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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Can’t Read The Minds Of The Mindless

    | Rockwall, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a steakhouse where we think and act guest first. There are never customers only guests.)

    Guest: *talking on phone*

    Guest’s Wife: “He’ll take a sweet tea.” *rattles off the rest of the drink order*

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Guest: “Why didn’t you ask me what I wanted to drink?”

    Me: “I didn’t want to interrupt your phone call, sir. Can I go ahead and get your order for you?”

    Guest: *looks at me strangely for a few moments*

    Guest’s Wife: “Did you get all that, sweetheart?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you didn’t actually say anything. What can I get you?”

    Guest: “Well, you should know. I was thinking it very loudly.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, could you please repeat what you would like to eat?”

    (The guest tells me and as I walk away loudly says to his wife:)

    Guest: “This is the worst customer service I’ve ever had! What kind of waitress can’t just tell what I’m thinking?!”

    Date Updated

    | Reading, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I get home from work to find my wife (who gets home before me) has unpacked the shopping which has been delivered.)

    Me: “What do you want for tea?”

    Wife: “We were going to have macaroni but we’ll have to have the chicken biryani instead because it goes out of date today. There were six things which go out today, which is outrageous.”

    Me: “I thought they were supposed to inform you when they gave you things with today’s use-by date?”

    Wife: “So did I. So I rang them up to complain. Such a nice lady, she apologised and gave us a refund on each of these articles.”

    Me: “Nice of her.” *goes to fridge* “What, this chicken Biryani? Doesn’t go out of date until Saturday.”

    (Today is Thursday.)

    Wife: “What! But it distinctly says: use by the 12th.”

    Me: “Yes, and today’s the 10th.”

    Wife: “Oops.”

    (She rang the supermarket back and was really apologetic about it. The woman at the other end was so happy to receive an apologetic phone call she let us keep the refund.)

    Don’t Hand It To Racism

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I used to work at a cookie shop at the mall. At this point the customer’s cookie is wrapped and put on the counter in front of me so I can handle her money.)

    Customer: “Where is my cookie?”

    Me: *points* “It’s right there.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you hand it to me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    (I pick up the cookie and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “What, do you not touch black people or nothing?!”

    (I have no idea how to react to this as she stomps off.)

    Go Easy On The Brain

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am delivering to a customer who placed their order online. When I get to the door I begin reading off the ticket to make sure everything is correct and accounted for, as is standard procedure, when the customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: “And what kind of cheese did you put on it?”

    Me: “I believe we use mozzarella and parmesan.”

    Customer: “NO! That is NOT what I ordered! You were supposed to make it with Ezon cheese!” *pronouncing ‘ezon’ with a pretentious French accent*

    Me: “Um… Sorry, but I’ve never heard of this cheese, and as far as I know we don’t use it.”

    Customer: *in a condescending tone* “Well, of course you haven’t heard of it. Maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you’d have a real job instead of delivering pizzas. And apparently even that’s too hard for you because you don’t even know what kind of cheese you use. You’ll probably end up making a career out of getting pregnant for welfare checks.”

    Me: “Actually sir, I’m just doing this for extra cash while I’m in University. And since I also do inventory and prep work, I’m certain we don’t carry this type of cheese.”

    Customer: “Well, I clicked the button for it on your website! That’s what I asked for and that’s what I was supposed to get!”

    (Snatching the receipt out of my hands, then shoving it right up in my face.)

    Customer: “GOD, it’s right there on the receipt! SEE?! Eeeeee-zonnn cheeeeeese!”

    Me: *suddenly understanding and laughing* “No.”

    Customer: “No?! What do you mean NO?!”

    Me: “You clicked the button for ‘easy on the cheese.’”

    (The customer goes silent and looks at the receipt again, where it says ‘EZon cheese.’ Then without a word he hurriedly tosses some money at me, rips the pizza bag out of my hands and slams the door in my face. I pick up the money off the ground and quickly count it to find it is short. I ring the doorbell a few times before he throws it open, looking livid.)

    Customer: “NOW what do you want?!”

    Me: *holding up the wadded bills* “I can count properly too, and you still owe $2.37. I’m also going to need the bag back.”

    (The customer makes a very dramatic show of stomping his feet as he goes back to the kitchen, and shoves three more dollar bills at me. As I am turning to leave, he explodes again.)

    Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

    Me: “Leaving.”

    Customer: “What about my change?! You think you’re getting a tip after what you put me through?! You still owe me fifty-seven cents!”

    Me: “No, a dollar minus thirty-seven is sixty-three. And we don’t carry anything smaller than a dollar bill. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “I am NEVER giving you people my business EVER AGAIN! You can kiss my money goodbye!!!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you were going to be placed on the no-delivery list anyway.”

    Saved His Bacon

    | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m taking the food to an eight-top table, and everyone gets their food. One customer has ordered a breakfast sandwich on a bagel. The way that we make the sandwiches is by wrapping the meat and cheese in the eggs. It’s basically a folded omelet placed on a bagel. I can tell that the man is a little confused looking at his food, so I wait for him to ask the question.)

    Customer: “I ordered bacon. Where is the bacon?”

    Me: “The bacon is wrapped up in the eggs, and you will find it as soon as you bite into it.”

    (I then go on to ask if there is anything else I can do for the table. For the most part, everyone is fine, and I only have to get a couple of drink refills. However, before I am able to turn around to leave, he asks again:)

    Customer: “Where is my bacon? I ordered bacon on my sandwich?!”

    Me: *looking at him in the eye* “Sir, it is wrapped up inside the eggs. I promise it is there.”

    (I make a quick exit to get the refills and then come back. When I return, I notice that he still has not touched his food, and I am beginning to feel a little annoyed. Unsurprisingly, the first thing he says when I walk in the room is:)

    Customer: “I ordered bacon on my sandwich, and there is no bacon on my sandwich.”

    (Once again I let him know that the bacon is in fact on the sandwich, and that he can’t see it because it is wrapped up in the eggs. Other people at the table begin to ask me random questions about the restaurant and the area, but in the background, all I can hear is him asking for his bacon. I finally turn to the man, and in a rather harsh voice say:)

    Me: “Sir, the bacon is wrapped up in the eggs. Could you please either take a bite of your sandwich or cut it in half to verify that the bacon is there before I leave?”

    (The table was completely quiet and was staring at me. He took a bite of the sandwich, and found that there was, in fact, bacon in the eggs!)

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