Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Fractional Intelligence, Part 3

| USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I work in the call center for the complaint line of a fast food restaurant chain.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “I just bought one of your burgers. The 1/3 lb burger. That’s your big burger, right?”

Me: “Well, we have 1/4 lb, 1/3 lb, and 1/2 lb burgers.”

Guest: “Right. But I got the 1/3 lb burger. That’s the biggest one, right?”

Me: “Um, no ma’am, the 1/2 lb is burger than the 1/3 lb.”

Guest: “Really? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. 1/2 is bigger than 1/3.”

Guest: “Huh. Never mind, then.”

(Guest hangs up.)

Me: *to coworker* “Wow. Another child left behind…”

Related:
Fractional Intelligence, Part 2
Fractional Intelligence

Taxing Faxing, Part 15

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

(Callers place orders for a certain drinkable product. They can also call in to track their orders. One such customer places her order and calls back a few days later to see where her package is.)

Me: “I’m showing it was delivered via UPS this afternoon.”

Caller: “It was MAILED?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Why wasn’t it faxed? You all did this every other time! I want a refund, now! I have a dinner party and I am so embarrassed! I bragged on this and you failed horribly!”

Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t able to fax this order, I am sorry. We can send a new order out if needed but it won’t arrive until day after tomorrow at the earliest. Have you checked everywhere, or asked your neighbors?”

Caller: “I don’t need to! It’s not my fault you all are incompetent morons… Oh! I’m pulling up to my house now, and I see it! Still refund me, as I have a headache from this call!” *click*

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 14
Taxing Faxing, Part 13
Taxing Faxing, Part 12

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 9

| Boston, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I own a small bakery/coffee shop in Boston. I have three bakers and one barista, as our customer quantity isn’t very high. It’s my barista’s day off, so a baker and I have been rotating between performing her duties and our own.)

Customer: *looks at menu* “Give me a large [smoothie], two cinnamon buns, and a loaf of bread.”

Baker #1: “Yes, sir. Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a…” *trails off*

Me: *pokes my head out of the kitchen door* “Sorry to interrupt, sir, but my baker is needed elsewhere. [Baker #1], [Baker #2] needs your help.”

Baker #1: “Okay.” *heads to kitchen*

Customer: “I want a specialty coffee with that.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Anything else?”

Customer: “No. And I’m the owner’s husband, so I get free food.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “What, b****? You’re not going to give me my food? What makes you so special, you little s***?”

Me: “Sir, I refuse to give you free food. You have no connection with the owner.”

Customer: “F*** you. I demand to see the manager.”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I go into the kitchen and send Baker #1 out. I hear the man curse some more and demand to see the owner. Baker #1 re-enters and tells me to go back out.)

Me: “Hello again, sir. I hear you wish to speak to the owner.”

(The man stuttered, turned red, and ran off without taking his food.)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6

A Diminishing Set Of Returns

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am working the drive-thru pretty late at night. A man that seems to be in his mid-20’s pulls up.)

Customer: “I’d like to order [Item].”

Me: “Sure, would you like a drink with that?”

Customer: “A Coke.”

(He deliberately mispronounces it so it sounds like something a lot ruder and snickers.)

Me: “Ah, sure. What size?”

Customer: “I don’t know. What size do YOU think it is? What size suits me?”

(At this point I’m fed up with his poor attempt at innuendo.)

Me: “Well, sir, we don’t have an extra small, but I can give you a small. Please drive through.”

(He shut up pretty quickly, and didn’t even speak to me for the rest of the transaction. I served him a few times after that and he was always very quiet!)

Winging For More

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(It is late morning and I’ve just put out a fresh tray of barbecue wings in our wing bar. A tray holds 30-40 wings, or 4-5 pounds. As I’m walking back behind the counter, this happens:)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

(I turn around and see that the man has taken the entire tray of BBQ wings.)

Me: “Uh… I can make some more. It’ll take 15 or 20 minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

(Feeling annoyed, I fry and sauce another tray’s worth of BBQ wings. When I put the new ones out, the customer again scoops every single one into buckets.)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

Me: “How many wings do you need, sir?”

Customer: “I dunno, like 200 or something.”

Me: “Uh… to make that many, it would take me at least 45 minutes, probably an hour.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

Me: *screaming bloody murder inside* “Uh, next time, sir, you might want to call us and place your order ahead of time, for your convenience.”

Customer: “Yeah, right. Who has time to do that?!”

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