Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Needs An Urban Remedy

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story.)

Employee: “Hi there! What can I get for you today?”

Me: “Hi! Could I just get a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese?”

Employee: “Sure! What kind of cheese?”

Me: “…cream?”

Employee: *laughs* “I meant what kind of cream cheese would you like?”

Me: “Oh! What flavours do you have?”

Employee: “Plain, strawberry, blueberry, and herb and garlic.”

(At this point, I am tired after a day of classes and mishear the last flavour.)

Me: *stares blankly* “Urban garlic?… Is that, like, the opposite of ‘rural garlic’ or something?”

Talking Turkey About The Chickens

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Does your chicken and turkey come from the same animal?”

Can’t Deal With Regular Life

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(This is my first job ever. I’m working concessions when a certain older gentleman who is a well-known actor comes to my counter with his lady friend.)

Guest: “I’ll have a small popcorn please.”

Me: “One regular popcorn. That’ll be $4.25.”

Guest: “I said I’d like a small popcorn. Not a regular size.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Regular is our smallest size.”

Guest: “But you just said I could have a small popcorn. I don’t want to pay for a regular when I ordered a small.”

Me: “Yes, sir. If you look at the display behind me you’ll see our popcorn bags with the three sizes displayed: regular, large, and extra large. It’s really just a name to make them seem bigger, but they are essentially small, medium, and large respectively.”

Guest: “But I just want a small popcorn! I don’t understand of any of this. I just can’t. I can’t DEAL with this.” *to lady* “Can you please? I’ve just got to go sit down.”

Me: “I’m so sorry for the confusion, ma’am.”

Lady: “Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s just getting old. Thank you for being so patient. So a small popcorn?”

Me: “Coming right up.”

(We shared a laugh.)

That Request Just Takes The Cake

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(This happens right during the week of the Boston Marathon bombing and the day after the whole city and the surrounding towns were required to stay closed due to a manhunt of the bomber. There are announcements everywhere on the news the day before and cop cars telling us to stay indoors. This is what happens the day after.)

Me: *looking at a book of cake orders* “Uh oh, looks like we have a cake order today.”

(We make cake orders usually the day before and freeze it since they’re purely made out of mousse.)

Manager: “Oh, okay, let me call the customer since we were closed all day yesterday. I’m sure they’ll understand since we had a situation yesterday.”

(The manager goes away to call the customer but comes back shaking his head.)

Manager: “Wow, I can’t believe it. She was really upset.”

(A few minutes later, the customer comes in.)

Customer: “I can’t believe it! Why didn’t you call me yesterday?”

Manager: “We were closed yesterday due to the bombing…”

Customer: “Well, you should have called! I was telling my sister how your cakes are great and now we can’t get the one we ordered? How unprofessional of you! Now I’m going to have to drive to Connecticut without one and ruin their son’s birthday! ”

Manager: “You know, I’m sure YOUR sister will understand since Boston was closed down yesterday. Have a nice day!”

(We did let her choose a cake that we already had in the store afterwards… but this situation really put a damper on all of us the rest of the day in the bakery…)

A Sweet Slippery Request

| CA.USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m second in line waiting on a fresh batch of kettle corn, which has just finished. We’ve all been watching the preparation process, from start to finish and no one’s said anything.)

Worker: *to customer in front of me* “New batch is ready! Now, what would you like?”

Customer: “A small, no sugar, no oil.”

(The worker is taken aback and looking from the customer to the kettle of oil and huge mass of popped corn, leaving an awkward moment of silence.)

Worker: “Unfortunately, that’s not going to be possible.”

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