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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Half Past Wine

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink

    (It was past closing time, all the lights were off and the gate was half closed. I came out of the back to find a woman standing in the store.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: *slurred* “But I need to buy some peanut butter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning, we open at 10.”

    Customer: “I thought you were open till 9? You shouldn’t be closing early. That’s bad business.”

    Me: “It’s past 9, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But the bartender downstairs said it was another half hour until all the stores closed.”

    Me: “How long ago was that?”

    Customer: “It couldn’t have been too long. I only had a couple of drinks after he told me.”

    Excess Of XY

    | Hilton, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, My name is Randi, I’ll be taking your order tonight.”

    Old man: “Randi? That’s a boy’s name.”

    Me: “No, it’s spelled with a ‘Y’. Mine is spelled with an ‘I’. I’m a girl.”

    Old woman: “Leave her alone, maybe she’s both! They have those nowadays.”

    One More Of These And I’ll Squit

    | Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.”

    Me: “Alright.”

    Customer: “Is there MSG in it?”

    Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic?

    Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.”

    Me: “Uh…ok?”

    Customer’s friend: “That’s too much information!”

    Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?”

    *pause*

    Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.”

    Count-er Productive

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work as a hostess at a restaurant in a busy tourist area. As a result, we are frequently on a wait.)

    Me: “Hi! How many today?”

    Customer: “Six please.”

    (Note, our biggest tables are meant for six.)

    Me: “Great! And how many children’s menus for you?”

    Customer: “I have a four year old, so only one.”

    Me: “Okay! Take a seat and I’ll call you when your table’s ready.”

    (Since we were especially busy, the party waited for about twenty minutes. When a table is finally available, I call them up. The six walk up, carrying two toddlers and pushing a baby carrier with an infant inside.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said there were six?”

    Customer: “There are only six that are going to eat! Wait, you mean my kids count?”

    Me: “There is not room for nine at that table. I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait longer.”

    Customer: *storming out* “I’m going to a place that doesn’t count my kids!”

    2 Guys, A Lie And A Burger Place

    | Sebastian, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (The customer points out an ad on our window asking customers to inquire on how to get a free burger.)

    Customer: “How do you get the free burger?”

    Me: “You call the number on the back of your receipt and after a short survey they give you a confirmation code.”

    Customer: “Yeah, my code is 6610. Now give me my free burger.”

    Me:“Sir, if you’re going to make up a fake code make sure you know how long the codes are.”

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