘hosts’ of this group. The husband is okay but the wife is really snobby and has caused us problems before.)

    Me: “Good evening. Is everyone ready to order?”

    Wife: “Could you get the manager for me? Now!”

    Me: “Of course, madam. Is there anything I can do for you?”

    Wife: “No! Just get him.”

    (I go and get my boss but have no explanation why he is needed.)

    Boss: “Good evening, madam. How may I help you tonight?”

    Wife: “How dare you let your staff wear headphones? We spend a lot of money in here and we expect a certain type of service. This is most distressing.”

    (Most of the other guests look really uncomfortable as they realise she’s talking about me and it’s obvious that I have hearing aids.)

    Boss: “Madam, I can assure you we do not allow that. If you could point out the server who is wearing them I’ll happily sort this out for you.”

    Wife: “For God’s sake! It’s the girl!” *she points to me as I’m still standing at the table* “We are in here all the time and I have never known such disregard for the customer.”

    Boss: “I’m really sorry. There’s no way you deserve to be treated this way.”

    Wife: “I should think so. I just—”

    Boss: “Not you. I was talking to my employee and friend. You—” *referring to the wife “—on the other hand are a despicable human being. How dare you come in here and talk to a member of my staff like that? It is massively, plainly obvious that she is wearing hearing aids. Everyone else at your table can see that. Now you have not only embarrassed yourself and the rest of your table but also my staff member. I’m very sorry but I have to ask you to leave, madam. The rest of your table may stay if they so wish but I simply cannot have my staff treated that way. Please leave. Now.”

    Wife: “Well! I think you’ll find you’ve just made a very big mistake talking to me like that. You have lost a lot of business from us. My husband here is a solicitor and he will—”

    Husband: “That’s enough. I’m really sorry. We’ve been served by your waitress before and know she wears hearing aids, and I’m not a solicitor.” *to his wife* “I think you need to go home. I’m hungry; I would like to order, please.”

    (The wife looks about the table as the rest of the guests sit there in silence. She then gets up and flounces out. I take everyone’s order and the rest of the evening goes very smoothly. When the guests ask for the bill the husband calls me over.)

    Husband: “I’m really sorry about my wife. Do you know, I don’t work and neither does she. I won the money on the lottery. Before we were rich I was an accountant and she worked in a shoe shop. I really have no idea why she’s like that. I promise I’ll never bring her in here again.”

    (The meal itself cost over £400 and I made a massive tip as everyone at the table felt really badly. The husband still comes in with friends but never brings his wife. He asks for me to serve him and always tips really well but I share the tips now!)

    Talking Turkey About Working Here

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am shopping at a grocery store, when another customer reaches into my cart and grabs a package of ground turkey. It was on sale, so I was buying eight packages of it. Of note, I am wearing a black t shirt and blue jeans; the store employees wear blue vests and nametags.)

    Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Woman: “I’m trying to help you out. God, you can’t even say thank you?”

    Me: “How does taking food out of my shopping cart help me?”

    Woman: “Now you don’t have to go put this one back. Geez, you’re welcome.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m a customer here. If you take my food, it means I have to go back and pick up another one. That’s not helping.”

    Woman: “Don’t lie to me, boy. No one would buy this much turkey at once.”

    Me: “I would. It’s on sale, and I’ve got a chest freezer at home, so I can buy a lot when it’s on sale and use it up gradually. Please give me back my food.”

    Woman: “It’s mine now. And I’m going to complain to your supervisor. You shouldn’t be so rude to your customers.”

    Me: “Since I don’t work here, good luck with that.”

    (I decided it wasn’t worth arguing with her anymore, and went to go get another package of turkey. I hope she did try to complain to a manager.)

    Superbowled Them Over With Realisation

    | Sparta, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working as a cook at a pizza place. it’s Superbowl Sunday, the phone has been ringing constantly, and we’re working non-stop. My manager asks me to answer the phone in back and take orders.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like an order for delivery.”

    (I take his order.)

    Me: “Okay, that comes to [total] and the delivery estimate comes to about three hours.”

    Customer: “THREE HOURS?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!”

    Me: “Sir, are you watching the Superbowl tonight?”

    Customer: “Well… yeah.”

    Me: “And I assume you have a small gathering at your house?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Would you safely assume you’re the only person in town doing this?”

    Customer: “…umm, no.”

    Me: “So if everyone else in town is doing the same as you, there is going to be a bit of a wait. Do you still want your order?”

    Customer: “Oh. Yeah, we can wait.”

    When Pinot Means No

    | Sonoma, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Sometimes, the wineries in the Valley join up for a tasting event. People can buy a ticket, get a special wine glass and get to travel to different wineries and get free tastings of specific wines.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [Winery]. May I pour you a sample?”

    Guest: “What do you have?”

    Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “Can I have a Pinot Noir?”

    Me: “I have Merlot and Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “You don’t have a Pinot.”

    Me: “No, I do not.”

    Guest: “Do you have a Pinot?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, although, the Pinot is not being offered for this specific tasting. However, if you’d like to taste the Pinot, you are more than welcome to visit the tasting room upstairs and try it out. Unfortunately, it won’t be complementary.”

    Guest: “Oh, never mind… What do you have again?”

    Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot, and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “I’d like to taste the Cabernet.”

    Coupons Can Be Taxing

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month

    (I manage a fast food/coffee shop. A customer presents a coupon for $1.99 coffee. I make her drink and I ring it up.)

    Me: “That’s going to be $2.11.”

    Customer: “That’s with the coupon?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “But it’s supposed to be $1.99.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. $1.99 plus tax.”

    Customer: “But why is it $2.11? That seems like too much.”

    Me: “Well its $1.99 plus 12 cents tax which comes to $2.11.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense! It should be $1.99!”

    (This goes on for a couple minutes and my boss is next to me counting money.)

    Customer: *to my boss* “You understand what I’m saying right?”

    Boss: “I’m not sure I do. The drink is $1.99 plus tax and the tax is 12 cents so the total should be $2.11.”

    (The customer stops and thinks for a second and then, looking quite embarrassed turns to me.)

    Customer: “OH, MY GOSH I’m so sorry! I really need this coffee!”

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