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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    The Question Is Largely Irregular

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We run a mobile coffee van. When we go to the markets we have a sign with the prices and types of coffee that you can get. On the sign we have R $4.50, for regular size, and L $5.50 for large size.)

    Customer: “What’s the difference between left-handed and right-handed coffee?”

    Driving Out The Lies

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m a manager; however, we’re short staffed so I’m helping with deliveries. After taking a delivery I get this call. I’m a girl.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint about the service I received tonight. The delivery guy cussed me out and I had to chase him down the street to get my food. He also refused to give me my change. It was cold and over an hour late. I want my money back, my pizza remade, and a gift card.”

    Me: “Oh, wow! I am so sorry. I’ll be glad to help, but first can I have your address and a description of the driver?”

    (She gives her address, and says the driver was a tall guy. She ‘couldn’t see too well in the dark’ for a better description.)

    Me: “Okay… Well, I’d be happy to help, but first would you like to change your story? I don’t quite believe it.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?!

    Me: “First of all, a guy answered the door. I was your driver tonight and I certainly don’t recall any of this occurring. Can you explain once more why you need a gift card?”

    Customer: “…oh, s**t.” *hangs up*

    No Discount Requires A Recount

    , | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I am standing in line. There are two gentlemen in front of me who are together being helped by the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Okay, your total is $36.74.”

    (This total catches my attention, as this place has a high value-per-dollar. In spite of having a more-than-ample appetite myself, I can always fill up for under $6, so I am curious what two men are going to do with six people’s worth of food.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s too much. Is [Manager #1] here?”

    Cashier: “Uh… I don’t know anyone by that name.”

    Customer: “Really? [Manager #1] is a manager. He always gives us discounts. Can you just give us a discount?”

    Cashier: “Uh… no, I really can’t.”

    Customer: “Well, where’s [Manager #1]?”

    Cashier: “I really don’t know. I can get a manager if you like.”

    Customer: “Yeah, we want to know where [Manager #1] is.”

    Cashier: “Hey, [Manager #2]!”

    (Manager #2 is out of earshot, so a line cook has to relay the shout farther back in order for her to hear. She has clearly been too far away to know anything about the conversation that just transpired. Manager #2 arrives at the register.)

    Manager #2: “Yes, [Cashier]?”

    Cashier: “These—”

    Customer: *interrupting* “Where’s [Manager #1]?”

    Manager #2: “Oh, he doesn’t work here anymore.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? What happened?”

    Manager #2: “Yeah, apparently he kept giving out discounts to people who’d done nothing to earn them, so we had to fire him.”

    (Another register opened to help me, so I didn’t hear the end of their discussion, but when I sat down with my order, they were two tables down with about $10 worth of food.)

    Needs More Than A Nugget Of a Common Sense

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the counter at a popular chicken joint. We sell chicken nuggets in packs of 6, 8, or 12. A large family rushes up to my register.)

    Mother: “Don’t you have anything bigger than a 12 pack?”

    Me: “We have a party platter with 50 nuggets, but if you order now it will be at least a 30 minute wait as we have to cook them fresh and clear all current orders before we start yours.”

    Mother: *looking horrified with my suggestion* “No! We don’t need THAT many. All right, fine. [Father], what do you think?”

    Father: “Okay, we’ll take two 12-pack combos, with another 12-pack on the side for each. Two 8-pack combos with extra 8-packs for each of those.”

    Boys: “Why can’t we have kids meals?! We want the toy!”

    Father: “That’s not enough nuggets for you boys. We got you adult meals so you’d have enough food.”

    Boys: “But there’s no TOY!”

    Father: “Okay, okay. And two 6-pack kids combos. Oh, and can you value-size all of those?”

    (If you haven’t already done the math, that’s a total of 92 nuggets, nearly double the amount on the party platter. A coworker and I attempt to explain that ordering the platter with some fries on the side would be more efficient and cheaper. They continue to insist they don’t need that many nuggets and begin to suggest that my coworker and I are calling them ‘fatties.’ We decide to go ahead with the order as they want it.)

    Me: “Uhm… okay.”

    (I take their drink orders, double check everything, and help them pay. It takes around 20 minutes to cook their order because of the sheer volume of nuggets. They are grumpy when we hand them their order, but walk away happily popping hot nuggets in their mouths. I still have a bad feeling about the transaction, so I keep an eye on the family as they eat. Thirty minutes later, they return to my counter with a bag full of nugget boxes.)

    Mother: “That was WAY too many nuggets. Here. You take them back and give them to someone else.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but health codes won’t allow us to do that. We can only serve food over the counter, not receive it.”

    Mother: “Are you kidding me? You’re just going to waste food like that?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can not take those back.”

    Mother: “Well, what am I supposed to do with these?”

    Me: “You could save them for later?”

    Mother: “Don’t be stupid! We already ate a ton of your nuggets. Why would we go home and eat more?”

    (I’m speechless at this point, so my coworker points out a nearby trash can for the woman.)

    Mother: “I can’t BELIEVE you’re MAKING me waste this food!”

    Reached Her Tea-Total

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a health food and supplement store. Mainly we sell loads of vitamins, but we also have a fairly large variety of organic and whole foods. I deal with really weird people on a daily basis. I’m can usually handle most anything, but this got me going. The customer is a lady who is probably in her mid 40s and is looking at our tea section… which is REALLY big.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; do you have any of the tea that helps with digestion?”

    Me: “Umm, yes. Yes, we do. Did you have a brand name you were looking for, or will anything do?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah… I’m not sure. I got it here a while ago. I don’t remember the name.”

    Me: “Okay well, here are some teas that are good for digestion…”

    (I point to some ginger tea, which for the record, works like a charm.)

    Customer: “Yeah! Yeah, it was ginger! Ummm…. no, that’s not the one though. It was in a different box.”

    Me: “All right… maybe this?”

    (At this point I show her a couple other brands of the ginger tea that we have. We have four other brands, but still nothing would suffice, she begins to get irritated.)

    Customer: “No, that’s not it either. Listen, don’t you have any other brands of this stuff? None of this is what I got.”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. Whatever we have is out here.”

    Customer: “But I’ve gotten it here before!”

    Me: “Umm… when was that?”

    Customer: “I don’t know… It was a couple of years ago!”

    Me: “Oh… well, in that case, if you don’t see it here then we’ve probably stopped carrying it.”

    Customer: (noticeably getting angrier by the second) “No. Listen, it’s here. Where are your other brands?”

    Me: “This is our tea section. All the tea we carry is right here. While we don’t have that brand, we do have these other ones, and I can personally vouch for [Brand] as being of high quality.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want that brand. Why don’t you have what I’m looking for?”

    Me: “Well, because as I’ve just said, it’s probably because we’ve stopped carrying it.”

    Customer:“This is ridiculous! Is there a manager here?”

    (She is pretty angry at this point. There actually isn’t a manager there at this point, but I am the most senior employee.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, but if you need any further help then your best bet would be me. I’ve the most seniority here.”

    Customer: “WHAT I WANT IS A COMPETENT WORKER. WHERE THE F*** ARE THE OTHER TEAS?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, all the teas we have are right here. I’ve shown you four other brands of the exact same type of tea. Unfortunately the brand you are looking for is no longer stocked here. And, also, I can’t help you locate the tea you’re looking for since you yourself do not the know brand name.”

    (At this point the customer storms away and asks my co-worker the same question about teas. She’s heard some of this exchange.)

    Coworker: “Um, I’m not sure if we have that brand… You could try asking [My Name]. He’s worked in grocery for a while and is the senior person here so he would definitely know.”

    Customer: “NO! HE DOESN’T KNOW. WHY THE F**K DOESN’T ANYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS TEA?”

    Me: *now getting a little annoyed* “Ma’am, at this point I wouldn’t tell you even IF I DID know. Unfortunately we don’t carry any of that tea anymore. However, if you’ll follow me to the other aisle I can show you to some of your evening primrose oil which is supposed to work wonders with people who have anger management issues!”

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