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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Waiting For The Muffin (Little) Man

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Our chocolate chip muffins are coveted by kids as an after-school snack. We recommend that people call ahead and have us set one aside if they want to make sure we aren’t out by the time they arrive, since we stop baking muffins around midday. We will also warm up the muffins on request, but only if they will be eaten immediately, as they will be tough once they cool off.)

    Me: *answering phone* “Good afternoon, [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “THIS IS GEORGE.”

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “THIS IS GEORGE.”

    Me: *making the connection between the high-pitched voice and the name of one of our regular second-grader customers* “You want me to save you a muffin, George?”

    Caller: “CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFIN. HEATED, PLEASE.”

    Me: “I’ll wait and heat it up when you get here. See you soon, buddy.”

    Not So Fast Food

    , | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Time

    (The district manager of the fast food chain is in the building making sure everything is up to standards, so the store manager is a bit tense. I am working on the drive-thru window, where we have a target time of 90 seconds from starting the order to delivering the food. A driver pulls up to the order box.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh… I’d like a… hmm, number… three? And… uh, no pickles on that.”

    Me: “All right, number three with no pickles. What would you like to drink?”

    Customer: “Umm, make it… a, uh… Sprite. No, wait. Uh, do you have… diet Sprite?”

    Me: *eyeing my timer and wishing he’d hurry up* “No, sorry. Is regular Sprite okay?”

    Customer: “No, change it to… a Coke.”

    Manager: “[My Name], timer’s ticking.”

    Me: “So I have a number three, no pickles, Coke to drink. Will that be all for you today?”

    Customer: “No, no, I’m not done. I also want… a number…” *trails off and starts talking to someone else in the car* “…a number nine.”

    Me: “And the drink with that?”

    Manager: “You’re usually good on the drive through, but if you don’t hurry this up you’ll be in trouble.”

    (I mouth ‘sorry!’ at him.)

    Customer: “A milkshake to drink.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, which flavor?”

    Customer: “Uh… chocolate? No, not chocolate… Umm… Strawberry. Yeah, strawberry.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Manager: “What is taking you so long?!”

    (He grabs a headset to listen in on the order.)

    Customer: “I want a… uh… kid’s meal. With… uh… hmm… chicken nuggets.”

    Me: “And the drink for that one, sir?”

    Customer: “Ummm…”

    Manager: *with his headset muted* “…Oh. Carry on.”

    Couldn’t Wait For An Actual Waiter

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (After classes my friends and I decide to stop and get something to eat. We are making our way through the restaurant to a table. I’m bringing up the end of the line.)

    Customer: *as he grabs my arm in a punishing grip* “My friends and I have been waiting for our coffee for over 20 minutes. You had d*** well better get it for us right now or the next time I see you I’ll make d*** sure you regret it!”

    Me: *scared he might hit me* “S-sure.”

    (He finally lets me go and I go looking for a manager.)

    Me: “The guys at that table told me that they’ve been waiting for over 20 minutes for their coffee and they’re REALLY mad.”

    Manager: “Why did they talk to you about it?”

    Me: “I have no idea.”

    Ignoring Those Nuggets Of Information

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (At our restaurant we serve a nugget meal, which comes with 8 or 12 nuggets. It’s the #5, but many people order a #8 or #12, wanting the nuggets. When they order a #12, it’s pretty easy to catch the error, as we don’t have a #12, but the #8 gets mixed up a lot with the actual #8, which is a grilled chicken club sandwich. I make it a habit to double and triple check #8 orders just in case. It happens way more often than I’d like. It’s near closing time, and most of the other employees are cleaning or working the drive-thru. I’m the only one at the register.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like the #8 with sweet tea.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be the grilled chicken club meal with a sweet tea?”

    Customer: “Um, yeah! That’s what I said!”

    Me: “Okay, just double-checking. Your total will be [total].”

    Customer: “Why would you need to check? I SAID a #8! What’s so hard?”

    Me: “I apologize, sir. Just wanting to make sure it’s right.”

    Customer: *getting very irate at what he seems to take as an insult to his intelligence* “Of course it’s right!! WHY WOULDN’T IT BE?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir.”

    (I finish ringing up his order, give him his drink, and his food, which has just come up.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    (I help the next person, then two women step up to my register.)

    Lady #1: “Hi, I’d like a #12, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; we don’t have a #12. Did you want the #5 with 12 nuggets instead?”

    Lady #1: “Oh, yes! I’m so sorry! Didn’t mean to say that; I guess I was just thinking of the number I wanted and it came out wrong.”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it. It’s no problem at all.”

    Lady #2: “We’re paying together. I guess I shouldn’t order a #8 if I want nuggets, right?”

    (She’s grinning, so I know she’s joking. I laugh.)

    Me: “You’d really be surprised how often that happens, honestly—”

    (Customer #1 suddenly storms back inside and to my register, cutting in front of the women.)

    Customer #1: “You gave me the wrong thing! Why is there a sandwich in here?”

    Me: “Sir, if you’ll wait just a minute, I’ll finish this order and then help you, as there are no other customers in line.”

    Customer #1: “NO! I am in a hurry and you messed up my order!”

    (I already know what his problem is, but I’m not about to help him over the other women who were already at my register.)

    Me: “Sir, please wait just a minute, okay?”

    Customer #1: *ignoring me* “I ordered a nugget meal and got a sandwich! I demand you fix this for free! How hard is it to get my food right?”

    Lady #1: “Oh, go ahead. We’re not in a rush.”

    Me: “Are you sure, ma’am?”

    Lady #2: “Yeah, it’s fine.”

    Me: “Okay. Now, sir, may I have your receipt?”

    (He thrusts it in my face.)

    Customer #1: “I ordered an #8 and I got this sandwich!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, the #8 is our chicken club sandwich. I remember taking this order a few minutes ago, and I repeated your order to you to make sure it was right. You did say it was.”

    Customer #1: “I wanted the nuggets, idiot! How hard is it to know I wanted the 8 nuggets?”

    Me: “I do apologize, sir—”

    Customer #1: “Don’t apologize! Fix! It! Now!”

    Lady #1: “Sir, you need to calm down. I ordered the wrong thing by accident, too, but I’m not acting like a child about it. If you ordered wrong and told her it was right when she repeated your order, it’s your own fault. Buy the nuggets if you want, but don’t make them give you free food over your own mistake.”

    Lady #2: “And you’d better hurry if you’re in such a rush.”

    Customer #1: “Fine! Do you sell the nuggets by themselves?”

    (We do, and I ring up his order. He leaves in a huff after getting his nuggets.)

    Lady #1: “You weren’t kidding about people mixing those combos up, honey!”

    Fishing For A Fisherman

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History

    (I am working at the seafood counter of my store when a little old lady walks up.)

    Old Lady: “Did you catch these fish yourself?”

    Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Heh, good one.”

    Old Lady: “Well? Did you?”

    Me: “… No, ma’am.”

    Old Lady: “Well, which one of the people here did catch them?”

    Me: “No one here caught them, ma’am.”

    Old Lady: “You mean you didn’t catch them locally? What kind of fisherman are you?”

    Me: “I’m not a fisherman, ma’am. I’m a retail employee, as is everyone else here. Also, we’re right in the middle of the Florida peninsula, 45 miles to the ocean in either direction. And I couldn’t tell you anything about the fish living in local lakes or rivers, but I’m betting they’re not good to eat.”

    Old Lady: “Well, then how did you get these fish?!”

    Me: “They were farm-raised in Vietnam, frozen, shipped overseas, and driven here in a refrigerated truck.”

    Old Lady: “What’s happening to America?! When I was a little girl, we used to go down to all the Mom-and-Pop general stores and buy fresh fish, caught right here in God’s country!”

    Me: “Mom-and-Pop general stores don’t exist anymore, ma’am. My company had Mom and Pop locked up and burned their store to the ground.”

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