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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Getting A Call From The Idiot Factory

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “So what’s in this supplement? I don’t want the product label; tell me what it’s MADE OF.”

    Me: *after five minutes of searching and her complaining how long it was taking* “It’s made from chicken cartilage. Is that what you were wondering?”

    Customer: “Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to know if you knew.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So, where are your factory locations? Do you work there? You better work there if you’re selling me these products.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work in the factory. I take phone call orders. We don’t release our manufacturing locations.”

    Customer: “Well, what kind of shady company are you?!” *hangs up*

    Running Out Of Consideration

    | Marengo, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work at an ice cream and grill. It’s small so it usually doesn’t take long to close up. It’s 8:59 and I’m just about to lock the door when a customer runs in.)

    Me: “You know we close in 20 seconds, right?”

    Customer: “I know; that’s why I ran! I’d like [several meals].”

    Religious Hatred Works Both Ways

    | Saint Paul, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Religion

    (A customer I’ve never seen before comes in alone; he’s young and looks fairly normal. It’s slow, so it’s pretty much just me running the cash register and the bar by myself, with my manager doing paperwork in the back. There are a couple of other customers who’ve already been served.)

    Customer: “Can I have two large lattes and a medium blended mocha with peppermint?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I ring him up and begin making his drinks. I’m almost finished when he notices that I’m wearing a small silver cross necklace.)

    Customer: “You’re not a Christian, are you?”

    Me: “Well, I’m non-denominational, but yes, I’m a Christian.”

    Customer: “You can’t be serious. You know that’s all just a fairytale, right?”

    Me: “Here you are, sir.”

    Customer: “I can’t drink this. If you’re a Christian, you’ve got centuries of blood all over your hands, and I’m not touching anything you’ve touched. I want a full refund, you w****. How can you hypocrites live with yourselves?”

    (Not wanting to continue the conversation since I didn’t trust myself to remain calm, I begin a return.)

    Customer: “I mean, just look at Westboro Baptist Church! That’s more than enough evidence for me that you all deserve to be wiped off the map!”

    (He goes on like this all the while I’m processing his return. None of the other customers in the shop say anything, although I see one or two looking at us. I finally finish his transaction and hand him his money and receipt and manage to look him in the eye)

    Me: “Have a blessed day, sir.”

    (He cursed violently and knocked the two lattes off the counter. One of them landed on his pants, scalding and causing him to curse again. He grabbed his money and stormed out, still yelling about how religious people are a “disgrace to humanity” and should be “exterminated.” After I cleaned up the remnants of the lattes, I went on break and drank his blended mocha.)

    Breaking Bread With An Awesome Kid

    | NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work at a supermarket in New York City. I generally work in the bread department, making sure the shelves are stocked and the bread gets rotated. A four-year-old girl and her mother enter the section to look at the bread while I’m kneeling on the floor, rotating bread on a bottom shelf.)

    Little Girl: *from behind me* “Hello!”

    (I turn around to see her.)

    Me: “Hi!”

    Little Girl: “Whatcha doing?”

    (I’m not sure how to explain my job to a four-year-old in a way she’ll understand.)

    Me: “I’m, uh, counting the bread.”

    (The little girl looks around the section with eyes wide.)

    Little Girl: “How much bread is there?”

    Me: “12.”

    (Her eyes go as big as saucers and she claps her hands to her cheeks in over-exaggerated surprise.)

    Little Girl: “That’s a LOT of bread! Mommy, did you hear that? There’s a LOT of bread!”

    (She and her mother stuck around a little longer while she told me all about what her favorite bread is and how she liked that it was warm out today, because she thought it was never going to be warm outside ever again. It made my day.)

    It’s All Sliding Downhill From Here

    | IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (An elderly gentleman wearing a wife beater that is tucked into his underwear slowly makes his way to the counter to pick up his pizza. After a seemingly normal transaction with a sane customer, he picks up his pizza and turns to walk out the door. As he turns he tilts the pizza vertically and puts it under his arm (like carrying a book). I and some fellow employees watch in amazement as we imagine the hot pizza cheese sliding into a clump.)

    Manager: “He’s going to be calling back…”

    (About fifteen minutes later, the phone rings.)

    Me: “[Pizza], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

    Me: “Right away.”

    Manager: “This is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, my pizza was clumped on one side of the box and the cheese had slide off the pizza. I’d like a new one!”


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