November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

No More Grand Grande Requests

| Wheat Ridge, CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(I go to my local Starbucks, and step in line behind three high school students:)

Student #1: “I’d like a grande carmel brûlée latte with a double pump of carmel and extra whipped cream.”

Student #2: “I’ll have a venti iced pumpkin spice latte with three shots, extra whipped cream. Don’t put too much ice in, please.”

Student #3: “I’ll take a grande caramel brûlée frappuccino blended coffee with extra caramel and extra whipped cream.”

(Throughout this transaction the barista is polite and efficient. I approach the counter and order my usual.)

Me: “Grande latte, please.”

(The barista looked up and mouthed the words “thank you” before completing my order. Made my day!)

So Long, And Thanks For All The Parsley

| Paso Robles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer a few tables over from me is ordering:)

Customer: “I’d like the fish and chips. But leave out the chips. Oh, and leave out the fish, too.”

Waitress: “…So parsley it is, then.”

Can’t Save This Bacon

, | Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant that allows customers to make a large range of changes to their food which we occasionally get wrong, but we are always happy to fix.)

Customer: “I ordered no bacon on this burger, but you’ve put bacon on it. I’d like a fresh burger.”

Me: “We are very sorry, madam; we will get that fixed straight away.”

(I then signal to the manager who tells the chef to remake the burger fresh as is custom but take off the bacon. He then proceeds to throw the old burger in to the waste bin which is in view of the customer. She waits until the burger has been freshly made and then decides to complain again.)

Customer: “This burger is still no good.”

Me: “I’m not quite sure I understand. There is no bacon on this burger. Is there another problem?”

Customer: “Yes, you did not make a fresh burger. I heard the man tell them to take the bacon off this one.”

Me: “Ah, I understand the confusion but that is just how we communicate specific orders. We are referring to the way the burger is usually made and removing the bacon from the recipe, not your original burger. I assure you that this is a freshly made burger that hasn’t had any bacon on it.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you. I think he took the burger out back and just took the bacon off.”

(My manager then proceeded to go through the waste bin until he found the ladies original burger and produced it for her. She was still unhappy and decided she wanted a refund, and both burgers went in the trash.)

An Artificially Inseminated Refund

| Northwood, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I am walking near the customer service area when I overhear a woman trying to return an item. We have a pretty liberal return policy; as long as you have the receipt and the actual item, you get your money back.  Only managers can approve returns, so customer service has called the assistant manager.)

Assistant Manager: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: I want to return this turkey baster here. I’ve got the receipt and everything.”

Assistant Manager: “Certainly, ma’am. I need to fill out this form and you’ll be on your way. What can I put down as the reason for return?”

Customer: “Well, no matter which way I sit, it HURTS!”

Assistant Manager: “…”

(The assistant manager turned bright red, got the customer’s money, and ran back to the break room in sheer embarrassment while the rest of us burst out in hysterical laughter.)

Freshly Chipped

| Auckland, New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: *selecting a small bag of potato chips and waving it in my face belligerently* “Are these FRESH?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not sure what you mean. They’re as fresh as any other potato chips, I guess.”

Customer: “I bought a bag of chips here once and they were not fresh. Is this a fresh bag? How long ago were they made?”

Me: “Well, honestly, I’ve never thought about it before. I don’t know where they are made or how long it takes them to get here. But I can tell you that we restock the shelves a couple of times a day, and a truck comes once a week to deliver more of them. So, I guess those chips probably got put out on the shelves this morning.”

Customer: “So they were fresh this morning?”

Me: “They weren’t made this morning, if that’s what you mean by fresh.”


Me: “Ma’am, I think the only way you can do that is to buy a potato and slice it up yourself and fry it into chips at home. Any bag of chips we sell here is perfectly safe to eat but they’re a commercial product, they come from a factory somewhere and I don’t know exactly when or where the chips in this particular bag were made.”

Customer: *throwing down the bag, and taking a different bag of chips of the same brand* “FINE. I’LL HAVE THESE ONES INSTEAD.”