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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Let Me Just Go Check In The Back-terium

    | Rockland, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    Customer: “Your Stilton doesn’t have enough blue cheese in it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We should be getting some more in tomorrow if you’d like to come back.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just go in the back and put more penicillin in it or whatever?”

    Walking Carpets Tend To Be That Way

    | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I am a customer having lunch at a cafe near my office. I overhear two teen girls at the table next to mine.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t like this Chewbacca sandwich.”

    Customer #2: “Um…what?”

    Customer #1: “This Chewbacca sandwich. It’s too tough.”

    Customer #2: “I think you mean ciabatta.”

    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind

    | Lebanon, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a pizza place that is within walking distance of my house. Our house number and the number for the restaurant are identical except that two numbers were swapped, so occasionally people accidentally call my house number. It is a Sunday, which is the one day the restaurant is closed.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Yes, hi. Can I get two large pepperoni–”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, you have the wrong number. [Restaurant] is clo-”

    Caller: “No, this is [restaurant]! I recognize your voice! Don’t lie to me!”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, because I work there. But this is my house number, and it’s my day off because [restaurant] is closed today. If you call the right number–”

    Caller: “No, you’re not closed today! Now put in my f***ing order!”

    (I hang up on the guy because I do not like his attitude. He calls again, and I answer, this time with my dad listening in from the other room.)

    Caller: “You hung up on me!”

    Me: “Yes sir, I did. You have the wrong number, and the restaurant is closed.

    Caller: “Get me the owner! I’m having you fired!”

    Me: “Sir, he does not live with me and therefore I cannot.”

    Caller: “You stupid b****! Who the f*** do you think you are!?”

    (The guy starts screaming obscenities. My dad has been listening in and has had enough.)

    Dad: “Sir, if you’ve got a problem, you’re going to have to deal with me!”

    Caller: “Is this the manager?! Great! I want–”

    Dad: “No, this is her father. This is a private residence and I don’t want you calling here again. And if you have a problem with that, I want you to say it to my face.”

    Caller: “Fine! I’ll be right there!” *click*

    (The guy drives out to the restaurant, where my dad decides to wait for him outside. My father is 6’6″ and weighs nearly 300 lbs. I see the guy pull up to see my dad and the closed sign right behind where he is standing. His face turns completely white and he jumps back in his car and speeds off. When I go back to work the next day, the guy comes in for an order. He leaves a note of apology and a $20 tip in the tip jar.)

    More Truffle Than It’s Worth

    | State College, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “I’ll take the southwestern burger, but absolutely no mushrooms. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”

    (I go back to the kitchen to let the cook know of the allergy. This means they have to clean every cooking utensil and grill that may have touched a mushroom. After stopping service  for ten minutes to clean, the cook lets me know of some complications.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed all allergens from the cooking area but the cook has let me know that the bun for your burger is toasted on the same toaster as the mushroom focaccia and can’t be cleaned. We can grill it on the grill for you instead?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. No mushrooms. I’m allergic.”

    (I return to the kitchen, and the cook is meticulously going through our ingredients to make sure no other issues arise. He finds

    Me: “Ma’am, sorry to bother you again. But the salsa on your burger doesn’t list all of the ingredients so better safe than sorry; we didn’t put the salsa on the burger.”

    Customer: “Why not? I want the salsa!”

    Me: “But it probably has chopped mushrooms.”

    Customer: “I don’t care. I’m not really allergic. I just really don’t like them.”

    (The cook nearly killed me when I went back to tell him.)

    On A Steak Out

    | Dartford, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I’m a policeman and my colleagues and I went to subway for something to eat. I order my sandwich and it’s the turn of my colleague.)

    Officer: ” What’s in a steak and cheese?”

    Assistant: “I’m sorry?

    Officer: ” The steak and cheese, what’s in it?

    Assistant: “Steak and cheese?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, he’ll never make detective.”

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