Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Noodling Around The Options

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(Our restaurant has some pretty popular combo dinners. Some people like to change some of the dishes in them. If the dish they want to substitute is close in price to the original, it’s no problem; however, if they want a more expensive dish, we do charge for the difference.)

Woman: “Yes, I want this dinner here, but what is this?”

Me: “The chow mein? That’s mainly bean sprouts with chicken, little bit of mushrooms.”

Woman: *pulls a face* “No, no, I don’t want those. I’m looking for a dish with noodles. Can I do that?”

Me: “Sure, but there’ll be a small charge for the switch. What did you want in the noodles?”

Woman: “I want to keep the chicken, and maybe some vegetables.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be a $3 charge.”

Woman: “What? Why?”

Me: “Well, the thing with the bean sprouts is a small plate, and it’s $6, while the one with the noodles is a bigger plate, and costs almost $9. It’s just the price difference in the dishes.”

Woman: *pulls another face* “No, that’s too much.”

(She proceeds to keep the bean sprouts, add a $4 dish to her order, and then wants to pay.)

Woman: “Is a $100 bill okay?”

Has No Steak In How It’s Cooked

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working in a steakhouse and taking the order for a teenage girl and her mother.)

Girl: “I’d like the six-ounce sirloin.”

Me: “All right, and how would you like your steak cooked?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Me: *pauses* “Um. How did you want it cooked?”

Girl: “Yes, I want it cooked.”

Me: “…but how, ma’am? Rare, medium, well done…?”

Girl: “Yes, cooked.”

Me: “Okay, well done, then. And for your sides…?”

You Are Not In The House Of Cards

, | Olympia, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(I work in the food court of a warehouse store. We have signs that clearly say ‘cash or check only’ above the registers. Someone comes up and orders their food.)

Me: “All right, let me get that for you!”

Customer: *attempts to hand me a card*

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only take cash or check on these registers.”

Customer: “What? Since when?”

Me: “I don’t think we have ever taken cards because we don’t have a card reader.”

Customer: “Well, why not? It would make life so much easier!”

Me: “They charge us every time the card reader is swiped, and since we make very little profit on our food, we would have to raise the price.”

Customer: “Well then, raise it! I don’t see why people would get so upset!”

Me: *gets food* “All right, that will be $1.63.”

Customer: “WHAT? It’s $1.50 up on the board.”

Me: “There is tax on it.”

Customer: *grumbles about ‘raising prices on food being ridiculous’ as he hands over the money and stomps off*

Jesus Is The Muffin Man

| New Zealand | Food & Drink, Religion

(A customer approaches the counter, slowly emptying her pockets of coins. The amount comes to $2.60.)

Customer: “I will take two muffins, please.”

Me: “No problem; that will be $9.”

Customer: “What?!” *gestures toward her change on the counter* “But I only have this.”

(I point out various food items that can be purchased for that price, but she shakes her head vehemently.)

Customer: “No, I don’t want those. I want two muffins!”

Me: *starting to feel apologetic* “Well… um. It’s $9.”

Customer: *stares at me for a long moment* “Don’t you have a heart?”

Me: *uncomfortable* “Er, yes? Of course I do.”

Customer: “If you had a heart, you’d give me my muffins!”

Me: “I really need this job, ma’am. I can’t afford to be fired for giving food away.”

Customer: “But it’s just a job! Jesus will love you if you give me muffins! That’s much better than a job!”

Will Have To Start Clover

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a customer waiting to collect my coffee at a popular coffee shop.)

Barista: *setting drink on counter* “I have a latte, for Laura!”

(I reach for my drink, but before I can get to it a man picks it up. I let him, because I’ve been yelled at in the past for taking my drink when someone with the same name and same drink is also waiting for their order. He takes a sip, and spits it out.)

Man: “This is disgusting! It tastes milky; why is this milky?”

Barista: “It’s a latte.”

Man: “No, it’s not. It’s a Clover. You said it was a Clover. I want this remade. And do it right!”

Second Barista: “I have a Clover, for Mike.”

Barista: “Is that one yours?”

Me: *chiming in* “You took my latte.” *to the barista* “I’m sorry; would it be possible for me to have another one made?”

Man: “Well, why the hell didn’t you tell me I was drinking the wrong thing?”

Barista: *drops head onto counter*

Page 5/306First...34567...Last