October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Try To Turn That Frown Upside Down

| AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Love/Romance

(It’s Valentine’s Day, and we offer heart shaped pizzas on this day, so you can probably imagine how busy it is. I am on phones and I didn’t leave my spot the whole night because the phone was ringing non-stop.)

Me: “[Restaurant], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, so I got this f****** heart shaped pizza and it doesn’t even look like a heart. It looks like a distorted spade. It looks mushed-up and gross. And it took way too long! Two and a half hours for a pizza!”

(The wait time for delivery has been up to 3 hours and 45 minutes.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. We can send you another or give you a voucher.”

Customer: “No, I don’t ever want to ever f***ing order from here again. It doesn’t even look like a heart! It’s a frigging spade! I’m taking pictures and posting it online!”

Me: “Have you tried flipping this pizza around?”

Customer: “Mhmph.” *shuffling of box noise* “Okay, you got me on that! But this is unacceptable! Let me talk to your manager!”

Not Making The Organic Choice

USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a small local cookie store. In addition to cookies, we sell local ice cream. Our store is across the street from a chain restaurant popular with tourists. It’s been an unusually busy day, so we run out of vanilla ice cream and are serving a supermarket brand. We still have a couple other flavors from the usual supplier. A boy, who’s probably about ten years old, comes in by himself.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. How can I help you?”

Boy: “My family’s eating dinner across the street, and I’m trying to convince them to come here. Is this a family owned business or a chain?

Me: “We’re a family business, and this is the only store.”

Boy: “My mom only eats at locally owned, organic, healthy restaurants. She’s doesn’t let me buy any dessert without checking it first.”

(He leaves, and comes back a little while later with his family. They order their cookies first and then examine the ice cream flavors.)

Mom: “Is that [Supermarket Brand] ice cream?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’ve had a lot of large orders today, so we have to sell supermarket vanilla. But we have three other flavors that are all from a local creamery, made with organic, super-premium ingredients and fresh fruit.”

Mom: “No, no, no! Just give us the supermarket brand. That sounds much better.”

A-Salt-ed By Stupidity

GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I manage a large fast food chain that uses sea salt on their French fries. A customer orders her fries with no salt.)

Me: *handing her order to her* “Here’s your order. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “There’s no salt on these fries, right? I hope so. I’m allergic to salt!”

Me: *staring blankly* “Ma’am, do you want me to remake your burger then? We salt the patties. In fact, there is salt on everything that goes on your sandwich.”

Customer: “No. I’m only allergic to sea salt.”

Me: “You do realize that they’re both just sodium chloride, right? In fact, table salt has iodine added and is usually bleached, so if you had an allergy it would be more apt to be…”

Customer: *cutting me off* “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t have! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” *grabs ketchup packets and storms out*

Me: *I grab a ketchup pack and begin reading packet ingredients to a coworker* “…tomato paste… corn syrup… sea salt… Huh, would you look at that. They put sea salt in the ketchup.”

Coworker: “Yeah, do you know what the clinical term is for someone who is allergic to salt?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Coworker: “Dead.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 6

, | San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a combo number three, please.”

Me: “Okay, what size would you like that combo?”

Customer: “No tomatoes! I’m extremely allergic to tomatoes!”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I’ll personally ensure there are no tomatoes on your sandwich. Now, what size did you want your combo?”

Customer: “Eh, medium, I guess. Oh! Can I get extra ketchup on that?”

Me: “…Sir, ketchup is made from tomatoes.”

Customer: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “Sir, you’re allergic to tomatoes.”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s why I ordered it without tomatoes!”

Me: “But, you want extra ketchup—”

Customer: *interrupts, but still clueless* “Yeah!”

Me: “Which is made from tomatoes…”

Customer: “…”

(I gave him his total, he paid, and I served him his sandwich exactly as he ordered it.)

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 5

Expects To Be Spoon-Fed

| Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m a cashier at an ice cream/frozen yogurt franchise.)

Customer: “Can I get a small bowl of vanilla soft serve with cookie dough topping, and can you, like… mix it in?”

Me: “I can… give you a spoon!”

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