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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A-tip-ical Aging

    | Mountain View, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a woman and manager at a sausage/beer stand. I card everyone that orders beer, regardless of how old they look. Some customers get insulted, while others don’t mind. Note: I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like two beers, polish, and a coke.”

    Me: “May I see some ID, please?”

    Customer: “I’m waaay older than you. How old do I look?”

    (He looks in his mid-30s, so I guess much earlier in age.)

    Me: “Uh, 24?”

    Customer: “Haha! NO!”

    (He shows me his ID, and his birth date makes him over 35.)

    Me: “Wow, you don’t look it.”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “I’m 47.”

    Customer: *skeptically* “Sure… you can’t be any older than 30. Okay, show me YOUR ID.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I pull out my ID. Much to his surprise, he sees I’m older than he is.)

    Customer: “HOLY S***! WOW! You look great! Good genes, huh?”

    Me: *smiling* “Yeah, something like that…”

    (He pays for his order, but also puts an additional $10 bill on the counter.)

    Customer: “This tip is for putting up with me!”

    (Made my night!)

    The Proof Is In The Toppings

    | Georgia, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m working at a popular sandwich chain during a busy dinner rush. Two men, one of which is much older than the other, approach the counter. The younger man orders two footlongs while the older one hangs back, so I figure they are for the both of them. After I finish, I attempt to move on to the next customer.)

    Older Customer: “EXCUSE ME, are you just gonna f***in’ skip me?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought your order was finished. What can I get for you?”

    Older Customer: “I want two footlong clubs on white bread, double meat.”

    (I get the bread out, cut it, and realize that the kind of sandwich he requested has slipped my mind.)

    Me: “Sir, can you remind me what kind of sandwiches you wanted?”

    Older Customer: “I JUST f***in’ told you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s just been a very long day, sir. It slipped my mind. I remember you wanted double meat, though.”

    Older Customer: “I ain’t holdin’ your hand, little girl. You better remember f***in’ quick.”

    (Luckily for me, the younger man steps in, looking apologetic, and tells me.)

    Older Customer: “What’re you doin’? These monkeys need to learn better!”

    (I remain quiet and begin making the sandwiches. Note: a regular club sandwich is made with four slices turkey folded, fourslices roast beef folded, and two slices of ham laid flat. To save time, I usually take two slices of meat together and add them like that, as is the case here.)

    Older Customer: “That’s not double meat.”

    Me: “Yes it is, sir…”

    (I explain the sandwich formula to him and show the amount of meat on the bread.)

    Older Customer: “It doesn’t look like double meat to me.”

    Me: “I’ve already shown you that it is, sir.”

    Older Customer: “Double meat means double meat!”

    Me: “I gave you double meat. I’ve already explained that.”


    (Suddenly, my coworker running the register jumps in, pulls our sandwich-making reference sheet off the sneeze-guard, and shoves it in the older customer’s face.)

    Coworker: “As you can see, sir, this is the proper formula for a club. Why don’t we just make sure your sandwich has exactly double of that?”

    (My coworker grabs a piece of deli paper and, piece by piece, disassembles the sandwich while loudly counting the slices and then places them on the paper. The older customer looks very embarrassed, while everyone in line who isn’t pissed off is snickering wildly—even his young companion.)

    Older Customer: “OKAY! OKAY! I BELIEVE YOU! JUST MOVE ON!”

    Coworker: “Are you sure? I could count it again if you aren’t.”

    Older Customer: *mumbles* “D*** b****es!”

    (On the plus side, he kept completely silent for the rest of the transaction with his head down.)

    How About A Catpuccino Instead

    | Iowa, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at the drive up window at a locally owned coffee shop. Our blended drinks are called “coolers.” A customer in his mid-forties pulls up to the window.)

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with yogurt or cat?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with…” *makes a “meow” sound* “…cats or yogurt?”

    Me: “Uh, we use milk or iced coffee depending on how many calories you want in the drink.”

    Customer: “Oh. No thank you.”

    Me: “Can I make you something else then?”

    Customer: “NO! Maybe if you used cats.”

    Me: “Uh…Okay, I’m—”

    Customer: “MEOW!” *drives off quickly*

    Results Of The Risotto

    | Germany | Food & Drink, Top

    (Our snack bar serves a selection of lunch items plus a Daily Special.  On this particular day, the chef is having an off day so the risotto is really overcooked and flavorless. A regular customer, who is very nice and almost always eats the Special, arrives to place his order.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [snack bar]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “The Special.”

    Me: “Um, are you sure? It’s a bit ‘different’ today. Would you like something else?”

    Customer: “No, I’ll have the Special.”

    Me: *leaning forward and whispering* “The chef’s not having a good day. The special is horrible.” back to a normal voice* “So, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: *laughing* “It’s okay, I’ll have the Special. It can’t be that bad.”

    Me: *laughing too* “On your head be it!”

    (Half an hour later, I am clearing tables. The customer is finishing his drink and reading a newspaper. I notice that his plate of risotto is sitting in front of him, barely touched.)

    Me: “You didn’t like the Special, then?”

    Customer: *looks sadly at his plate of food* “I really should listen when even the employees warn me…”

    (My manager ended up giving him vouchers for a couple of free meals. He had to be persuaded to take them, as he was quite willing to live with his choice seeing as how he had ignored my ‘warning’!)

    Freely Fraudulent

    | Vallejo, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hey, could I get a sample of the Rocky Road ice cream?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I give the customer a small sampler spoon of Rocky Road.)

    Customer: “Yummy! Hey, could I get a bunch of these samplers, scooped in a cup?”

    Me: “Uh, sure?”

    (I grab the scoop and start to put Rocky Road in a cup.)

    Customer: “NO, NO, NO, NO! I wanted a bunch of free samples scooped in a cup!”

    Me: “…You want a free cup of ice cream?”


    Me: “Sir, I cannot give you free ice cream.”

    Customer: “It’s not free ice cream. It’s a whole bunch of free samples!”