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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Lucky In Card(ed)s

    , | Tampa, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    Waitress: “What would you like to drink?”

    Me: “I’ll have a rum and Coke.”

    Friend: “I’ll have Guinness.”

    Waitress: “May I see some ID?”

    (My friend and I look at each other in shock. I am just shy of turning 50 and my friend is in his mid-50s, and we both have classic male pattern baldness. There isn’t a chance on earth either of us could be confused with being minors.)

    Me: “Are you serious?”

    Waitress: *looking a bit embarrassed* “It’s policy.”

    (Generally, policy is to card people who look 30 or under. We don’t even look close to that. My friend is from England where carding is basically non-existent.)

    Friend: “Young lady, I have never once been carded in my entire life. Congratulations, you are the very first.”

    Yellow Asparagus Will Make You Quite Green

    , | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Okay, what kind of veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “I’ll take lettuce, spinach, olives, and asparagus.”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have asparagus.”

    (Her tone suddenly becomes very snide and she points at a bin of vegetables.)

    Customer: “Well, what do you call that then?”

    Me: “…banana peppers.”

    Customer: “So that’s not yellow asparagus?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure if we sold yellow asparagus we’d be shut down. Asparagus is green.”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “Well, I’m sure a lot of people make that mistake.”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Life Without Coffee Is A Scream

    , | QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer at a local coffee shop. There are several people in line behind me, so I order and pay and then step out of the way while the barista makes my drink.)

    Barista: “One [drink I ordered]!”

    (I didn’t think my drink would be ready so quickly given how busy they are, but nobody else steps forward, so I take it.)

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Angry Lady: “What the h***? That’s my coffee!” *to the barista* “This woman just stole my f****** coffee!”

    Me: “Oh, my gosh, was this yours?”

    Angry Lady: “Of course it’s f****** mine! F*** you! What gives you the right to take my coffee?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. I ordered the same thing, and nobody stepped up to take it so I thought it was mine.”

    Angry Lady: “F*** you! You’re just a broke [racial slur] loitering outside a coffee shop trying to steal other people’s food! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Barista: “Actually, ma’am, this lady ordered and paid for the same drink as you. She has already apologised for her mistake, and if you just wait a moment, I’m making her drink now and you can take that one.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. I’d give this back but I already took a sip. If you take my drink we’ll both have what we ordered.”

    Angry Lady: “I don’t want your f****** coffee. I want mine!”

    Barista: “Ma’am, they are exactly the same, and please stop cursing. There are children here.”

    Angry Lady: “Go f*** yourself!”

    (She grabs the coffee out of my hand, flings it on the ground at my feet, throws the empty cup at the barista, and then storms off without a drink.)

    Barista: *shrugs* “Shame she chucked that coffee on the ground. I think she needs it!”

    (She finished making my drink. The angry lady was nowhere to be seen, so I took it and left. It was the best coffee I’d had all week!)

    Butchers Don’t Need To Be Butch

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bigotry, Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (My wife is an apprentice butcher in a local store who also has an incredibly quick wit and this is the exchange I hear between she and an elderly male customer.)

    Customer: “Can I speak to the butcher, please?”

    Wife: “Yes, I am the butcher. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “No, I wanna speak to a butcher. You’re only a counter girl.”

    Wife: “I can assure you, sir. I am a butcher.”

    Customer: “Oh. I bet you are one of those women that don’t like men, either.”

    Wife: “Actually,  I love males. They go great cut up into steaks and marinated in BBQ sauce.”

    (The customer turned and rushed out of the store while the other customers burst out laughing.)

    Enough To Make You Cry

    | QC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a hotel restaurant. A group of clients have been notoriously difficult, sending back dishes more than once for small details. On a particularly busy night, a waiter walks back into the kitchen and asks about a meal.)

    Waiter: “Does this dish contain onions? The client says he’s deadly allergic.”

    (Hearing this, the chef panics and asks the waiter to bring him to the client.)

    Chef: “Sir, are you all right? Do you have any medicine for your allergy? I’ll call the ambulance right away!”

    (The client is confused and worried.)

    Client: “What? No, I don’t have medicine. Why?”

    Chef: “You told the waiter you were deadly allergic to onions. You should have mentioned it earlier. There were some in the soup.”

    Client: “…oh. I just don’t like onions.”

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