November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Transaction Turned Sour

Palm Desert, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(There was a certain drink offered at this coffee shop that was a tangerine juice blend that had been discontinued six months before.)

Customer: *in drive-thru* “Can I get a tangerine juice blend?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that was discontinued six months ago. Can I interest you in a blended strawberry lemonade instead?”

Customer: “No, I wanted something with citrus.” *backs out of drive-thru*

Me: *to coworker* “…Does she realize the word citrus comes from the Latin word for the word ‘lemon’?”

Should Have Tried To Squirrel Away

| Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Pets & Animals

(After clocking off from work and grabbing a basket to do some quick shopping for dinner, I am stopped no more than 10 seconds into my shopping by an elderly customer looking for items. I am off the clock, but am always willing to answer questions while still in uniform, especially now that our location is undergoing renovation and a lot of customers get frustrated with the item relocation.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but where are the peanuts for squirrels, and the wild bird seed?”

Me: “Well, we moved the bird seed to [Aisle #] but I’m afraid we don’t carry peanuts for squirrels. We have corn cobs and…”

Customer: *cuts me off with a disbelieving tone* “Yes, YOU DO. I used to buy it all the time. It was over by the bananas, but now they’re not there anymore!”

Me: *thinking maybe I had missed something* “You said peanuts for squirrels?”

Customer: “Yes, they were raw, unsalted peanuts and they came in a clear package by the bananas. They’re not made for squirrels, but that’s what I feed them.”

(At this point it dawned on me she was talking about one of the many kinds of specially packaged nuts we kept in the produce section. I was wondering why she had phrased the request the way she did when a well-meaning coworker who had overheard the exchange (and knew I was off the clock), came by and offered to show her where the peanuts were moved to. That was probably the funniest exchange I’d had all day.)

Doesn’t Quite Cut The Cheese

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I need a dessert for my two diabetic friends. Let me see your cheesecakes.”

Me: “…”

Can’t Take The Weight Of Her Daughter’s Behavior

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I am at the cash register ringing up people when I notice a mother and her daughter walk in the store. The little girl goes one way, towards the frozen yogurt, and the mother goes the other. The girl gets the biggest cup we offer and fills it all the way to the top with frozen yogurt and puts the dome lid on, then proceeds to fill it up the rest of the way with toppings. Like all frozen yogurt establishments, the price is dependent on the weight of the items. The mother and daughter walk up to the register at the same time.)

Me: *as I start ringing up the mother’s items* “Can I get you ladies anything else?”

Mother: “No, that’s it.”

Me: *talking to the daughter now* “Okay, sweetie, can you please put your yogurt on the scale so I can figure up the price?”

(Daughter complies and puts her yogurt on the scale. I quickly noticed this transaction was going awry when the mother noticed the price on the scale said $9.09.)

Mother: “That price can’t be right!” *now talking to her daughter* “Pick that up! Now set it back down! Pick it up! Set it back down!”

(20 seconds of this later:)

Me: “Ma’am, the price isn’t going to change because it’s dependent upon the weight.”

Mother: “No! You’re wrong! We came in here last week and got the SAME EXACT AMOUNT of frozen yogurt and it was only $3! How do you even know how much it is per ounce?! There’s no signs!”

Me: “Well, if you would look back at the frozen yogurt section, you would see that there are two electronic signs stating that the frozen yogurt is [price].”

(She looks back at the signs and whips her head back around to me.)

Mother: “Those signs aren’t at eye-level! How is anyone supposed to see those! They don’t walk in the store looking up at the wall when the yogurt is at eye level!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you. If you got the same exact amount of yogurt and toppings as last time, which would be almost impossible by the way, the yogurt total today would come out to $3. My guess is that last time you were in here, she was supervised when getting the frozen yogurt.”

(She pauses, stunned for a second that someone dare talk to her or about her darling angel this way.)

Mother: “Well I’m not paying for this s***! This is unbelievable! I want to speak with your manager!”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty. ”

Mother: “Come on, [Daughter]! We’re going to get you ice cream at [Fast Food Place]!”


Mother: “Okay, honey, I’ll get it for you this time, but next time mommy isn’t going to spend so much money on ice cream.” *she then turns to me* “We WILL NOT be coming back here… EVER!”

(I physically restrained myself from throat-punching the woman by holding onto the sides of the register.)

Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop

| Hillsboro, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m in line when I hear the drive-thru employees talking about a customer in the drive-thru. She wanted iced coffee, but she wanted it to not be brown.)

Employee #1: “So she doesn’t want coffee?”

Employee #2: “No, she wants coffee, just doesn’t want it to be brown.”

Employee #1: “So more cream?”

Employee #2: “No… she wants light cream, just… doesn’t want it to be brown.”