Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Not Quite Feeling It

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Large latte to go.”

(Well, I was feeling large latte to go that day, too.)

A Nice Hot Cup Of Willpower

| Denver, CO, USA | Food & Drink

(I am the customer/patient in this situation. My husband and I are at a nutritional seminar.)

Doctor: “Every day you get this much will power.” *holds his fingers less than an inch apart* “When that will power is gone, where do you think you get more will power?”

Me: “Coffee!”

Her Request Is A Bit Of A Squeeze

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I worked for a grocery store in a town with two major universities. The encounters with the student customers are always entertaining.)

Customer: “I’m looking for fresh squeezed orange juice.”

Me: “Yes, of course. We have a few options between the [Popular Brand] brand and our store brand…”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I need orange juice that was freshly squeezed today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry anything like that here. We are just a grocery store.”

Customer: “Well, do you think you could go in the back and squeeze some for me?”

Me: “I apologize, but that just isn’t how it works. The best I can do is recommend the [Popular Brand]. It really is the best, freshest orange juice we carry.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not a Nazi or anything, but I refuse to drink anything that has been pasteurized.”

(I notice at this point that she has a gallon of milk in her basket…)

Me: “I’m sorry I can’t help you with this, but I can at least let you know that we do carry fresh oranges in our produce department.”

Customer: “Wait, you mean you expect me to squeeze my OWN orange juice?!”

Didn’t Eat From The Tree Of Knowledge

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’ve clocked out for the day and I’m picking up a few groceries before I leave. Even though I’m wearing a coat and nothing that would identify me as an employee, and pushing a half-filled shopping cart, a customer still stops me as I pass the produce section.)

Customer: “Hey, I know you work here. You need to help me!”

Me: “No, I’m shopp—”

Customer: “—It’s your apples! Are these the kind grown on trees, or were they made some other way?”

Me: “Trees…”

No Eggo For The Vego

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am serving on the registers over breakfast, when a female customer approaches.)

Customer: “I’m vego.”

Me: *realising she means she’s a vegetarian* “Umm… okay?”

Customer: “So I’ll have a bacon and egg muffin with no egg.”

Me: “A bacon and egg muffin without egg?”

Customer: “Yep, I’m vego.”

Me: “So you want the bacon on the muffin”?

Customer: “Yep, but no egg. I’m vego.”

Me: “…”

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