Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Here For The Whine

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(On weekends, I provide wine tastings for customers visiting our wine region. One Saturday is particularly busy, with me jumping between multiple groups. A new group walks in and I greet them.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Winery]. Are you folks interested in doing a tasting?”

Man: “Chardonnay.”

Me: “We currently do not produce a Chardonnay, sir, but if you are interested in trying any of our current releases, take a minute to look over our list to see if there’s anything that interests you.”

(I go back to another group to pour their next wine, while the man glares at me until I come back.)

Me: “Thanks for waiting; we’re pretty busy today! Were you interested in trying some wine or do you have any questions for me?”

Man: “I looked over the list.”

Me: “Great. Can I bring over anything for you to try, or would you maybe like to have a glass of wine to enjoy here?”

Man: “I want your chardonnay. And don’t give me a skimpy pour like these other crappy wineries have.”

Me: *starting to get aggravated, but knowing that this is ultimately an easy albeit difficult customer to take care of* “Again, we don’t currently have a chardonnay. Is it safe to assume you prefer dry white wines? That is what we specialize in and we have six to choose from today.

Man: “I want chardonnay.”

Me: “Why don’t you take another minute to look at what we do offer? These two other wines may interest you.”

(I go off to serve another group. The man continues to glare at me, but finally looks at our wine list. I come back to him a minute or so later.)

Me: “Okay, sir, have you decided what you would like to start with?”

Man: “”Well since you don’t have a chardonnay…” *huffs* “I GUESS I’ll just settle with your Cabernet Sauvignon.”

(We currently do not have a Cabernet Sauvignon released, nor is it listed anywhere in the winery as being an option.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right back with your wine.”

Man: “It’s about time.”

(I walk to our wine cooler and find one of the owners is grabbing bottles for a tasting he is also conducting.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], would you grab me a bottle of something while you’re there?”

Boss: “Sure, what do you need?”

Me: “Just whatever you don’t need. Doesn’t matter.”

Boss: “Ummm… what?”

Me: “This, uh, gentleman wants our chardonnay or our cab sauv.”

Boss: *chuckles and shakes his head* “Here’s a Riesling. Good luck.”

(I go back and pour the man a Riesling. He declared the bottle was corked, the temperature was wrong, and that the wine was ‘sweet’ based on the name alone, even though it’s bone dry. He spends a solid five minutes of my time berating me for my service and how bad our award-winning wines are. I eventually grow tired of this.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry if you didn’t like what I poured you, but you asked for things that we personally don’t have. You’ve also taken up time from customers who, thankfully, are quite patient and happy to be in this winery that they personally chose to come to, as I assume you also did. If there’s anything I can actually help you with, please let me know; otherwise I am going to go continue my tasting with this other group who are good sports.”

Man: “I want to talk to the manager!”

(Right that second, the boss, who has been at the cooler.walks by.)

Boss: “Oh, Riesling, that’s my favorite! Did [My Name] tell you it’s on sale?”

(Somehow, the man walks away and buys six bottles of the ‘horrible’ wine he hates. It isn’t even on sale, by the way, he just thinks he was getting a deal. Thankfully he leaves without another incident.)

Boss: “Hey, [My Name], I never want to see that happen again.”

Me: “Sorry I talked to him like that. I had a full bar and no patience.”

Boss: “No, no, not that. Just don’t let another idiot taste wine here!”

Me: “Uh, [Boss], that would cut out the vast majority of our clientele…”

Boss: “Good point. Okay, don’t let another idiot taste wine here unless you have wine, too.”

Me: “That I can handle.”

(People may be ridiculous and get worse once they have wine, but at least I have the coolest boss in the world!)

Shouldn’t Have Made A Meal Out Of It

| Leipzig, Germany | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working as an alternative worker in the endoscopy ward of our hospital. The rule here is that before the medical exam in our ward the patients are not allowed to eat for some hours. Another worker brings a new patient in her bed.)

Me: “What is her exam?”

Worker: “Endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes sure. Which kind of endoscopy?”

Worker: “Just endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But which one? Gastroscopy? Colonoscopy?”

Worker: “Sorry. I don’t know more. They just told me to bring her to you.”

(I check the patient’s files and see that it is a gastroscopy. I inform the nurse.)

Me: “Okay. So you are for the gastroscopy?”

Patient: “Yes, young man. So I just ate spaghetti and now you are gonna stick a tube down my throat?”

Me: “Yes. Wait, did you said you just ate?”

Patient: “Yes, of course. I had spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti. I just had them for lunch. And now I’m here.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. You are not allowed to eat before the examination.”

(I call the nurse and inform her who also confirms it with the patient.)

Nurse: “Yes, ma’am. You were informed about this, that you are not allowed to eat before the examination. We have to reschedule the medical exam. We will talk to the doctor about a new appointment. You will have to go back to your ward.”

Patient: “But it was spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti!”

A Ham-Handed Approach To Religious Sensitivity

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion

(I am working in a café-type chain that specializes in cinnamon-based, circular baked goods, but we also serve sandwiches, crepes, etc. A woman in a hijab comes up and orders a ham and cheese crepe.)

Me: “Right away, ma’am!”

(I start making the food, then realize she is most likely Muslim, and ham is a pork product, so I go back to her.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but I just wanted to double check: are you a practicing Muslim? Because ham is a pork product and I know that it is prohibited. If so I have no problems making one with turkey or chicken, or even a vegetarian one for you.”

Customer: “How DARE you ask me about my religion? I’m going to file a complaint about this for your discrimination!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I don’t believe I was being discriminatory. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to eat something you shouldn’t be eating…”

Customer: “I know what I f****** ordered! Just give me my food!”

Me: “Oookey dokey, right away.”

(I finish making her ham and cheese crepe, and bring it to her where she’s seated.)

Customer: “People like you sicken me.”

(After three or so bites, she storms up to me, slams the food down directly onto the counter, yelling at me:)

Customer: “I SHOULD HAVE YOU FIRED FOR THIS! LOOK AT THIS! THIS IS PIG MEAT!”

(After a few minutes of this lady yelling at me, with me apologizing and explaining the situation, the owner (a practicing Muslim from Lebanon) shows up and asks what’s going on. I explain what happened, he then asks the woman, and she immediately goes on a rant in Arabic to him. Another few minutes later, he says two sentences in Arabic to her, she looks extremely angry and storms away.)

Me: “What did you say to her?”

Owner: “I told her that although she does have ears and a brain, she clearly has many years to go before she actually knows how to use them.”

(Needless to say we never saw her again.)

Don’t Drive Fast(food)

, | Everett, WA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, would you like to try [New Sandwich we are promoting] today?”

Customer: “No thanks, I’m driving.”

Chocolate Chip Slip

| Pigeon Forge, TN, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am a cashier behind a counter at a cafe when a middle-aged man walks in.)

Me: “Yes, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “A packet of chocolate and a chip milkshake.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Packet of chocolate and a chip milkshake!”

Me: “Don’t you mean—”

Customer: *really loudly* “A packet of chocolate and a chip milkshake! How hard is that—” *realizes* “—Sorry.”

Me: “Packet of chips and a chocolate milkshake?”

(Customer nodded and collected his food. I’ve never seen anyone rush to their table so quickly!)

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