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  • Go Easy On The Brain
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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m working the register at a popular coffee shop chain. A woman inspects our breakfast sandwiches for a few minutes before approaching me.)

    Customer: “Can I get one of the reduced fat turkey bacon sandwiches?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry; we just sold out of those. Is there anything else I can offer you today?”

    Customer: “Well, what else do you have that’s vegetarian?”

    Related:
    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2
    No Meat In Their Brain

    Wish You Were Just Pulling My Leg

    | Taylor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I was working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a cart full of two-packs of turkey legs.)

    Me: “Wow, these are pretty big; they make me think of renaissance festival turkey legs.”

    Customer: “Yeah, exactly! I’m going to put them in my smoker. They come out just like that.”

    Me: “Oh, sounds nice! Now I’m craving one!” *laughs*

    Customer: “You are? I could give you one if you like!”

    (I laugh it off as a joke and finish the transaction normally. However, a couple of days later, I see the customer return with a food container in the child seat of her cart.)

    Customer: “Oh! I was hoping you were working this shift again. Guess what I brought you!”

    (She opens the container and pulls out a whole turkey leg, smoked so much it’s falling off the bone she’s holding it by.)

    Customer: “I brought you one like I said!”

    Me: *surprised* “I… uh? Thank you, but… I really can’t take it!”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. I have plenty. You saw. You said you wanted one right? Take it!”

    (I continue to politely refuse while she literally shoved the turkey leg at me, it’s falling apart on my belt and getting grease everywhere.)

    Me: *desperate* “I can’t eat on the job. I could get in trouble!”

    Customer: “Oh, well… I’ll just leave you it here for it later then.”

    (She puts the turkey leg right on the belt and hurries off like nothing happened, leaving me to clean up the greasy mess. It was a nice gesture but an odd one at that!)

    But We Do Have Some Everlasting Gob-Stoppers

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s a snowy winter day on the East Coast. Customers are placing their items on the checkout counter to be rung up by me. I’m wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not a winter coat, no gloves or hat, and I’m three registers away from the open outside door.)

    Customer: “Brrr! It’s so COLD! How can you STAND it in here? You must be FREEZING!”

    Me: “No, I don’t mind it. We keep busy when we are at the register.”

    Customer: *eyeing the previous customer’s frozen ice cream containers being bagged by a coworker* “How can anyone buy ice cream on a freezing day like this?”

    Me: “Ah, well then, you should buy some Willy Wonka’s Hot Ice Cream! It’s perfect for those cold days.”

    Coworker: *stops bagging items and stares at me with open mouth*

    Customer: “Wow! Really? That sounds great! Is it too late to go back and get some?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re temporarily out of stock.”

    Coworker: *turns away to laugh*

    Customer: “Oh. Too bad.”

    Me: *smiling at the customer’s ignorance of Roald Dahl’s book ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’* “Maybe next time. Have a good day!”

    This ID Is Sub-par

    | Westchester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am the customer in this story. I am checking out with a few items of food and some beer. I keep my ID and subway card in the same pocket of my wallet.)

    Cashier: “Could I see some ID?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (Not paying any attention, I hand her my subway card.)

    Cashier: *holds card while staring at me, waiting for me to notice it’s not a driver’s license* “Um…”

    Me: “Oh, oops! Sorry!” *hands her my ID*

    Her Coworker: *while bagging my groceries* “Now, if it was a twenty, that might have worked!”

    A New Form Of Pest Control

    , | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a popular fast food restaurant on a weekday. We are not extremely busy, but did have a fairly large drive-thru line. A man comes into the dining room and places his order wearing his work uniform. He is the only person in the dining room but he only waits about three minutes before coming to the counter to complain.)

    Customer: “I have been waiting for my order for f***** ever, and want to speak with your manager, and I want my meal for free.”

    (The manager comes over after hearing the customer.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for f****** ever, and I expect my food now, and I expect it for free.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry but we serve on a ‘first-come, first-serve basis’ and have a long line in the drive-thru. I can give you a discount on your order, but we can’t give it to you for free.”

    Customer: “Your corporate offices are going to hear about your s**** service and you’ll be fired.”

    (The customer storms out and I ask my manager what happened. He said this customer comes in about once a month to do this, but never wore a uniform before. It turns out the customer worked for a pest control company which our restaurant uses for routine sprays around the building. My manager calls the number on the customer’s uniform and tells them what has happened and that we’ll be using a different service from now on. A couple of days later the customer comes in again.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m very sorry for how I acted the other day. Will you call my boss and ask them if I can have my job back?”

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