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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Making A Fresh Start In A New City

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is 20 minutes before close. A man comes in alone and demands to be seated in the closed half of the restaurant. He insists this is the only ‘real’ part of the restaurant. My coworker takes his initial order then sends me over to continue with him. He’s ordered something that only comes as an add-on to an entrée, but he wants it first while he’s deciding on the entrée. This is no problem and I go to drop off his drink.)

    Customer: “Limes are very precious in this city. So precious. Do you have any limes?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can get you some if you like.”

    Customer: “Yes, both lemon and lime are so precious.”

    (I fetch him some.)

    Me: “Did you decide on an entrée this evening or do you still need a few minutes?”

    Customer: “What time do you close?”

    Me: “10 pm.”

    Customer: “[City] is terrible! Nothing stays open. If we were in a different city you’d be open till midnight at least.”

    Me: “Well, they do stay open in some areas where there’s things around them that are open later like movie theatres. But we find here people don’t really come in for dinner so late. Did you need another minute with the menus?”

    Customer: “This city is terrible. I hate this place so much. All the stores are awful. Everything is awful.”

    (Another guest is trying to hail me so I politely excuse myself from the still-ranting man. A few minutes later I bring him the add-on he wanted as a starter.)

    Customer: *in a demanding tone of voice* “Is it cold?!”

    Me: *glancing at the clearly steaming food* “No, sir. It’s hot.”

    Customer: “If you’re sure.”

    Me: “Did you decide on an entrée? I can get them cooking it while you’re eating.”

    Customer: “I’ll have chicken.”

    Me: *thinking of the dozen diverse items on the menu that contain chicken* “Chicken, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, but only if it’s fresh. It needs to be really fresh! You need to give it the smell test. If you haven’t stuck your nose into the burger it’s not really fresh! If it’s not fresh I’ll just send it right back!”

    Me: *thinking that we’ve at least narrowed it down to the four chicken burger options* “Absolutely, sir. I’ll triple check with the kitchen, but our chicken is generally really fresh. Do you know which of the chicken burgers you’d like?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! You’re not listening! You have to listen to your customers! It . Must. Be. Fresh. I know it’s not! I eat here all the time and it’s not. This place is terrible. All the restaurants in this city are terrible.”

    Me: “I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad experience, sir. I can tell you that our chicken today is very fresh. Is there a particular burger you’d like?”

    Customer: “I’ve called head office and left a message for the CEO, you know. They didn’t care about freshness. No one cares about freshness. You’re not even listening! You have to listen to your customers! You know what, f*** it! I’ll just take this to go.”

    (I go get him a take out box and he puts the hot food in that, dumps the salad out onto the table and the floor and storms out. He paid for the add-on and even left me a one cent tip.)

    Disabled But Not Disarmed

    | UK | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (An early morning regular customer is a disabled woman in her 30s who dresses very gothic and always orders a coffee and then reads a book. A new customer I’ve never seen before comes to the serving counter.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. What have we done wrong?”

    Customer: “You let that [disabled slur] not only sit here but she takes up two seats!”

    Me: “Please don’t use words like that. She’s a very good and quiet customer who uses the second chair to prop her walking stick against. Besides, this early in the morning there are plenty of seats.”

    Customer: “She’s offending us! She’s being abusive!”

    (I’m confused, because I’ve not seen the lady even move from her chair.)

    Me: “Er, what has she said?”

    Customer: “Nothing! She didn’t even apologise!”

    Me: “What on earth for?”

    Customer: “For reading one of those e-book things, and being lazy, and fat, and—”

    (I can see our regular struggling to her feet and limping over.)

    Me: “Please just stop. She’s not affecting you.”

    Customer: “She’s a lazy f****** bum. I bet she’s on f****** benefits!”

    (Our regular makes it to the counter.)

    Regular Customer:  ”Could I please have another coffee as I’ve finished the first one and haven’t finished the chapter I’m reading.”

    (She hands me a £10 note.)

    Regular Customer: “Please keep the change as a tip.” *turns to the complaining customer* “Darlin’, I work as a software engineer and you need to work on your d*** manners. Us disabled have a right to get coffee as well.”

    (The new customer stomped back to her table and sat there eating her breakfast and glowering at our regular, who paid no attention at all to it. We found she’d left another £5 behind as an additional tip for ‘dealing with that.’)

    A Lack Of Volume Control

    | Cumbria, England, UK | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like a pint and a half of lager and a bitter shandy.”

    Me: “A pint or a half?”

    (Customer looks confused.)

    Me: “Of bitter shandy?”

    Customer: “A pint and a half.”

    Me: “Of the lager?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “And would you like a pint or a half of the bitter shandy?”

    Customer: “No, a pint and a half of lager and a bitter shandy.”

    Me: “And would you like a pint or a half of bitter shandy?”

    Customer: “No, I want a pint and a half of…” *pauses* “Oh, yeah a half of bitter shandy, please.

    No Refunds From A Fire Sale

    | Clemmons, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (There is a customer in the drive thru when we have to evacuate all of the employees due to a fire. The cashier has already taken her money but lays it down on the counter.)

    Cashier: “The building is on fire. We have to leave.”

    (An hour later, we are standing there watching it burn as the firefighters try to put it out. The same customer walks up.)

    Customer: “I demand to see a manager.”

    Me: “That would be me. May I ask what you need?”

    Customer: “Can I get either my food or my money back since I already paid for it?”

    Me: “Sure. Would you like that extra, extra well done?”

    Southern Discomfort

    | Washington DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am giving out samples of hot sauce with tuna salad. An old man with a long grey beard and a thick Southern accent comes up to my table…)

    Me: “Hello, sir, would you like to try some tuna salad with hot sauce?”

    Customer: “Maybe. Can I see the hot sauce bottle?”

    Me: *thinking he wanted to see the ingredients* “All right, sure.” *I hand him the bottle*

    Customer: *carefully shakes the bottle, then tips it upside down to see how much is left*

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Good girl, you’ve used a lot of it.”

    Me: “Well, I’ve been serving it to a lot of people.”

    Customer: “Yee-hee!”

    (The man unscrews the bottle, then tilts his head back and starts shaking hot sauce into his mouth.)

    Me: “Sir! Sir, I have to ask for that back now!”

    Customer: “Hee-hee. You can’t say you’re Cajun unless you can do that. You need one of those little bottles. I can chug them. Can’t call yourself Southern otherwise. Yee-hee!”

    (The man handed back the bottle and walked off. I sanitized the bottle as thoroughly as possible!)


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