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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    History (Deep) Pans Out

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History, Language & Words

    (A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

    Customer: “Why do the Deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

    Waiter Hater

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

    Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

    (I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

    Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

    Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

    Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

    Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

    Managers Are Used To Spot Checks

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (Our tea shop closes at 9pm. The time is currently 9:10. There is one couple and their child still in the store. I am cleaning the bathroom. The customer opens the bathroom door.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m cleaning this bathroom.”

    Customer: “But my son has to go.”

    Me: “I’m using bleach, it’s very dangerous here. I can’t let you use the bathroom.”

    Customer: “But my son has to go!”

    Me: “I can’t let you use it. We’re already closed and I have to finish cleaning.”

    Customer: *to another employee* “Your crazy cleaning lady won’t let my son use the bathroom. Can I speak to your manager?”

    Co-worker: “That was the manager.”

    (The customer silently grabs his wife and son and walks out without another word.)

    Peppering The Truth With Lies

    | Hinton, WV, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get a peppermint tea please?”

    Me: “Okay, what size of mint tea would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a large and I want a peppermint tea. Not a mint tea.”

    Me: “They are both the same thing.”

    Customer: “No they aren’t! Peppermint tea has pepper in it!”

    Without A Cake The Birthday Boy Will Be In Tiers

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    Me: “Oh, hi. Welcome to [Bakery]. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to order a 3 tiered cake for my son’s birthday party.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. We have a design book on that table behind you where you could look at some possible designs.”

    Customer: “Okay. How long would it take you to make the cake?”

    Me: “Well it depends. If you get a simple design you might be able to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon, but if you get a more complicated design it make take 3 to 4 days.”

    Customer: “Oh. That’s not gonna work for me.”

    Me: “Why? What’s the problem?”

    (The customer’s son runs inside the bakery.)

    Customer’s son: “Dad, come on! The party starts in an hour!”

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