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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Short Cake, Tall Order

    | Southlake, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cake made. Can you make a cake in about 20 minutes?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we have no available decorators at this time. I can certainly take an order for tomorrow morning, however.”

    Customer: “No! That’s unacceptable! I refuse to be treated differently just because I’m Jewish!”

    Me: “I’m also a Jew, but the issue is that I don’t have the proper training to make a cake for you at this time. I can place an order for you, but can do little more than that.”

    Customer: “No, forget it. I refuse to be discriminated like this! I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, and happy Hanukkah!”

    Customer: “What the h*** is Hanukkah?!”

    Should Have Gone For (M)Academia

    | California, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “What’s in the White Chocolate Macadamia cookie?”

    Me: “White chocolate and macadamias.”

    Customer: “Oh, duh,. That was a stupid question.”

    Me: “It’s okay, people ask me all the time what kind of nuts are in the ‘Chocolate Almond Joy’.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, ha ha! Walnuts!”

    Orders With Benefits

    | Durham, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    (There are two teenage males in line, one at the register being helped, and the other standing behind him. They seem to be friends, but are standing in line as though they are ordering separately. As there is only one register, I decide to get started on preparing the second guy’s order.)

    Me: “Hey, are you guys together or separate?”

    First guy: “Oh, we’re together. Oh wait!” *shocked look* “Did you mean like, ‘together together’, or if we’re just buying together?”

    Me: “I don’t follow.”

    Second Guy: “Are you asking if we’re dating?”

    Me: “Whichever one will make me make your food faster, I guess?”

    A Rude Retorte

    | Alabama, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am a cake decorator in a bakery. I am closing up the department when the phone rings.)

    Me: “This is the bakery, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes! Oh my god, please tell me you have the cake kit!”

    Me: “Yes we do have the kit.”

    Customer: “Finally! I’ve looked everywhere for it and you’re the only place that has it! Okay I need to order a cake.”

    Me: “Alright, when you were going to need it?”

    Customer: “In about thirty minutes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I would not be able to do that.”

    Customer: “What? Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “The bakery closes at 6:00 pm on Sundays and I’ve already clocked out for the day. I can place the order for tomorrow afternoon, though.”

    Customer: “No! No! I need it now! It’s my son’s birthday today and I need a cake! I forgot to order the cake!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “You can make my son’s g**d*** cake is what you can do!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. You can come and choose one from our case and I could write something on it for you.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want those cakes! That’s great! Just great! I hope you’re happy; you just ruined my baby’s first birthday!” *hangs up*

    May Contain Traces Of Messiah

    | Davie, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    Me: “Welcome to [Smoothie Store]! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Good morning to you! I need the large blueberry please.”

    Me: “Alright sir, Ill get those started for you. What kind of free boost would you like in your smoothies?”

    Customer: “You know what my favorite and the best boost of all is?”

    Me: “No sir, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Jesus.”

    Me: “Oh, haha. You would like a Jesus boost?”

    Customer: “Why yes, I like to boost my day with Jesus everyday! mAre you filled with the light, have you accepted Christ into your life?”

    Me: “Yes sir, I have. So what boost would you like in your smoothie?”

    Customer: “I told you already.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, looks like were fresh out of Jesus today.”

    Customer: “Oh that’s too bad. I’ll just have the whey protein, then.”

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